Besides the War

February 1978

Remus Lupin was making his way down a crowded London street. When he graduated Hogwarts last June, he had expected that his friends would go off into the world and start their careers. He had never dared to think what would come after Hogwarts for himself, what would happen when he would try to get a job and people would discover that he was a werewolf. However, so far he hadn't needed to deal with that. During his last year at Hogwarts the war against the Dark Lord had gotten much worse. It was no longer random, occasional killings; Voldemort and his followers were everywhere and people were afraid. James' father had been killed a month before graduation and within days of this happening, James had confronted Dumbledore. He knew that Dumbledore was doing something against these people and demanded to be a part of it. That was how they'd all gotten involved in The Order of the Phoenix and so far avoided the time when they would have to go out into the world and start their grown up lives. Of course he was upset about the war and everything that was going on, but sometimes he was grateful for this extra bit of time that allowed him to hide his identity from the world.

Tonight, Remus was going to have dinner with his friends. It was getting less and less common that the four of them could find the same nights off. James was almost always doing something for the Order. Dumbledore obviously trusted him a lot and had given him a lot of responsibility and was even letting him plan raids and watches. When he wasn't doing that, he was almost always found in the company of Lily, his girlfriend of just over a year. Despite the fact that Sirius seemed to spend the most time working with the Order as well, he managed at least a girl a week and when he wasn't pissing them off he was trying new spells on his motorbike. He was trying to get it to fly at the moment, and would no doubt succeed soon. Peter also seemed to be more busy lately, but mostly because it took a lot of effort to lie to his family. He was constantly having relatives ask him when he was going a start a career in the wizarding world. Many offered advice and starting positions. Remus couldn't help but marvel at how good Peter had become at throwing them off track. There were several that wouldn't be happy to know that he was working for Dumbledore and it was just easier to lie to them all than figure out who knew what.

He had just arrived at Sirius' door as man with a red baseball cap was leaving it. He smelled like pepperoni. Remus rolled his eyes. Sirius' latest obsession has been with pizza. Sure, it was known in their world, but not terribly common, especially not the muggle chains that delivered to your door. Sirius kept going on about how he appreciated the 'muggleness' of it all.

Remus let himself in to the sight of his three friends stuffing their faces. "Hi Moony!" said Peter through a bite.

"Aren't you sick of Pizza yet?"

"Never," Sirius said halfway into his second piece. What a bunch of animals . . .

"Never until next week I'm sure."

"So, anyway," James started, clearly not interested in the conversation so far. "I've got something to ask you lot." He paused to make he had their attention. "I want to tell Lily about us."

Remus put his food down. James wasn't serious was he? Absolutely no way. He didn't care if it was Lily. No one should know. He turned to Sirius for support, but Sirius was smiling.

He turned to Peter now, however, Peter just looked confused. "What about us?"

James sighed. "Let's see Wormtail. What pact have we made . . . and kept hidden . . . from everyone . . . for years . . ."

Sirius stood. "Are you talking about the fact that you wet the bed until last year?"

Peter laughed. "Ewww . . .."

"Come on guys, be serious! And I did not!"

Sirius appeared to ponder this. "You didn't? Then I suppose I should stop telling people that you did."

"No joke. I think she should know about our becoming animagi. None of you mind right? I mean, think of all the stories she doesn't know about. I mean, she's around a lot and it's hard to always hide that stuff. She keeps asking me what Prongs is for. And no Sirius, she doesn't believe your stupid story with the fork.

But Sirius wasn't listening, he was walking excitedly about the room. "Why just tell her? You know, it would be more fun to tell Dumbledore. Can't you just see the look on his face - ?"

"What about McGonagall?" Peter interrupted.

They both howled with laughter. James, obviously torn between wanting to join in their joke and trying to get the conversation back on track, jumped up as well. "Really! This is a big deal. I love. . . er . . . I want. . . I just think that I should be honest with her. I want her to know about me."

"That's cute James," said Sirius; not noticing James frown at the word 'cute.' "Tell her whatever you want. Just make sure we all get our fair credit in the matter. I don't want to hear from Lily about all those times ending in how Prongs saved the day."

"Yeah, tell her. She helped me loads of times in Transfiguration. I bet she'll be surprised about me." Peter grinned proudly.

Remus stared at the table. He knew he would be the odd one out here. Didn't they understand what telling would mean? It wasn't just about showing off. It put him at risk. "Were you planning on telling her about how you three became animagi or were you going to bring me into it as well?" The other three were looking at him now, but he wouldn't meet their eyes.

"Well, all of us, of course. That's the only way it should be told. It's always been the four of us, hasn't it?"

