The Closet

Chapter 6: The Showdown

Harry went through the motions of living that week. There was a gaping hole in his life and he just couldn't muster the energy to do anything properly. He ate, but he didn't enjoy the food. He did his homework and took notes, but he didn't learn anything. He played Quidditch, but everyone could see his heart wasn't in it.

After practice one day, Ron fell into place beside him on the way back to the locker rooms.

"What's wrong, mate?" Ron asked. "You weren't up to your usual standard today. Is something bothering you?"

Harry looked at his friend out of the corner of his eye. What he really wanted to do was tell the truth.

He wanted to say, 'Yes, Ron. I lost the person that I might be in love with. I lost the only person I feel like I can truly be myself with. The only person who I don't have to lie to. The one person I don't have to pretend to be strong for. Because he doesn't expect me to know how to save the wizarding world. But I've lost him, and it's all your fault, because you hate him and it's killing me inside.'

He knew he couldn't and shouldn't say that, so instead he lied.

"Nothing's wrong. Just a little tired today, is all."

Ron looked unconvinced but he just nodded and went in to shower. Just like Harry knew he would. Ron never did push anything.

Hermione was another story. She knew the problem and took every chance to tell Harry what he should do.

On the Thursday after his break up, Harry was sitting in the library with Hermione, trying to finish a Care of Magical Creatures essay on Garden Gnomes. Ron had already finished his, seeing as he knew so much about Garden Gnomes from the ones in his own garden. Hermione, of course, was finishing up an essay for Charms that wasn't due for another two weeks.

Harry was just finishing up a paragraph on the hygiene of Gnomes when Hermione leaned over the table and tapped his shoulder.

Harry looked up at her and she whispered, "You know, if you just tell him, Harry, Malfoy will probably take you back."

Harry frowned. "I don't want to talk about this, Hermione."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Ignoring how you feel won't make it go away. Everyone can tell you want him back. I heard some Hufflepuffs trying to guess which lucky girl had broken your heart."

Harry cringed at the assumption. It wasn't a girl, but everyone expected it to be, especially Ron.

"Look, it doesn't matter what I want. He doesn't want me back. It's that simple. So just drop it."

Hermione hesitated. She knew she was right. Hell, Harry knew she was right. If he just told Ron, then he might have a chance with Draco. But it was easier to believe he didn't. That way he wouldn't have to tell Ron.

"Harry, I didn't want to tell you this, but you really should know."

She paused and Harry filled the silence. "What is it, Hermione?"

"Well, you weren't at dinner today and I suppose you haven't heard what happened."

Harry nodded and she continued, "Okay, I guess I'll have to tell you, then. It was right after the puddings appeared. I was just glancing around the Hall, you know, and I saw Pansy absolutely hanging off Malfoy. He looked really, really irritated, so I kept watching. She said something and that just set him off. He jumped up out of his seat and yelled, 'How many times do I have to tell you, Pansy? I like boys. Not girls, not you, but boys.' Then he stormed right out of the Great Hall. So he's officially out of the closet."

Harry blinked. No one had ever come out in such a loud and public way. Leave it to Draco to make a scene. "How did everybody react?" he eventually asked.

"Everybody was pretty shocked. I think I saw a few Ravenclaw girls burst into tears. There were definitely a couple of Slytherin girls crying. Justin, Terry and Seamus looked pretty happy though."

Harry's head snapped back up from his homework. "Happy?"

"Well, they are boys, Harry. And they like boys too. I know you think Malfoy's attractive so is it really that hard to think that they might think the same thing?"

Harry felt a pang in his gut. He recognized it immediately as jealousy. He hated the feeling. He knew he had no right to be jealous.

"Look, Harry," Hermione said, "it doesn't matter what they think, all right? If you just tell Ron, I'm sure you can get Malfoy back. He wouldn't have gone out with you in the first place if he didn't like you more than those other boys. Just tell Ron how you feel."

Harry scowled. He hated it when Hermione sounded so logical and right about something Harry was deliberately trying to avoid doing. She almost made him want to tell Ron. If she kept this up, his resolve would break.

