Happily Ever After?

Chapter 12- Vulnerable Trust

"Harry..."

"Hmm."

"Harry."

"Hmmmmmmm."

"HARRY!"

"WHAT?" Harry said, sitting up straight.

Parvati sighed. "Quidditch practice, Harry."

"Qu - Quidditch practice? What time is it?"

"It's six, Harry."

Harry groaned and pulled on a cardigan over his T-shirt. Parvati sighed.

"Why were you asleep?" Parvati asked. "We've got a game tomorrow, Harry!"

Harry gave Parvati a fierce glare. "I know that. I fell asleep in Divination, you were there. I was up late last night."

"Doing...?"

"Don't even act like you don't know."

Parvati sighed. "Oh."

"Yea. Oh." Harry stood up and picked up his broom. "Let's just go."

Parvati slung her broom over her shoulder and walked slightly in front of Harry as they walked briskly down to the Quidditch field. When they got there, they found the rest of the team waiting.

"What's up, Harry?" Katie asked, tossing him the Quaffle. Harry caught it and shook himself.

"Not much," Harry said. He found his eyes focusing on Ginny - again.

You've got to get over this.

Shut up, Bill.

Harry shook himself again. "L-let's practice."

"What do you want us to do?" squeaked tiny Dennis Creevey.

Harry mounted his broom and kicked off, the rest silently following. Harry hovered in the air, and his team formed a circle around him.

"I was researching some moves last night," Harry said, running a hand through his hair. "Ginny, have you ever done the Double Eight Loop?"

Ginny's head cocked to one side. "The what?"

"It's a Keeper defense. It sounds useful - I think I'd better show you." He turned to the other members of the team. "Take this," he threw the Quaffle at Angelina, "get the Bludgers," he motioned towards the broom shed, "and just play. Bring out the Snitch, too, actually."

Colin and Dennis zoomed off to get the balls, and the three Chasers started tossing around the Quaffle. Harry and Ginny hovered for a moment before starting towards the goalposts.

She's really pretty when she flies, Harry thought absently. Even with her hair blowing all over the place. It's cute.

You're at it again, dolt.

Harry snapped back into his right mind just as they reached the hoops. Ginny tucked her hair carelessly behind her ear and glanced at Harry.

"So how do I do the Double Whatsits-mabob?"

"The Double Eight Loop," Harry corrected. He came closer to her and caught a whiff of strawberry and vanilla.

Hmmm. Nice shampoo. Wonder if you used it because you know I've been stalking you?

"Right. So what is it?"

Harry flew to the far left goalpost. "The Double Eight Loop," he said, "is a defense move for Keepers. Or, not really a move, so to say - more like a mandatory thing. You just keep going back and forth across the hoops. Simple." Harry zoomed to the far right hoop. "Like that. Supposedly, it seems more threatening than just hovering there. That's the philosophy behind it, anyway."

Ginny shrugged. "Whatever you say."

Whatever I say. Whatever I say. Whatever I say...

You're repeating yourself.

Whatever I say...

You're pitiful.

Maybe I am, Harry thought as he observed Ginny flying flawlessly around and around the hoops. Maybe I am...

You're repeating yourself again.

You know what? You really want to know? I don't care anymore. Screw you.

"Yea, that's it," Harry said. "That's very - Ginny, duck!"

"What?" Ginny asked, looking around, expecting a Bludger.

"No, Ginny - it's a - move!"

Harry flew towards Ginny and slammed her out of the way. At that very moment, a flock of wild ducks came zooming through the pitch - where Ginny had been seconds before. Angelina squealed and held her shoulder in pain - one of the ducks had rammed into her at a speed of who-knows-what.

Ginny held her hand to her throat, breathing rapidly. Harry's arms were still around her.

I could get used to this.

Pervert.

I told you, I could care less.

Harry coughed and let go of Ginny. "Ducks. Real ducks."

"I - I see."

Angelina was floating downward towards the ground, clutching her shoulder and wincing. Harry was brought back to surface and zoomed over to her as she touched down.

"Angelina... Angelina, are you all right?"

Angelina gritted her teeth in response. Harry started to panic.

"Dennis! Go tell Madam Pomfrey there was an accident, and we're bringing Angelina up! Go!"

Dennis ran off frantically. Katie, white in the face, kneeled down next to Angelina.

"Angie? Angelina! Come on, it's okay, you're going to be all right..."

Harry sighed. "It's no use. We can't move her. Colin - run after Dennis, tell Madam Pomfrey to come here." Ginny and Angelina kept Angelina calm while Colin set running off after his brother. Harry sighed and rubbed his forehead.

