This Present Darkness

Chapter Six

For thou hast been a shelter for me, and a strong tower from the enemy.

Psalm 61:3

"For dogs have compassed me: the assembly of the wicked have enclosed me."

Psalms 22:16

After breakfast, Hermione said she was going to have a sleep. Snape went back downstairs to finish 'Dracula' hoping it would give him some ideas on how to deal with Voldemort. Hermione crept over to the fireplace, threw in some floo powder and whispered, "Hogwarts". A second later she was stepping out into Dumbledore's office.

"Ah, Miss Granger. How nice of you to visit during summer holidays!" Dumbledore said. "I just ordered some hot scones for morning tea so please join me," he said invitingly, indicating a chair. She smiled at her old Head Master, took an offered plate and sat down. "Now, how can I help you today?" he asked kindly, after he'd poured the tea.

"It's Professor Snape, sir," Hermione said, swallowing a bite of her scone. "He was in awful pain last night because of that blasted Dark Mark. They were having a meeting or some such thing and he didn't go but his arm was hurting him so much that he passed out," she explained, distressed.

Dumbledore did a rare thing; he frowned. "He passed out, you say?" Dumbledore clarified. Hermione nodded miserably. "What did you do?" he asked sympathetically.

"Gave him some of the morphine my parents kept in the house rather than at their surgery," Hermione said.

Dumbledore nodded approvingly. "Thank you, Hermione. That was very kind and very sensible," Dumbledore said reassuringly. Hermione felt better. She wasn't sure she shouldn't have contacted Dumbledore immediately and let him deal with it but she was glad Dumbledore thought that she'd done the right thing.

"Professor Snape is saying that he needs to go to the next meeting now, sir. He received an owl this morning sealed with a Dark Mark." She shrugged. "I'm sure Professor Snape is going to come and tell you all this himself very shortly."

"Yes, I'm sure he will Miss Granger. You're not telling me anything he won't tell me himself soon enough," the Professor nodded. "Have you discussed your animagus with Professor Snape yet, Hermione?" Dumbledore asked, when Hermione was silent.

She looked up sharply. No, she hadn't. Even more interestingly, Snape had never brought up the subject with her even though he'd seen her both nights in her animagus form and she'd completed her assignment.

"No, sir. I take it that Professor Snape told you about it?" she murmured into her tea.

"Yes, Hermione. Do you understand the nature of the beast that you become?" he asked with concern.

"No sir. There is very little written about them," Hermione said with a sigh, putting down her teacup.

He smiled gently. "That's because they are so very rare that no-one has ever had the chance to study them but as you now know, they are not just legends but real creatures."

"Are they all animagus?" Hermione asked curiously.

"Oh no. I've never heard of a black unicorn animagus before. Perhaps it has happened but it's never been documented," Dumbledore explained.

"If they are so rare, how do they come about? There can't be enough of them for them to breed normally," Hermione asked analytically.

"They are really normal unicorns that have been exposed to some kind of real evil at a very young age and over a long period as they grow. This taints them and changes their nature," he explained carefully.

"Changes their nature how?" Hermione asked anxiously.

"Rather than been repulsed by evil or impurity the way normal unicorns are, they are attracted to it," Dumbledore said thoughtfully, stirring his tea.

"Attracted to it?" Hermione said, looking revolted.

"Oh, not for its own sake but because it wants to heal the evil," Dumbledore clarified.

"Can it?" Hermione asked intently.

"Oh yes but at great personal sacrifice always," he said sadly.

"They die?" Hermione asked cautiously, unsure of her ground.

"No, they lose their magical abilities," Dumbledore said. "Their horns drop off, their eyes turn black and they are unable to heal any other great evil in the future. They become very similar to an ordinary horse. The only thing they retain is their wisdom."

"That doesn't seem too great a sacrifice," Hermione remarked.

Dumbledore smiled. "My dear, if you are used to being a magical creature it is very hard to become reconciled to being an ordinary one. How would you feel if you lost your natural magical ability and became a Muggle again?" he asked quietly.

"It would be hard," she acknowledged honestly. "But think of the rewards for everybody! Evils like Voldemort could be stopped."

Dumbledore smiled. "I knew you'd see it that way as a brave, head strong, impulsive Gryffindor but it is a huge sacrifice."

"Is that what would happen to an animagus black unicorn, do you think?" Hermione asked. "I mean, would I lose all my magical powers and become a Muggle?"

"No, I fear it would be worse my dear. No-one knows for sure but I suspect you would lose your human nature entirely and stay a unicorn forever," Dumbledore said cautiously.

