Perfection

Perfection

Chapter 17: Family Ties

Hermione rolled over, half awake, searching for the warmth that she had grown accustomed to. It wasn't there. Puzzled, but not alarmed--yet--she wrapped a blanket around herself and shuffled blearily into the sitting room.

"Morning," she yawned when she noticed his rigid form sitting at the writing desk.

"We have four hours and twenty-seven minutes to come up with a plausible explanation as to why the smell of your perfume is lingering in my bedroom and your shampoo is in my bathtub," he informed her without looking up.

"What happened?" she asked, blinking rapidly to help herself wake up.

"My mother has developed a sudden curiosity regarding you," came the short reply. "She claims to have met you in Leipzig."

Hermione shook her head bemusedly, settling onto his lap. "I had no idea your mother was alive, let alone in Leipzig when we were."

Severus leaned his head back so he was looking at the ceiling and moaned. "Oh yes, Mother is very much alive."

Hermione couldn't help but notice that he sounded less than happy about that.

*

Ginny was in the library, as she had been all of yesterday afternoon and evening after Lupin's visit, useless as the exercise was turning out to be. As far as she could tell, she had already gone through all of the werewolf texts and there wasn't a damn thing anywhere on Darwin, which was the main reason she was here in the first place.

The closest she had come to striking gold had been a brief article about the loup-garou, but as she continued to the end, she found the differences to be greater than the similarities--although it was more a regular wolf than the traditional werewolf, it could shift whenever it wanted, but if it did so in daylight then the change would be permanent. And, according to legend, the phenomenon was caused by not attending church for seven years, which was definitely not what had happened--she had the scars to prove it. Her other near-find had been a tribe in the far north of Asia, all of whose members' animagus forms were wolves, but that wasn't quite right either.

So, head pounding and vision blurring, she plugged on through book after book, finding nothing.

*

"Granger... Granger!"

Hermione spun around, locking her gaze with his steely grey one.

"Malfoy, I really don't have time for this right now," she barked, beginning to stalk away. He jogged to keep up.

"Look, I don't want to act like the prick we both know I am, but it's important."

With a huff, she slowed down slightly. "Make it quick."

"I was wondering--could you talk to Ginny? Make sure she's okay? Please?" He tried--and failed miserably--not to sound too much like a pleading puppy.

"Can't you? Your tongue seems to be working fine."

He grinned wistfully. "I tried. She sent a chair flying at me."

Hermione stopped so that she could look at him directly. "Well, what did you expect--a warm welcome?"

"Not really. I'm not asking you to make my apologies for me, Granger. I just want to know if she's doing all right."

She shrugged, caving in slightly. "I'll talk to her, but no comments on your behalf. I really think that she should cut you into pieces and feed you to the wolves, personally, but I'll talk to her. Not now, mind. But when I have a chance, I promise I will."

He had a sudden and embarrassing urge to hug her, but squelched it quickly and thanked her before heading off down the corridor.

*

Hermione knocked nervously on the door to Severus's rooms, barely resisting this new need to chew her nails down to stubs. As she smoothed down her skirt--she always felt more at ease in muggle clothes--the door swung open and she smiled tentatively at Severus.

"Miss Granger."

Hard to imagine this distant, cold voice as the one that whispered in her ear in the middle of the night.

"Professor Snape," she answered with a touch of irony, but just as formal.

Before he turned to lead her to the table where tea things were already laid out neatly, though, he sent her a reassuring wink and she had to stifle a giggle. The woman already sitting at the table turned to appraise her and Hermione's heart skipped a beat at the sight of the ancient face.

"You were in Leipzig," Hermione blurted out, unable to stop herself and trying desperately to recall the woman's words.

"I was," came the reply, again in that implacable accent.

Magic can only be found if it wants to be found. Of course.

"I am Helena Snape. And you are Hermione Granger."

A hand was held out for her to shake and she took it, searching for something to say.

"Pleased to meet you," was the stroke of brilliance that came out of her mouth.

"As am I."

Hermione stole a glance at Severus, not missing the tense lines etched on his face.

"No offense," Hermione began carefully, hoping her question wouldn't break the thread of civility that was barely present between mother and son, "but aren't you a little old to be Sev--Professor Snape's mother?"

She laughed, albeit somewhat forced. "I like your bluntness, girl. Things are not necessarily what they appear to be, and sometimes sacrifices must be made for knowledge."