"That was, without a doubt, the absolute strangest thing that has ever happened to me."

"I would say the same, but it might be a lie," Harry muttered. "I saw Snape naked."

"Er - ew."

"Yea."

"But - what do you think it was?"

"Exactly what it looked like," Harry said. "A band of insane ducks."

"Harry. It's winter. All the ducks are down south."

"Oh. Yes." Harry sighed. "A plot, then. A plot to crash the team. Really, I would expect better from the Hufflepuffs. They're always very fair."

"A plot to get the team," Parvati said quietly, "or a plot to get you?"

Harry blinked. "Impossible," he said under his breath. He looked out over the horizon, watching the sun set on the calm winter night. "Not everything's about me, Parvati."

"You'd be surprised," Parvati answered in the same tone. "Really."

Harry didn't reply. He kept looking out over the horizon.

A plot to get to me. Why do they always spring up at the worst of times?

Because you're the Boy-Who-Lived, remember?

Surviving flocks of crazy ducks was not in the contract.

But you liked it... didn't you? Saving Ginny. It made you feel like a balloon rising.

Harry smiled faintly. Yea. Yea, I did like it, didn't I?

Aren't you going to tell her?

No.

And why not?

Because I can't. It'll break her heart.

What about yours?

Harry stiffened. You know, I'm not in the mood for talking to insane strangers.

Three things. One - you're insane, not me. Two - how can I be a stranger, I live in your own head! Three - you haven't said a word.

God, you're annoying.

Harry scratched his head and looked over at Angelina. He winced.

"This has got to be the most insane, twisted plot to get to me that I've ever seen - if it even is a plot to get to me, which I doubt. Wild ducks. Voldemort must really be running out of ideas these days, huh? Next thing you know I'll be walking around with a turnip for a head."

"It's really not that funny," Parvati muttered.

"No, no it isn't. But that doesn't make it any less true."

A frantic-looking Madam Pomfrey storming in onto the pitch interrupted their conversation then. Harry heard her grumble something that went along with his own thoughts quite nicely:

"Ducks! Wild ducks! What next?"

Looking back on the next few hours, Harry thought that he was probably the most depressed person at Hogwarts.

His love life was such a mess that his brain hurt thinking about it. Ron, the rest of the Weasleys, and perhaps almost all of Hogwarts was either steaming mad at him or bloody terrified of him, or some mix of the two. He was behind on homework in every subject except DADA and - shockingly - Potions. The thought of a Divination exam on astrology in the next week made him feel sick. His parents were on the run from the Ministry and, well, just about the entire world, and Sirius was being unresponsive about it. Hermione was dying, and it looked like a bit of Draco was dying with her. He couldn't talk to Hannah without feeling awkward. The little voice in the back of his head wouldn't shut up. He was the captain of an almost completely inexperienced Quidditch team, they had a game tomorrow, and one of his Chasers was in the hospital wing.

And why?

Because of a bloody duck.

It felt much better to blame the duck for his situation than to think about whose fault it really was.

All in all, Harry wanted to break something.

Or a collection of things, more like.

Like, for example, the non-existent spine of that little voice in the back of his head that wouldn't give him a moment's peace.

Of course, his hours of depression were the few hours before It came.

It.

The It that explained everything.

Harry was working on his Potions homework when it happened. An owl swooped into the Gryffindor common room and dropped a letter onto Harry's head and flew out so quickly that Harry almost didn't even see it. Harry gingerly removed the thick parchment envelope off his head and read the face carefully.

Harry.

That was all it said. The writing was familiar, even if Harry couldn't put a finger on it. Curious, Harry opened it and read.

Dear Harry,

Words cannot say how awful the circumstances are under which I write this. But, to give you a clue - I've never felt so cluttered in my entire life.

The horrible part is that I have to send this by stealth owl when I speak of things that should be screamed to the sky.

Your parents' conviction has hit me - and all of us - like a blow in the chest. I can't imagine how it is for you. James says your mother is hurt - and you know, when Lily is in danger, so is James's sanity. And I think it's worse than he lets on in letters.

You don't know your father as well as I do, Harry. If you did, you'd be awed by how his brain works. I still don't fully understand it. He's the most brilliant person I know - except for maybe Lily. But then he's the worst mischief-maker in existence. Of course, he has help, as you well know. And then, Lily tells me he has this other side. She says he's a hopeless romantic. And part of that side shows all the time - if you watch for it. Have you ever seen James look into Lily's eyes, Harry? If you ever get the chance again, Harry, watch him. It's like she's the only thing in the world that ever mattered to him. It's kind of - I don't know.

