Stolen Time

Canis Major

He remembered standing next to Harry, side-by-side, curses and hexes flying off the tips of their wands. He remembered battling Bellatrix, his mad cousin. He laughed because he was free of the house, filled with a glee he didn't know he possessed. For the first time since he'd escaped from Azkaban, Sirius truly felt free. He knew he shouldn't have come to the Ministry, but he couldn't sit at home any longer, while others fought the good fight. He remembered yelling at Harry... Nice one, he'd said. He'd had to stop himself from calling Harry "James". He'd done that quite a bit before, too: nearly slipping and calling Harry by his father's name. It made Sirius wonder if he was descending into madness. It didn't make much sense. Harry was nothing like James. Sure, he looked like him. But where James had been smugly self-confident, and a bit egotistic, Harry was almost his polar opposite in personality. Sirius had noticed it the year he'd spent in hiding on the grounds of the school. Harry wasn't quite what Sirius would call aloof, but he was rather hesitant with his affections, but once they were given, Harry fiercely protected those he chose to love and cherish.

He remembered throwing his head back and laughing. Careless... Taunting Bellatrix, knowing it would enrage her. She'd never had the best temper. Laughing until her curse hit him squarely in the chest. He'd had a spare moment to register it with shock.

And then a strange sensation of falling backwards and never once hitting the ground. Why don't I land on the ground? he wondered.

Falling, falling... Eternal falling.

Until he sat up with a gasp in what seemed to be his old flat in London. He stumbled outside, even more bemused because he walked into a fog-shrouded clearing instead of the bustle of London. He'd collapsed then, and retreated into unconsciousness.

James stood in a swiftly-moving river, skipping stones idly in the bright sunlight. 'Ever have regrets, Pads?'

Sirius slowly opened his eyes. Where the bloody hell am I? 'James?' he croaked. There was a splash and cool water stippled his body.

'Well, who else?' James said with slight impatience. 'D'you ever have regrets?' he repeated.

'Sometimes,' Sirius allowed, carefully sitting up, waiting for his head to fall off. I must be dreaming... Yeah, that's it... I indulged in too much drink last night...

'We should have kept you as the Secret-Keeper,' James mused. 'I should have listened to Lily. She never trusted that rat, anyway.' There was the sound of rippling water, and James stepped onto the grassy riverbank. His trousers were rolled up to his knees, exposing his pale legs, liberally dusted with black hair. 'Maybe if we had gone through with it, the way things were originally planned, we might have been able to raise Harry ourselves.'

'Why did you do that?' Sirius wondered.

James sighed. 'You were the easy choice. That made you dangerous.'

'I wouldn't have told,' Sirius said mulishly. 'Not even under an Imperious or a Cruciatus.'

'I know,' James said quietly. 'One day...' he growled.

'What?'

'One day, I'm going to get my hands on that rat-faced git and beat him into a bloody pulp.'

Sirius didn't miss the steely undercurrent in his friend's voice. He had never heard it in James' voice before... Not until they found out Lily was pregnant. And then all the time once Harry was born and they went into hiding...

He took a deep breath. 'I regret...' The breath slowly blew out. 'I regret going after Peter. Because I left Harry alone.' He glanced at James, sitting cross-legged next to him. 'Am I dreaming?'

In reply, James reached out and savagely pinched Sirius' nipple through the material of his shirt.

'Ow!' Sirius yelled, sitting up, and slapping James hand away, rubbing the offended bit of skin. 'That hurt!'

'It was supposed to,' James said diffidently.

'Guess I'm not dreaming, then,' Sirius mumbled, still trying to rub the sting away from his chest. 'I'm dead, aren't I?' he asked hesitantly.

James nodded.

'Well, then...' Sirius stared at the glittering water. 'I regret never telling...' He paused. 'Remus...' he said in low, choked voice.

'What? That you're...' James snorted in amusement. 'We knew. Just like you and I knew that he was a werewolf when we were twelve, Remus and I knew about you when we were thirteen.'

'Did it... bother... you?'

James shook his head. 'Nah. Didn't change you, you swotty wanker.'

'I can feel the love...' Sirius muttered sarcastically. 'No, I regret not telling Remus...'

'He knew,' James interrupted.

'Oh...' Sirius said weakly. 'I know he didn't reciprocate... And never would.'

'I know.' James looked at his bare toes for a long moment, tactfully allowing Sirius a moment to collect himself. 'Snivellus...' he finally sighed.

'What about him?' Sirius said sharply.