Hermione nodded, pretending to understand while filing the comment away to ask Severus about later. Being addressed as girl was about as high on her list of endearments as toy, but she didn't mention that either.

"My son tells me that you are possibly one of the most talented students to grace Hogwarts," Helena said, just as frankly--as if to shift the attention from herself to Hermione, who cocked her head in question at Severus.

"Minerva said it," he told her defensively.

She raised an eyebrow.

"I just happen to agree," he added quickly.

She smiled sweetly and added some sugar to her tea, not oblivious to the curious gaze that was watching their exchange. Silence followed as the three people sipped their drinks until Helena broke it.

"I tried to visit you in Germany, once I found out where the two of you were staying." Her voice was slightly accusing as she met her son's blank stare. "But by the time I was there, you had already left."

Severus's mouth tightened. "Then it was you testing the wards? Merlin, Mother, haven't you ever heard of knocking?"

"I don't appreciate your tone and yes it was me. Who did you expect--your Dark Lord himself?"

"Don't start," he warned, eyes flashing.

"The wards were rather good, though, I must say," Helena continued on, seemingly oblivious. "Certainly far stronger than I had expected. But I did find something, which I believe is Miss Granger's. Unfortunately it's back at my room in Hogsmeade." She directed a quick smile at Hermione.

"On the topic of Germany--Miss Granger and I had some questions regarding the Golden Shield." Hermione didn't miss his slightly worried tone as he changed topics. "We were wondering if you had any idea as to how its full properties can be determined."

Helena laughed, albeit humourlessly. "I thought you might have difficulties with that. You never have been able to grasp the concept that not all things can be precisely measured."

"Pardon?" Hermione asked, staring at the woman in confusion.

"There is no way to test the potion. Its powers are infinite and completely restricted at once. The existence of the Golden Shield is a paradox, which is why the brewing of it has been so rare."

Hermione heard Severus make a huffing sound beside her. "I thought as much."

"So either it works or it doesn't?" Hermione asked, still trying to clarify. "There's no way to be sure or even make a prediction?"

Helena smiled. "Oh, I can make a prediction. I predict that the potion will last precisely as long as you need it to, no more and no less."

That helped, Hermione wanted to reply sarcastically, but caught Severus's warning gaze and contented herself with saying it in her head.

Turning to Severus, looking accusing she said, "I would have expected you, at least to have realised this. After everything I taught you about chaos and order?"

"Merlin's balls, Mother, this is hardly the time to bring that up again."

"We touched on it briefly in Arithmancy last year," Hermione interjected, sensing an argument about to erupt, "but it's just a theory."

"You and my fool of a son, along with a vast number of other people in this world lean towards order. It's only natural--people, as a rule, resist change and therefore the chaos that is born of it. Unfortunately, life tends to fall on the chaotic side of things, as does this potion. Neither can be predicted, except in extremely shady, vague ways."

Trelawney sprang briefly to mind.

"Do you ever stop?" Severus hissed furiously.

"This is the way things are. The sooner you accept that, the easier it will be."

"I'm fine the way I am."

"Are you?" Helena challenged and Hermione felt herself cringe. Of all the things to say to him... "Is that the reason why you have that gods-cursed mark on your arm--"

Severus rose, eyes glittering angrily as Helena turned to Hermione, a strange look of venom in her eyes.

"Oh, yes, did you know about that, girl?"

Hermione counted to five before replying coldly, "I did," barely keeping a reign on her temper.

"The only reason it's there is because of you," he snapped to his mother.

"Don't you dare accuse me. Don't even thing of it for a moment. I'm the one that freed you! I saved--"

"Would you both shut up?" Hermione shrieked, breaking into their verbal battle suddenly and startling them both into silence.

"I think," Helena stated carefully, "that I have overstayed my welcome."

"I would tend to agree," her son said icily.

Bidding them both farewell--the one directed at Hermione being remarkably more civil--she stood to go and a moment later had disappeared through the door as Hermione studied Severus reproachfully.

"You didn't have to do that. We both know she was baiting you."

"What?" he asked, temper flaring. "Don't tell me you're taking her side."

"I'm not, just..." She balked slightly at his furious gaze.

"Just what?"

"You didn't have to start on her... eccentricities."

Severus laughed harshly. "Trust me; they're a bit more than eccentricities."

"Then explain it to me."