Maybe you've seen it on my face, once.

Or maybe twice.

Three times?

I feel like such a dolt.

Lily and James are in danger, Harry, I'm sure you've figured that out. It hurts me to tell you this, but who else is going to? Sirius is still in shock, and your parents wouldn't try to make you unhappy for the world.

I think they missed the fact that you grew up a long time ago.

Of course, they should have been there for you. But that was out of their control. They love you, Harry. I think you know that, though.

Everyone keeps insuring you that you'll see your parents soon. I'll tell you the truth - no, Harry, you might not. I probably won't either. Hopefully, no one will. I don't think you understand how much danger you are in, not to mention your parents. An investigation will probably be undergone, and the Ministry will turn deaf ear to your side of the story. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't yell it out at them, yell it out to the sky. If at all possible, Sirius and I will be there if they question you - but if we're not, just tell the truth, Harry. Even if - no, especially if the truth is that they're a bunch of old, rotten gossips that have run out of good stories so turned to the insane ideas they've always had growing in the back of their minds.

I don't think you know quite how true that is, and it isn't in my heart to tell you.

Draco. How is Draco? I can imagine him being less than peachy, but Narcissa is sobbing that he won't talk to her anymore. Maybe it's true. Hell, it's probably true. But still. I've told you both before.

He needs you now, in the light of all that's happening with Hermione and all. And you need him.

I don't even think you realize how much.

It's not your fault, Harry. It's not your fault, or anyone's, that things are the way they are. But we've all got to live with it.

I know I was never there for you, Harry. I know I was never there when you were young, or as you grew up. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm telling it more to myself than to you, I suppose. But God, Harry, I'm sorry. I could have been there. I should have been there. I shouldn't have let you grow up with those awful people.

I think you grew up faster than you should have.

And I'm sorry.

Dark times are ahead, Harry. Hold onto those you love. And never let them go, even if it means covering yourself with Spellotape.

Yours,

Remus

Harry put the letter down on the table carefully and read it again.

When he had started reading it, he had expected it was Sirius finally writing to him.

Now, because of that, he felt desperately guilty.

It was true; he had always looked to Sirius for guidance and general parent-like things. Now he struggled to remember why. What did it matter who his godfather was? Remus loved him just as much. He hadn't realized how strongly Remus reacted to him always going to Sirius.

Harry felt decidedly queasy.

Harry picked up his quill and started to write.

Draco looked over his shoulder, shivered, and started to walk a little faster.

It was deadly cold out. And the feeling in his heart made him feel even colder.

"I don't like this," he muttered under his breath. "I don't like it at all."

It was very, very cold.

He walked all the way to the edge of the Forbidden Forest and looked up.

There were countless stars twinkling at him, telling him something, speaking words that he couldn't understand.

"Pretty, aren't they?"

Draco twirled around, hand groping for his wand.

It was only Millicent.

Draco sighed. "You scared me."

"I figured I would," Millicent replied, stepping out of the shadow. "Why are you out this late?"

"Why are you out this late?"

"I was out for a walk."

"Well, so was I."

"No, you weren't. You were heading into the Forbidden Forest."

"You were in the Forbidden Forest," Draco pointed out.

"I wasn't sure who was coming."

"Oh."

"So where were you going?"

"For a walk."

"Where?"

"Here."

"Why?"

"To walk."

"Oh."

"Yes."

"So - keep walking, then."

"You know, I think I will."

Draco walked off then, leaving an offended Millicent behind him.

As he walked briskly into the Forbidden Forest, he shivered.

It had gotten even colder.

Draco pulled up his hood as he neared the clearing. He was greeted with a chilling voice that made the air seem even colder than it was.

"Draco," said the high-pitched voice. "My most faithful servant."

Draco knelt on one knee. "My Lord," he murmured, kissing the hem of a dark figure's robes. "My Master..."

"That will do," the voice said, slightly annoyed. Draco raised himself and pulled down his hood.

"You are ready?"

"I am ready."

"You are sure?"

"I have never been more sure of anything in my life, My Lord. I want nothing more than to serve you."

"Hold out your arm."

Draco held out his right arm and the tall black figure traced a wand on the bare flesh opposite of his elbow. "Whom do you serve?"

"I serve Lord Voldemort alone."

"What is your quest?"

"To bring you Harry Potter."

"Why do you serve me?"

"To rid our world of filthy blood." Draco spat the last two words like they were swear words.

"You are ready to join the ranks of Lord Voldemort," the voice said icily. "I see much of your father in you."

"Thank you, Master."

"Mordsmorde."