Remus didn't say anything. He wondered how long it would have taken him to tell his best friends that he was a werewolf if they hadn't figured it out on their own. Of course, it was OK that they knew now. In fact it was because of them that he now found the condition bearable, but that didn't mean that it was OK for others to know. Even as an accident Lily might tell someone else and he wouldn't be able to do anything. He knew Dumbledore would never tell anyone, even other members of the Order. No, things had to stay as they were. James wouldn't tell if he didn't give his consent.

"You're not scared of Lily are you?" James continued. "You know she'll be fine with everything. She's your friend."

Remus shook his head. "It's different for you three. You all managed to pull off this amazingly difficult bit of magic before you were even sixteen. It's remarkable really, but me, I'm just a . . . " He was going to say monster but left the word unspoken.

"So what, they're nothing wrong with you. No one here cares."

"You don't understand, just because you don't mind . . . most people DO care Prongs, not everyone thinks like you. Normal people hate werewolves." Remus hesitated. "Besides, it's not like I don't trust her now not to say anything, but . . . well, now you should be open to the possibility that maybe you won't always be together, and then what? It's not like you're marrying her . . ."

James turned red at this last part and didn't say anything. Sirius looked surprised. "You're not marrying her . . . are you?" He and Peter turned their attention from Remus to James. Was Sirius worried that James might get married or just that he hadn't mentioned it to Sirius until now? It was James' turn to stare at the table now. Remus was grateful for the change.

"Well, no. Not now, but . . . I dunno. Maybe someday. You know?"

No one said anything. Remus had never thought of any of them as 'adults' really. He had only just turned nineteen. He suddenly realized how much James had matured. He remembered the James that used to hex first years for the fun of it. Now he was a man who had taken up a position of leadership within Dumbledore's Order against the Dark Lord. Wow, James was actually thinking of marrying Lily. Everything was already changing.

"Wow, that'd be nice, James." Peter said finally, breaking the silence.

"Thanks Wormtail."

Remus saw James looked at Sirius for approval. He nodded knowingly and James smiled. Those two didn't need words between them; there was just an understanding.

James turned back to Remus. "Come on Moony, you're one of my best friends. Do you really think that I would say anything about you if I thought I'd get you into any trouble?"

Remus shook his head slowly. He trusted James and knew he wouldn't do anything of the sort. He didn't really think Lily would go around telling everyone about it or even that she would hate him. Was there anything holding him back besides just fear? He had always gone to great lengths to hide this part of himself from the world. Maybe growing up meant taking that risk. Yes, this was going to be a necessary change. After all, if James married Lily, that would make her part of the family, wouldn't it? "I know you wouldn't, you should tell her," he said quietly and then a thought came to him, "but I do have two requests to make."

James looked wary. "What's that?"

"First, I want to be there."

"Ooo - me too!" Cried Peter.

Remus saw Sirius' eyes light up. "I recommend showing up as rat Wormtail. Oh wait! I have a better idea, what if we all - "

"No!" Shouted James. "She'll be at my house Friday at six. If you want to be there, you show up on time, in HUMAN form."

Remus recognized Sirius' I-look-like-I'm-complying-but-really-I'm-thinking-up-a-dozen-more-pranks-to-pull face. "You know Prongs, I knew you when you used to be fun."

James grinned at him and looked back at Remus. "Hey Remus, what's your second request?"

Remus smiled mischievously. "That you tell her about the time you fell into the slime swamp stuff in the forbidden forest . . ."

James groaned.

Peter laughed. " . . . And got his antlers stuck and was forced to spend the whole night out in that slime?"

"Ah classic, the true story of how you became 'Prongs.' Good one Moony. Can't have him making up stories, can we?" Sirius made a face. "He smelled for days."

Remus smiled, "You think it was bad for you? What about my heightened sense of smell?"

James sat down. "Have I already agreed to bring you guys along? Because I've changed my mind. In fact, I'll tell her that I've never even heard of any of you."

Sirius sat down next to him and put a hand on his shoulder. "Cheer up mate, we'll stick to animal stories. It's not like we're going to tell her that you were the one who sent that exploding valentine in fifth year."

"I didn't, I made a real valentine that I never intended to send. YOU were the one that rigged it to explode and sent it. Without telling me."

"Oh right, I was doing you a favor. Best if you don't mention my involvement to Lily though. Yes, better stick with animagi stories."

Remus laughed as James sunk his head into his hands. He knew James wasn't really upset, just putting on his show, like he always did. Peter looked concerned while Sirius smirked and Remus rolled his eyes. This scene brightened his mood. Even if his friends were going to get older and go off and live their lives, it was comforting to know that their personalities would never change. You'd think he would have learned by now that they would never do anything to hurt or betray each other. Remus looked back at his cold food and continued to eat. It was best to finish now before James found a reason to hex someone. Some old habits die hard. Remus shook his head to no one. Grown-up indeed . . .