Upside Down - Round and Round

Harry woke up and realised it was all a dream... oh no... wait.... Not a dream just wishful thinking

"AAAAAARGH!"

"AAAAAARGH!" Ron leapt up out of bed
"What is it? What happened? Where's the bomb?"

"In my pants!"

"In your what?"

"My pants! Thinking downstairs! Locked the attic! Loaf of bread and two buns!" forget the puns, today, was Harry's day of bad metaphors

"You got Hermione pregnant??"

This was enough to make Harry pause in even greater horror

"Oh man I hope not."

"YOU SLEPT WITH HERMIONE?! No fair!"

Harry shook his head, no he didn't sleep with Hermione, there was no way she could possibly be pregnant with his child unless of course she had used artificial insemination, but then he'd never donated sperm, or she might've... no way.... Nasty thought...

"She wouldn't do that while I was sleeping would she???" No, let's not go there.

"Whoa Harry dude, let's not go there."

"Good idea."

"So what, you just have a wet dream or something? That's okay, we have house elves."

Harry felt like hitting Ron in the head- didn't he understand??? He'd snogged Draco Malfoy! Oh that's right... he didn't know... hmmm...

"Things are looking up Ron."

"Did you mean that as a pun?"

"No, that was yesterday."

"Oh okay.... So you're alright now?"

"Yes, I believe I am."

"Great, let's go eat."

Harry was about to follow when he realised he was wearing teddy bear pyjamas (they had been Dudley's at one point but Dudley had been getting nightmares about them so they were handed to Harry).

"I'll meet you down there Ron, I need to change."

Ron shrugged, "Suit yourself, I'm just sticking my robes over mine." That said, Ron picked up Dean Thomas' robe (which for some reason was under Neville's bed), chucked it on over his head and sauntered out of the room in his fluffy pink dinosaur slippers.

Harry, having worked out that the problem of Ron not knowing about the unmentionable was not indeed a problem at all went into the bathroom to sort out the problem that Draco Malfoy knew and so, therefore resulting in the possible problem of the whole school knowing. Not only was today a day of metaphors, but a day of problems too. Harry stared at his reflection,

"I have a problem."

His reflection stared back and unhelpfully picked its nose.

Sighing, Harry went and stood in the shower only remembering after he had turned on the water to take his Pyjamas off. After watching the pink and blue dye of the teddy bears mix into one another to create a passable poo coloured purple he turned his attention to the shower head which was down so low it was bashing him in the head every time he moved.

Harry looked up.

Dobby looked down.

Harry screamed.

Dobby fell off the shower head.

"DOBBY!"

"Mr. Harry Potter sir! Dobby is sorry for scaring the great and noble if a little sexually deranged Mr. Harry Potter sir!"

Harry scrambled out of the shower and grabbed a towel to wrap around his waist, Dobby may have only been a house elf but he sure as hell didn't want to make a point of parading around naked in front of him.

"I'm naked!"

"Dobby is glad you wasn't last night sir!"

Harry was getting really annoyed with hearing Dobby's name all the time, it wasn't that great, actually it was a pretty annoying name.

"Refer to yourself in the first person damnit!"

Then a very nasty realisation managed to seep into his left ear. Before the realisation could go floating out of the other ear Harry spoke

"What do you mean last night? And who are you to call me sexually deranged?! Pervey house elf!"

"Dobby..." Dobby stopped at Harry's attempt at a growl

"Grr argh ack!"

" I mean, I is only coming to warn you sir! I is seeing you last night!"

Horror briefly flitted through Harry's mind before reality set in

"Well that's okay, I'll just order you not to mention it to anyone."

Dobby cringed "Ah yes sir, but I is not the problem..."

"You're not?"

"No sir... see sir, Peeves... he was... well he was there sir."

"There? Where there? There as in there, the where, where I was there?"

Dobby took a while to process this.

"Yes sir. You and nasty Malfoy boy sir."

Harry's bottom jaw made its best effort to launch itself to the floor, only to be kept up by muscle, skin and other bone, all in all it was quite a pointless effort.

"Yes sir. I is not liking you very much now sir. You is kissing evil incarnate."

"Peeves knows?"

"Yes sir, and I is not liking you sir."

Thank the lord for small mercies thought Harry, no more Dobby in the shower stalls then, but oh no....

"Peeves knows?"

"Yes sir."

Harry's screams could be heard reverberating right down into Moaning Myrtle's bathroom. In turn, Myrtle, decided to flood the toilets in a tribute to the anguished sound.