Draco froze, his eyes wide open. The black figure released him and he stumbled, clutching his arm. A flicker of a smile flashed across the dark figure's face.

"You know the plan."

Draco nodded, with gritted teeth. "I know the Plan."

"You will carry out the plan."

"I will carry out the Plan."

"You carry much promise, young Master Malfoy. Now go."

The dark figure turned and melted into the shadow. Draco began to walk slowly back towards the castle.

"James."

James Potter turned and looked at his wife. "Hmmm?"

"I'm worried about Harry."

"I know."

Lily sighed and twirled her hair around her finger absently. "Do you think he has any idea that-"

"No. I hope he doesn't."

"Sirius will-"

"Sirius won't. Sirius is still in shock over the whole thing. I know it's not his fault, but we can't trust Sirius to do this."

"If we can't trust Sirius to do this for us... who can we trust?"

James's eyes lifted and he stared at Lily for a long moment. "We'll just have to put our trust in Remus."

"Remus isn't like-"

"I know he's not like Sirius. But he's the only other one who knows."

"Remus won't want to. He won't do it."

"I know him better than you do."

"I know you do, but-"

"Lily. Sweet, darling Lily. Harry is going to be fine. Remus is there. Remus will make sure he's fine."

"But what if he isn't there?"

"He will be."

"What if he can't be there?"

"He will be."

"James..."

"He'll be there, Lily. I know he will."

"You know he's not-"

"I know he is."

"But he can't-"

"He can."

"He won't-"

"He will."

"He's not strong enough James!" Lily said loudly. James took a deep intake of breath, but Lily wasn't finished. "He can't take the guilt! He won't put himself through it again! Patricia won't even let him try!"

James took another, shakier breath. "He will. I trust him."

Remus Lupin looked out the window into the quiet night. It was a beautiful night. The full moon was coming again, but he wasn't worried about that at the moment. He was, instead, worried about something else, something that was, in his mind, much more important.

"Remus...?"

"Patricia..."

"Are you all right?"

"No."

Patricia sighed. "I know. I know..."

"Do you think he's all right?"

Patricia laughed softly. "Which one?"

"You know very well which one."

"Not when you've been so worried about all of them."

"I meant Harry."

"Harry is fine."

"How do you know?"

"I just do."

"Do you think he has any idea?"

"No. Not yet. Maybe it's better that way. He has enough to worry about."

"Do you think he even cares?"

"Of course he does. He's James's son. Lily's son. Of course he cares."

"Sometimes I wonder."

"It's not your fault."

"Sometimes I think it is."

"But it's not."

"How do you know?"

"Because I know you. And I love you."

Remus sighed softly. "What about Sirius? Do you think he's okay?"

Patricia sat next to him. "I'm not sure." Patricia touched his cheek and Remus took a sharp intake of breath. "He's a bit more - unpredictable..."

"B-but what do you... think?"

"I think he's been hit... hard. He's still in denial. But he'll - he'll get over it."

"A-and James... and Lily..."

"They can take care of themselves... oh, Remus..."

"I love you."

"We'll all be fine. Somehow, we'll all be fine."

Sirius Black rocked back and forth slightly. "Where are you?" He muttered to the vast sky. "Why'd you all have to go?"

"You know they had to."

Sirius turned abruptly, and then sighed with the slightest air of relief. "O-oh. I thought it was someone else. Someone less welcome."

"Am I welcome?"

"You're always welcome."

"Sometimes I'm not sure anymore."

Narcissa slipped next to Sirius, who slid his arms around her. "I miss you," Narcissa muttered.

"I'm right here."

"Your mind is somewhere else."

"Maybe you're right."

"Of course I'm right." Her voice was teasing. "I'm always right."

"Hmmmmm. You are, aren't you?"

"You've got to get over this."

"I can't. Sometimes I wonder if it's my fault they're gone."

"It's not. You saved their lives."

"But they could have made it without me... they've made me sound like a witness of crime..."

"They just twisted your words..."

"But it didn't happen that way... they don't understand..."

"Better a witness than a suspect..."

"I'd rather switch places with Harry."

"Why? To be away from me? So that you could be the one who they're tearing apart?"

"No!" Sirius sounded alarmed. "Not to be away from you..."

"Then why?"

"So I can... feel his pain. So I can feel it rather than him feeling it. Harry... deserves better than that..."

"So do you..."

"But I don't want him to be - broken. They'll break him."

"I don't want them to break you."

"I'm already broken."

"But I can put you back together."

"I don't deserve the glue."

"But I'll give it to you anyway."

"I just want everything to be okay..."

"I know... I know..."

"Will we all be okay?"

