When the Moon Rises

It was July 3, 1995. Remus Lupin was alone. He was usually alone, of course. He lived alone. But now he boarded up all of his windows. He locked all of his doors magically. He made sure that no one could get in without using magic. Since it was a Muggle town he was in, no one could use magic, anyway. He sat alone, glaring at the full moon in the night sky as he waited.

It came suddenly. The seizure in which he started to morph. Fur spread on Remus's body. He bit his lip - he couldn't scream. He was stronger than that. He had been a werewolf for thirty years, after all.

Now his backbone broke completely and grew again in a hunched form. His limbs shortened painfully - his jaw lengthened - suddenly his sense was swiped from him. He howled. The wolf was back.

Remus awoke the next morning very tired, as was usual the day after the full moon. He opened his eyes groggily. He decided to try to hold down some hot soup. He got up, testing his weight gingerly. Every bone in his body ached. It wasn't until that moment that Remus saw the figure in the corner.

It was shaped like a man. A very tall man, at that. A very tall man with very long, black hair that fell down to his shoulders... wait a minute!

"Sirius?" Remus croaked. "I told you to stay home."

It was indeed Sirius Black. His eyes flickered open. He was clutching his shoulder. "I wasn't just going to leave you here, Moony," he croaked. Remus saw blood trickle through Sirius's fingers. Sirius grasped his shoulder more tightly. Afraid of what he was going to see, Remus looked down.

There, on his own hands, was blood.

"Move your hand, Padfoot," Remus said quietly, his voice trembling. Slowly Sirius obeyed. There was a huge gash in his shoulder. And Remus saw what he had been dreading to see for thirty years.

Teeth marks. His own teeth marks.

Remus began to tremble all over. His eyes filled with tears. "I - I - I bit you," he whispered hoarsely. "Didn't I?"

Sirius grunted in pain. He barely moved. He didn't nod, but nor did he shake his head. And Remus knew. He collapsed to his knees.

"It's - it's not your fault," Sirius croaked.

"I told you to stay home," Remus said, his voice trembling horribly. "I knew this would happen to someone eventually. I didn't want it to be you."

"Get me some hot water," Sirius whispered. "Hurry."

Remus, feeling as if he was going to throw up, walked as fast as he could to the kitchen. He filled a pot with scalding hot water. He poured a few things into it - he still remembered how to treat a werewolf bite. Finally he grabbed his wand and brought it back into the room.

Sirius had grown even paler. Remus grew more and more clammy. He could barely see what he was doing through the wall of tears. He applied the mixture onto the wound gently. He whispered an incantation under his breath and all that was left of the gash was a scar. But Remus knew it was too late. All because of him, Sirius was a werewolf.

"You have no idea how sorry I am," Remus said. "I can't even put it into words."

Sirius, a little bit of the color returned to his face, lifted his head off the floor. "I don't blame you, Moony."

Remus let his tears fall while Sirius went into a spasm. He held his friend's hand so tightly he almost cut off the circulation in it. It was all his fault. Sirius was a werewolf. It was totally his fault.

When Sirius came out of the spasm he was breathing hard. Remus, still weak from his own transformation, picked him up gently and put him down in his own bed. Sirius was taking deep and irregular breaths. Remus helped him the best he could. He noticed that Sirius's index finger had grown during the night. That proved it. Suddenly the doorbell rang while Sirius was having another spasm. Casting a glance at Sirius, Remus said, "Come in," in a hoarse voice.

"Remus?" came Harry's voice. "Are you all right? Where are you?"

"In here," Remus choked. "There's - there's something you need to see."

Harry's voice came closer. "I came to see if Sirius was here, he wasn't at home, I thought he might have come to visit you because of last night..." Harry came into the room and his eyes widened. Sirius, who was in the middle of a spasm, had his back arched. His eyes were bloodshot. He was drenched in sweat. Remus, not wanting to look Harry in the eye, took more of the water and spread it over the scar again. Sirius slowly came out of the spasm, breathing scarcely and still looking pale. His eyes came back into focus.

"Sirius?" Harry whispered, moving closer. Sirius's eyes moved from Remus to Harry.

"Harry," Sirius choked. Harry's eyes filled with tears. So did Remus's.

"Are you all right?" Harry whispered. "What happened?"

Remus put his face in his hands. "Don't, Moony," Sirius whispered. "Please."

"How can you say that, Padfoot?" Remus asked. "When I - I - "

Suddenly Harry saw the scar on Sirius's shoulder. The blood on Remus's hands. It all came clear to him. His eyes widened through his tears. "Sirius?" he repeated. "You - you - you - " Suddenly Sirius sat up straight. Harry both looked at him strangely. Some of the color had returned to his face.

"The moon set," Remus said very quietly. "It isn't full anymore."

Sirius ran his finger over the scar. His eyes were tearing now. "So," he said.

"I'm sorry," Remus whispered.

"Don't be," Sirius said. "It's - it's not your fault."

Harry stared at the two of them. "You - you bit him?" Harry asked Remus. Remus buried his face in his hands.

"Moony," Sirius said. "Listen to me carefully. I'm only going to say it one more time. It's not your fault."

"But it is, Padfoot," Remus said quietly, staring at the floor. "It is."

"No, it's not," Sirius said. "You're not yourself on the full moon. You can't help it. You didn't want it to happen. Don't blame yourself."

"I can't help it," Remus said. "You - you - you - "

"I," Sirius said through gritted teeth, "am totally responsible for myself, and I admit it, I was stupid. I was really stupid. But I was the one who was stupid. Not you, Moony. Not you."

Remus hung his head. As much as Sirius wouldn't admit it, he knew it was his fault. Harry trembled as he watched his godfather.

