The Dementors' Kiss

Valentine's Day dawned bright and clear at Hogwarts. Harry found himself out of bed at half four in the morning, still mostly asleep as he helped Fred and George prepare their surprise for the whole school. They had enlisted Dean Thomas to prepare a special sign for the Great Hall doors that announced:

Not surprisingly, a certain murmur of apprehension spread through the crowd that had gathered outside the Great Hall by half past seven. Professor Snape was muttering loudly about taking a hatful of points from Harry and the twins, but Professor Dumbledore merely read the sign, and stood there, his eyes twinkling behind his half moon spectacles.

At precisely half past seven, the sign folded itself neatly down from the size of a bed sheet to the size of a matchbox, and burst into miniature flames. As the last of the smoke disappeared, the doors swung open, and the front rank of students burst out laughing.

Standing in the centre of the doorway was Harry, dressed in robes very closely resembling those of former Hogwarts teacher Gilderoy Lockhart. The pale pink clashed horribly with Harry's green eyes, but went well with the colour of his cheeks. Shimmering red love hearts that moved across the material of the robes like images on a television screen raised the gaudiness factor of the outfit to unbearable levels.

"My dear friends," Harry began, struggling to match the unctuous timbre Lockhart had managed four years before. "Come in, come in, this is our Valentines Day surprise for you. At least, this is the beginning of it. Cupids," he cried, gesturing wildly.

From the rafters of the Great Hall, Fred and George plummeted downward on their broomsticks. Coming to a halt by Harry's side, the twins dismounted and stood bravely before the assembled throng. They were resplendent in Cupid's outfits; wings, halos, skimpy white tunics, long blonde hair and not a great deal else. Fred wielded a toy bow and arrow, George a magical harp, and each had a heavy looking bag, attached to their broomsticks, which was buzzing and vibrating. The twins looked at one another and struggled to keep a straight face as the crowd laughed helplessly. Even some of the staff were chuckling at the sight of the scantily clad Beaters.

"A big hand, my friends, for the Cupids," Harry said, gesturing extravagantly. The applause mingled with the laughter, and Harry felt himself calming down, pleased that the Weasley twins' appetite for attention was distracting from his own ridiculous outfit.

"Now, my Cupids will spend this mealtime spreading words of love throughout the school. Far be it for us to interfere with the normal running of school, however. Cupid Fred, please explain."

Fred stepped forward, and winked at Angelina, who had fought her way to the front of the crowd. He pulled the bag from his broomstick, and held it up so that everyone could see.

"Cupid's Kisses," he announced, as the bag shook in his hand. Behind him, George twanged tunelessly at his harp. "Normally two sickles a time, this Valentines Day Weasleys Wizard Wheezes are presenting them to you for free."

"The kisses will fly through the school," George said, stepping forward, "seeking out the object of your desire. Just hold them in your hand, think of who you like and what you would say to them, and the kiss will track them down. Then they simply have to pop them in their mouth to hear the message. Private and simple."

"And the best part of this?" Fred said. "They taste great! Why? Because they're enchanted to taste like a kiss from the person who sent them. And I know we all keep our teeth well brushed, don't we."

"A quick tip for all those not blessed with my perfect teeth," Harry said, in full Lockhart mode. "The Flossimax charm is what won me Witch Weekly's Most-Charming-Smile award. Five times!"

"Oh, and before we all tuck into our specially prepared Valentine feast. . . One, two, three!"

"EXPECTO DECORUM!"

Pink light shot from the wands of the three friends, spreading throughout the Great Hall and into the corridor outside. Soon, the whole school was festooned with pink ribbons, love hearts, soft toys, and huge bunches of flowers. Harry and the twins grinned weakly at one another, the spell having taken a immense amount of effort, even with the preparations they'd made and the effort split three ways. Harry nodded, and the twins mounted their brooms, soaring up into the air as the crowd began to make their way to their tables.

"And, of course, Professor Lockhart will be trying out the first Cupid Kiss," George said, swooping low to hover in front of Harry. "Though we'd never advise a student to date a teacher, of course. . ."

He jiggled the bag in front of Harry, who looked back at him, dumbstruck. This hadn't been part of the plan, but he couldn't back out now, could he?

