Hogwarts' Next Top Witch

Hogwarts' Next Top Witch

By Mariposa

Chapter 3: The Girl Who Mutilated the Precious Brownies

"Hermione? Is that you?" A stunned Harry Potter looked in astonishment at the girl who slid in the booth across from him.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "No, I'm just some random girl sitting at your booth."

"You look different...did you do something with your hair?"

"Nothing gets past you, does it Harry?"

"What's with the snide remarks? What am I, Ron?"

"Sorry," Hermione mumbled as a waitress came by to take their drink orders.

"So how's the future Hogwarts' Next Top Witch?"

"What I want to know is how Fleur got you to agree to go on a date with the winner of this round. You could have been wining and dining with Romilda Vane, you know."

"Actually, it was Ron who volunteered me. You know how Fleur can work her Veela charm on him." Harry grinned.

"Yeah, I'll have to have a little chat with him," muttered Hermione. "So what are you and Ron up to?"

"Oh, not much. We're spending most of our time playing Quidditch or swimming or hanging out with Fred and George." Harry put down his menu. "So tell me, how is it living with nine other girls?"

"Seven," Hermione corrected. "There have been two eliminations so far. To sum it up, Pansy is a slob, Romilda is a spoiled brat who thinks she doesn't have to do anything because she's the youngest, Lavender always has to make snide remarks about me every chance she gets, and Cho is the most pretentious twit I have ever met. No offense, Harry, but whatever did you see in her?"

"Hey, I was young and stupid back then," Harry defended himself.

"Actually it's a very common name in Western China," Hermione mimicked.

"Huh?"

"Never mind. Oh, by the way, Romilda wants to have a three-way with you and Ron and she also wants to ride your Firebolt."

Harry choked on his water. "What?"

The waitress came back with their drinks and Harry and Hermione ordered their meals.

"You'll never guess who one of the judges is," Hermione said once the waitress had left with their menus.

"Who?"

"I'll give you a hint....he's one of our former professors."

Harry's eyes filled with rage. "Snape? Why didn't you tell me? You know we've been trying to find him ever since he killed Dumbledore."

"No, it's not Snape," Hermione replied irritably. "Come on, Harry, do you really think Snape, who's a fugitive right now, would come out of hiding so he can judge some witch competition? It's Crunk."

"Our fifth year Intimate Relations professor?"

"That's the one."

Harry suddenly started laughing. "Remember the time when he had you and Mervin role playing a couple who had to discuss if they were ready for sex?"

Hermione glared at him. "Actually, what I remember most about that class is when Snape substituted and he had you and Malfoy role play two friends and you had to show Malfoy how to use a rubber."

Harry immediately stopped laughing. That had been one of the worst moments of his existence, besides his parents being killed by Voldemort, of course. "Oh, hey, you might be seeing me again," he told Hermione. "Ron too. Fleur's asked us if we'd be interested in playing Quidditch against you lot."

Hermione's face went white. "You mean we might have to play Quidditch? Oh, no."

"Well everyone knows that Hogwarts' Next Top Witch must be able to play Quidditch!" Harry grinned.

* * *

"Would you look at this mess?" exclaimed Lavender as she entered the kitchen followed by Padma and Romilda, the latter who had taken to following Lavender around like an obedient puppy. There were dirty dishes piled in the sink, flour and egg yolks were all over the counter, and smears of chocolate covered the stove.

"Looks like Pansy made this mess, those are her low-fat brownies." Padma pointed to the culprit cooling next to the oven.

"Of course it was Pansy," Lavender snapped. "She's the only one here who refuses to clean without magic, that spoiled Slytherin bitch. I'm surprised she even attempted to cook without magic."

"Somebody should teach her a lesson," Romilda muttered.

Lavender's eyes landed on a knife lying next to the pan of brownies. "You're right, Romilda," she decided. She marched over to the brownies, grabbed the knife and began to carve a special message for Pansy in the brownies.

"Clean your shit," Romilda giggled reading Lavender's craftsmanship.

"Maybe she'll get the message now," Lavender smirked as she tossed the knife into the sink. "Who's up for a game of Uno?"