He shook his head, anger fading. "Not today. Some other time when I'm more up to dwelling on it."

Knowing that however much she pleaded, she would get no answer from him, she let the subject drop and sat back down at the table. "Well, at least we know that testing the potion is a waste of time."

He sighed, nodding. "I just wish that there was a way..."

She patted his hand reassuringly and motioned that he should sit as well. "Sometimes we just have to let things go."

Hermione found herself wondering whether the Shield was the only thing that she referred to.

*

Sick of tossing and turning restlessly, Agrippa sat up and turned on the light to help her think, even though it was something that she wasn't having a particular difficulty with just then. No matter how many times her thoughts twisted around, they always came to rest in the same place.

She wasn't sure what had suddenly reminded her of Steve. Maybe it had been a young couple that had brought in their five-year-old son for an appointment that morning or the sudden and unexpected midlife crisis that urged her to quit her job and return to university--where she had met the bastard in the first place--to study something like philosophy or moths or God knew what else. But whatever it had been, he was present in her mind in a way that he hadn't been for months and the old anger and hurt was rejuvenated, making sleep impossible. With a sigh, she crawled out of the bed and left the guest room with the vague idea of finding something to eat.

Downstairs, the surprising silhouette of a man greeted her--she recognized him as the werewolf, Lupin--and as she grew closer, she found that he was staring at an unopened bottle of some type of liquor.

"Are you planning on drinking that, or just reading the label?" she asked, making him jump.

He shrugged morosely. "Why, you want some?"

Sitting down across from him, she replied, "If there's any to spare."

A grin twitched at the corners of his mouth. "I think that's the one thing we don't have to worry about."

He stood and rummaged through the cupboards until he found what he was looking for--two shot glasses. Filling them up, he passed one to Agrippa and without hesitation they both tossed them back.

Agrippa choked as the stuff burned her throat and gasped, "What is this?"

The corners of Lupin's mouth twitched again. "Firewhisky. I'm Remus, by the way."

"Agrippa."

"Think you're up to a second?"

She nodded bravely, handing him the glass.

Half a bottle later, they were both drunk enough to lower the initial caution that had been raised upon their meeting and Agrippa began to talk openly. Steve was the main subject--still fresh in her mind--and she hiccoughed her way through the story of how they met while Lupin or Remus or whatever he wanted her to call him continued to pour the drinks. Several giggling toasts were made in her ex-husband's honour that he might meet with some sort of unfortunate accident--the morbid nature of the disaster mostly courtesy of Remus.

Agrippa hadn't had this much to drink since her early twenties and the decreasingly logical part of her brain knew that she would have one hell of a hangover the next morning, but somehow that didn't matter.

"Your turn," she slurred finally, downing another shot.

"For what?"

"To tell me something."

"I'm gay," he said in the slurring bluntness created by the drink. "Possibly bisexual. I was in love with my best friend--or maybe it was lust, I don't know."

Agrippa was intrigued. "And...?"

"He's dead now. Had a few good fucks, but I don't know if he was just playing with me." Remus shrugged. "Probably was. Azkaban left him with more than a few issues."

"Azkaban?"

"Wizard prison. Hell's preferable, to all accounts. He was in there for something he didn't do."

Even in her drunken state, Agrippa could tell that the subject was a painful one that he rarely--if ever--breached. Pouring him another glass with a less than steady hand, she replied wryly, "You belong on Oprah."

He squinted, looking confused.

"I'll explain it when we're both sober. If I remember." She giggled. "Drink up."

*

"Ginny, I need to talk to you after breakfast."

The sound of Hermione's voice both startled and relieved her. If anyone could help Ginny, it would be her. The redhead sped up the consumption of her scrambled eggs and sat on the edge of her seat, bouncing impatiently as Hermione picked at her food and fiddled with a letter that had just arrived but remained unopened.

"Who's that from?" Ginny asked, reminding herself of an overexcited three-year-old.

Hermione shrugged. "Just an... acquaintance."

She eventually gave up on her meal and stood, taking Ginny with her. Once they were out of earshot of the Great Hall, she asked, "Is everything all right? With, you know, everything."

Ginny was about to give her well-practiced lie, but the idea that Hermione might be able to at least point her in the right direction stopped her.

"No, actually it's not..." She gave the whole story from beginning to end, omitting nothing, not even the rabbit and although Hermione's eyes never left her, Ginny could practically see her thinking. When she finished, Hermione remained silent, obviously weighing possibilities.