"Someday, Sirius. Someday we will. Someday we'll all be whole."

Harry looked over what he had written carefully. After crossing out and crumpling up an uncountable amount of parchment, he'd finally come to find a letter that he was satisfied with.

Remus,

I'm sorry. I care.

Harry.

Harry folded the letter and put it into an envelope. He sealed the envelope, put it on his desk so he wouldn't forget it, and went to bed.

The following morning Harry woke up early. He walked to the Owlery, sent a barn owl off with Remus's letter, and walked back down to the human world slowly.

"Good morning."

Harry looked up and saw Professor Dumbledore standing in front of him. "Good morning, Professor," Harry mumbled, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"You don't act like it is."

"It was a figure of speech."

"Have you heard from Sirius?"

"If you call a ramble about the weather news," Harry said under his breath.

"I'm sorry, I didn't catch that."

"No. No, I haven't."

"What about Remus?"

Harry thought for a moment. "No."

"From anyone?"

"No."

Dumbledore looked thoughtful. "Good luck in the game today, Harry."

"Thanks, Professor."

The two parted in silence. Harry wondered what had sparked such a pointless conversation. (A/N: Not to mention such a plot-less one...)

Harry walked down and into the Great Hall and looked around. It was buzzing with excitement.

Harry dragged himself down to the end of the Gryffindor table and collapsed on between Parvati and Katie.

"Have you seen Angelina?" Harry asked her.

"I have," Katie said. "She's better."

"Better enough to play Quidditch?"

"Probably," Parvati sighed. "But-"

"Madam Pomfrey won't let her," Ginny explained. Harry felt his insides churn, and he wasn't sure if it was from hopelessness of playing a Chaser down, or something else...

"So what's the plan?" Colin asked. "We don't have any back-up Chasers." The Gryffindor team glanced at Harry.

Harry massaged his temples. "We play," Harry said slowly. "We'll play without her."

"Harry, that's suicide!" Katie exclaimed. "We'll suffer a horrifying and humiliating defeat!"

"Well then what do you suppose we do?" Harry said, sighing and taking a peck at his toast. He leaned towards Katie and hissed so that only she could hear him. "Half our team has never played in a game before. One of our only experienced players is injured. We haven't played Hufflepuff for two years, and they've got almost all new players, we don't know what they're like! I expect before the game's end at least one more person will be down. If it's me, or even Ginny, we have no useful defense. What do you want me to do?"

Katie didn't answer. Instead, she stood up.

"The game will be starting in half an hour," Katie announced. "We'd better go down."

The rest of the players mumbled agreement. Harry chanced a look at the Slytherin table. Draco looked up, as if some strange, supernatural force drew his eyes to Harry.

Nervous?

You bet. Angelina's in the hospital wing, which leaves us with a grand total of two experienced players.

You're playing man down?? Are you INSANE?

You know, I'm starting to wonder.

Have you SEEN those Hufflepuff Chasers? We played them and they flattened us. It was EMBARRASSING.

Aww, did wittle Draco get a hole in his balloon of an ego?

Oh, shut it. You're completely insane.

Oh, Remus wrote to me.

And...?

And what?

And what'd he say?

You know, let's talk later. I think Katie's going to pull her hair out if I don't hurry up and get down to the pitch.

Lobby after the game?

I'll try. It's not like I'm planning to be at a victorious celebration in the common room.

Harry sighed and hurried after Parvati, who was tugging at his robes, telling him to hurry up.

"Team, let me make this clear. There's not much hope for us to win this game."

This disappointing start to a pep talk caused grumbles in the Gryffindor locker room. Harry took a deep breath.

"Zacharias Smith and Michael Peterson are just about unbeatable Beaters. We've got to watch them. Colin, Dennis - we need to cripple their defense, and maybe we can make it with only two Chasers.

"Samantha Chestney, Arielle Williams, and that other new chaser, something Tyler - they're good, but their weakness is that they don't try as hard as they should because they think they're perfect and can't miss. They don't know what they're up against. Ginny..." Harry paused for a moment.

"I'll give it all I've got," Ginny shrugged.

Harry took a deep breath and looked over to Katie and Parvati. "What it all comes down to is you two," Harry said. "Bond is a good Keeper, but you guys can do it. I know you can. Just - avoid getting hit."

"What about you, Harry?" Dennis piped. "What are you going to do?"

Harry exhaled slowly. "Daniel Mortensen is the new regular Seeker, but he's in the Hospital wing. Something about a rogue Bludger during practice. No one's told me who the stand-in Seeker is - "

"How come they've got a stand-in Seeker but we haven't got a stand-in Chaser?"