The three girls went into the living room and sat around the coffee table as Lavender shuffled the cards. They had found the card game the first night and Hermione had taught everyone how to play and now most of the girls were addicted to it.

They had been playing for ten minutes when they saw Pansy walk down the hall from her room and towards the kitchen.

"Damn, I need a blue, where are all the blues?" Romilda complained as she kept adding cards to her hand after Padma had changed the color when she had put down a WILD card.

Lavender nodded her head towards Pansy who had walked into the kitchen. Romilda began giggling.

"Shhh!" Lavender hissed.

A few seconds later they heard an angry shriek. "Hey!" Pansy appeared in the doorway, her hands on her hips, glaring at them. "Who touched my brownies?" The three girls continued to innocently play cards.

Lavender looked up at her, unblinkingly. "What are you talking about, Pansy?"

"Somebody left me a message in my brownies. They wrote "clean your shit" with their fingers. How gross! I don't go around putting my fingers in other people's food."

"Are you sure they used their fingers?" Romilda asked but Lavender jabbed her in the side with her elbow.

Pansy glared at them. "Well, do you know who did it?"

Lavender shrugged nonchalantly. "No idea, sorry."

"Well, I'm going to go find the perpetrator and give them a piece of my mind."

"You do that, Pansy," Lavender said in a bored voice.

As soon as Pansy whipped around and marched down the hall, Lavender grabbed a pillow to muffle her laughter.

Pansy barged into the room that Hermione, Ginny, and Luna shared. Ginny was lying on her bed reading Witch Style and Luna was sitting cross-legged on hers, leaning against the headboard, writing in a journal. Both girls looked at Pansy.

"Can't you knock?" Ginny asked irritably.

"Did one of you write on my brownies?" Pansy interrogated.

"Huh?" said Ginny.

"What do you mean?" asked Luna. "With a pen?"

"No!" exclaimed Pansy. "Somebody wrote a nasty message for me in my brownies with their fingers or something. They told me to clean my shit."

Ginny tried not to laugh out loud. "Well, it wasn't me!"

"Yeah, well, you're the one who's jealous of me because I'm dating Draco and you're not."

"Excuse me?"

Ginny asked in a repulsed voice. "You think I have the hots for Draco fucking Malfoy? Are you kidding me? Get real!"

"Well, somebody wrote in my brownies! That message didn't just magically appear!" Pansy snapped.

"Well, we are witches," Luna pointed out sensibly.

"Shut up, Loony Lunatic!"

"Hey, don't call her that!" Ginny shouted at Pansy.

"SHUT UP!" Pansy screamed.

"YOU SHUT UP!" Ginny screamed back.

"What the hell is going on?" An annoyed Cho had appeared besides Pansy in the doorframe. Lavender, Padma, and Romilda had also heard the screaming match and were now coming over to witness the smack down.

"She-" Pansy pointed an accusing finger at Ginny, "-put her grimy little fingers all over my brownies!"

"No, I didn't!" exclaimed Ginny. "But I wish I had! Whoever did do it is brilliant! Maybe you should clean your shit! You don't do anything around here!"

"You know what I think?" Cho said. "I think we need to have an emergency meeting. As soon as Hermione comes back from her date with The Boy Who Scored More than Draco Malfoy -"

"Hey, was that a jab at me?" Pansy furiously turned to face Cho. "Were you the one who mutilated my brownies?"

Cho snorted. "I may despise you, but writing snide remarks in other people's food is beneath me."

* * *

When Hermione came back to the suite, all the girls were silently sitting around the living room. Lavender, Romilda, and Padma were lined up on one couch looking bored; Ginny and Luna sat on the other couch, Ginny on one end flipping through her magazine and Luna on the other end, staring dreamily into space. Pansy slouched in an armchair, her arms folded, glaring ahead. Cho was pacing up and down the room.

"Uh, what's going on?" Hermione asked cautiously.

"How was your date with your boyfriend's sister's ex-boyfriend?" Romilda asked with a smirk.

"Have a seat, Hermione," Cho said, ignoring Romilda. "I've decided that we needed an emergency meeting."