Slowly, she began to speak. "I like the mutation theory--you say Lupin came up with it?"

Ginny nodded in affirmation.

"And the animagus one is also possible... but did either of you think of the Wolfsbane potion? If he's immune to it now, perhaps he passed the resistance on, only with unexpected results--I don't know. I'll do some looking around, see if I can come up with anything. Thanks for telling me."

The other girl shrugged. "I had to tell someone."

"What about you though? All things aside, are you holding out okay?"

Another shrug. "As well as can be expected, I guess."

Hermione scrutinized her momentarily. "And Malfoy?"

Ginny visibly stiffened. "What about him?"

"I don't know if you realised this at the time, but he risked his life to get you out of there. He killed a few people and ended up dueling his own father before we managed to get him away."

Something squeezed her heart as she listened to Hermione talk and a flicker of hope was ignited, which she quickly extinguished--she would never forget what he had done, never be able to fully trust him again no matter what the circumstances.

"I'm not telling you to forgive him, just think on it for a minute."

Ginny smiled tiredly and gave the older girl a quick hug. "Thanks. I think--I think I need to be alone for a while."

Hermione nodded. "If I find anything, I'll let you know."

She waved and walked off down the hallway, trying to keep herself from trembling overmuch.

*

Hermione made sure that no one was in sight before ripping open her letter impatiently and skimming over it. The name at the bottom of the page was enough to make her drop it, but she reread it, more closely this time, puzzling at the contents.

Miss Granger,

I sincerely hope you accept my apologies for my behaviour yesterday. As you may be able to tell, my son and I have had some disagreements in the past that have yet to be resolved. I would like to make this up to you, as I will make no attempt to deny that the main reason for my visit was a desire to meet you. I also believe that I have something that belongs to you. Meet me for lunch on Saturday at the Three Broomsticks. I await your reply.

Helena Snape

Hermione's first reaction was to show the letter to Severus, but something held her back. Most likely he would try to talk her out of the meeting, even though she was brimming with questions.

No, she decided, better to wait until after the fact to let him know, even if it was his own mother. Still feeling guilty, she folded the letter in half, tucking it into her pocket, and automatically walked to the library with a vague idea of looking up the Wolfsbane potion.

*

Hermione patted her pocket with Dumbledore's permission letter in it and glanced over her shoulder furtively. Although she wasn't doing anything wrong--as she so frequently tried to remind herself--there was a touch of guilt every time she was reminded of her meeting with Helena Snape that she couldn't quite shed and she knew that it had to do with Severus. If he found out about this...

She tossed her head, irritated at the turn her thoughts were taking. He didn't own her. There was nothing he could do with Dumbledore's assent sitting in her pocket. But the thought of his disapproval made her quake.

Stop it, she ordered herself. I'm just meeting his mother for lunch. Nothing special. She won't turn me against him in one afternoon--or ever. If he doesn't realise that, then he's a fool.

She checked reflection one last time, satisfied that she looked groomed and confident, and prepared herself for the walk ahead.

*

Ginny moaned and sat up, pushing off the blankets as she did so. Almost noon and there still didn't seem to be a reason for her to get up--except the rumbling in her stomach and the wolf's curiosity about something making noises just outside the room. Ginny pushed her away and focused her mind on something to do.

The only Gryffindor who seemed to still be talking to her was Hermione--the rest were still wary of her, even after her apparent falling out with Draco Malfoy. As for Ron and Harry--needless to say, it was fortunate that she hadn't informed anyone of the circumstances of said situation. Hermione, she would leave alone, mainly on account of the fact that in the time since school started she had been impossible to find, except on a few lucky occasions, and Lucius Malfoy's insinuations the night of--that night had led her to believe that the older girl's relationship with Snape had progressed slightly beyond hand-holding and chaste pecks on the cheek stage--not that she really wanted to think of Snape pecking anyone.

Out of nowhere, an image of Hagrid sprang to mind. For the most part, she had avoided visiting him lately because that was Harry's territory, but right now she couldn't have cared less. She had something that she could defend herself with against which he had no weapon--the thought of it made her mouth curve into a smile.

So Hagrid's it would be.

*

"Firstly, I would like to apologize for my behaviour the other day. It was completely uncalled for."

