MSTing Around

AUTHOR LADY ZOE: Right then. First off I need some volunteers to start off my first ever MST story.

(Glares around room for a while before deciding to zap a few random people in)

SNAPE: What!? What am I doing here? I was just in the middle of perfecting my decidedly sexy glare in front of the mirror...

(Realizing he said that aloud, looks nervously around the surprisingly small room)

SIRIUS: Why Snivelus, I have to say that your glare couldn't charm a pineapple into tap-dancing.

SNAPE: Black? What are you doing in here? Get out of my presence immediately!

SIRIUS: What? You mean your decidedly unsexy presence?

SNAPE: BLACK! I'M WARNING YOU!!!

(Big black thunderstorms appear in the room and rumble menacingly, drenching everyone with rain in the process)

AUTHOR LADY ZOE: I'M THE ONLY ONE ALLOWED TO USE CAPITALS!!!!!

(Silence reins for a minute or two before it gets bored and decides to go off and bother someone else)

SNAPE: Excuse me? But who are you and what is the meaning of this? I demand that you release us immediately!

HERMIONE: Look at my robes! They're soaking wet! Do you know how long they'll take to dry!

SIRIUS: Hermione?

HERMIONE: Yes?

SIRIUS: What are you doing here?

HERMIONE: (pauses for a while considering her answer)...I'm not sure...but this book has suddenly

appeared in my hand.

(All six occupants of the room squeeze in around Hermione to look at mysterious book)

SIRIUS: How can a book mysteriously appear in your hand?

SNAPE: I think the more important question is who are the other three people in this room.

SIRIUS: That's a good question

(Peers around at the three other people in the room)

HARRY: (Waves nervously) Hi.

SNAPE: I knew you had to be involved in this set-up somehow Potter. Or have you come to free us all from

this nightmare and save the world yet again?

GINNY: Actually it isn't his fault.

(Everyone turns to face Ginny)

HERM-OWN-NINNY: Who's the sixth person then? And why has my name changed to Herm-Own-

Ninny?

AUTHOR LADY ZOE: Oh, sorry about that, I wasn't concentrating.

KREACHER: Filthy mud bloods, the lot of them, Kreacher hates them he does.

AUTHOR LADY ZOE: (Makes dark rain cloud hover over Kreacher) BE POLITE!!

(Kreacher runs off into a corner of the surprisingly small room and sulks. Phrases such as "filthy" and

"Kreacher shall tell mistress he shall", can still be heard)

SIRIUS: Umm... Author Lady Zoe?

AUTHOR LADY ZOE: Yes Siri honey?

SIRI HONEY: Siri honey? What?

AUTHOR LADY ZOE: IF I WANT TO CALL YOU SIRI HONEY I SHALL!!

SIRI HONEY: (coughs nervously) Yeah, ok. But, well, umm...

AUTHOR LADY ZOE: Yes darling?

HARRY: Darling?

(Thunderous dark rain clouds hover threateningly over Harry)

HARRY: Ok, Ok!

(Rain clouds glare at Harry before drifting slowly off to rain on Snape)

SNAPE: Hey!

AUTHOR LADY ZOE: Sorry about that.

SIRIUS: Why is my family's house elf here?

AUTHOR LADY ZOE: Because I felt like it.

SIRIUS: Fair enough

(Snape, Sirius, Harry, Ginny, Hermione and Kreacher look around at the surprisingly small room. The fact

that its sole window was barred against escape, made them slightly worried as well as the fact that the

mysterious book had somehow moved across to the center of the room and was flapping slightly as if

impatient to be read)

GINNY: I guess someone had better go see what book it is.

(Everyone looks at each other expectedly before Harry stumbles into the middle of the floor next to the book)

HARRY: Hey! Who pushed me?

HERMIONE: Perhaps it was your heroes instinct that subconsciously made you have a desire to be the one.

(Confused looks are aimed in Hermione's direction)

HARRY: Yeah whatever. (He picks up the twitching book off the floor and reads the cover)

HARRY: It says "Harry Potter and the philosopher's stone"

SIRIUS: Philosopher's stone? I didn't know you had a philosophers stone Harry.

HARRY: I don't...

SNAPE: I knew all along this was Potters doing.

AUTHOR LADY ZOE: BE NICE SEVERUS OR I'LL SET MY TRUSTY DARK RAIN CLOUDS ON

YOU!!

SNAPE: Yes M'am

AUTHOR LADY ZOE: That's better.

HERMIONE: Excuse me Author Lady Zoe, but why are we all here and what is this book doing here?

AUTHOR LADY ZOE: Well I'd have thought that was pretty obvious. You're all here to read it of course.

GINNY: Read it?