"Dumbledore," Harry whispered. "We've got to go to Dumbledore."

And that was the way it was two hours later, Harry, Sirius, and Remus sitting in front of Dumbledore's desk, having just finished explaining to him what had happened. Remus had had his face in his hands for the whole time. Sirius could see tears seeping through them. He hung his head. It was his fault for being so stupid.

"And that's how it happened, sir," Sirius said. "I was stupid."

"No, you weren't," came Remus's muffled voice.

"Yes, Moony, I was," Sirius snapped. "I was really stupid. You just did everything exactly the way you were supposed to, and it's not your fault I'm so thick."

Remus didn't answer. He sighed and looked up wearily. His blue eyes sparkled as they looked into Sirius's eyes. He still said nothing, but Sirius could see the guilt in his eyes. He did not reply for a long time.

"I can't believe you're saying that," he said finally. "Now, because of me, you have to suffer the same curse I do. You don't deserve that. No one deserves that."

"Exactly, Moony," Sirius emphasized. "You don't deserve it either! And guess what? Someone out there is still sulking about biting you! And someone is sulking over him! It's a chain reaction, Remus! Well, I'm not going to be the next one to mope on it! What's done is done, and - well, we can't change it, can we? I like it least of all, Remus! I'm not the most dandy I've ever been! But brooding on it isn't going to change it!"

Remus put his head in his hands again and Sirius threw up his hands in frustration. "I give up," he said. "Moony, I'd be by your side through anything, anything at all, and I know you'd do the same for me. But I give up." Sirius sat in a chair and just stared at the wall.

Harry watched the scene and felt like he didn't belong there. This wasn't his affair, it was Sirius and Remus's... but still... "So what should we do, Professor?" he said, looking at Dumbledore expectantly.

"Well..." Dumbledore said, glancing at both Sirius and Remus, "there isn't much that can be done. Sirius has to register with the Ministry, of course, but there's really nothing else that I can tell you - you know very well what the circumstances are, Sirius. All you can do is wait until the next full moon." A choking sound came from Remus's direction, but Dumbledore did his best to ignore it. Sirius, still looking at the wall, nodded.

"I know," he said. "I know." He sighed and looked away from the wall and into Dumbledore's piercing eyes. "I know," he repeated softly.

One lunar month later

Remus wearily checked all of the windows and doors one last time. "All locked," he said out loud. "No way to get out." He sat down in his corner and watched the stars start to come out, careful to avoid Sirius's gaze. He heard him clear his throat behind him.

"Remus," Sirius said hoarsely. "Look at me."

Slowly, Remus turned his head so that he looked straight into Sirius's eyes. "What?" he said in a throaty whisper.

"I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for."

"You know I do," Sirius said, looking straight at him. "All this month the guilt's been eating me inside out. Please, just say you forgive me. For my own sake."

"Forgive you?" Remus said. "I should be asking you to forgive me."

"Then we're all right?"

"If you want it that way," Remus said, gazing out the window once more.

"Moony, I just want my friend back," Sirius said softly. "You never talk to me anymore. Why, Moony, why?"

"Because you're my best friend and you don't deserve what I gave you," Remus said, still looking out the window.

"See? You're so distant! What happened to the Moony that would sit down with me and help me plan my pranks? What happened to the Moony that would always tell me that everything was all right? What happened to my best friend?"

"He died," Remus said, "fourteen years ago."

"No, he died a month ago," Sirius said, huddling himself into a ball. "They sent someone else to stand in his place. And I don't like him. I want the old Remus back. The one who didn't act like a troubled old man."

"And what if I am a troubled old man?"

"The old Remus knew that you're only as young as you feel."

Remus turned and looked Sirius in the eye. Sirius looked back. "Padfoot..." Remus said. He threw his arms around him. "You're the best friend anyone could ask for."

"That's good, Moony, because you're going to be stuck with me for a good long time," Sirius said hoarsely. "Now, Moony, I have to ask you to get off me, as I enjoy breathing. It's very nice. Have you ever tried it?"

Remus shook his head and let go of Sirius. He looked out the window again. "You know it's going to hurt, don't you, Padfoot?" he asked gently.

"Moony, I'm not scared," Sirius said. "I know it's going to hurt. If it didn't hurt, than I wouldn't be an Animagus now, would I?"

"I suppose not," Remus sighed. "But Padfoot, I knew it was going to hurt too. But I didn't find out how much until afterwards."

Sirius did not reply. They sat for a few more minutes. Suddenly they both began to shake. Remus scooted a few feet away from Sirius. "See you in the morning," he whispered. Sirius shook violently. Remus finally subsided and let the transformation take over him. While he whimpered a bit, just listening to Sirius next to him made him want to scream. He wanted to rush over and comfort him, but he couldn't. His backbone arched - his nose lengthened - finally, the Change was over. Remus got up, stretched his legs, and looked around. For the first time ever, he saw something in the room with him - another wolf. A friend.

The following morning, Remus awoke to the sound of his backbone breaking. He bit his lip as he let the transformation commence. He shot a glance over to Sirius, who was writhing in pain. He made a noise in his throat, and when the transformation was finally over, he dragged himself over to Sirius and took his hand.

"Sirius?" he said croakily. Sirius opened one eye and groaned. Remus stood up gingerly and reached for his wand from its hiding place in the safe. Silently he conjured bandages for his friend's wounds, while trying to ignore the small ones he had. "Hold still," he whispered as he dressed a particularly large gash on Sirius's arm. Sirius obeyed. When Remus was finally done, Sirius opened his eyes.

"You're the best friend anyone could ever have, Remus."

"You're the best too, Sirius. You really are."

~finis~