I Watched You Cry

I Watched You Cry

My first real lesson in life was almost unrecognizable when it came to me and it came in the form of a black-haired, be-spectacled boy. . . .

I'll always remember

It was late afternoon

It lasted forever

And ended so soon

You were all by yourself

Staring up at a dark gray sky

I was changed

Harry had once been my boyfriend, but we had broken up over some silly fight. But I was still angry with him, though, when I saw him, he didn't seem angry with me at all! Our relationship seemed terrify him in the beginning, but then he became preoccupied and I became jealous of that Hermione Granger. I had yet to realize that they were only friends.

Harry sat down on the edge of the lake by himself, and I sat nearby. I was sitting very close with my feet in the cool water. I was so close that I could see the green of his eyes. He seemed morose. Maybe he misses me, I thought hopefully. He had his knees drawn up to his chest, his arms crossed over them, resting his head on them and turning it in my general direction, someplace above Marietta's head. If had been thinking of me, he would have noticed me. But he showed no interest in me or my friend.

Something very haunted was in those green orbs, once so filled with light when they rested upon me. I remember thinking, when angry with him, that he had no emotion. How could he just walk around without the terrible weight of Cedric's death upon him? Did he not care? I never wanted to talk about it with me. How could he just keep all of his feelings inside him? This was how came to the assumption that he had none. How very wrong I was.

In places no one will find

All your feelings so deep inside

Was then that I realized

That forever was in your eyes

The moment I saw you cry

I had been wishing all year that he would open up and cry too. I'd be able to comfort him or maybe we could just cry together. I wanted to be able to talk to him about it. I wanted him to comfort me in that way, rather than just patting me on the back. But that never happened. All year I had been wishing for him cry. But, that day, when I finally saw it, I felt me insides shrivel with guilt.

I saw tears glistening in his eyes. They weren't coming in the form of sobs, as mine often did - just a mere glisten in those eyes. But I recognized tears. And, as though a window had been opened, I could see all of the pain he'd felt. I realized that I was wrong to ever want him to cry, just for me.

The moment that I saw you cry

The moment I saw him cry, I realized that my old boyfriend had been so used to pain that the loss of Cedric was just a tiny drop of a large pool of emptiness and grief and fear. He'd lost his parents, his family. He had lost his innocence and some of his freedom too. Now he had to be careful what he did because he famous. Everyone would watch what he did and there was no escaping it. He would always be labeled as weird. As I thought of this, my mind traced back to the beginning of the year. . . .

It was late in September

And I've seen you before

"Cho, where're you going?"

"Just down to the end of the train."

I walked down the hallway past compartment doors until I heard the voice I'd been hoping for. I heard a loud splashing sound coming from within. I slid the door open to find the entire compartment covered in thick, dark green, liquid that smelled horrid. Harry had a face full of it and he was clutching Longbottom's toad.

"Oh . . . hello, Harry," I said nervously. His glasses were covered in the muck and he couldn't see a thing. "Um . . . bad time?"

"Oh . . . hi," he said blankly after wiping his them clean. He didn't seem to know what to say.

"Um . . ." I said stupidly. Was that the only sound I could make? "Well . . . just thought I'd say hello . . . 'bye then."

I walked away feeling flustered. It took me several weeks to realize that I liked him. I realized that I liked him almost as much as I liked Cedric and months later, I decided that I would see if he still felt the same. But I didn't know what I was in for.

You were always the cold one

But I was never that sure

You were all by yourself

Staring up at a dark gray sky

I was changed

Our first date seemed a disaster in both of our eyes. We spent an enjoyable time talking about Quidditch, which is the key to any boy's heart and, luckily, I like it too. Then that Parkinson girl came along. She was a year younger than me and if only I was bigger I could have slapped her. She shouted some kind of insult at us and noted that Cedric was better looking. Like I would ever like someone just because they looked good . . . I'm better than that . . . I am . . .

I suggested that we get a coffee and he agreed. I thought it was cute, but Harry didn't seem to think so. He was polite, though. We spent an awkward time in there and I realize now that maybe taking him into a place full of kissing people on our first date wasn't such a good idea. In an effort to talk about something, Harry suggested that I come with him to meet Hermione Granger in the Three Broomsticks. And I, lost in my stupid, girlfriend-boyfriend lifestyle, believed that he was already double-crossing me. And openly so.