"I really don't want to talk about this, Hermione. Let's just do our homework, okay?"

Hermione, never one to pass up homework, dropped the subject and went back to her Charms paper.

But Harry found he couldn't go back to his homework. His concentration was shot. What if Draco gets asked out now? What if someone else gets him? How will I be able to look at him with someone else?

~*~*~*~*~

Harry was on edge for all of Friday and Saturday. He just kept waiting for Draco to walk into the Great Hall with another boy. He wondered idly what he'd do if that happened, but he needn't have worried. Every time Draco arrived anywhere that Harry was, he always came alone or with Crabbe and Goyle.

Harry knew better than to assume they were tolerant of Draco's sexual orientation. In fact, Draco had explicitly told him once that both Crabbe and Goyle wouldn't like it because their fathers had told them not to. Harry guessed that Draco's two henchmen were just too thick to understand. Besides, Draco probably told them something to confuse them even more. He had no scruples about lying to them.

Harry spent most of Saturday in the library, burying himself in tomes and parchment in an attempt to avoid talking to Ron or Hermione about his gloomy mood. Hermione sat right across from him and dove headfirst into a 3297-page book called Magic and Shakespeare: The Bard or the Squib. She'd found it in the Muggle studies section two days before and she was already three-quarters of the way through. Ron had stood open-mouthed for a moment or two when Harry had first suggested studying but he picked up his books and dutifully followed them to the library. Of course, all the way down he muttered things like 'better do bloody exciting things tomorrow' and 'he's turning into a bloody nerd'.

Harry, for his part, tried to ignore both of them and just do his work. However, he had to make a conscious effort not to look up every time the library doors opened. He knew Draco never came into the library on Saturdays.

After dinner, even Hermione firmly claimed they'd spent enough time in the library for one day and Harry couldn't avoid the common room any longer. Once they were through the portrait hole, the trio threw themselves on the sofas in front of the fire. Hermione opened her mouth to say something but Harry cut her off.

"Want to play some chess, Ron?"

Ron eyes lit up and he sat up straight. "Yeah! I'll just go up for our sets then."

Harry nodded and Ron bounded up to their dorm. Unfortunately, this left Harry and Hermione alone.

"So Harry, are you going to tell him?"

Harry scowled at her. "No, I'm not. Would you let it go?"

"Harry, if you're going to be miserable, why don't you just tell him."

"I'M NOT-" he yelled, before realizing he was starting to attract attention and lowered his voice. "I'm not miserable," he hissed. "Look Ron's going to be back soon so just leave it."

"Look Harry, you're going to have to tell him you fancy boys eventually so why don't you do it? It can't hurt. Why don't you just try it?"

"Try what?" said Ron from behind Harry.

He looked normal so Harry assumed that was all he heard.

Hermione sent him a pointed look which clearly said Now's your chance

Instead, he forced a laugh and grinned at Ron. "You know Hermione. She's trying to get me to read Hogwarts: A History again."

Ron laughed. "Hermione, we'll never read that book. Just accept it."

Hermione gave a tight smile. She was obviously disappointed that Harry hadn't said anything. "Yes, how silly of me to think you might want to take a chance at it."

Harry cringed inwardly at the double meaning. He just really didn't want to risk Ron being mad, for a relationship that didn't even exist anymore.

The rest of the night passed relatively normally. Dean joined them for a game of Exploding Snap, Seamus was off somewhere with his latest, and Neville had borrowed Harry's invisibility cloak for some reason. As the night wore on, the common room slowly started emptying. Eventually, only Harry, Ron, and Dean were left. Just before curfew, Neville came through the portrait hole, completely visible, and declared he was going to bed. The other boys soon followed, deciding not to wait for Seamus.

As Harry lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, he contemplated Draco. Would there be a chance for them if Harry told Ron about it? Harry wasn't really sure. After a while of thinking and turning the questions over and over his head began to hurt. He took a deep breath and listened to the night sounds to calm him. Outside, he could hear the hooting of owls flying by. Inside, light snoring drifted from Ron's bed beside Harry's.