James made a small gesture with a hand. 'Do you ever... regret...?'

Sirius flopped back down to the grass and watched fat, fluffy clouds float across the clear blue sky. 'I don't know...' he replied stiffly.

James peered down at Sirius. He supposed Sirius hadn't had the opportunity to observe like he had. 'I do,' he said simply. 'Doesn't mean I like the slimy git,' he added quickly. 'But still...'

Sirius said nothing, keeping his gaze on the clouds overhead.

xxxxxx

Lamentations

There were times when Sirius felt like a fifth wheel. And there were only three of them.

James was off with Lily, almost obsessively watching over Harry, and Sirius was left to his own devices. He found a small, isolated clearing and flung himself to the ground, covering his eyes with a forearm, baking in the bright sunlight. He lay in artless repose, drifting in and out of awareness, nearly unmoving until he felt a cool shadow slant over his face. Scowling, Sirius pulled his arm away from his face and squinted at the face looming over him. 'You did not age well,' the figure chortled, folding himself down next to Sirius. Gideon shook his bright red hair away from his eyes and stretched out on the warm grass, head turned slightly to gaze at his erstwhile friend.

'Twelve years of Azkaban will do that,' Sirius said sourly.

Gideon's eyes closed slowly. 'I know,' he said simply.

'No lecture?' Sirius snorted. 'Nothing about how I'm too hot-headed and I don't think about anyone else but myself? Going to needle me about my immaturity?'

'I'm not Molly,' Gideon sighed.

'Just as well you weren't there,' Sirius continued. 'One less person to let down or disappoint.'

Gideon rolled over onto his side and propped his head up on a hand, his elbow resting on the ground. 'You never let me down.'

'Ooooh!' Sirius drawled caustically. 'I didn't let down the one person who didn't expect anything of me.'

'Touché,' Gideon murmured.

Sirius felt his chin tremble and to his dismay, he began to cry. Gideon slid an arm under Sirius' shoulders and drew him closer. Sirius turned his face into Gideon's shoulder, lamenting his failures.

xxxxxx

Confrontation

Before James Potter became a father, he would have been the first to admit he was something of a selfish git. But the day she told him they were expecting a child, everything changed.

It wasn't that he wouldn't do everything in his power to protect Lily, Sirius, or Remus (and he would grudgingly put a Shield charm up between Peter and whatever creature felt he was a tasty snack), but he knew they could help themselves.

But a baby...?

Babies were helpless, defenseless beings, who needed selfless protection.

James had known the first time he'd felt Harry kick, that he would do anything to protect this child, even throw himself in front of Unforgivable, if it meant Harry would survive. He knew on that fateful night, when Voldemort had blasted through the door of their house that he would die, if it meant his son would live.

So when he realized Remus had abandoned his pregnant wife, James was more than a bit baffled. Nothing short of death would have made him leave Lily when she was carrying Harry.

As much as James longed to confront Remus about it, he didn't think he'd have the opportunity to do it so soon.

He waited what he felt was an appropriate amount of time to allow Remus to adjust to his new state of affairs, then fired his first salvo.

It wasn't hard to find Remus. After so many years of being terrified of a full moon, he now spent hours gazing at it, when the opportunity arose. So James waited, lurking in the darkness until Remus' young wife made her way into the small cottage they shared. James wound his way through the clearing and dropped to the ground next to Remus. 'Moony,' he murmured.

'Prongsie...' Remus waited expectantly for James to continue.

'There's something I don't understand,' James began. 'Why would you leave Tonks and your unborn child?'

'Of course you don't,' Remus retorted. 'You're not a werewolf. You weren't more dangerous than what we were fighting,' he said firmly. 'You didn't know if your child was going to be a werewolf, if he wasn't going to rip and maim his own mother from the inside out,' he said tightly. 'So, no... I couldn't stay there and watch that happen. Watch the only woman I've ever allowed myself to love die because of me. Not because Death Eaters would go after her for marrying me. But because what I am could have infected our child. Something we created during a respite from all the pain and suffering would be the cause of more pain and suffering. You tell me, James... You tell me how I was supposed to have stayed.'

James looked at Remus for a long moment. 'But didn't you cause just as much pain by leaving?'

'I went back,' Remus protested weakly.

'But how much time did you lose? How much time did you lose by being afraid of your own life?' James ran a hand over his hair. 'You know, I never believed you were a coward,' he said conversationally. 'I just thought you didn't like confrontation, and you would just deal with the consequences later. But you took the easy way out on that one, mate.'

James pushed himself to his feet and walked away.