A chill spread over Hermione's body, starting at the nape of her neck and creeping down her spine and out to every extremity. The fine hairs on her arms stood on end. "I'd... I'd never be able to be myself again? I'd just be a black unicorn until I died?" she repeated slowly, her expression horrified.

She thought about it. She could never talk to her friends again because she would have no speech. She could never live with people again, she'd be in the Dark Forest for the rest of her life. She could never study to find out all the things she wanted to know. She could never fall in love, never have familiar things around her, never have a career, never do any of the human things she enjoyed. She felt a bit sick at the thought.

"My dear, you must never contemplate doing this thing," Dumbledore said softly. "Not ever. It's not necessary. Voldemort can be defeated by other methods that would not involve such sacrifice."

"People are dying everyday because of Voldemort," Hermione said bitterly.

"Yes but in some ways, it is easier to die in the fight against evil than to make the kind of sacrifice we're talking about here. Especially when you are still so young and can be of so much use to the wizarding world in other ways. You will be more useful to us with your human nature intact," he said decisively.

"But if Voldemort is defeated, finally once and for all then there won't be need for smart witches and wizards in the fight against him. The whole wizarding community will be free," she argued.

Dumbledore shook his head slowly. "Trust me, my dear. There are better ways than that."

Hermione's head was spinning and she couldn't think straight. She had a feeling that what Dumbledore was saying was true in part but wasn't the whole truth. She couldn't put a finger on the gap in his logic however, with her head going around in circles. "I should go before Professor Snape knows I'm not in the house," Hermione said, putting down her teacup and plate. "Thank you for the chat and for tea," she added politely.

Dumbledore smiled at her in a fatherly way and waved good-bye as she stepped into the fireplace. "I have a feeling I shouldn't have told her my suspicions Fawkes," he said to his bird companion. The phoenix looked at him out of one firey eye and seemed to agree.

* * *

When Hermione got back, Snape was waiting for her. "Where have you been?" he demanded, as she stepped out of the fireplace.

Hermione was about to say 'none of your business' but she knew very well that he'd just turn around and remind her that is was his business as he was her guardian. She decided honesty would be the next most annoying thing to him. "I went to see Dumbledore," she said calmly.

"Why?" he insisted, beginning to pace. His flannette shirt billowed behind him the way his cloak had done before.

"I wanted to make sure I'd done the right thing last night," she sighed, going to flop down on the couch.

"Were you tattling to Dumbledore about my business?" he said nastily with a frown, glaring at her.

"Oh, like you weren't going to go and see him at the first opportunity yourself about it," Hermione said, deciding attack was the best line of defence.

"Yes, I was but that's none of your concern," he said coldly. Hermione decided to be an irritating teenager and merely rolled her eyes at him. It infuriated Snape not to be taken seriously. "What exactly did you discuss with him?" he asked, seeming to draw up to an even greater height, his dark eyes piercing as they pinned her to the couch.

Hermione was unmoved. He'd tried this routine on her too many times during her 7 years at Hogwarts for her to be impressed by it anymore.

"Actually, we talked about black unicorns," she said, deciding to drop that particular bomb sooner rather than later. The silence stretched between them as Snape felt an icy sensation creep up his spine. He had an awful foreboding about what Hermione would do with the information that Dumbledore would have given her, especially when she was still so young, head strong and idealistic.

"Really," he said in a quiet voice. Hermione knew he was more dangerous when he was quiet and she narrowed her eyes, waiting for whatever he was about to throw at her. "And what did he tell you about black unicorns?" he said, sitting down in a chair near her.

"More than you," she snapped, feeling annoyed.

"Which was?" he countered swiftly, refusing to let her de-rail him.

"He told me I could destroy Voldemort in my animagus form," she said bluntly, glaring at him. Snape wanted to swear viciously but he held his tongue. Hermione watched as his face darkened with some strong emotion and he got up with almost violent swiftness from his chair to pace rapidly up and down the room. He cursed Dumbledore mentally. The Head Master did not know Hermione as well as he now did. She was exactly the type to be a martyr for the cause, if she felt it was a genuine solution. "Why didn't you tell me? You knew first!" Hermione said accusingly.

He glanced at her forbiddingly from across the room. "I didn't tell you because you're an impulsive, idealistic, little fool!" Snape said harshly.

"And what's that supposed to mean?" she yelled back, her eyes narrowed.

"You are one of those insufferable Gryffindors who thinks they can save the world by being a bloody martyr, that's why. You're exactly the type of person who honestly believes in the ridiculous notion of heroism," he snapped viciously.

"I may not save the world but I can stop Voldemort," she said, suddenly very still.

