Salted Coffee

SALTED COFFEE

     Remus Lupin found himself in the Latin Quarter of Paris, sitting at Café Deux Chiens. He was drinking a deep, almost scalding coffee. He was dressed in Muggle clothing, his hair oily, and his face unshaven. He was thinking about Sirius Black.

     After Sirius had killed Peter, Remus had left England. He didn't know where he was going, or exactly why, but he knew he had to get away from the house he had shared with Sirius. He remembered when an official from the Ministry came to their cottage and informed Remus of Sirius's arrest. He had been sick with worry for three days because Sirius hadn't come home, and then even sicker when he had found out that Sirius had murdered Peter and betrayed Lily and James.

     Lily and James. It always came back to Lily and James.

     A year ago, Lily gave birth to her son, Harry. He was an utterly unremarkable baby. He looked exactly like his father and acted exactly like every other baby that Remus had ever known. However, Sirius had been instantly enchanted by Harry, a condition that only grew stronger when Sirius was named godfather of the child. Remus laughed at Sirius's love of Harry: cooing whenever around him, carrying Harry cradled in his arms to see Sirius's motorcycle, feeding him sweets when Lily wasn't looking.

     Then Lupin's work from the Order began to swamp him. Remus was working long nights and rarely came home. For whatever reason, there never seemed to be anything that Sirius could do for the Order, so Sirius was often left as Harry's babysitter. When Remus came home, he would uncork a bottle of wine and watch Sirius scrambling across the floor with a crawling Harry. Remus would say gently, "I imagine Lily will be here any moment to pick up Harry."

     Sirius would stare at him with defensive eyes. "Harry can spend the night again. I'll sleep in here with him."

     Lily would often knock on the door the instant Sirius said that. She would collect her baby, bid Remus and Sirius a good rest, and quickly leave. Sirius would go to bed. Remus would stare at his glass of wine, and wonder what happened between the two of them. They rarely made love those strained months; when they did, it was hurried, almost like a chore. Remus would always give Sirius a quick, cold, and salty kiss in the morning before he would leave for work, but there was little left to salvage when he would return home.

     Remus didn't know what Sirius was doing during the day; his only concern was the downfall of Voldemort. He should have noticed that Sirius had crossed over to the Dark Lord's side. He supposed he had just been soft with Sirius. His Padfoot would never betray him.

     So Lupin found himself in Paris, left with pieces of a puzzle he had to put together. The trouble was half the pieces seemed to be missing.

     Voldemort was gone, but James and Lily had died.

     The person who betrayed Lily and James and killed thirteen innocent people had been caught and sentenced, but that person was Sirius Black.

     Things just didn't seem to fit.

     Remus thought back to the one of the times he and Sirius had kissed. It had been a hot day and they were sitting by the lake at Hogwarts, oblivious to all the other people around them. Remus had leaned in, smelling bergamot and cloves on Sirius's breath. He kissed him, tasting the cold, exquisite flavor. Sirius's mouth was deliciously cool.

     Padfoot's lips had always been cool. His demeanor had always been cool as well when Sirius thought he had been slighted.

     Remus realized he'd been crying into his coffee. He sipped the brew and found it salty. When Sirius was angry, he had always tasted salty.

     Lupin knew that Sirius didn't kill Peter. But he couldn't bring himself to find another explanation. The café wouldn't close for another hour, so he ordered another cup. What he would do after that, he didn't know. Perhaps he would go back to London. Perhaps he would go deeper into France, deeper in the search for what love and Sirius and the both of them mixed together really meant.

     There were so many things Remus Lupin didn't know.