Surprisingly, Harry couldn't hear Neville's usual snores. He must be awake too. I wonder what he's thinking about.

Just then, the sounds of footsteps reached his ears. Finally, Seamus is back. Muffled voices suggested that he wasn't alone. Harry listened and thought that the other voice sounded vaguely familiar.

"I don't think this is such a good idea, Finnigan."

Harry strained to make out the voice more clearly. He was sure he knew who that was.

The door opened with a creak and Seamus reassured his companion.

"Don't worry about it. I bring guys up here all the time. The others have no problem with it, Malfoy."

Hidden safely behind his curtains, Harry's eyes snapped open and he shot up in bed. Seamus is not trying to shag Draco, he tried to tell himself.

"That's not what I mean." Harry couldn't deny it. That voice was definitely Draco's.

Before Seamus or Draco could say anything more, Harry had burst out of bed and through his bed curtains.

"OH NO, YOU DON'T, FINNIGAN!" he shouted

"That's what I mean," Draco said, rolling his eyes, as Harry crossed the room.

The noise had roused the other boys. Ron and Dean were standing beside their beds rubbing the sleep out of their eyes almost immediately. Neville also emerged from behind his curtains shortly after to witness the spectacle.

Seamus looked thoroughly put out at having his evening's 'activities' interrupted.

"Oh, get a grip, Harry. I bring Slytherins in here all the time," he said in an irritated tone.

"Not this Slytherin," Harry stated. "He's mine and you can keep your dirty, little paws off him."

"Excuse me," Draco drawled, ignoring Ron's cries of surprise, "much as I love having two gorgeous boys fight over me, I think I should set the record straight, for posterity's sake. We broke up last Monday, Harry. I told you we're over."

"What!" Ron shouted.

Harry ignored his friend and turned to Draco. "You were really going to sleep with him?"

Draco raised an eyebrow. "Maybe. What are you going to do about it?"

Harry narrowed his eyes and studied his ex-boyfriend's face. "I don't believe you."

"What?" Draco said, shocked.

"I don't think you were going to do anything at all."

"We most certainly were," Seamus insisted.

"I wasn't asking you, Finnigan. I know what you wanted to do. I just don't think Draco wanted to."

"Draco?" Ron echoed. "Since when is Malfoy, Draco?"

Still ignoring Ron, Harry grabbed Draco's arm. "Look me in the eyes and tell me you were going to shag Finnigan," he hissed.

Draco raised his eyes to Harry's and opened his mouth to speak. Before he could say it, Harry felt the intensity and longing that he always felt, looking into those eyes. Draco's shoulders slumped slightly, but he did not lower his gaze.

Draco didn't say anything but the look in his eyes told Harry everything he needed to know.

Harry felt a surge of pride and he fought to keep it from showing. "You still want to go out then?" he asked carefully. Clearly, all his dorm mates knew so it shouldn't be a problem for Draco anymore.

Draco didn't say anything, and stared at the ground. For a minute Harry thought that he would be rejected. Then, Draco lifted his eyes and said, "Yes."

Harry was so overjoyed at his answer that he completely forgot there were other people in the room. He reached out and grabbed Draco behind his head, pulling him in for a scorching kiss. An involuntary moan escaped Draco's throat but it was the choking behind him that caused Harry to break the kiss.

Apparently it was Ron who had made the very undignified noise. He looked a little angry and still quite confused.

"Can someone please tell me what's going on?" he demanded.

Harry took a breath and started explaining. After all, Ron already knew so it was much easier. "I'm gay, Ron, and I have been secretly seeing Draco for three months. We broke up on Monday before Potions and now we're back together. Any questions?"

Ron stood there looking like a goldfish for a second before shaking his head. Harry's tone left no room for discussion.

"So, are we done here?" Draco asked casually, regaining his normal composure. "Because I'd like to get some sleep if that's possible."

Harry nodded once and no one else argued so Draco continued, "Good. I'll be going now then." He turned to the door but before Harry could protest, he turned back. "Oh, by the way, Longbottom, Blaise told me to tell you that he's finished the book and he'd like to try positions 18, 23 and 87."