Smiling icily at George, he tentatively reached into the bag, and pulled out one of the heart shaped sweets, which sat, glowing pink, in the palm of his hand. He closed his fingers around it, and thought of the redhead he could see giggling at the Gryffindor table.

The sweet began to buzz violently in his hand, and he opened his fingers in surprise. It leapt triumphantly into the air, and sped out through the doors of the Great Hall into the school beyond. Harry heaved a huge sigh of relief. At least it hadn't gone straight to Ginny.

"Yes, well, it will make its way to her eventually," George announced loudly as a few people laughed at the hyperactive sweet. Harry left the twins to begin sharing out the Kisses as he sunk gratefully into a seat next to Hermione. Futilely, he pulled the Lockhart hat further down on his head to try and cover his embarrassment.

"I must say, that sweet reminded me of Pigwidgeon," Hermione said. "I don't suppose I have to ask who you sent it to?" Harry grunted a reply, and Hermione grinned. "Well, I suppose I'll have to be the one to talk to Ron, won't I? I imagine it will sound better coming from me than it will from you."

Harry groaned as he thought of Ron's reaction, and sank lower in his seat. Then he saw Snape pick a pink fluffy bunny up from his seat at the staff table, and shoot him a look of pure hatred. He groaned again and sank even lower.

*

Looking back on the day, Harry knew that the one comparatively sane thing that he'd done was to insist the Kisses not interrupt classes. He was spared the ordeal of the Kisses bursting on Double Potions, for example, although it didn't help matters. Snape had them brewing an Anti-Love potion, a concoction that reacted violently to the colour pink. Harry's cauldron exploded when he added the last ingredient, leaving Ron and Hermione temporarily unable to stand the sight of one another. Only some quick thinking by Lavender in brewing an antidote saved their relationship. Gryffindor lost twenty points for Harry's 'mistake', and another ten for Lavender's 'meddling'. Ron had stared daggers at Snape until the end of the lesson, but said nothing. It struck Harry that he hadn't heard Ron say much of anything about Snape for a long time now, and wondered if Hermione was having a calming influence on him.

A few particularly daring Kisses managed to reach their recipients during Care of Magical Creatures. "Shouldn't worry about it, Harry," Hagrid said when Harry tried to apologise. "Blowed if anyone was concentrating much, anyway. No, it's a good thing the three of yeh did today. Yer turning out alright, I reckon."

These words of praise cheered Harry up somewhat, and allowed him to make it through the day without too may thoughts of torturing or killing the Weasley twins. His bright pink robes, which along the way had started to show pictures of Lockhart's smiling face, made him stand out among the black clad hordes. Far too many people had asked after the recipient of his sweet, and even Ron had asked him a couple of times. Harry suspected he knew full well who it had gone to.

Hermione and Ron had sent each other sweets. Hermione was beaming more than ever, and Harry suspected from the brightness of her eyes that she was just holding back tears of joy. She whispered to him that Ron's had simply said 'Forever' while hers had been more verbose. Ron seemed to be glowing happily, nonetheless.

It was dinnertime before anyone asked Harry if he'd had any sent to him. Daniella Spinnet, hand in hand with Neville, had asked him when she recovered from the fit of giggles his robes seemed to cause in many people. After saying that no, he hadn't had any, he laid his head down on the table and cursed Fred and George again.

The thought didn't really bother Harry. He didn't care if he got buried in Kisses. It only mattered if he got none at all. Lifting his head again, he saw the last few Kisses buzz their way into the Hall again in their long running search for their targets. There only seemed to be two of them, headed for the Gryffindor table. Strangely, they seemed to be flying in tandem.

The whole of the Hall seemed to be following the faint buzzing of the last two Kisses. One dropped near the end of the table, and Harry couldn't see who caught it in the clamour of hands.

The other came to a halt in front of him. He looked at it in surprise, blinking at it, expecting it to move on. Slowly, he reached out and closed his fingers around it. At the last second, it dodged.

"Petrificus totalus!" The Cupid's Kiss froze in mid dodge, allowing Harry to grab it as it dropped. Shoving his wand back in to his bag, he glared at the sweet as though it were the very embodiment of his day's problems. Without stopping to think, he shoved it into his mouth, and then froze.