"Uh, did something happen while I was gone?" Hermione asked as she took a seat between Ginny and Luna.

"Yes," Cho said, "we had a little incident with someone writing a nasty message in Pansy's brownies with their fingers."

"And nobody has confessed to it yet!" Pansy cut in.

"I've noticed something that's been missing every since we all started living together," Cho stated. She stopped pacing and perched on the arm of the couch, next to Padma. "See my shirt?" She pointed at her black t-shirt which had "RESPEITO" written across it in big white block letters. "It says "hay-spay-tu," she said pronouncing the word phonetically and in an exaggerated accent. "It means 'respect' in Portuguese. And that's what we seem to be missing in this house: respect. Now I agree that Pansy could be doing more of her share of the work around here, but sticking your finger in other people's food just shows a lack of immaturity and a lack of respect."

"And somebody needs to apologize!" Pansy interjected.

"Okay, fine, I did it," Lavender confessed. "But it was only a joke, sheesh. And I used a knife, I didn't put my fingers in your brownies, so don't get all bent out of shape. I didn't expect you to react so violently, I'd thought you'd find it funny too."

"Well, I didn't!" snapped Pansy.

"Yeah, I can see that now," Lavender muttered under her breath.

"You know, some people think it's funny to kill people. That doesn't make it funny," Pansy retorted.

The other girls stared at her. A cricket chirped.

"How can you even compare that to a pan of brownies?" asked Lavender. "Calm down! I'm sorry you have no sense of humor. And it's not like I ruined your brownies, you can still eat them. I didn't pee in them or anything!"

Pansy looked revolted. "That isn't the point!"

Cho seemed to like to hear herself talk for she couldn't keep quiet. "There are obviously many different levels of maturity and experiences in this house. We are not the same kinds of people, but respect - HAY-SPAY-TU - is the issue. Lavender, apologize to Pansy."

"Who died and made you boss?" Romilda mouthed off.

Cho glared at her. "Well, I am the oldest."

"Sorry, Pansy," mumbled Lavender. "I'm so sorry I touched your precious brownies and I promise I will never touch anything of yours again."

"Well, that went well," Hermione muttered under her breath.

* * *

The next morning Arthur woke up Ron and Harry before they wanted to be woken up.

"Oi! Dad!" Ron rubbed his eyes and sat up. "It's not even eight o'clock yet."

"Get dressed, lads!" Arthur said cheerfully. "I've decided that we're going to Muggle London today. We can visit your sister and Hermione at that Muggle hotel they're staying at. Wouldn't that be fun? It will be a Muggle filled day!"

Harry sat up now too and saw that Arthur was wearing khaki pants with an orange polyester blazer and a Grateful Dead t-shirt. "How do I look, Harry? Will I fit in with the other Muggles?"

"Uh, er, actually," Harry scratched the back of his head. "A t-shirt and jeans would probably be more appropriate."

"Right you are!" Arthur nodded approvingly. "Good thing I have you around, Harry! Come on now, let's get a move on!"

He left the room and Ron fell back into his bed and groaned.

Ten minutes later they were dressed in shorts and t-shirts (orange for Ron, blue for Harry) and met Arthur in the kitchen. Ron started to reach for a box of Magical Lucky Charms, but Arthur shook his head.

"I thought we'd eat breakfast in London! Wouldn't that be fun?"

Ron looked at Harry and shrugged. "Sure, I guess."

Once they had transported to the train station, Arthur traded his Galleons for pounds, then they boarded the train that was headed to Muggle London. A large sign clearly started that NO WANDS OR OTHER MAGICAL DEVICES were allowed for use once they reached their destination.

"Look at all the cars!" Arthur said excitedly once they had reached London and were trying to find a place to eat. Arthur stopped in front of a newsstand. "Amazing! Their pictures don't even move!"

"Dad, people are starting to stare," Ron said in the corner of his mouth. "Come on, let's eat there." He pointed to a restaurant a few stores down and the three wizards headed inside.

"Hi!" a petite, pleasant blonde greeted them. "Three of you today?"