Hermionie stifled a sound of agreement and took a sip of water, setting the bag with her returned shirt on the floor beside her. She hadn't counted on the awkwardness of this conversation. "Apology accepted."

"And secondly, I would like to make a proposition."

She was about to open her mouth in question, but Helena held up a hand.

"Hear me out. I will not attempt to disguise that fact that my son had nothing to do with this visit--our contact with one another has been more or less severed for nearly twenty years by mutual agreement due to reasons that I am sure he will tell you if he wishes you to know."

"So why did you--"

"Come? I was curious about you. When I heard about the Golden Shield, it wasn't the first time I had heard your name. You have talent, girl, and the world is starting to realise it, but raw talent isn't enough--something I think you already know. You have the mind and the ability to be something more than the average witch."

Hermione blushed and tried not to look down.

"Don't be coy--we both know it's the truth. Now, I don't know how much Severus has told you about me--though I doubt he's said much--so you may already know that my work is affiliated with several wizarding universities of good repute. If your intent was to study at one of those"--Hermione nodded--"then I can give you an opportunity to travel abroad with me for a year and while you do so, cover about four years worth of material. It will be difficult--I won't lie--and you'll have little or no contact with your friends and family, not to mention that you look like the kind of girl who likes the comforts of home, but I think you'll get far more out of it than you will lose."

Hermione chewed her lip, wanting with all of her being to jump up and say yes, but something held her back. "Do I have time to think about it?"

"I will give you until the end of Christmas holidays. I'm afraid I will need my answer by then. Time is limited."

She smiled politely, head reeling. "I think I should be able to make up my mind in three months."

Helena nodded, sipping at her drink. "You're a smart girl with your head firmly on your shoulders, not to say yes or no just yet. I can see why Severus would..."

"Would what?"

"Never mind. Were you going to eat something?"

Hermione froze for a second before standing to go. "No, I really should be getting back. Thank you for the opportunity."

"It was my pleasure too. But whatever you do--don't let him make up your mind for you."

She blinked at the older woman for a second, stemming a sudden rush of anger before walking away.

*

She approached the griffin cautiously, bucket of meat swinging at her side, careful to stay in full view and painfully aware of Hagrid's presence behind her. It rustled its--her--wings and Ginny flinched, wondering why on earth she was doing this.

Don't be stupid, she told herself. You wanted something to do. Get it in the cage.

"You want it?" she whispered, wrinkling her nose as she picked up a piece of raw meat and dangling it in front of her. "Come and get it..."

The griffin swooped forward, claws outstretched--she dodged them reflexively, dropping the bucket and snarling as the wolf rose up unbidden. Sensing another predator, the creature let out a wild shriek as it backed away, but Ginny's thoughts remained intent on getting it into the cage. Hagrid was yelling something at her in the background, but she didn't care--all that mattered was the griffin. She wasn't sure if she had shifted, only that she felt powerful as she advanced on it, curling her upper lip as she pounced and pinned it down.

"I've got it," she shouted over her shoulder, almost unconsciously. A moment later, Hagrid had tied it up and was lifting it into the cage while she stood and dusted off her jeans.

"Tha' was bloody brilliant," Hagrid beamed as she ran a hand through her hair.

"Thank you," she replied, finding speech slightly more awkward than usual.

"Teeth," he said and she ran her tongue along them, noticing the abnormally long canines. She focused for a moment and then they were back to normal.

"Right... So why does Dumbledore want these again?"

Hagrid shrugged. "Mascots fer th' houses."

Ginny smirked. "I take it the badger was slightly more congenial, then."

"Somethin' like tha'."

She hesitated before asking, "Hagrid... You won't tell anyone, will you?"

He sent her a look and she grinned.

"Thanks."

*

"Don't talk so loud..."

Lupin bared his teeth in a grin. "I wasn't talking at all."

Agrippa moaned and let her head slide onto the table of the coffee shop. "I'm too old for this. How many nights this week did you get me drunk?"

"It was bonding time," he replied lightly, sipping at his tea.

"Yes, well, now you know my life story and I know yours and we have nothing to talk about."

"Except for our headaches."

She laughed, then winced, raising her head. "So tell me why you don't have a hangover."

He raised an eyebrow. "I know my limits."

Her glare shot across the table piercingly. "So do I." A taxi honked just outside, causing her to break eye contact while she flinched. "Usually."

He rolled his eyes heavenward and placed his fingertips on her temples, massaging them for a second. "Is that better?"

