I Was a Teenage Werewolf Lover

I first met Professor Remus Lupin when I was 13 years old. I wasn't what you might call brave then, or smart. But Professor Lupin thought I was.

You probably know what happened the first time Professor Lupin taught me. But what you probably don't know is that a few weeks later he asked me to have tea with him in his office. And then he asked me back next week. And every week after that for the rest of the year, actually.

"Neville, why are you afraid of Professor Snape?" he asked on my second visit.

I thought about it for a moment. "I'm horrible at potions."

"So'm I. I was never afraid of my potions master, though," Lupin calmly filled my cup. "Biscuit?"

I took one. "I blow things up and melt my cauldron. He's told me a million times that I'm an idiot and..." I stopped, staring into my cup.

"You believe it." Lupin's voice was quiet.

I nodded. He was looking at me with his head tilted to one side, as though he were analysing me.

"You're not," he said after a lengthy pause. "I can tell."

I couldn't really think of anything to say, so I stammered, "How could you tell something like that?"

"Idiots never realise that that's what they are," said Professor Lupin, taking another sip of his tea. "Besides, I've been watching you. You act like an intelligent boy. An intelligent boy with low self-esteem."

I wasn't convinced, but I decided not to object. When someone compliments you it's bad form to argue, that's what Gran always says. So I didn't.

Professor Lupin kept telling me that I was worth more than I thought, that one day I was going to realise that I wasn't an idiot, and stuff of the kind.

I worshipped him. How could I not? He helped me to face my fears, he believed in me when nobody did, and he never rebuked me. For me he was an angel in human form. Well, until I walked in on him on full moon....

He had invited me for tea that week, so I walked into his office at 5:00 as usual. And lying on the floor was an enormous wolf. I froze for a moment, shocked and confused, and then turned and ran. I didn't even know what I was doing until afterwards.

I didn't see him again for a few days. At the end of the next Defence Against the Dark Arts class, though, he called me up to his desk.

"You saw," he said briefly.

I nodded, slightly frightened by his tone.

"Did you tell anyone?"

I shook my head.

"Are you going to tell anyone?"

I shook my head again. He relaxed slightly.

"And you'll come to tea this week?"

I blinked. "You're not angry?"

He shook his head. "No. I would rather have told you first, but it's my own fault that you learnt the way you did. I should have remembered."

I hesitated. "Er... does Professor Dumbledore know?"

"Yes."

I relaxed. If Dumbledore allowed Lupin to teach, it probably meant that I was fine with Lupin.

"So you'll come?" he asked, sounding anxious.

"I'll come," I responded.

That Friday, we had a long talk about lycanthropy. I learnt that that's what it's called. I also learnt about Wolfsbane Potion, and how hard it is for werewolves to find jobs, and that silver burns them if they touch it. I learnt how werewolves can't control themselves on full moon, and that they can hurt themselves if nobody else is available. I felt sorry for him - I know how it is to be afraid of hurting people by accident.

Over the course of the year I got to be very fond of him, so I was shocked when Draco Malfoy told me, in a gloating tone, that Professor Lupin had resigned.

"WHAT?" I said, horrified.

"Well, hate to break it to you, Longbottom," said Malfoy in that infuriating drawl of his, "but he's a werewolf. And if you know what those are, you'll see-"

"I know what werewolves are!" I said, furious. "Who cares if he's one?"

"Most people do," Malfoy said, coolly. "You ask your granny if she wants you hanging around a werewolf...."

I didn't answer. I just turned and ran up to Lupin's office.

"Professor Lupin, Malfoy said you're leaving, it's not true, is it?" I said, breathless.

He emptied a drawer in his desk and dumped the contents into a bag before turning. "Oh, hullo, Neville. Yes, I'm afraid I've resigned -"

"Why?" I demanded.

He smiled, looking tired. "Professor Snape was... not happy about what happened last night. Sirius Black escaping again and all... so he decided to tell the students about my... disease."

"You're leaving because of that?" I said, incredulous. "But who cares if you're a werewolf? You're still the best Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher we've had yet!"

"Ah, actually, Neville, quite a few people do care," said Professor Lupin mildly. "Parents, for example. Your gran, probably. And there's a good reason - I haven't hurt anyone yet, but accidents happen. It's better for everyone if I leave."