"Oh, stop being so annoyingly self-sacrificing. There's no need for it and it doesn't impress me," he said flatly.

"Who's trying to impress you? It's not about you, believe or not. It's about a real solution to a real problem," she said evenly, her face tense.

Snape's jaw tightened. "Its all that time you spent with that bloody Potter, isn't it? He's filled your head with dreams of heroism and simple solutions," he spat.

"Why are you jealous of him?" Hermione asked with sudden insight.

Snape stared at her disbelievingly. "Jealous? Of Potter? You must be mad!" Snape said, barely able to get the words out.

"You know, he has saved the wizarding community from Voldemort on several occasions risking his own life to do it. He is a real hero and you hate it, don't you? Because if he's a hero, doing what he did then what does that make you having been a Death Eater?" she said mercilessly.

Snape felt as though she'd walked up to him and punched him in the face. He was furious. "You think everything is so straightforward and simple, don't you? Potter is good because he's defeated Voldemort and I'm bad because I once served him. Nothing is that simple, Hermione. Grow up. Potter does what he does because he wants revenge on Voldemort for killing his parents. I did what I did for my own good reasons. You can't judge whose reasons are the most noble out of the two of us," he spat.

"You're right, Professor. Nothing is that simple. Harry may want revenge on Voldemort but he also wants to stop him hurting anyone else. You say you had good reason for what you did but you also liked feeling better than the 'mudbloods', didn't you? Why don't you admit you're a nasty elitist?" Hermione spat right back. Snape was learning something else about Hermione. She was pitiless in an argument.

"You don't understand as much as you think you do, Hermione. You're still a child," he said, shaking his head. Hermione let the silence stretch between them so he could think about that last remark. Red crept over Snape's cheekbones as he realised he had just called the person he kissed so passionately two nights ago, a child. She certainly hadn't felt like a child when he'd held her against him and kissed her. The colour in his cheeks deepened and he deliberately squashed the thought.

"I want you to take me to the next Death Eater meeting," Hermione said slowly and clearly. Hermione wanted to spy on the Death Eaters. She reasoned that it may get to the stage eventually where her animagus ability to absorb evil may be the only solution in the fight against Voldemort and if things ever came to that, she wanted to know and have direct access to the deranged leader of the Death Eaters herself. Hermione was not the slightest bit interested in Snape's assignment regarding spying on the assembly, she had entirely her own reasons.

His dark eyes blazed to life. "No! Never! I'm not taking you to one of those... those... You're not a pureblood, Hermione. They'd kill you or far worse," Snape said sharply. His stomach turned to ice at the mere thought. He was startled at the fear that gripped him when he thought of Hermione being caught by a pack of Death Eaters.

"I meant using Harry's invisibility cloak," Hermione clarified, still utterly determined.

He was shaking his head. "No! No way. Not ever. Understand? Don't even think about it," he hissed, dark eyes blazing across the dimly lit room at her.

"Where is the danger if they can't see me?" she demanded petulantly, frustrated by his insistence.

"A million things could go wrong and you could be discovered, Hermione. Just forget about it. I don't want to hear you mention it again," he said with finality. Hermione snorted but said nothing further. She would make her own plans. "I'm going to see Dumbledore myself now," he said, taking some floo powder and throwing it in the fireplace. A second later, he was gone.

* * *

That night Snape lay in his bed and contemplated what Hermione had said about Potter. He had never thought of his hatred of Potter arising out of jealously but there had been enormous satisfaction in having the opportunity to kiss Hermione so thoroughly right in front of the little squit's face. He knew perfectly well that both Harry and Ron had had crushes on Hermione at different times during their Hogwarts years and that she had not dated either of them. In fact, he would bet that he got further with Hermione than either of them ever had. He knew Hermione had been asked out by several boys during her time at Hogwarts but had turned them all down, opting to concentrate on her studies. That didn't mean she hadn't enjoyed the odd snogging session with some boys in her year, he could tell from the way she responded to his kisses that she had been kissed before but he knew it had never gone any further than that into a real relationship. It made Snape feel quite smug. While he himself had only kissed her a couple of times, he doubted anyone had ever been given the opportunity to kiss her the way he had nor got the response that he had got. Snape's smirk grew even wider at the thought.

* * *

The very next night, Severus felt the familiar burning on his forearm and immediately pulled on his black robes and mask. He apparated to the place indicated in the last letter from the Death Eaters and waited for Voldemort to appear.

He was one in a crowd of around 200 people which was in sharp contrast to the thousands that used to be at these meetings. Their numbers were slowly swelling though.