She drew back, looking slightly frightened. "Don't you need a piece of wood for that kind of thing?"

His lips twitched. "There is such a thing as wandless magic, but I doubt I could do it right now. It's just a pressure point."

"Acupuncture with fingers?" she asked wryly.

"If that's what you want to call it."

"Whatever the hell it is, it worked." She grimaced and looked at her watch. "Which reminds me... I have a job to get back to. As my new bodyguard, shouldn't you be reminding me of it?"

He smirked. "No, I just keep you from getting killed. And I wouldn't let a hung over woman drill a hole in my head--dentistry sounds dangerous enough before combining it with alcohol."

Agrippa stood up and grabbed her bag, pretending to be insulted. "I think that was slightly sexist."

"Or PMS," he added, following her out.

"I'm going to hit you in a minute," she barked, sucking in deep breaths of air to try and rid herself of the headache. "And it's only paperwork today, so not to worry... All the little letters dancing around on the paper, trying to form words."

Lupin laughed as she moaned.

"In that case, won't I look slightly out of place?"

She smiled viciously. "No, you can be our new accountant."

He heaved a sigh.

"That means numbers," she added. "Lots of them, just waiting to be added."

*

Hermione hurried down the corridor, planning on a nice, long library session to help her ignore the guilty feeling welling up inside of her when a hand reached out, grabbing a fistful of clothing and halting her.

"Sev--I mean, er, Professor Snape," she said nervously, avoiding the odd looks of students passing by.

"Miss Granger, were you going somewhere?"

"The library?" she replied, voice raising slightly in worried question as he began steering her towards his office.

"Running in the halls? That's going to have to be ten--" He cut the sentence short once they were out of earshot. "I need your help in making as much of the Golden Shield as possible. Dumbledore's informants have hinted that there isn't much time left and that we're going to need everything we've got. The potion would apply, I believe."

She nodded, hiding her relief that word hadn't reached him yet of her meeting. "I'll dig out my notes, then, and we can get started. The second brewing should go more easily, now that we know what we're doing. Get out all the leftover ingredients you can find and we'll see if we need more right away. I'll meet you in the dungeons in--" she checked her watch--"fifteen minutes."

He looked briefly taken aback by her sudden assertive attitude, but shook it off and headed down towards his workroom.

*

"Hermione!"

"Not now Ron, I'm busy."

The redhead grabbed her by the wrist, forcing her to stop in the middle of the common room. "We missed you at lunch. Where were you?"

She shrugged nonchalantly. "Working."

"Take a break. Me and Harry haven't talked to you for ages."

"Look, Ron, I'd love to, really I would, but not right now."

"The library can wait," he argued, making a face.

"I'm not going to the library," came the stiff reply. "Please let go of me."

"Where then?" he asked, ignoring the last part of her response.

She heaved a sigh. "The dungeons, to work on a potion."

"With Snape?"

"With Snape."

Ron's brow furrowed in confusion as he released her wrist. "I thought that was done."

She hesitated, unsure of what Ginny wanted her brother to know. "There've been... complications."

"Like what?" He met her gaze almost challengingly and she shifted uncomfortably.

"I don't have enough time to explain it right now. It's complicated."

"I sort of guessed that," he replied wryly, but didn't leave. "You know, with the complications and all."

"The potion I made for the conference might be useful in fighting You-Know-Who. I need to go grab my notes on it, if that's all right with you." The last bit was said sarcastically and she stalked away, not waiting for a reply.

*

The ceiling was particularly boring. Draco wasn't sure why it had taken him three hours to realise the fact, but it was true--not that there was anything to do but lie back and stare blankly at it, counting wishes.

He wished that there was something to do besides wallow in guilt. He wished that Ginny would at least look at him. He wished that he hadn't been such an idiot. He wished that burning the letter of disownment his father had sent him would mean that it was gone forever. He wished that--dammit, he wished a lot of things, none of them possible.

Allowing the tip of his wand to brush his arm, he murmured a heat spell and held it there until the skin stung. At least Granger had said Ginny was holding out. The little red mark left behind was his punishment--certainly not enough to make up for what he'd done, but a start. He wondered if there would be any way to make it up to her, but the thought was stupid. He would have willingly sacrificed her to the Dark Lord if it hadn't been for the one tiny, insignificant detail that it was Ginny. For her, he was beginning to realise, walking to the ends of the earth wouldn't be quite enough.

