You Were too Young to Die

Chapter 3

LE GEANT DE PAPIER

( The paper giant )

Snape was looking at Lily during all her marriage ceremony. She was so beautiful in her bridal dress.

She said "yes" to James for the life.

He had a sigh of resignation. If he hadn´t been so violent with her, maybe he would be on James's place today... If he hadn´t beated her that fateful day, four years ago, when she was his girlfriend, she wouldn´t have been afraid...

But, he had been violent and he had beated her.

He was always looking at her. She was smiling to everybody. Even to him. He liked seeing her happy like that. That helped him to forget that frightened glance she had thrown to him when he had raised the hand.

Lily, I love you, you know. Severus Snape loves you. It should disgust you, shouldn´t it ? No, because you have invited me to your wedding, Lily. You are beautiful. Be happy. I have lost my only reason for living. I´ll not see you any more. A little, naturally, from time to time. When I saw you, I lived, even if you kissed another man than me. Goodbye Lily. I leave. What I will do will not please you, I know it, but I had no other choice. I would have died without that. Maybe it would be better.

Goodbye Lily.

Goodbye.

I am worth than the evil.

***

He remembered ... It was one year ago...

Demandez-moi de combattre le diable

D´aller défier les dragons du néant

De vous construire des tours des cathédrales

Sur des sables mouvants

Snape moved a little more profoundly in the wood. Suddenly, a man, wrapped in a black cape, advanced, soon followed by a horde of shadows : Death Eaters. The first shape which have appeared got loose from the others and pulled down its hood. Rogue blew :

" Voldemort... "

The other started :

" Yes, it is me, Voldemort. You wants to join my group of faithful servants ? "

" Yes, I do. "

" Why ? "

" Because of the power. "

He lied. Snape lied and he knew that he did that very badly.

No, it is not for the power. It´s because I have no reason for living.

" All right, Voldemort whistled. Let us begin the ritual... "

***

The ritual had ended. Snape had been hailed as Death Eaters. He had that horrible black brand on the forearm. And today, hardly four months after Lily's wedding, his first mission was to check out the place in Godric´s Hollow, where lived the young lady. Snape cursed.

Why did I do that ?

Demandez-moi de briser les montagnes

D´aller plonger dans la gueule des volcans

Tout me paraît réalisable

Et pourtant...

I am really pathetic.

Too bad, it was too late to put off now that he had this indelible imprint on the wrist. He took the direction of Godric´s Hollow...

***

He stopped in front of the sleepy house. He threw a glance to the mailbox : " James and Lily Potter ".

Lily Potter. That seemed so strange to him. He had always known Lily Evans. And she was called Lily Potter. He summoned up his courage and opened the front door. Nobody was there, logically. James and Lily were in Hogwarts for the night. He came into the house. He was in a dark corridor.

" Lumos ! " he blew.

It enlightened walls strewn with photos. Snape lingered over looking at them : there was Lily at different ages, from eight to nineteen, snapshots taken in Hogwarts or during the wedding, in June. He felt a strange pain in the pit of the stomach. He had the impression of stealing Lily´s life.

Demandez-moi de réduire en poussière

Cette planète où un dieu se perdrait

Elle est pour moi comme une fourmilière

Qu´on écrase du pied

Demandez-moi de tuer la lumière

Et d´arrêter ce soir le cours du temps

Tout me paraît réalisable

Et pourtant...

He continued on advancing and opened the first door on his right-hand side. It should be the dining room. A newspaper was put on the coffee table and a vase on the sideboard : lilies were arranged there - he recognized the scent -. Photos still decorated walls. He opened a second door : the kitchen. A chocolate cake was on the table. A single part had been cut... He did not know Lily knew how to cook such greats delicacies. He pushed away the hinged section and climbed the stairs at the end of the corridor. He took care of not doing creak the steps even if he knew that this precaution was useless : there was nobody. He opened the third door and had a hiccup of surprise...

James and Lily were not in Hogwarts.

James and Lily were at home, asleeped in their bedroom.

He couldn´t resist temptation to approach the bed and to observe her.

She was so beautiful when she was sleeping : an arm thrown on James's bare-chested, the other put above her head. Sheets were pushed away, letting see her bust covered with a muggle nightdress, cut out at the start of the breast. Her flaming hair were spread on the pillow.

She was so beautiful.

Quand je la regarde

Moi l´homme-loup au coeur d´acier

Devant son corps de femme

Je suis un géant de papier

Suddenly, he thought she had lifted her eyelashes. He rushed outside the room, opening the first door which appeared to him : the bathroom. He laid down in the bathtub holding his breath. He heard the noise of a switch and the light gave off into the corridor. There was a noise of barefoot on the floor then, again, the noise of another switch. This time, the light flooded the bathroom. Snape thought his last hour came. Lily was just a step away from him. She opened a cupboard and took a tablet. She looked in the mirror then intoned in a low voice :

" Mild night, holy night... "

She smiled to her reflection and whispered :

" What a beautiful present you will make for me, for Christmas, won´t you, baby ? "

Then she went out of the room switching off the light. Some minutes later, the house was again plunged into the darkness and the silence. Snape had a sigh of relief. He stayed one moment in the bathtub, dreaming...

Lily was pregnant. She was going to have a baby. What a beautiful present for Christmas in less than a week...

No, Lily. I can´t do such a thing. It is monstrous. Voldemort looks for James, Lily. I thought that you would risk nothing, that you would not be worried. But now there is a baby, it is different. The Master will also want to kill him. I can´t let him doing that. I love you too much for that. If James or the baby die, you will not survive, I know it... You are too sensitive.

He stood up and pushed for the last time the door of the bedroom. Lily had fallen asleep again, peaceful. He blew her a kiss and murmured :

" I can not serve Voldemort and love Lily Potter. I must choose, and it is already done. Yes. It is already done. "

Quand je la caresse

Et que j´ai peur de l´éveiller

De toute ma tendresse

Je suis un géant de papier

He took out silently of the house, threw a last glance to the label of the mailbox : " James and Lily Potter ", then went away.

***

McGonagall heard that somebody knocked in the front door of the castle. She got up, took a candlestick and went to open, cursing at the one who disturbed her at that hour.

It was Severus Snape. She jumped. He was so impressive and threatening at this moment...

He asked to see Dumbledore as a matter of urgency. She led him up to the headmaster´s office, headmaster she woke up with difficulty.

***

Snape was in front of Dumbledore. After several minutes of silence, he said :

" Professor, I want to be one of your spies. "

Dumbledore waited that Snape had explained him his Death Eater's status and set out the advantages which it would pull, to say :

" What proves me that you are not Voldemort´s spy, who is made responsible for infiltrating here ? "

Snape sighed :

" The only thing I can say is that nobody can be in love with Lily Potter and serve Voldemort. "

Quand je la regarde

Moi l´homme-loup au coeur d´acier

Devant son corps de femme

Je suis un géant de papier

Dumbledore was surprised by this statement but it was enough for him looking at the expression of pain painted on his interlocutor´s face to convince himself of his good faith. However, he answered :

" You´re wrong. Someone, like you, will think that loving and hating are incompatible but others will be ready to kill Lily, even if they had loved her. "