"Because, Colin," Katie said with a sigh, "their Seeker is bloody accident prone, that's why. He's always bound to trip and fall and not be able to play. And besides, we weren't exactly expecting a flock of wild ducks to storm our practice!"

"Let me take care of the Seeker," Harry said softly. "We can win this game."

"We can," Katie muttered, "but we won't."

It wasn't good weather for playing Quidditch. It was bone-chillingly cold, and the bitter wind swept snow into the player's faces. Harry shivered and wondered vaguely how he was supposed to see the Snitch. Madam Hooch had them stand in a circle, ready to take off.

It was then Harry noticed the stand-in Seeker.

"Hannah?"

Hannah raised her eyebrows at Harry's startled expression. "Harry."

"Why didn't you-?"

"Tell you? I tried. You wouldn't listen."

Harry gulped and stuck out his hand. "May the best flier win."

Hannah glanced at Harry's hand for a moment, but did not take it. "Good luck." Her voice was weaker than it had been a minute ago.

"You too."

"Captains, shake hands!" Hooch demanded. Harry and Chestney shook hands, letting go quickly. Harry acknowledged the sixth year with a nod. She glared in response.

What a kind, friendly girl.

"Players, prepare for lift off!" Hooch called. Although Harry was right next to her, it was hard for him to hear. He glanced at Hannah again, and noticed a look of determination on her face.

I'll wipe that smirk off her face.

"Three - two - one..."

Madam Hooch threw up the Quaffle and the game began.

Tyler grabbed the Quaffle and brought it down the pitch. Ginny made a nice save and tossed the Quaffle to Parvati. Parvati and Katie passed it a bit; hardly deterred by the Bludgers the Hufflepuff Beaters were smacking their way. Katie made a try at the goalposts, but the Hufflepuff Keeper was good. Too good for two Chasers to take on?

Harry wondered.

Harry stopped watching the game and started looking around for the Snitch. It was rather pointless, as he could only see about three feet in front of him, but still.

He faintly heard Lee Jordan yell something that sounded an awful lot like "foul," but he couldn't be sure. Hearing was murder in weather like this.

Harry could just make out Hannah circling the air about ten feet above him. He was jerked out of his search by a loud cheer.

Hufflepuff had scored.

Gah.

Ginny was just about whamming her head against the goalposts. Harry knew she wouldn't let another goal past her.

Or he hoped.

Harry focused his attention on his search for the Snitch. He thought he saw a glitter of something gold, but an instant later it was gone.

Time passed. Hufflepuff scored again. And again. And again. Ginny was furious with herself. Parvati and Katie were trying, but just couldn't get anything past that Hufflepuff Keeper. Still, the Snitch was nowhere to be found.

At last, Harry couldn't take it anymore. "TIME OUT!" he shouted. "TIME - OUT!"

Hooch blew her whistle and the six Gryffindor players huddled on the ground.

The score was 80-0.

Harry stood in the middle of the huddle, looking around at his team. They were downhearted and gloomy.

"Come on!" Harry said desperately. "We can flatten this team! They're just playing on our weaknesses!

"Katie - you always tend to throw at the far right goalpost. The Keeper is ready for you! Surprise that little Hufflepuff git and score!

"Parvati, you've hardly tried to score a goal the whole game. Go ahead! Try! It's no worse than Katie missing! The Keeper won't expect it.

"Dennis, Colin... try to get that Keeper out. But remember, you can only hit the Bludger to the Keeper if the Quaffle is in the scoring area, or it's a foul. But we need to get that Keeper out of the game, it's the only way!

"And Ginny. Don't get so frustrated! It just damn screws up your game! Take a deep breath and concentrate. It's okay to let some goals through. Let 'em think they have a chance."

"What about Abbot?" Katie asked. "I hear she's pretty good. In this weather, Harry, it's all luck. Shouldn't Dennis and Colin try to take her out?"

Harry glanced over his shoulder. The Hufflepuff team was huddled not too far away. It was funny - he couldn't see the goalpost right in front of him, but he could make out her face from so far away. "Leave Hannah Abbot to me," Harry said softly. "There's no way she'll get to the Snitch before me."

Parvati gave Harry a Look that Harry ignored. "Now let's go out there and win!"

The game started up again. Harry flew up and down the pitch, looking for the still evasive Snitch.

The game was starting to look upward for Gryffindor. Ginny calmed down and saved a lot more. Parvati got a few goals, as did Parvati. Before Harry knew it, the score was tied, 90-90.

Harry suddenly took a deep breath and dived. He felt a Bludger just miss his head, but didn't let it deter him. Soon he felt Hannah's presence at his side.

