I Know Him

I Know Him

Nothing is so good it lasts eternally;

Perfect situations must go wrong,

But this has never yet prevented me

Wanting far too much for far too long.

Ginny Weasley gave up on sleep at last and got quietly up from her bed at the Burrow, her family home. She was careful not to awaken her roommate, Hermione Granger, who was sleeping peacefully in the spare bed beside her. Ginny sent the older girl an envious glance before moving toward the open window to look out at the starry sky.

Ginny had not slept well all summer, but tonight was worse. Her thoughts and emotions chased each other endlessly through her mind, despite all efforts to quiet them. She always came back to that day, several weeks before, when Harry Potter had told her they couldn't see each other anymore. At some level, she had known that the sunny weeks they'd shared wouldn't last, but that didn't stop her from hoping. Even now, she hoped he would come to his senses and return to her.

In fact, though, it made little difference. Ron and Hermione were being very close-lipped, but Ginny got the impression that there was some kind of quest Harry had set himself, probably related to defeating the evil wizard Voldemort. This meant that Harry would have to leave Ginny regardless of whether they were still a couple or not. Ron and Hermione were going with him, but they were legally of age, and Ginny, who had not even reached her 16^th birthday, was not.

Looking back, I could have played it differently,

Learned a little more before I fell,

But it took time to understand the man.

Now, at least I know I know him well.

Ginny looked back over the past six years, from the time she had first seen the boy with the lightning-shaped scar on the train platform at King's Cross. She had developed a hero-worshiping crush on him during the course of that year, not at all cured by his rescuing her from the Chamber of Secrets the year following. After that, though, the schoolgirl crush had begun to fade, and she wondered if there had been a moment where she could have gone a different direction.

But no, she had already tried for two years to move on. The more she had learned about Harry, though, and as she quietly (and more recently, not so quietly) watched him grow from a boy into a man, she had only grown to like him more. As Ginny reflected, she determined that she had probably been irretrievably in love with him long before she recognized an opportunity to turn back. Perhaps it wouldn't have been possible in any case.

Wasn't it good? (oh so good)

Wasn't he fine? (oh so fine)

Isn't it madness he can't be mine?

But in the end, he needs a little bit more than me, more:

Security (he needs his fantasy and freedom),

I know him so well.

Ginny glanced over at the clock on the wall. It was 11:30 on July 30. Harry would be 17 in just half an hour, legally of age in their world and able to do magic whenever he liked. One of the reasons she could not sleep was because she expected him to come and stay with them. Bill and Fleur were getting married in a few days, and Ron had indicated that Harry still planned to come. Having some idea of what Harry's Muggle relations, the Dursleys, were like, she doubted he would wait until morning to leave them.

Ginny both longed to see him and feared his brief stay. She knew it would be torture to have him so close but not be able to approach him. Besides, she needed to decide what she was going to do after he left. She'd been putting off the decision until she saw him one more time. She certainly couldn't see herself dating anyone, now. Having experienced that slice of heaven with Harry, trying to be with anyone else would just be a lie. Although she had cared for both Dean and Michael and had certainly enjoyed the companionship, she had secretly known that neither of them would be right for her in the end.

Ginny's mouth twisted into a grimace as she reflected on the irony that it was Harry, whom she had only dated for a few weeks, whom she felt she knew thoroughly. Even though they were apart, she could still feel their closeness somehow. She could almost predict everything he was going to do or say before it happened. It frightened her, in a way, because Voldemort could use that to his advantage if he did manage to get hold of her again.

It was because of this special knowledge that she understood that Harry had a destiny to pursue, and that Ginny could not be part of his life until that destiny had been fulfilled. She glanced over at the copies of The Daily Prophet, touting him as The Chosen One. Whether that was true or not, and she privately suspected it was, Ginny recognized that Harry felt a duty to fight Voldemort for many reasons. He would not really be able to live until Voldemort was defeated.

No one in your life is with you constantly;

No one is completely on your side.

And though I'd move my world to be with him,

Still the gap between us is too wide.

Bitterly, Ginny realized that much of her life had been defined by people leaving her, from her brothers going off to school, one or two at a time; to the deaths of Sirius Black and Albus Dumbledore; to Harry breaking up with her; to the upcoming departure of Harry, Ron, and Hermione to parts unknown.

Ginny would have moved heaven and earth to aid them, to be with Harry, but Ginny knew he would not allow it. If only she were a little holder, he could not have prevented her. Never in Ginny's memory had the 17 months that separated her and her nearest brother seemed like such a gigantic chasm.

She supposed she could run away, but that would probably do no good. She'd have to wait a while before revealing herself to the three friends so they wouldn't send her back, so she'd either have to follow very carefully or figure out where they were going ahead of time. Besides, her parents would come after her, which would just put them in danger. Ginny bit her lip and pounded her knee in frustration. It simply didn't suit her to sit around and do nothing.

Looking back I could have played it differently,

(looking back, I could have played things some other way)

Won a few more moments, who can tell?

(I was just a little careless, maybe)

But I was ever so much younger then,

Now, at least I know I know him well.

Still, maybe there was a way she could help. There was a small part of her mind that she normally kept closed, the part holding the memories of her first year at Hogwarts. There were things there, exchanges with Tom Riddle, the boy who later became Voldemort. She knew, though she doubted anyone else did, that she still carried an imprint of some of his thoughts, like an afterimage from a bright light. Perhaps, if she opened that, delved into the memories, she could eventually find something of use.