There was a low chuckle off to their right and when the group turned they saw Blaise Zabini, leaning against a post of Neville's bed and wearing only jeans. Blaise took advantage of their silent shock.

"You're a bit late, Draco. I've already given the book back and we've thoroughly experimented with 18, 23, and 87. Not to mention 51 and 66."

Neville groaned. "What part of 'Don't move, I'll be right back' don't you understand?"

"Sorry, Nev," Blaise said, looking anything but sorry, "You know I can't resist a soap opera situation like this."

"What's a soap opera?"

Everyone ignored Ron once again.

"You're seeing Zabini?" Seamus asked.

"Yeah," Neville said. "We-"

"Since when?" Dean cut in.

"Since the beginning of the school year."

"You should have told us," Ron cried.

Neville narrowed his eyes at Ron. "My private life is none of your business. Besides, you never told us you were dating Hermione."

"That's different! I told you when you asked," Ron protested.

Neville shrugged. "You never asked. If you had, I would have told you."

"Well, we'll never know now," Ron said.

At this, Harry felt the urge to defend Neville. "Actually, I knew."

Ron head snapped over to him. "You did?"

"Yeah, I asked and he told me." After a moment's pause, "Hermione knew too."

"Why doesn't anyone tell me anything?" Ron groaned.

"You don't ask, Ron," Neville said. "Nobody has any other secrets to share, then?"

Everyone shook their heads.

"Great," Dean said. "Let's go to sleep then."

Dean and Seamus went to their respective beds without comment other than a goodnight.

As Neville went back to his bed, he whispered to Blaise, "You put your pants back on," in a disappointed voice.

"Well, so did you," Blaise whispered back. "Don't worry, Nev. It'll only take a minute to get out of them."

Once the curtains were drawn, Harry heard Blaise cast a silencing charm and all noise stopped. He thanked Blaise mentally for his superior charm skill. He really didn't want to hear the noises that Neville and Blaise made.

Harry looked at Ron, who was still standing by his bed not moving. "Look, Ron," he started. "You're not going to be weird about this are you?"

Ron scuffed his foot on the floor and when he spoke he didn't lift his eyes. "Not really. It's okay that you like boys, but..." Here, Ron looked up and lowered his voice a little, "do you really have to like him? I can't stand him."

"Yes, Ron. I really do like Draco. I like him a lot actually."

"Well," Ron hesitated, "if you're sure, I'll just have to get used to him." Ron looked up and caught Harry's eyes fiercely. "If he hurts you, just tell me and I'll beat him to a bloody pulp."

"I'm standing right here, you know," Draco protested.

Ron ignored him and went on, "Really, Harry, just tell me and I'll break his legs."

Harry laughed at his friend's loyalty. "Okay, Ron. I will."

Ron smiled grimly and nodded his goodnight before going to his bed.

When Ron's curtains were closed, Draco approached Harry and kissed him chastely on the mouth.

"Goodnight, Harry," he mumbled before turning for the door.

Harry suppressed a laugh and reached out for Draco's arm.

"Come here."

He pulled his boyfriend over to his bed and drew the curtains around it.

"What are you doing, Harry?" Draco asked in a low, suspicious voice.

Harry grinned. "I'm going to sleep and you are too. Come on," he said softly, patting the bed beside him.

Noting that Harry was only wearing boxers and a t-shirt, Draco stripped to his shorts before climbing into bed beside Harry. Harry pulled the sheets up around them as Draco got comfortable. He threw his arm right over Harry's stomach and put his head on Harry's shoulder.

"Do you plan on using me as a mattress all night?" Harry teased quietly.

"Yes," Draco said sleepily. "Do you mind?

"Not at all."

"Good."

"Goodnight, Draco."

"Goodnight, Harry."

Harry stayed awake until Draco's breathing slowed. When he was sure Draco was sleeping, Harry brushed some blond hair off his forehead and kissed it softly.

"I love you, Draco," he whispered.

As he drifted off to sleep Harry thought, I guess telling wasn't so hard after all. He looked at Draco's sleeping visage through half-closed eyes. It was definitely worth it.