Once everyone had arrived, Voldemort made his entrance looking more frighteningly vital than he had for years. As per usual, the meeting started with Voldemort's harangues regarding the necessity to weed out the mudbloods from amongst them. Snape didn't bother paying much attention until Voldemort mentioned something that made his blood run cold.

"There have been reports of a black unicorn in the Dark Forest," Voldemort was saying. "It has only been seen twice by our spies but the forest is being closely watched for another appearance of the creature. Some of you may not know that this creature is one of the few things now left on earth that can actually completely destroy me rather than merely weaken me. As such, it is imperative that this creature be caught and killed swiftly. It cannot be allowed to live! Anyone who brings me proof that this creature had been destroyed will be granted anything within my power to give with the exception of the leadership of the Death Eaters," he hissed.

Snape could feel sweat trickling down his sides inside his robes. He wanted to get back to Hermione and take her to the other side of the globe where Voldemort could not so easily get to her.

"Not much is know about the black unicorn because it is so rare," Voldemort was continuing. "So I cannot tell you how to destroy it but anyone who does accomplish this will have rewards beyond their dreams," he promised, his red eyes glowing in the half light. They were out in the open in a field, lit only by a full moon. It was not as safe as a location that they could lock themselves into but it was adequate because it was deserted and far from any town.

"Snape!" Voldemort suddenly hissed. "Where are you? Come forward." Snape came forward taking off his mask, hoping Voldemort could not smell his fear for Hermione on him. "I will charge you will this task as you are the most educated in our ranks and have the advantage of your animagus form. I want information on this creature at every meeting from now on. I want to know why it has suddenly appeared in this region, its habits, its powers and most importantly - I want to know how to destroy it. If you can bring me its body as proof of its death, I may even finally forgive you for your cowardly desertion from our ranks all those years ago," he sneered. "Lest you forget my wrath..." he said cruelly, lifting his wand, "Crucio!"

Even though Snape knew full well what was coming, it still knocked him to his knees and robbed him of his breath.

::::: * "They gaped upon me with their mouths, as a ravening and a roaring lion. I am poured out like water, and all my bones are out of joint: my heart is like wax; it is melted in the midst of my bowels. Â My strength is dried up like a potsherd; and my tongue cleaveth to my jaws; and thou hast brought me into the dust of death. Â For dogs have compassed me: the assembly of the wicked have inclosed me. Â I can count all my bones: they look and stare upon me. But be not thou far from me, haste thee to help me. Â Deliver my soul from the sword; my darling from the power of the dog. Â Save me from the lion's mouth: for thou hast heard me from the horns of the unicorns.":::::

It was morning before he knew where he was again and the Death Eaters had melted into the morning mist like ghosts. He was lying, soaked with dew on the heather covered ground. He could barely move from the after-effects of the Crucio curse. Every time he suffered under this curse, it was like dying but actual death would be preferable. He tried to roll over, off his face but he simply couldn't. The effort made him groan aloud in agony. Even crying would hurt too much to bear, so he lay there and simply breathed and waited until he could move again without the universe convulsing in pain.

It was late the next night before he made it back to the house. He fell straight into bed.

Hermione had suspected something was wrong when Snape was missing the entire day. It simply was not like him. She was worried but not overly, as Snape always looked the type who could take care of himself. When he was still not back that night, she got slightly more worried but still didn't contact Dumbledore. She promised herself that she would owl the Head Master if Snape was not back by morning.

Around midnight, she heard a crash downstairs. She immediately got up and went down to his rooms, assuming it was Snape and he'd done something to himself. Sure enough, Snape was there but he was lying across his bed fully clothed and filthy and damp. "Professor? Are you...?" She stopped herself. That was a silly question. Of course he was not alright. Snape was not the kind of person who came home late and dirty unless there had been trouble.

"Oh Professor.... What's happened to you this time?" she breathed softly to herself and looked at him closely. His eyes were open but glazed and once again, he had no injuries. She checked his breathing and pulse - both were normal. When she touched his skin, he groaned in obvious pain. Her eyes narrowed with recognition and suddenly she understood. "Cruciatus?" was all she said. He grunted in assent. "Okay, I'll be right back."

She went straight to Hogwarts using floo and brought Madame Pomfrey back with her, having explained what happened. Madame Pomfrey went straight to work while Hermione waited out in the sitting room area. Another long night, she predicted to herself.

* * *

Evening had fallen by the time Madame Pomfrey came out of Snape's room. Hermione took the nurse upstairs and gave her something to eat as she hadn't had a break all day.

"Is he going to be okay now?" Hermione asked, as she put a plate of food in front of the tired nurse. "I mean, is he still in pain?"