"Yes!" Arthur replied, finding it hard to contain his enthusiasm as he looked around the restaurant with all the Muggles eating their breakfast. Several of them had some strange rectangular things pressed to their ear. Arthur was dying to find out what those were!

The girl grinned back. "Would you like smoking or non?"

"Smoking what?" asked Arthur.

"Uh, non," Harry said quickly. "None of us are smokers."

"Alright, follow me then."

Harry, Ron, and Arthur followed the girl and she showed them a booth. Harry and Ron sat across from Mr. Weasley. The girl handed them their menus and poured them some water. "Your waitress will be with you in a few minutes."

"Thank you!" Arthur said. He leaned forward and whispered to Harry, "Harry, who is that man talking to? He's sitting by himself!"

Harry followed Arthur's gaze to a table where a man in a business suit was drinking coffee and talking rapidly into a mobile.

"Oh, that's a mobile phone," Harry explained. "You know, it's like a telephone, but it's portable."

"Fascinating!" exclaimed Arthur. "Those Muggles are just so smart!" He chuckled as he opened his menu. "Mmmmm! Everything looks so good! I don't know what to get!"

"Why don't we all order something different so we can share?" suggested Ron.

So Ron ordered the waffles with strawberries and whipped cream, Harry got the biscuits and gravy, and Arthur requested the ham and cheese omelet with pancakes on the side.

"Would you like syrup with your pancakes, sir?" their plump waitress asked Arthur as she brought over the steaming plates piled with food and set them in front of them.

Arthur's eyes lit up. "Yes, please! I love syrup! Syrup is my favorite!"

The waitress chuckled as she set three small bottles in front of him. "We have maple, apricot, and blueberry! Enjoy!"

"It's amazing that they cooked all this food without magic!" Ron said in a low voice. "Simply astonishing!"

"Mmmmm mmmm!" Arthur said as he poured the maple syrup all over his pancakes. He then proceeded to pour the apricot and blueberry syrup over them as well. Harry watched in horror as he next started to pour the blueberry syrup over his omelet.

"Mr. Weasley, people don't normally eat -"

But it was too late. The syrup was now all over the omelet. Arthur stabbed a piece with his fork and took a bite. "Mmmmmmm!" He swallowed and wiped his mouth with his napkin. "After lunch, I was thinking we could go to one of those places where Muggles shop, what are they called?"

"A department store?" Harry offered.

"Yes!" said Arthur. "We can ride the scesulator and maybe buy something nice for the girls when we visit them, like a house warming present!"

"Okay," Ron agreed.

"Don't you just love this music?" Arthur asked as the Spice Girls played over the sound system. "I wonder what a zigazag-ah is?"

After they finished their breakfasts, they headed over to Harrods. Arthur went around in the revolving door four times before Ron and Harry dragged him inside.

They headed to the escalators, strolling around the glass cases that displayed cosmetics. A woman saw them approaching and smiled. She held out a bottle. "Would you like to sample our new Passion Fruit Spray?"

"Fruit spray?" Arthur said excitedly as he took the bottle from her grip. "Sure!"

He sprayed it into his mouth; the woman looked at him strangely.

"Ughhhewwwwughhghgghhh!" Arthur exclaimed. He thrust the bottle back into her hands and the three of them continued walking.

"What a strange man," Harry thought he heard the woman mutter to herself.

They approached the esculator and Arthur was hesitant to get on. "Go ahead," he told a couple of Muggles.

"It's okay, Mr. Weasley," Harry assured him. "See, you just step on, like this -" He proceeded to show him.

Harry was already halfway up, but Arthur was still looking uncertain. "It sure is moving fast."

"Don't worry, Dad, I'll be behind you," Ron said. He was trying to sound brave, but even he felt a little apprehensive about the esculator.

Harry was already on the second floor now. He waved down to Ron and Arthur. "Should I come down?" he called.

"No, we're coming up!" Ron replied. "Go on, Dad."

Arthur put his right foot on the moving tile and didn't move his left foot until his right leg was stretched out in front of him. He gripped the railings with his hands and tried not to look down. Ron quickly stepped on behind him.

"There! See, no problem!" Harry said once they had both reached the second level.

