That Epilogue Was Really, Really, Really Bad

It was the moment Hugo had been dreading since he could remember.

"Weasley, Hugo!" the old Professor yelled. Hugo, one of the last in his group of first year students, slowly and carefully walked up to the stool where the sorting hat lay. He looked longingly at the Gryffindor table where Rose, Lily, Albus, and James sat. They were all giving him the thumbs up. Gradually, Hugo lifted the hat and lowered it to his head.

Almost immediately after beginning its decent, the hat gave a disgusted "HUFFLEPUFF!"

The entire hall fell silent as they watched tears form in Hugo's eyes. He was the first Weasley ever to not be sorted into Gryffindor.

Rose stood up angrily at her table and screamed, "YOU PANSY! I'M TELLING DAD!"

Hugo burst into sobs and ran from the stool towards the doors of the hall. Rose's black make up was running down his cheeks and his red hair hung limp in his eyes. Everyone stared after him as he ran, some wanting to laugh, some wanting to cry for him. That was, of course, until he tripped on his shoelace and fell face first onto the cold, stone floor. Almost immediately the whole of the hall burst into laughter. Hugo knew he was going to have a hard time fitting in.

===================

"Oh Ron, I love you," Hermione murmured as she snuggled into Ron's chest. The two were enjoying their afternoon together cuddled in the loveseat in their living room.

"Hey, Hermione, this is nice and everything, but I sort of have to go to the bathroom," Ron said as he shifted uncomfortably.

"You mean you don't love me?!" Hermione said, hurt.

"No, no, it's not that. I just really need to pee," Ron said calmly. He knew she could get worked up very easily. Apparently that had not been the right thing to say.

"You're leaving me!" Hermione cried as fat tears began to slide down her cheeks.

"NO, NO! I swear, I'll just be gone for a few minutes!" Ron said quickly. He got up and slowly walked to the bathroom, leaving Hermione crying on the couch.

When he had finished, he opened the bathroom door and jumped back when he saw Hermione standing right on the other side, staring straight at him.

"I had to listen to make sure you were still there," Hermione said tearfully. Ron held his breath, waiting for the outburst he knew would come.

Suddenly Hermione's expression changed from desperate sadness to raging anger. She began to punch every part of Ron she could reach. She screamed at him and Ron, nervous and in a considerable amount of pain, began to back into the living room to escape his wife's flying fists.

"I HATE YOU RON WEASLEY!" she screamed.

Ron backed into the arm of the loveseat and fell over backwards, taking Hermione with him. Hermione's expression changed yet again, this time to one of fiery, pent up passion. She began to forcefully kiss his face, neck, and shoulders. Ron, shocked yet delighted at his wife's latest mood swing, responded immediately.

"I--guess--this--is---why--they---call--it--a loveseat," Ron said between kisses.

"Shut up!"

===================

"Harry, I think I have a pot handle in a place I shouldn't," Ginny said, frustrated. "How many times do I have to ask you to clear the kitchen counters BEFORE we have sex on them?"

"Mmm...sorry," Harry murmured.

"This is just ridiculous. And completely over," Ginny said angrily as she slipped off the counter. Harry smiled at her, and Ginny, angrier than she had been in a while, could only find a small dish towel to cover herself up.

"Are you happy now?" Ginny yelled venomously.

"Turn the other way and I will be," Harry said casually. He obviously didn't know just how angry she really was.

===================

"Oh Ron, that was excellent." Hermione said happily. She could hardly contain her smile.

"Yeah, I'm actually surprised at how well I did," Ron said, blushing.

"You haven't used the extra spice in years!" Hermione said sensually. "I thought you had lost it."

"Yeah, this is actually my mom's original recipe for the waffles," Ron said.

"Wow, well they really are delicious... oh and the sex was good too."

===================

It had been three weeks since Hugo's sorting, and he had yet to make friends with any of the Hufflepuffs. He was beginning to lose hope, until one day at breakfast when a nice, yet somewhat rotund girl (because we all know that those Hufflepuffs are chubby) named Linda approached him at the breakfast table.

"Hi, Hugo, right?" she asked hesitantly. Hugo nodded excitedly, happy that someone had finally approached him in a friendly manner. He had been the victim of many cruel, yet deliciously funny jokes since first arriving at Hogwarts.

"Hi, Linda, I know you from Herbology class," Hugo said nicely.

"I was wondering if you would like to join my friends and me at the other end of the table," she said sweetly. Almost too sweetly.

"SURE!" Hugo said, elated.

Linda burst into malicious laughter, stumbling to keep her balance against her fit of evil giggles. ((Lynn: Evil giggles? Jenny: Yeah, I have them all the time))

"Hey guys," she called to the group of Hufflepuffs watching, "HE ACTUALLY THOUGHT WE WANTED HIM TO SIT WITH US!" The table burst into laughter.

Hugo started to cry, harder than before (if possible) and took off for the Gryffindor common room. When he got there, he banged on the door with all his might (which wasn't much, of course) and waited for someone, ANYONE, to answer.

When the large portrait creaked open, he was pleased to see Rose Weasley on the other side.

"Hugo, what the hell are you doing here, and why won't you STOP crying?" Rose asked, annoyed.

"Rose," Hugo wailed, "no one likes me and I have no friends. I'm not fitting in and everyone hates me! They all call me a fag and tease me constantly and trip me in the halls. Why don't they like me?"

Rose looked sympathetically at her brother and led him to a deserted hall so they could speak privately.

"Listen Hugo," Rose said after she had checked to make sure no one was around, "if you want people to like you, you should try to blend in a little more. First of all, you need to stop wearing make up and dressing in those hideous clothes. I know Mum didn't buy them for you. Second, you should ask superior to the other kids instead of looking like a desperate wanna-be. Make them think you don't need them, and THEN they will be begging you to sit with them."

Hugo pondered this new found idea for a moment.

"But Rose, I can't do it on my own. Will you help me?" he asked.

"I can't help you, but I think I know someone who can," Rose said.

"Who?" Hugo asked curiously.

"The original Hogwarts bad ass," Rose said matter-of-factly.

Draco Malfoy.