"No, he'll be fine now but he needs a good night's sleep." Madame Pomfrey replied taking a grateful sip of the wine Hermione had given her with her meal.

"Have you had to treat him often for this?" Hermione asked quietly, looking down at the table.

Madame Pomfrey smiled sadly at the downbent head of the former Hogwarts pupil. "Yes, my dear. On quite a regular basis."

A flash of anger swept across Hermione's face but was swiftly gone. "Surely, every time this happens it must take its toll?" she murmured through compressed lips.

"I'm afraid so. Each time it takes a little longer for him to respond to my treatment. Dumbledore is on the verge of taking him off the assignment but I think Snape would continue anyway," the nurse said with a sigh.

"Yes, he would," Hermione said flatly, without hesitation.

* * *

The nurse left Snape sleeping peacefully as she headed back to Hogwarts via floo with instructions to Hermione to make Snape rest as much as possible. As though I can make Snape do anything, Hermione thought in irritation.

The next morning Snape came upstairs for breakfast looking pale, the lines on his face cut deeper than before. Hermione's face darkened in anger when she saw how weak he looked. She wanted to kick something.

She stared at him broodingly as he ate his breakfast. He studiously ignored her gaze and read a wizarding newspaper as he ate his scrambled eggs and toast. Hermione just sat there and looked at him, daring him to break the silence. Finally, once he finished eating, he did.

"It's no good staring at me like that, Hermione. I told you I wasn't taking you to one of those death traps," he said with false mildness, folding the newspaper.

"You should have," she argued directly.

He looked up at her, his dark eyes sunken further into his face and ringed with violet shadows. "They know about you, Hermione. Do you know what was urgent about that meeting? Voldemort's spies told him about the appearance of a black unicorn in the Dark Forest. He knows that the black unicorn is one of the few things that can finally destroy him and he's determined to destroy it first!" he snarled at her, dark eyes flashing.

"Good," Hermione said simply. "Let him be afraid. You know what? He should be," Hermione said with narrowed eyes.

Snape felt apoplectic. "Do you understand nothing, after everything you've been told?" he barked, thumping the table with one hand in frustration. "Voldemort will totally destroy you!"

"He doesn't know how," Hermione said calmly.

Snape went still. That was true, he thought. "He will find out, Hermione! Of all people, Voldemort will find out. He's offered huge rewards to anyone who destroys the black unicorn. You will be hunted, in your animagus form. You must promise me not to transform ever again," he said in a low, barely controlled voice.

"I don't do it deliberately," Hermione explained with a shrug.

"What do you mean, you don't do it deliberately?" Snape asked, with a deep frown.

"I mean that I don't have complete control over it," Hermione said honestly.

Snape stared at her in horror. "What makes you think that?" he demanded.

"Well, although I had the potion the first time and chose the timing myself then I think that I was able to transform so easily because I felt very emotional at the time," Hermione explained, not very confidently. "It was almost like, being in a highly emotional state helped me do it or even caused it in some way or at least, caused an almost irresistible urge to transform."

Snape listened carefully, trying to piece together what she was saying. "Do you think you would have succeeded in transforming if you hadn't felt very emotional the first time?" he asked.

"Yes, because of the potion but the second time I was feeling... I don't know... suffocated and by my feelings... almost like they could erupt out of me like a volcano. I suspect that each time I feel overwhelmed like that I will transform spontaneously and I won't be able to stop it," Hermione said almost apologetically knowing she wasn't explaining it very well.

Snape looked appalled. He himself knew how strong the urge to transform was when under stress but by the time he had become an animagus, he was old enough to control his emotions and thus, also when he transformed. Obviously, Hermione still being so young and a teenager as well meant that she may not be able to control her emotions enough to stop herself transforming under stress. Snape wanted to swear violently. He felt sick with terror at the threat this new insight posed to his ward.

"If you feel stressed in future Hermione, you must lock yourself into a room and try and calm down," he ordered fearfully.

Hermione knew that that would be impossible. Even from the two times she had transformed, she knew that the urge would drive her out to the Dark Forest before she even did the transformation. As a black unicorn, she felt no fear and that was an irresistible temptation when she was under stress.

She reached out her hand across the table and took Snape's hand in hers. She didn't care if he didn't like it; they both needed the comfort. His hand was as cold as ice in her warm one. She ran her thumb over the back of his hand. For all he had been gardening, his hand was still milk white against her pale brown skin. "Don't get so worried!" she said firmly but comfortingly, looking him in the eye. His hand tightened on hers and they sat that way for a long time.

(*Psalms 22:13-21)