"Now, if you were a girl, what would you want in your house?" questioned Arthur.

Harry and Ron looked at each other.

"Something flowery?" suggested Ron.

"Something pink?" proposed Harry.

"No, not pink. Not every girl likes pink, you know."

"Oh, right, Hermione hates that color." Harry glanced past Ron and saw the department for kitchen appliances. "How about a cappachino machine?" he suggested. "Girls love cappachinos for some reason. Maybe because it's so much fun to say."

"Great idea, Harry!" exclaimed Ron. He thumped his friend on the back. "I know how much Hermione likes her Starbucks."

Twenty minutes later they left Harrods, Ron carrying a large black sack with a box that held the cappuccino machine. They next headed for the Russell Hotel.

"I hope it's okay for them to have visitors," Harry said as they waited for the elevator.

Ron shrugged. "I don't see why it wouldn't be."

"Look at that!" said Arthur as a woman walked by with a large bag, a white Maltese head sticking out of it. "That lady has a little dog in her bag! How peculiar!" He chuckled.

There was a DING! and the elevator doors opened. Harry, Ron, and Arthur stepped into the small box and the doors closed.

"Oh, I don't think I like this," Ron said nervously looking around the enclosed space. "What if we get stuck?"

"Oh, that only happens in Muggle movies," Harry said cheerfully. He started to reach for the button of their destination, but Arthur pushed the button first.

"Ooh, pretty!" he said as the button lit up. He began to hit another button. And another. And another. And another. And then another. And then one more. And another.

Ten minutes later, after waiting patiently for the doors to open and close at each floor, they finally reached the upper floor. Luckily nobody else had to use the elevator.

Ron and Arthur followed Harry as he walked down the corridor and knocked on the door. On the other side they could hear shouting.

"Hey! Where are my crystals! My crystals are gone! I had them on the top of my dresser and now they're not there anymore!"

"That sounds like one of the Patil twins," Ron whispered. "Hey, Hermione didn't happen to mention which two girls have left already?"

Harry shook his head.

"Cuz I hope it's Lavender."

"And I hope Romilda Vane is the other girl," Harry whispered back. He knocked again.

"I didn't take your damn crystals!" they heard Pansy shout back. "Damn! I get accussed for everything!"

"HAY-SPAY-TU! HAY-SPAY-TU!" they heard Cho's voice scream.

"The hell is "hay-spay-tu?" Ron asked.

Harry shrugged and knocked a third time, this time louder. The door swung open and they were greeted with Hermione's presence. She grinned at them. "Hey guys! Am I ever glad to see you two! It's been a little hectic around here lately." She rolled her eyes. "I didn't know you were going to stop by...Ron, what's wrong?"

"N-nothing," Ron replied after he had managed to lift his jaw from the ground. "You look - I've never seen you look so -"

"Oh!" Hermione laughed and touched her hair. "Yeah, I wasn't crazy about them straightening my hair, but I really like it. It's not going to last forever though, so might as well enjoy it while I can."

"Mr. Wealsey came with us too," said Harry.

"Yeah, where did Dad go anyway?" Ron questioned. He looked down the hall and saw that his dad was staring at the elevators, watching the digital number at the top change as it went from floor to floor. "Dad! Over here!" he called.

Mr. Weasley walked over and greeted Hermione.

"Come on in," Hermione invited them.

Just then Romilda chose to walk into the living room. She had just taken a shower and had a forest green terry cloth robe wrapped around her body and a smaller white towel was wrapped around her head. "SHIT! THERE ARE BOYS HERE!" she screamed as she ran back to the bathroom for refuge.

"Uh, we didn't come at a bad time, did we?" Harry asked.

"Did someone say boys?" a voice perked up and Lavender came from the kitchen. She smiled widely at Ron. "Ronald! What a pleasant surprise!"

Hermione glowered at her.

"Uh, hi, Lavender," Ron said uncomfortably. "Wow, your hair is blonde. Like really, really blonde."

"I know! Isn't it fabulous?" She flipped her hair over her shoulders.

"Hi, Dad!" Ginny had appeared at that moment. "Hi Ron, hi Harry."