Yes... he thought. Yes, come on, come on...

The only thing was, Hannah turned. Harry didn't.

Harry was bewildered. Even by his standards it was a great Wronski Feint. He shook his head. Hannah hadn't been fooled.

Harry was shocked a few seconds later to hear the pitch erupting in screams. Harry looked around, puzzled.

Then he realized what had happened.

Hannah hadn't been fooled at all. She had actually seen the Snitch.

And she had caught it.

Hufflepuff had won.

Harry wanted to break something.

The pitch was swarmed with all of Hufflepuff house. The Gryffindor team drifted to the opposite end of the pitch.

"It's not your fault, Harry..."

"You played a good game, Harry..."

"We can't win every game..."

"It's not like we lost to Slytherin..."

"We've still got a chance at the Cup..."

Harry let out a deep exhale. "Good game, everyone," Harry said loudly. "We came awful close to winning for a game without Angelina. Damn, I miss that girl. Wonder Madam Pomfrey let her come watch the game?"

"Most likely not," Katie sighed. "You know her..."

Harry sighed. "Yea. It's nobody's fault, we all did good..."

"Harry?"

Harry turned and saw Hannah Abbot. "Yea?" he said. He expected a gloat or something similar.

"Good game." Hannah held out her hand. Harry regretfully took it. "Only next time, when you're going for the Wronski Feint, make sure you don't see the Snitch."

Harry glanced over Hannah's shoulder. The rest of the Hufflepuff team was gloating over their victory. But here Hannah was, being reasonably modest about the whole thing.

"I will," Harry said quietly. "Congratulations, Hannah. I guess the best player did win." Harry looked around at his team. His eyes lingered on Ginny for a moment before they drifted back to Hannah.

"See you around, then," Hannah said, letting go of Harry's hand with a trace of almost reluctance.

Harry, at that moment, fully appreciated being a mind-reader.

Oh. My. God. He doesn't even notice that he's staring at Ginny while he's standing there shaking my hand. Why did I come over here? It's not like I should have expected any different...

Harry almost let his jaw drop. Before he could gather up his thoughts enough to speak, Hannah had already nodded farewells to the rest of the team and left. Harry closed his eyes for a moment before turning and walking into the locker rooms.

When Harry was walking out of the locker rooms ten minutes later, he was still a bit in shock after everything that had happened. He found Draco leaning against the wall.

"Rough game?" Draco asked with a smile.

"Rough gender," Harry sighed. "I despise women."

Draco smirked. "Don't we all?"

"I don't know, you seemed to be doing a pretty good job of loving that one."

Draco closed his eyes and then quickly opened them. "You're a git."

"I know. I take it you were watching the game?"

"Everyone was watching the game."

"It was kind of hard to tell, considering I couldn't see more than three feet in front of me."

"Ah. And that would explain why you didn't see the Snitch?"

"It should."

Harry shoved his hands into his pockets as he and Draco started walking towards the castle. "So what was that about despising women?"

"Hannah."

"Ah. Yes. She beat you."

"No, that's not it."

"So what is it?"

"Ginny."

"I thought we were talking about Hannah."

"Is there a difference anymore?"

"Uh. Last time I checked, yes."

Harry sighed. "Women make me sick."

"I had established that part, I just don't get the 'why?'"

"Because they're too confusing."

"I think you're being more confusing than anyone I've ever known, man or woman, at the moment," Draco commented.

"Hannah. She came up after the game and shook my hand."

"Yeeeeeeesss...?"

"And Ginny. I was staring at her while I was shaking Hannah's hand."

"Yeeeeeeesss..."

"And... she was so hurt."

"I thought you didn't like Hannah."

"I don't - not that way, anyway. But I don't want to hurt her. But I like Ginny and I think - no, I know that hurts her. Does that make sense?"

"I suppose..."

"It doesn't, does it?"

"Uh. No. Not really."

Harry sighed. "I guess the whole thing doesn't make sense in general. But still, I just can't - "

"Harry." Draco gave his friend a long, cold stare. "Love is patient."

"So??"

Draco sighed. "Someday you'll understand."

"You're talking to me like I'm a child!" Harry said angrily.

"I think you need it."

"Need what?"

"This."

"What this?"

"The this that you were just talking about. That this."

"Why do I need it?? I don't deserve this torture!"

"I said you needed it, I didn't say that you deserved it."

"That doesn't make-"

"Sense, yes, I realize that. But - oh, never mind."

Harry gave Draco an odd look. "Sometimes you scare me. Did you know that? Sometimes you really, really scare me."

Draco sighed. "I know. It's a gift." He grinned.

