Harry Potter and the Muggle Toy Store

Harry Potter and the Muggle Toy Store
(or, if you prefer, "Harry Potter and his Encounter with Darling Little Elsie")

Harry Potter stood in aisle five of a Muggle toy store near Ottery St. Catchpole with his two best friends, Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley.

"Ron," voiced an utterly annoyed Harry, "why did you drag us to this bloody store, anyway? We could be doing something fun right now, like playing Quidditch or trying out one of Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes."

"Or reading," added Hermione, looking rather strange without a book in front of her nose.

"It's not my fault that my cousin Annabelle is coming to the Burrow," answered Ron, equally irked.

"Then why don't we just travel up to a wizard's toy store? At least wizard toys move," said Hermione, prodding at a lifeless GI Joe.

"Because the closest one is in London, and Mum says we're running low on Floo Powder, and she won't take us herself. Now, what do little girls like to play with? You have to help me, Hermione, you're parents are Muggles and you know this kind of stuff."

"Well," answered Hermione, "when I was little, I rather liked Encyclopedia Britannica..."

"Maybe I asked the wrong person," moaned Ron.

"I'm joking, Ron! Actually, I was fond of Barbies, maybe she'll like that..."

Harry, still bored, wandered around stuffed animals and Playstation games. He was in Aisle Seven, which was loaded with action figures. He set his sights on a row of toys, and gasped.

"Ron! Hermione! Come here!"

Hermione and Ron, sensing that something was wrong, raced to his side.

"Harry, what is it?" said a breathless Ron.

Harry pointed to a row of toys in front of him, eyes wide. The friends followed his finger, and gasped as well.

"Its, its us!"

The row of toys consisted of everything that was Harry Potter, action figures, puzzles, statuettes, cards, broomsticks, wands, and costumes.

"I knew something like this would happen," tutted Hermione, "I knew that when Malfoy sold the story, of, well, US, to that author, what's her name, K.J. Rowling? I knew that we'd be turned into merchandise. I heard it was pretty big among Muggles."

"Yeah," snorted Ron, "I guess Malfoy's hatred of Muggles doesn't stretch beyond a pot of gold."

Immediate nods soon followed that statement.

"Hey, look!" Harry exclaimed, pointing to an action figure of a Quidditch-playing Harry, "it's me! Smashing! Looks like me and everything! Hey, there's you, Ron!"

Ron squatted down, looking very strange and very short. His eyes were wide. "It is me! That's wicked!"

"And there's you, Hermione! Books and all!"

Hermione looked down at her own action figure. She smiled, but was not filled with wonder like her other two friends. "I guess it is. Looks just like me when I was eleven."

"Though I think the hair is much more tame," said Ron, chuckling.

Hermione swatted him with a Nimbus 2000.

"Hey! Look! It's Malfoy!"

"Hmm," said Ron, "This one's a lot more pretty than the original. I guess the manufactures didn't want to give the little kiddies nightmares."

"You actually check out Malfoy?" said a horrified Hermione. Ron whacked her with a stuffed Fluffy toy.

They were enjoying themselves immensely, looking at the other action figures ("Ugh, its Snape. They did the same for him that they did for Malfoy," and "Lookie! It's Hagrid! Pink umbrella and all!").

"Hey, get out of the way, you big gits! I want a Harry Potter toy!" said a small, high-pitched voice snootily.

The three friends turned to stare at a small, snobby-looking girl done up in a dress with too many frills to count.

The girl, on the other hand, went pale, and started to scream, "Mummy! Mummy! Mummy!"

Almost immediately a plump, short lady with as much frills in her dress as the girl, was at her side. "Sweet pea, what's wrong?"

The girl pointed her finger at Ron, Harry, and Hermione. "Its Harry Potter!" she exclaimed, "and Ron Weasley and Her-me-own Granger!"

The two wizards and one witch were now standing, staring at the girl.

"It's Her-" Hermione started to say, but she was interrupted by a stab in her ribs by Harry.

"She's Her-Hermia," stuttered Harry, "And this is my friend...Sean. And

I'm...Larry. Yes, my girlfriend Hermia, my friend Sean, and I'm Larry."

"What's your last name?" asked the girl suspiciously.

"Potter-I mean Potterson. I'm Larry Potterson."

"See, see Mummy!" screamed the girl accusingly, "Potterson! He's Harry Potter! No one could come up with a name like Potterson if it's not close to the real thing!"

"Shh, Elsie! Be quiet! I'm so sorry, Mr....er...Potterson. My darling Elsie just gets a little carried away sometimes. Can't tell the difference between what's real and what's not. She won't bother you again. Come along, Elsie!"

The girl, or rather, Elsie, wouldn't budge.

"He's Harry Potter, mum! Look at the action figure! It looks just like him! And he has a scar, see? HE'S HARRY POTTER 'COS I SAY SO!"

"ELSIE! COME ALONG!" said the mother, almost tearing little Elsie's arm out of her socket. They're screams could be heard as both mother and daughter exited the store.

"Whew!" sighed Harry, "that was close!"

"She's right, you know," said Hermione, "'Larry Potterson' isn't exactly the most brilliant alias ever."

"Well you almost gave us away, HERMIA," sneered Harry in a playful sort of way.

"Oh, why don't you two shut up," murmured Ron, "its not like you two don't always bicker. You already sound like a married couple and you aren't even married yet! Now come on, let's get a present for Annabelle before something like THAT happens again."

Harry and Hermione nodded enthusiastically.

They picked out a teddy bear for Annabelle ("It's the safest way to go. Besides, if she doesn't like it, George can always bewitch it and make it tap-dance for her") and walked out of the store quickly, noticing that darling Elsie's ranting could be heard from the women's clothing shop across the street.

"Well, Harry, look on the bright side," said Ron, "at least they're not making a movie."

The End