I took the tactic of watching Davies kiss his girlfriend. I think Harry tried to grab my hand, but I moved it and he lost confidence. I told him that I'd come to that place with Cedric. The look on his face was half horrified, half disbelieving. And, as I'd planned, I asked him the question I'd been burning to ask all year.

"Did Cedric - did he m-m-mention me at all before he died?"

If I had analyzed the look on his face, I would have realized that talking about this kind of thing was as tactless as I thought he was.

"Well - no - " he said quietly. "There - there wasn't time for him to say anything."

He said something about Quidditch. It was the wrong thing to say, but I was saying the wrong stuff too. I never realized that I wasn't the only one who'd been affected by that night's events and that the loss of Cedric wasn't the only terrible thing that happened. I felt my eyes burn with tears and he seemed horrified.

"Look," Harry said leaning over the table. I was sure that he was going to kiss me, but instead he said, "let's not talk about Cedric right now. . . . Let's talk about something else. . . ."

He didn't want talk about that night. And I, furious that his lips hadn't touched mine, or at least my cheek, said that I thought he would understand. Now I realize that it was I who didn't understand. He something about talking to Weasley the Tornado Hater and Granger. I was so angry that I couldn't think! Why should she get all this attention from boys? She wasn't even pretty!

I told him to go meet her and he seemed to realize that I was jealous and laughed at my stupidity. But it was probably out of nerves. I left him there to pay. I know he tried to go after me but I was probably so much trouble that he just gave up.

Weeks later, an article in the Quibbler came out telling exactly what had happened the night that Cedric had died. The entire thing was an interview from Harry. He'd gone to the Three Broomsticks to tell a reporter about it! No wonder he didn't want to talk about it with me, he didn't want to think about it twice, did he? I apologized quickly and we got together again.

In places no one will find

All your feelings so deep inside

Was now that I realized

That forever was in your eyes

The moment I saw you cry

And then everything went wrong. Marietta had to go and blab to Umbridge. She had spots all over he face spelling out "SNEAK" because Granger had jinxed the paper that all of the D.A. had signed, saying that they wouldn't tell anyone about what we were up to. I was so angry when he thought that Hermione's idea was a good one. Well, he had his reasons. And they were good ones. My best friend had almost gotten him expelled and Dumbledore, our only hope at Hogwarts, had left in an effort to stop that happening. Harry, of course, couldn't stop him from leaving, no one could stop Dumbledore when he had his mind made up. It was really Marietta's fault. But I tried to defend her, showing her the loyalty that she failed to show me.

Harry seemed so angry that he never made up with me. Or maybe he never got the chance. I think he had a lot more on his mind than I did and he had much more to worry about than a screwed up love life. But now, as I watched him sit at the edge of the lake, I realized that our relationship had nothing to do with his feelings now. I felt as though I was looking at a different person. With more depth than even I could match.

I wanted to hold you

I wanted to make it go away

I wanted to know you

I wanted to make your everything, all right....

I suddenly felt more compassion for him than I had at any other time. I didn't even know why he was crying, but I felt like embracing him, kissing him, casting some difficult, draining spell that would make it feel better for just one second. But, as I'd learned the hard way, that year, there are certain times for certain things and some people just want to be left alone and should be given the choice of to whom and when they want to talk about something dreadful.

I'll always remember...

It was late afternoon...

In places no one will find...

As I sat there watching him, I knew that he'd taught me a lesson that had value beyond any D.A. meeting, beyond a simple kiss, beyond measure. I knew that I'd always remember the day that I watched him cry. The day that my crying ended. The day that I changed my way of thinking. That I, like Harry, became a different person. I'll always remember the day I saw him cry and I didn't. The first day I didn't cry, someone else did. I'll always remember that person - that boy that was more like a man.

In places no one will find

All your feelings so deep inside

It was now that I realized

That forever was in your eyes

The moment I saw you cry

The moment that I saw you cry

I think I saw you cry

The moment I saw you cry

I'll always remember Cedric. I'll remember Harry. I'll always remember the day I saw him cry.

Author's Note's: Just a cheesy little story about Cho. I thought it'd be good to write about her feelings. Her PoV is supposed to be when she's out of Hogwarts or maybe in seventh year. But she's older.

I have a Live Journal now and I post writing on it, if you want to take a look. You can reach it through my profile or signature if the link doesn't work (click on "Live Journal"). Feel free to post a comment. You can even if you're not a LJ user. Thank you for reading and please REVIEW!

PS "Cry" © Mandy Moore