"I should be furious with you."

"And you're not?"

"No. I guess I can't be."

"Is that so?" Draco sounded amused.

"Hmmm."

"Why not?"

"Not sure," Harry replied, looking thoughtful.

"Is that a good thing, or a bad thing?"

"It's not either, really," Harry said. "It's just a thing."

"But is it a good thing?"

"Why bother labeling something as good or bad if you can't change it anyway?" Harry shrugged.

"Because you can use up a lot of useless energy ranting and raving about why it's such a bad thing."

"...Other than that."

"Well, gee. That was the only good reason I came up with, and you just brush it aside?" Draco pouted. "Some friend."

Harry smiled faintly. "Aren't I?"

"So what were you planning on doing today?"

"Finish up that Potions essay, I suppose," Harry said. "Then- well. Then."

Draco sighed. It's starting to seem like we won't finish in time.

We will. We have to.

"But what if we don't, Harry?" Draco whispered. "What if she just - dies? Could you live with yourself, knowing we were so close to saving her?"

Harry thought for a moment. They finally entered the entrance hall. Harry took this as an excuse to leave.

"I'll see you later?" Harry asked. Draco nodded curtly. They separated, Harry heading to Gryffindor Tower, Draco heading to the dungeons.

Harry had almost completely forgotten about the game. Remembrance hit him like a bullet when he entered the common room to everyone in Gryffindor staring at him like something interesting. The rest of the team was receiving condolences from the rest of the house.

"It's because he's crazy," Lavender Brown whispered into Parvati's ear. It didn't take a Hit Wizard to figure out whom she was talking about. "I'll bet you he was the one who put out Angelina, too. It's not your fault we lost. It's Harry Potter's."

Parvati sighed. "I know, Lavender. You can stop telling - telling - telling me..."

It was then that Parvati saw Harry. She stared at him blankly. Lavender glared. Harry smiled sadly.

"You too, Parvati?" he asked quietly, so only she could hear. "I had hoped that you, of all people, would understand. I guess that was just too much to ask."

And Harry turned and walked up to his dorm.

*

It's the first time I've ever felt this lonely.

I wish someone would cure this pain.

It's funny when you think it's gonna work out,

...Finally figured out you're all the same,

Always coming up with some kind of story...

Avril Lavigne- Too Much to Ask

*

He had known the article would change people's views on him. But Parvati? Parvati had always been so sweet and innocent when they were younger. And then she had grown into this wonderful, intelligent, loyal woman. How could she have been deceived by such an awful trick?

Harry felt like breaking something. That stupid article had ruined everything.

Stupid Daily Prophet.

Stupid Fudge.

Stupid life.

Harry decided something then. He had reached the cracking point. No one would even look at him anymore. His love life was a mess. He was causing Remus, who had done so much for him, pain. Ginny didn't love him. Hannah did. Parvati hated him.

It seemed all he did was cause people pain.

Harry Potter looked out the window and Disapparated.

When Harry reappeared, he found himself at the top of the Astronomy Tower. He closed his eyes.

This isn't the right thing to do...

You know what? Fuck. You. I've got no right to live.

Harry sat and dangled his feet over the side of the tower for a moment, looking down.

It was a long way down.

A very long way.

Harry took a deep breath and got ready to push off when a voice in his ear whispered something.

"I wouldn't jump if I were you."

Harry whirled around and almost lost his balance.

Ginny reached out and pulled him up.

"Ginny," he said quietly.

"You're worth more to some people than you think you are, Harry Potter," she said softly. Harry blinked.

"Like who?"

"Well," Ginny said in the same soft tone, "Malfoy, for one. Even if I don't think he's the most stable bloke, he cares a lot for you. So does Hannah. And your parents. My parents, even."

"What does it matter?" Harry whispered. "All I do is cause people pain."

"And your team."

"It's not about the game!" Harry said loudly. "It's about everything!"

"And me," Ginny said softly. "I care, too."

Harry slumped down. "All the more reason to jump."

"Are you mad at me?"

"No."

"Then why are you acting like this?"

"Because I can. Why are you trying to stop me?"

"Because I have to."

"No one's making you," Harry mumbled, sitting back down. Ginny grabbed his arm.

"My heart is," she whispered.

Harry turned and looked her in the eye. They drew closer and closer, until -

"HARRY!"

Harry jolted away and blushed. Ginny turned bright red. Draco appeared, out of breath.

"Harry - I've been looking - all over for you," he panted, leaning against wall and looking faint.

"What is it?" Harry asked, alarm crossing his eye.

"It's Millicent, Harry - she's dead!"