Of course, his conscience may have played a part, but that was secondary.

Again, he pressed the wand to the white skin of his inner forearm, feeling something like satisfaction when it burned.

*

She chewed on the tip of her quill, flipping the page of her book and squinting at the writing in thought as Severus rolled over to face her, one eye opening blearily.

"Hermione? Are you still up?"

She smiled and blew out the candle, laying her books down on the floor and snuggling up against him. "Not anymore."

He chuckled and she strained her eyes to see him in the dark.

"Can I ask you something?" she whispered suddenly.

She felt him nod against her.

"What happens after this, at graduation?"

He stiffened and replied, "I... I can't say."

"Do I stay or do I go?" she continued, sitting up restlessly. "Do you want me to--to stay in touch with you or do you expect me to walk away and forget everything?"

He sat up too and lit the lights with a flick of his wand. "What brings this on so suddenly?"

Hermione shook her head, bewilderment rising up in her. "Suddenly? In nine months, I graduate--it's about time I started to think about my future, don't you think?"

"By suddenly, I mean this very moment," he said, placing a hand on her shoulder. "This is a conversation that would be best left until morning when we're both awake."

"No," she objected. "We've talked about the present, we've talked about the past a hell of a lot... Maybe it's time to give the future a couple of minutes."

Sensing that it was important, he trained his eyes on her steadily. "So tell me your plans."

She looked down. "Well, nothing's definite yet, but today I had a meeting with your mother--"

He drew back from her, hissing. "You did what?"

"Look, I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but--"

"You better damn well be sorry. I told you--"

"Told me what? That you and her don't get along? This--this reaction is precisely why I didn't tell you. I'm not a child, Severus, and I don't want to be treated like one. You never bothered to tell me what was so horribly wrong with her and you have no right to tell me who I can and cannot talk to."

"Do you want me to tell you what she did, right down to the last gruesome detail? I meant to spare you from that--"

"Don't tell me anything if you don't want to! You didn't even bother to tell me that your mother was alive, so what should a few less important secrets matter!" she snarled. "And we didn't talk about you at all, if you're afraid she's going to turn me against you. She was giving me an educational opportunity to travel with her and study magic used in other cultures. I was going to ask your opinion, but I see that it's entirely unnecessary."

"Hermione, look at me," he tried, attempting to keep his voice calm. "It's not you I don't trust, it's her."

"Why?" she asked. "This is your own mother we're talking about. Helena Snape."

He laughed bitterly. "That's not her name."

Hermione snorted. "Really? Now tell me, are you making this up? Because it seems a little far-fetched to me."

"Her real name is Gertrude," he snorted softly. "She hasn't gone it since she killed my father."

Hermione opened and closed her mouth, searching desperately for a comeback.

"That's right," he barked. "Poisoned him. Murdered him. She couldn't take it anymore."

"Couldn't take what?" Hermione finally managed.

"Him. She didn't have a choice in the marriage. Neither did he. Took her sixteen years to work up the courage to do it, and she always said it was to save me, but she wasn't fooling anyone, except maybe the jury in her trial. She told them that my father had caused her to fear for my life, but the truth was that she hated him for leading me down his path."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "From the sounds of it, you aren't a thing like your father."

Severus smiled coldly, allowing a shadow to cross his face. "I could have been, though. The night she killed him was the night that I had became a Death Eater."

She shook her head. "Maybe she was justified..."

"Maybe. But he was my father."

Hermione knuckled her forehead, hating herself for still being angry with him. "All the same, it happened and there's nothing you can do now. It still hasn't solved the after-graduation dilemma, though."

He studied her for a moment, before taking a breath. "As much as I hate the idea of losing you to her, I want you to go. I won't be the one who holds you back. She sees something in you that I do, but precious few others have. You need someone to teach you who does, and despite whatever... personal... issues I may have with her, I won't deny that you will learn more from her than you will from anyone else. Including me."

"Really?" Her happiness lasted about a second before it was replaced with a horrible sinking feeling. "But what about--what happens to us?"

He ran a hand through his hair. "That I don't know. I suppose we'll have to wait and see. Are you ready to sleep now?"

She nodded, laying down and feeling almost more heavy than before. "I think I can manage it..."

Severus turned out the lights and was asleep within minutes, but Hermione remained awake for several more hours attempting to sort through the confusion that was her thoughts.