SNAPE: I HAVE NO TIME TO WASTE READING A FOOLISH BOOK ABOUT POTTER! I DEMAND

TO BE RELEASED!

AUTHOR LADY ZOE: ONLY THE SUPREME AUTHOR LADY ZOE CAN USE CAPITALS!!

SNAPE: oh dear...

(Several dark heavy rain clouds hover over Snape and drench him in rain for what? The third time?)

SNAPE: Ok! I've had enough!

(Dark heavy rain clouds hover back into a corner, except for one which stares longingly at Snape before

being wafted into the corner by Hermione with a surprisingly large fan)

HARRY: Hermione? Where did that surprisingly large fan come from?

HERMIONE: I have no idea.

HARRY: Fair enough.

AUTHOR LADY ZOE: Ok. Enough time wasting, lets start the book...Or else!

(Hermione picks up the now slightly soggy book)

HERMIONE: We may as well get it over with.

(Everyone makes themselves comfortable on the floor in the nearly flooded room and watches as Hermione

opens the book)

HERMIONE: Chapter one. The Boy Who Lived.

SIRIUS: Who's that?

GINNY: I'm thinking it's probably Harry seeing as the book is about him.

HARRY: Well duh.

(Dark rain clouds ruble ominously)

HARRY: Sorry. I'll be nice.

HERMIONE: (coughs) anyway. Mr and Mrs Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say

that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much.

HARRY: Why is it talking about the Dusleys? And they are certainly not normal. Do you call locking me up

in a cupboard for 10 years normal?

GINNY: I'm surprised no one ever reported them to social services.

HARRY: Probably because half of them didn't know me, and the other half thought I was insane because of

what the Dursleys told them about me.

HERMIONE: They were the last people you'd expect to be involved in anything strange or mysterious,

because they just didn't hold with such nonsense.

SNAPE: Nonsense indeed. What primitive imbeciles Muggles are.

KREACHER: Evil, smelly Muggles...kill them all Kreacher says.

HERMIONE: Mr Dursley was the director of a firm called Grunnings, which made drills.

SIRIUS: I think I remember those from Muggle studies classes. Don't Muggles use them to make holes in

things?

AUTHOR LADY ZOE: TEN POINTS TO GRYFFINDOR!!

SIRIUS: Wooo!...Wait a minute...I'm not at Hogwarts anymore. (Goes and sulks in a corner)

HERMIONE: He was a big, beefy man with hardly any neck, although he did have a very large

moustache.

HARRY: You got that right. Looks like he has a gigantic caterpillar stuck on his face.

HERMIONE: Mrs Dursley was thin and blonde and had nearly twice the amount of usual neck,

Which came in very useful as she spent so much of her time craning over garden fences, spying on the

neighbours.

SNAPE: What a disagreeable woman.

SIRIUS: SHE SHOULDN'T BE SPYING ON THE NEIGHBOURS! SHE SHOULD BE LOOKING AFTER

MY GODSON!

AUTHOR LADY ZOE: MY CAPITALS!!!

(Dark heavy rain clouds chuckle happily and float above Sirius and rain on him)

SIRIUS: SORRY!

AUTHOR LADY ZOE: AAARRRGHH!!!!

(Dark heavy rain clouds cackle evily and rain even more. Small sparks can be seen emitting from them)

SIRIUS: Ok I've stopped now m'am!

AUTHOR LADY ZOE: Ok...carry on Hermione.

(Dark, evily cackling rain clouds look disappointed and drift over to the other side of the surprisingly small

room)

HERMIONE: Ok. By the way Sirius. I don't think Harrys arrived at the Dursleys yet.

SIRIUS: Oh, ok.

HERMIONE: The Dursleys had a small son called Dudley and in their opinion there was no finer boy

anywhere.

SIRIUS: Except for my Harry!

SNAPE: Will you please cease these constant outbursts Black!!

AUTHOR LADY ZOE: SNAPE! I TOLD YOU TO PLAY NICE!! GO MY TRUSTY DARK RAIN

CLOUDS!!!

(Trusty dark rain clouds emit squeals of pure joy and race over to Snape to drench him with rain)

SNAPE: Argh!! Drowning!!!

AUTHOR LADY ZOE: Phew! That was fun! Anyway that's all there is for this chapter folks!

GINNY: But we haven't even gotten past the first page yet!

HARRY: Considering this book is about me, it's pretty lame.

KREACHER: Full of dirty Muggles it is!

AUTHOR LADY ZOE: (Screams wildly and zaps Harry and Kreacher who start doing the polka around the

room

AUTHOR LADY ZOE: Anyway, we'll continue this wonderful MST when everyones calmed down and dry

See ya soon.