"What about me, though?" I begged. "I need you! How'm I ever supposed to learn to be brave without you?"

This got a laugh. "Neville, I can't give you courage. Nobody can, except you. One day you'll find your bravery. Just... remember that I believe in you, okay? That's all I can do to help you."

I fought back tears. "Don't leave, please...."

He shook his head. "I'm sorry, Neville. I'll see you again, I promise you." He pulled me against him and pressed a quick kiss to the top of my head. "But for now, I have to go."

I left, now crying. I passed Malfoy, trying to ignore his triumphant smirk. I have no clear idea of how I got into Gryffindor tower, but I got there somehow and collapsed on my bed.

I lay there and cried until it was time to leave.

The next time I saw Professor Lupin was at the end of my fifth year. You know what happened to Harry in the Ministry of Magic, but you probably don't know what passed between Professor Lupin and me there, after Harry had left.

I saw Bellatrix Lestrange running away, and Harry starting to chase her. I started to run after them, but a hand caught my arm and pulled me behind a pillar.

"Don't be an idiot, Neville," said Lupin's voice in my ear.

"I'b dod ad idiod!" I snarled. "Led be go, I've god do go and-"

"If you're not an idiot you'll see that you're in no condition to fight her!" snapped Lupin. "You're only 15, and your nose is broken, and she's an experienced fighter. So stay here and-"
"You led Harry go!" I protested, struggling.

"I didn't stop him in time," Lupin corrected. "I may be able to stop you from getting killed here, though."

"Bud she'll ged away!"

"And you can find her again when you're ready," he said firmly.

"Two years ago I was goig to gaid gourage lader," I said, pulling away again. "Dow I'b goig do hab do waid logger do use id."

Lupin sighed and tapped my nose with his wand. Almost immediately the pain stopped.

"Neville, patience is useful sometimes."

"I don't want to be patient, I want to avenge my parents!"

"And there's more to life than vengeance. It's a beautiful world, and even if you lose someone you love..." he gulped, glancing at the veil, "there's much more to live for. She killed my closest surviving friend, but I'm not trying to kill her now, am I? I'm trying to protect another person I love."

He was looking at me earnestly now, close enough that I could feel his breath, and something came over me. I kissed him. I could feel him pulling back in surprise, and then he returned the kiss with, ah, extra features.

Then he pulled away, looking confused. "I - Neville, I'm sorry, I didn't mean...."

I could have run then, but I didn't. I suppose I suddenly realised why I hadn't ever had a crush in my life - my hero-worship for Lupin had been my only crush, and I hadn't even identified it properly.

"No, Professor - I... I don't mind. I mean...." My voice trailed off.

We stared at each other for a moment, then he shook himself and released me.

"Stay here, all right?" he said abruptly, turning to leave.

This time it was I who grabbed his arm.

"I'm not old enough for that, either, eh?" I demanded. I was still angry, but now my anger had a new vent. "I need to wait until I'm OLDER."

Lupin stared. "You want - you want -" he stuttered.

I nodded. "Hell yes I do!"

It was a mark of how shocked he was that he didn't lecture me about my language. "B-but that's not... I mean... you're too young... that's illegal, that is!"

"You can't tell me you've always followed the law," I challenged him. "My gran says sometimes they're more like guidelines anyway."

"Neville, with all due respect, not this time. An adult and a kid... I mean that's just... urgh. It's WRONG."

"Why'd you kiss me back, then?" I said coolly. "Come on, you can't tell me I can't do anything I want."

He started to say something, stopped, started and stopped again. Then he sighed and shook his head.

"You've grown up a lot, you know that?" he said softly. "Maybe... too much."

"Yes, I have grown up," I said, fiercely. "I'm braver and stronger and smarter, and I chase Death Eaters and kiss lycanthropes and I'm not about to sit in a corner and do nothing!"

He sighed again. "I just want you to be safe, Neville. Staying here is the safest thing you can do right now."

"All right," I sighed in my turn. "If you stay with me."

I could tell he was hesitating. "All right, but...."

I held up my hand. "I promise not to molest you, okay?"

A slight smile crossed his face. "Okay."

We stayed there until we heard them calling for us. Then he looked at me for a moment in silence, then squeezed my shoulder and walked away.

Later that summer, I wrote him a letter.

Dear Professor Lupin:

Thanks for everything. I love you.

Neville