If In The Beginning

Chapter Three: Remus

Remus managed to sleep for a few hours, but it was a restless sleep, and he awoke at six o´clock. Classes didn´t start until eight-thirty, and everyone else was still asleep.

He looked over at Sirius. His dark hair was splayed across the pillow, and his long body rose and fell with each deep breath. His pale lips were slightly open.

The room was silent and sleeping. No one would know, Remus thought, not even Sirius himself. He knelt down next to the bed. Leaning forward, he kissed Sirius gently.

Sirius stirred. Cautiously, Remus moved back and stood up.

James´s broomstick and Invisibility Cloak were both sitting on the table. The window was open a bit. It was time for an early morning flight, Remus thought. Maybe it would clear his mind.

He took the broom in hand and covered himself and it with the cloak. He opened the window some more and flew out.

Last night....damn Peter! He allowed his mind to wonder for a minute, imagining what would have happened if Peter hadn´t woken up. But as he flew around the Ravenclaw tower, his mind jolted back into reality.

He´d read once in a Muggle psychology book that only around ten percent of people were gay. Therefore, the odds of Sirius ever feeling the same way about him were low.

Remus had had a crush on Sirius since the first day of their first year. Towards the end of their third year, his feelings had blossomed into full-fledged love. He´d tried to change what he felt by dating Amoria Wist, but that obviously hadn´t worked. Every time Sirius walked into a room, the same thing happened: his heart leapt with joy, and then dismally sank. Because the odds of them ever being together were impossible.

All right, Remus thought as he flew over the Quidditch field, he had to move on. Sirius was not interested. They would never be more than good friends. If Sirius loved him back, he reasoned, he would have done something about it by now.

Then again, he loved Sirius, and he hadn´t done something about it by now. And there had been last night...

He stopped the broomstick in midair and hovered above the bleachers. What exactly had happened between them last night? It was true that all the Marauders got into quarrels and spats that often turned physical, but not in the middle of the night. Not that ended on a bed. Not that ended with two boys leaning towards each other and gazing into each other´s eyes....

All right, thought Remus, flying past Dumbledore´s office, maybe it was possible that Sirius fancied him. Then what? If they could ever admit their feelings to each other, they still couldn´t date, not the way James and Lily could. People already thought he was strange enough- that odd Remus Lupin, with his gaunt face and mysterious absences.

It was different with Sirius. Younger boys admired him, and half the girls in their year dreamed about him and blushed when his name was mentioned. If he and Sirius became...what...boyfriends?...lovers?....and people found out, Sirius would become an outcast in a matter of minutes. And Remus would feel terrible if something he did caused Sirius to suffer.

The air was starting to warm, and the sky was turning from pink and orange to blue. He had better get back, he thought.

*

Back at the dormitory, Remus found a note on his bed. "Remus," it read, "we´ve gone down to breakfast. I took the liberty of taking five Sickles from your nightstand. Sirius." There was more, too, scrawled at the bottom in a different hand. "Next time ask before you take my stuff! James." Remus dressed quickly and went down to breakfast.

Once in the Great Hall, he spotted his friends easily and took a seat next to Peter, across from Sirius. "Remus! Where were you?" James asked.

"Flying," said Remus in what he hoped was a casual voice. "So, have we seen Snape yet?"

The second the words left his mouth, a tall, black-haired boy stomped into the room and right up to their table. "You bastards!" he screamed, his face turning as red as the lettering on his forehead.

"Oh, hello Snape," said Peter, cutting his pancakes as he spoke. He looked up suddenly. "Good God! What happened to your forehead?"

"Don´t act so shocked, I know you lot did it and I have proof!" Snape yelled. He rolled up his sleeve and thrust his arm at them.

"Sorry, I don´t see how you shoving your arm in our faces is proof of anything," Sirius said.

Snape stormed off, to a chorus of laughing Gryffindors. Lily walked up to the table and sat next to James.

"What is Snape yelling about?" she said innocently, trying to hide a smirk. She and James kissed. Remus looked away.

Snape returned a second later, with McGonagall in tow. "Now, what´s this about?" she asked crossly.

"They wrote this on my forehead!" insisted Snape.

"Interesting choice of phrases, to paint on someone´s forehead," said McGonagall. "Tell me, would they have any reason for writing, `I Am A Pervert´ on your forehead?"

"Well....not really...it´s stupid, really, but...´

"The question was meant hypothetically, Snape," snapped McGonagall. "I happen to know all about the Polyjuice incident, and I want you in my office right after breakfast."

"But I´ve got proof!" said Snape desperately. Once again, he rolled up his sleeve. McGonagall squinted.

"Nothing´s there."

"Yes there is!" Snape screeched. "Why am I the only one who can see it? Across my arm it says, `Compliments of the Marauders and Miss Lily Evans´ in red ink!" Then it dawned on him. "They must have used Deux Yeux Potion!"

"Or else you´re seeing things," said McGonagall tartly. "I´ve got no proof that they did this to you, although it certainly does look that way." She glared at James. "Now, I expect you in my office in ten minutes, Snape." She turned and walked away briskly.

Snape´s eyes were full of hatred. He stared at the Marauders, a malicious smile playing across his face. Then he leaned close to Remus. "You lot had better confess," he said, "or-" his eyes narrowed "I´ll tell everyone your secret."

Remus thought he was going to die. How could Snape have known? Before he could answer, Sirius grabbed Snape by the shoulders and pulled him away from Remus. Snape let out a strangled sound.

"If you tell anyone," Sirius whispered angrily, "if you tell anyone, that Remus is a werewolf, I will personally beat you into a bloody pulp. Understood?" Snape nodded, afraid. Sirius released him.

Remus exhaled. That secret. He watched Snape walk back to the Slytherin table.

"You´d better eat quickly, Remus."

Remus turned and looked at Lily. Her emerald eyes shone back at him like jewels. "Come on," she said, "we´ve only got fifteen minutes before classes."

~~*~~

Remus didn´t have a chance to talk to Sirius all day. Maybe it was better that way, he thought. He didn´t know what he´d say to him anyway.

That night, as they were doing their homework in the common room, Lily clammered down the stairs from her dormitory. "Look what I´ve got!" she cried. In her hands was a camera. "It just came from home," she said excitedly.

"Do Muggle cameras work the same way as wizard ones?" Peter asked.

"Oh yes," said Lily, "the difference is in the developing formula. Hey, you know what? I don´t think I´ve got any pictures of the four of you together. Everybody stand up, I´m taking one now."

"Not now," James whined.

"Yes, now," said Lily. "Don´t worry, it´s fairly painless." She winked.

"I hate these things," said Sirius as they stood up.

"Tough," said Lily. "Come on, stand together."

Remus moved closer to Sirius. What was he thinking, Remus wondered. How did he feel about last night? Tentatively, Remus reached out one hand and lightly laid it on Sirius´s shoulder.

"All right," called Lily, "One...two..."

Sirius recoiled just as the camera flashed.