Twenty-Twenty Hindsight

Chapter Six

As March wore on into April and the spring uniforms started being worn in favour of the heavier, warmer winter ones, more people started to notice changes in me. For one, I held on to the winter robes as long as possible. The skirts were longer, so they covered my battered legs where I would hit them when I fell; where he would kick me if I was on the ground. I didn't want to use too many glamours because I wasn't terribly good at them and they are known to have negative side effects if used too often.

Of course, I could hardly ask him to cast them for me. By that time, I was fully terrified of him becoming angry. It seemed that the smallest things sent him into a blind rage, and it was increasingly difficult for me to predict when that would happen. I was always on my guard; I didn't speak unless he asked me a direct question, and I barely spoke to anyone else, even when he wasn't with me.

One day, Cynna and Alexis decided that they'd had enough of my sidestepping their questions for the past few weeks. I had barely spoken to them, and they definitely noticed that my cheeks were hollowing out and my eyes looked drained of life. Even I had noticed the changes in my reflection. I tried to put more energy into my stride so that people wouldn't notice quite as much, but, being my two "best friends", Cynna and Alexis saw what others simply didn't: I was a completely different person.

It was after I had eaten lunch. I knew that Cynna had been watching me all through the meal, but I didn't eat more than my usual half roll, which I picked apart very slowly, putting tiny bits into my mouth at a time. I hardly even needed to chew because it took such small pieces off.

She and Alexis left the Great Hall a few moments after I did, and caught up with me on the third floor.

"Ginny!" Alexis called out as they raced up the stairs I had just finished climbing, taking my time so as not to get dizzy. "Ginny...wait...we need to talk to you..."

"About what?" I asked immediately, already knowing but not wanting to believe it.

"You and...him," Cynna answered.

"And the fact that you barely eat -"

"You never talk anymore -"

"You look dead on your feet!"

I sighed, wishing he would come along and whisk me away to somewhere I wouldn't be interrogated.

"Look, guys, I know you think there's something wrong, but it's nothing...really."

I could tell that they didn't believe a word I said.

"I'm just...just stressed. About OWLs. They're only a few weeks away, and I need to start studying big time for them, otherwise I'll fail every single one."

They didn't look entirely skeptical about my excuse; they were each just as worried about the fifth year examinations. What they didn't know was that I had been studying for weeks; I would sit in my bed at night, unable to sleep, and go through my notes in the hopes that they would bore me enough to drift off. Often, I had no such luck and only slept an hour or two. But if I stopped studying that very day, I would still ace all my subjects.

They still eyed me a little suspiciously, but if they were going to continue their supposed "intervention", they never got the chance because my wish was granted and he strolled up behind them, a little smile on his face.

"Chatting with your girl friends, I see," he said as he walked around them and put his arm around my waist.

"Uh, yeah...just talking about OWLs, actually," I said, smiling up at him. He was putting on a good face for them, so I followed his lead.

"Oh, yes...those were fun. That is, if you enjoy torture," he said, laughing a little too forcefully for my liking. Already, I could tell that he wasn't happy. But I didn't understand why, and that scared me more than the prospect of being beaten.

Cynna and Alexis laughed along with him, and I smiled brightly, hoping it looked natural. He said there was something he wanted to show me by the lake, so I told Cynna and Alexis I would see them in potions after lunch and followed him back down to the main floor.

Of course, there was nothing by the lake for him to show me, and he led me into the dungeons and to his room, where he sealed the door. This time he only used two charms, so I knew it wouldn't be that bad.

The second he was finished with the charms, he turned to face me, his eyes dark.

"What did they ask you?"

"They..." I wasn't sure what to say. If he knew that they were growing curious about our relationship, he might be more angry than if I told an outright lie. I couldn't decide what to say.

"It wasn't about OWLs, so don't bother lying," he said. I was shocked at his tone of voice: he sounded...almost...weary.

"Uh...they were wondering why I've changed so much, to sum up."

"And?"

"I said I was stressed because of OWLs."

I hoped that his weariness wasn't an act. How foolish I was almost surpasses my comprehension.

"That is...possibly...the most ridiculously transparent excuse I have ever heard in my entire life!" he yelled at me, taking two long strides towards me.

"I - I'm sorry..." I stammered, not sure what to do to avoid a really painful injury.

"You're sorry? You're sorry. Well, 'sorry' doesn't cut it! Instead of being 'sorry' about being stupid and useless at something, why don't you get better at it? You've certainly managed to improve your ability to get me really fucking pissed off over the past few months, Ginny! I'm sure you can find the capacity within that miniscule brain of yours to come up with half-believable lies once in a while!"

I was hoping against hope that I would get off with a mere rant. I could take emotional abuse far better than physical abuse. Emotional abuse doesn't leave physical marks or injuries; it's easy enough to just pretend it didn't happen. But when you've got scrapes on your knees and elbows from being thrown onto concrete floors a few times a week, it's pretty hard to pretend that it never happened.

But I was wrong again; he grabbed my shoulders and, as had become his custom, he threw me onto the floor. The old scrapes on my knees opened up again as I ground against the rough stone, and I got painful scrapes on the palms of my hands from trying to break my fall.

This didn't help matters; since I'd allowed my reflexes to prevent me from injuring myself fully during the fall, he started to kick me. I took several strong blows to the stomach, two to the ribs, and one especially painful kick to the back. To this day, I'm surprised I wasn't paralyzed.

He knelt down next to me, then, and lifted my head up by grabbing a handful of my hair. He whispered into my ear, "And don't forget...I love you, you stupid, useless slut," before slamming my head down on the floor and leaving the room for his next class.