Rather Humiliating Things Death Eaters Don't Want You Knowing

Rather Embarrassing Moments The Death Eaters Don't Want You To Know About

Draco looked out at the pouring rain, wishing Ron would appear. Suddenly there was a knock at the door. "Come in." Ron entered, looking rather dishelved. Draco asked, "Where have you been, pumpkin?"

Ron said, "Oh, I was ran over by some rampant fan girls trying to find our secret meeting place, but other than that, I'm quite alright." Draco sat down on the bed. It was a good thing they were in the Room of Requirement, because there were so many things they could end up needing. As they climbed into the large King bed equipped with one of those vibrating things often found in muggle hotels, Ron said, "Sometimes I don't feel like you're telling me everything." He sounded quite hurt.

Draco said, "You know I'll tell you anything, snookie." Ron looked away for a while, then, in a slow, soft whisper, asked, "What do you Death Eaters eat for dinner? Ginny has always asked that. I've told her time and time again: spaghetti. Quite an evil food, if you ask me. So messy."

Draco snorted. "Of course not. You should know by now, my lover-boy, that our favorite Italian dish is tortellini."

"Oh. Well this is why I have to ask questions like this: you never know what the answer is!" said Ron.

Draco smiled, then said, "Well, you asked me a question, so I get to ask you one too. What is your favorite style of underwear? Boxers, or briefs?

Ron pondered a moment, then replied with ease, "Briefs. Every time." Then said, "Well, Dracy, I have a multi-part question for you."

'Dracy' said, "Alrighty then lil buddy, shoot!"

"Whats some of the most embarrassing, hilarious, funniest moments you can think of that has ever happened to you or any of the Death Eaters and Voldie? And what's old Voldie been up to lately? Been hearing about him a lot in the papers, but its never about him. Only the destruction he's ever caused, general ruckus and mayhem, you know."

Draco answered, "Well, he's been hiding out a lot lately, mostly in caves and small spots, but sometimes he puts on a fake nose and wig, and a little professionally-applied(by Wormtail, that feminine little rascal!) make-up and just has a girls' night out."

"That's what I'd thought..."

"And of course, with the embarrassing moments, well, that could take quite some time to tell you, seeing as us Death Eaters tend to be rather clumsy in general. I think some of my favorite moments would have to be involving Voldemort. He just does a lot of random things. He's really quite the character when he's surrounded by people other than Potter. When he was visiting some of the in-laws he hadn't already murdered, and he tried to mount a broomstick. He, erm, isn't quite a graceful little man, and he tripped over it, being so tall. He scraped his elbow and ran away crying."

"Wow. That's evily pathetic, yet I can't control my raucous laughter!"

"Hmm. Yes, well. It took us quite a bit of time to find him. He was in a room upstairs crying his eyes out over The Notebook. I guess sometimes you just have to get things off your chest."

"I would imagine so."

"There was also the time he was at our house for dinner. He was pouting because we didn't have any chicken nuggets left. Very picky eater, he is. He was scolded by Father and told to stop being a spoiled little brat by Mother. Then Father, seized the opportunity, smacked his shins with the cane. He ran away whimpering."

"Fascinating. Where ever did you find him?"

"Well, after he'd told us about the broom incident, we knew exactly where to find him. He was in the guest room with my 15 year old cousin Cassandra Lynne. They were crying their eyes out over that Notebook movie again."

"That must have been a terrifying experience."

Draco nodded. "Oh, gosh yes. I didn't know anything could have been so scary. I sometimes have nightmares!"

Ron, being the curiously little beastie Weasly he was, asked, "Well, is that all there is to the Death Eater secrets and embarrassing moments?"

"Of course not. There's the time Crabbe Sr. tried diet pills. Well, lets say he got them mixed up with something quite different. Sometimes, when the Death Eaters have meetings, Father says they still call him the 'Puffy Puffy Princess' when speaking about him. And then when Avery was found sniffling over Tristan & Isolde! Of course, the Death Eaters enjoy playing harmless, magically declined tricks on each other. This particular night they had planned to TP Avery's house. He had the surround-sound on full blast, and when they finally looked though the window, Tristan was against the stone bridge after the big fight, and Isolde was trying to care for him. Avery was almost a leaky faucet by then. Father says he was screaming, 'If only they could have worked out their problems the non-violence way! Attack the problem, not the person!' And of course, Voldemort is naturally jealous of my father's good looks and luxurious, lovely, long, locks of silver-blonde hair. Quite a bit like mine(flips his hair as if he was Cameron Diaz in Charlie's Angels). So Voldemort put on his "Outing Face" and ran to CVS for some Rogaine. It didn't quite work out the way he'd planned. He grew a moustache similar looking to a walrus."

"Hmm...has he been taking any style tips from Uncle Vernon lately?"

"Couldn't tell you, sugar. And then theres always the time that Voldie had someone spy on your house. Harry and your mother were having a rather viscous argument about how much she feeds him. He was ranting about how he'd never again fit in his little leather Quidditch pants. He told your mum, 'But Mrs. Weasley, if I eat anymore my arse wont fit in them! I need to be this thin! Im sexy, damnit!' Mrs Weasley told him nothing was wrong with his arse and smacked his arse just for good measure. The next day, it swelled. I think Harry was ready to sue."

"Oh, I remember that. that was the day he wouldn't come out of the bathroom."

Draco nodded. "Well, do you see why the Dark Side is much better?"

"Well, I can see the Dark Side is more hilarious."

"You should join the dark side one day, Won-Won."

"Oh, Undoubtedly I will. But not right now. Lets do what we came here for. Some excellent nosh and some fun in bed!"

"You're the boss."