"Hi, Ginny," Harry said smiling at her. He was glad she was still there. "I like your hair."

"Thanks!"

"We got you a present," Ron said handing the bag to Hermione. "A housewarming gift if you will."

"Aww, that's so thoughtful of you guys," Hermione said as she took out the box. "Ooh! A cappachino machine!"

"Cappachino machine?" said Ginny. "Awesome!"

"See, I told you they'd like it," Harry said smugly.

"What kind of mix did you get us?" asked Ginny.

Ron blinked. "Mix?"

"Uh...whoops," said Harry.

He saw Hermione and Ginny exchange looks which clearly read That's boys for you.

"Here, Lavender, why don't you put this in the kitchen," Hermione said as she shoved the box into Lavender's arms.

"A telly!" Arthur said excitedly pointing at the large square box. "You have a telly!"

"Want me to show you around, Dad?" Ginny offered. "There's so much great Muggle stuff around here...I'm still even discovering some!"

"So this is where you're living," Ron said as his sister and dad walked away. "Not too shabby."

"It's a nice place," Hermione agreed, then lowered her voice. "Believe me, living with seven other girls is not so much fun. Even Ginny confessed to me that she took living with six brothers for granted."

Harry laughed.

"It's too bad you guys didn't come yesterday," Hermione said sarcastically. "You would've witnessed Brownie Gate '97."

"Brownie Gate '97?" repeated Ron, befuddled.

"It's a long story. A very long, very stupid story."

"Well at least you get rid of someone what, every three days?" said Harry.

Hermione nodded. "Yes and thank goodness for that. I'm really hoping that Romilda is the next to go. She's driving me crazy. She's so annoying. All she does is shout how fabulous everything and everyone is."

Harry and Ron snickered.

"Although I wouldn't mind if Lavender went either...or Pansy, she's such a slob. Or Cho, that self-righteous bitch."

"Meow!" said Ron.

"Shut up, Ron."

Hermione, Ron, and Harry chatted for awhile before it was time for Ron and Harry to leave with Mr. Weasley.

"Remember, we might see you soon - Quidditich!" Harry grinned and pointed his finger at Hermione as he backed out the door.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Only in my nightmares will I play Quidditch."

* * *

"Fleur mail!" Padma called out the next morning. "It's another elimination!"

"Oh, thank God," Hermione muttered.

"What does it say?" Romilda asked.

"Nothing!" Padma frowned. "It's just a bunch of ellipses."

"That's odd," said Luna.

* * *

It all made sense when they found out they would be performing the nonverbal curse. Fleur had them pair up in twos and then switch every five minutes so everyone was paired with each person at least once. Fleur walked around the room, scrutinizing the Hermione, Pansy, Lavender, and Romilda as they tried to ward off the jinxes their partners were sending without uttering a word.

"Very good, 'Ermione." Fleur nodded as Hermione managed to dodge a bat bogey hex Ginny sent her way. "Everyone sweetch!"

Half an hour later, the examination was over and it was time to head to the Judging Room.

"I 'ave eight beautiful weetches een front of me. Only seven of you weel move on to ze next round and one of you weel be asked to pack your belongings and leave. 'Ermione, congratulations, you're still een ze running to be 'Ogwarts' Next Top Weetch and as ze weetch 'oo did ze best at ze nonverbal curses, you 'ave won a year's supply of parchment and quills from Scrivenshaft's Quill Shop."

"Hermione won again?" exclaimed Lavender. "This is the third consecutive time!"

"The prize is totally lame though," said Pansy.

Fleur contined to call names until Ginny, Luna, and Romilda were left standing. "You zree are ze youngest in ze competition and I understand zat you don't 'ave as much experience with ze nonverbal curse as ze ozzers do, but two of you 'ave very great potential and zat eese Ginny and Luna. Romilda, I'm sorry, but you 'ave been asked to go 'ome."

Hermione said a silent prayer of thanks and gave Ginny a relieved look who reciprocated it. Romilda hugged everyone (except for Ginny) and wished everyone good luck (except for Ginny).

Seven girls remain...WHO will be Hogwarts' Next Top Witch?