Thinking For Herself

Millicent Bulstrode never wanted her mother to come to see her catch the Hogwarts Express. Even at the age of 11 she'd been large enough to drag her trunk by herself. Simply being herself, chunky and plain, was bad enough, without her mother standing around on Platform Nine and Three Quarters twittering to the other mothers as well. The funny thing was, the other mothers accepted her, even Narcissa Malfoy. There had never been any hint that Stella and her daughter were different. Millicent could still remember the day Pansy had said, during a discussion on families in their second year, 'Well no-one knows your other grandparents because your mother's a half-blood'. The bottom had fallen out of her world as several other girls giggled.

Gregory Goyle, ever slow on the uptake, had laughed, "It's a good job Millicent's a pureblood."

Pansy had gone pale as Millicent's mouth set in a straight line. Even if Goyle couldn't work it out, everyone else could. Millicent was determined not to cry or run away. Pansy was rarely sorry for saying anything, but on this occasion she'd looked genuinely contrite. "I'm sorry, Millie," Pansy had said. "I can't believe you didn't know. Hasn't anyone ever told you?"

Millicent had taken a deep breath and said, "Oh, no problem, Pansy. I suppose it's not the sort of thing one talks about. So, what's this about your grandfather inventing a tougher cauldron?" At least, she thought, I'm not like Tracey Davis with her Muggle books and slang. Tracy had been marked out as non-Pureblood from the moment of her sorting, and things had been difficult for her.

It still haunted Millicent, even in her fifth year. She'd gone home in the Easter of her second year and really stared at her mother, trying to see signs of the Muggle blood. Their house, casually littered with magical items as if to say 'this is a wizard's house; no Muggle ever sets foot here', struck her as horribly overdone, the act of a woman who was trying too hard to ape her betters. Every time Millicent failed to learn a spell or messed up a potion, she blamed her mother. Every time she looked in the mirror she blamed her pretty mother for passing on the ugly Muggle blood that distorted her.

This year, Stella Bulstrode had finally let her daughter go to the station by herself. Millicent liked being alone, and didn't give her mother's change of heart any thought. She liked seeing different sorts of people and watching faces in the crowd, all the time knowing that she herself was just another passer-by and no one would think twice about her. She enjoyed the anonymity. As she hauled her trunk along, Puss in his cat-carrier on top, Millicent was nearly bowled over by a huge black dog, which bounded around her and barked what she took as an apology. She patted him and ruffled his ears playfully, then realised the dog must belong to Harry Potter or a friend of his, because they were all staring at her. Reluctantly she gave the dog a final pat and watched him bound off after his humans.

Pansy, Draco and Draco's parents had been watching her too. Her friends smiled indulgently; they knew how much she loved animals. Lucius Malfoy looked grimly after the dog. That's funny, thought Millicent; I never knew he disliked animals.

"Millie!" Pansy screamed with excitement. "I'm a prefect, look." She grabbed the front of her robes and waved the green-and-silver badge under Millicent's nose.

Millicent had already guessed that Pansy would be singled out for the honour. Pretty Pansy, Pureblood Pansy, and now Prefect Pansy. You could stack the Pansies up in your mind like little dolls along a shelf. Determined not to be mean about it, though, she put on a huge grin. "That's brilliant," she said, then, more honestly, "I knew you'd get it."

Pansy patted Millicent's arm. "I know you wanted it too - and, let's face it, you are the Rulemistress. I never met anyone else who knew so many regulations. Snape should have realised you'd do a better job..."

They looked at each other, not wanting to guess why Millicent hadn't been given the badge. "Ah, you're cleverer than me," Millicent said finally. "I'll need the extra revision time for my OWLs, and you can learn the school rules properly."

Pansy lowered her voice. "It'll give me a chance to get Draco away from his shadows," she confided. "Boys are so insensitive. You always leave me alone with Draco, but Crabbe and Goyle... They've got no tact. I'm so looking forward to having him to myself."

They boarded the train, leaving their trunks for the guards to load. Pansy grinned half-apologetically and skipped off to the Prefects' carriage, leaving Millicent to find other people to sit with. Millicent bumped into Eloise Midgen in the corridor, trying to disentangle her scarf from the strap of her handbag. "Hullo Millicent," Eloise said cheerily, tugging on the scarf. They were friends of a sort, having gone through a spate of swapping hair and makeup tips the previous year. "Your hair's got long."

"Well, as you said, short hair makes a round face rounder," Millicent told her. It was something they'd discussed the previous year. "However, long hair is a pain in the backside to care for. You never mentioned that"

"You'll get used to it. I see neither of us made prefect."

Millicent shrugged. She was still annoyed about that. "It gives us more time for studying, I suppose."

Eloise wrinkled her nose in disgust. It was considerably less spotty than it used to be. "More time for boys, I hope," she laughed, and turned to go back to a Hufflepuff-packed carriage.

Well, she's making up for lost time, Millicent thought. Everyone used to ignore her, but no one can miss her now. With Draco and Pansy gone, she wasn't sure where to sit on the train. She could sit with Crabbe and Goyle, but she wasn't sure she could cope with a whole day of grunting. Without Draco to tell them to shut up, they'd spend the whole journey swapping stories of their own stupidity and sniggering at one another. Daphne Greengrass and some of the other girls who also hung around with Pansy had a carriage, but Millicent knew from experience that without Pansy there to glare at them they'd make barbed comments that would upset her. Instead, she settled for a carriage full of first years. She knew they'd ask her lots of questions, but she was in the best house in the finest magical school in the world (in her opinion) and it would be easy to answer them.

Millicent caught up with Pansy and Draco at the horseless carriages, and squashed into a seat with Crabbe and Goyle. It was a very tight fit, and Goyle used this as an opportunity to 'forget' to move his hand when she sat down. Ever the lady, Millicent didn't say anything, she simply raised her bottom slightly, grabbed his fingers and bent them right back. "Do that again, Gregory," she said sweetly, "and I'll break them."

Draco clapped his approval. "Goyle, sometimes you disgust me.

"What's disgusting about Millicent?" Crabbe blurted.

"Nothing," Draco told him. "If Goyle wants to be a lecherous oaf, though, he should do it elsewhere, not around his friends - or to them."

Goyle looked unrepentant. When they reached Hogwarts and made it to the great hall, Millicent made very sure she sat between Pansy Parkinson and Tracey Davies.

"Oh, look at that sorry bunch," Draco said, sneering at the new first years as they marched in. "Can you believe we were ever that small?"

"I was," Millicent grimaced, "when I was seven."

"There are some pureblood families represented in this year's intake," Pansy commented. "We should get a couple of those, at least. Some of the half-bloods are okay, too."

"Better a half-blood than a blood traitor," Blaise Zabini muttered, from across the table.

Crabbe looked beyond the first years. "Who's that up there?" he asked. Draco looked at him approvingly. Vincent had finally learned to ask a question about a person without actually pointing at them so they knew they were being talked about.

"Dolores Umbridge," Draco said with some satisfaction. "Father knows her from the Ministry. It's a good job none of us will ever need to defend ourselves from Dark magic, because we're not going to learn how to do it this year. Father's seen the Ministry plans for her lessons, and they're awful."

"Oh no," Pansy said. "I'm not failing an exam. I couldn't."

"She's a useless teacher, but she's going to be very good for us," Draco assured her. "Just don't get on her wrong side."

Millicent raised her eyebrows at this. As long as you followed the school rules, how could you possibly get on a teacher's bad side?