That could wait, though. She looked back at the sky, wondering how and when Harry would arrive. Ginny sighed, sinking back into memories once more. Could she have refused him instead, saved herself this pain? Putting her fingers to her lips, though, Ginny knew that, from the moment he'd kissed her in the common room, she couldn't have turned him down.

On the other hand, what if she had broken up with Dean sooner? Could she and Harry have had more time together? Or even years before, if she'd found her courage and come out of her shell earlier, would he have noticed her and forgotten about Cho? Or if she had not agreed to go to the Yule Ball with Neville?

But these were pointless reflections, and Ginny knew it. She had made the best decisions she could based on what she knew at the time. No one, not even Ginny herself, could ask anything more.

Wasn't it good? (oh so good)

Wasn't he fine? (oh so fine)

Isn't it madness he won't be mine?

Didn't I know how it would go?

If I knew from the start,

Why am I falling apart?

After a while, Ginny lost track of the time. She was staring blankly out of the window when she thought she saw a speck in the distance, growing larger. Her heart began to race as she unlocked the window and threw it open. Sure enough, as the speck grew closer, it resolved itself into Harry, riding his broomstick. Unable to control herself, she waved to him. He tucked himself close to his broomstick and flew into the window as Ginny stepped out of the way. He quickly dismounted, went over to her, and kissed her.

Ginny focused on the moment, imprinting every sensation on her brain. She knew this would probably be the last time they would do this, and she was determined to enjoy it. When he released her, they were both breathless. Ginny gestured silently at the still-sleeping Hermione, and Harry nodded.

"I never imagined how hard it would be. I probably shouldn't be here now, but..." Harry trailed off, then continued. "I have something to give you. I know your birthday's coming up, and this might be my only chance."

Harry pulled something gold out of his pocket. Ginny took it and turned it over in her hands. It was a plain gold locket. She opened it. There was a folded piece of parchment inside, but Harry grasped her hand to stop her from opening it.

"That's a letter from me," he told her. "Please, don't read it until I've left."

Ginny nodded and set it, for the moment, on her bedside table.

"I have something for your birthday, too," she said, going over to her dresser and pulling out a small box. "I didn't know if I'd be able to give it to you, but I wanted to be prepared."

Harry opened the box and brought out the silver ring it contained. Ginny knew, because she had spent so much time gazing at it over the last two weeks, that the round image etched into the metal was a long, furry animal, curved sinuously around itself with a ruby as its one visible eye.

"It's one of Fred & George's Shield Charm rings," she explained. "I had them make it special. Happy birthday."

"What animal is that?" Harry asked, placing the ring on his right hand.

"It's a mongoose, a weasel-like animal known for killing snakes," she replied. Harry raised his eyes to hers, and she could see in a moment that he understood. The mongoose represented both of them, in different ways. She was trying to tell him that they were stronger together than apart.

Harry looked down and shook his head slightly, as Ginny had known he would. When he lifted his gaze to her again, she saw in his eyes the powerful love and admiration he felt for her. Ginny's throat constricted, but she bit her lips, refusing to cry in front of him. She had always known it would come to this; she had to be strong for him.

Both unable to speak, they moved together for one more, fierce kiss, clinging to one another desperately. Then Harry released Ginny, gave her one final look, and rode his broom back outside. Only after seeing him land in the garden did Ginny allow herself to finally collapse on her bed. Hearing movement nearby, she looked up to see Hermione propped on her elbow, looking at Ginny with sympathy. Ginny shrugged, knowing there was nothing either of them could say.

Wasn't it good (oh so good)

Wasn't he fine (oh so fine)

Isn't it madness he can't be mine?

But in the end, he needs a little bit more than me, more:

Security (he needs his fantasy and freedom)

I know him so well.

During the next few days, Ginny threw herself into wedding preparations and events. She tried not to look at Harry and sensed that he was trying not to look at her. Hermione sometimes kept her company in understanding, allowing Ron and Harry to spend time together.

When the wedding was over, Harry stayed one more night. The following morning, he, Ron, and Hermione all took their leave, with Ginny's mum fussing over them and crying a great deal. Ginny kept her composure with great difficulty. When they had gone, the house felt emptier than Ginny had ever known it, even more so than that lonely year after Ron had first gone away to school.

She ran immediately to her room and opened the locket. She had thought of waiting until her birthday, but her curiosity was too much for her. She quickly unfolded the letter and read it.

Dear Ginny:

I want you to know that I love you. I've never felt this way before, and it's amazing. I probably shouldn't be writing this down, but I couldn't leave without making sure you knew.

There are things I have to do. There is a chance I won't survive. I can't ask you to wait for me. I only ask that you keep this locket and letter safe, and yourself with them. If I can, I will return and explain everything.

Love always,

Harry

Ginny saw wet spots on the parchment even before she was finished reading, and it took her a few moments to realize they were from her tears. She re-read it more than once, trying to keep it from smudging further. She then folded the letter gently and continued to cry, unaware of the time that was passing. When she finally cried herself out, she wiped her face on the quilt on her bed, folded the letter, and placed it back into the locket. Pale but determined, she fastened the chain of the locket around her neck, knowing that she would not take it off until Harry came back. She refused to consider the thought that he would not. At last, hiding the locket beneath her clothing, she opened the door to her room, feeling much older, sadder, and wiser than she had been when she had entered it. Taking a deep breath, she stepped over the threshold, prepared to face whatever challenges lay ahead.

It took time to understand him.

I know him so well.