Don't You Forget About Me

Won't you come see about me?

I'll be alone, dancing you know it baby

Tell me your troubles and doubts

Giving me everything inside and out and

Love's strange so real in the dark

Think of the tender things that we were working on

If it was possible, the station was colder than the blustery winter outside. The man, his hair covered with a thin coating of snow pushed his way through the terminal, struggling to meet his train on time. Nervously, like most other passengers he passed, he glanced at his watch seeing the minutes tick by as if they were afraid to stay longer than a second. If he didn't hurry, he'd miss his train.

Not that it mattered.

Unlike the rest of the people in the terminal, Remus Lupin had the luxury of missing his train without facing the penalty of trying to find another. Yet, he still hurried amongst the rushed Muggles, feeling more alive than he had in weeks.

Apparting was easy, it was simple. It took no time at all and was how most Wizards preferred to travel. Remus was different. He didn't mind taking his time returning home from the Ministry. Generally, it gave him time to think and put his thoughts into some bit of order. Lately, they had been a jumble of past memories and present musings.

Remus's past had been littered with tragedies, most of which he cared not to think about ever again. Yet, through all of his trials and tribulations, there had been one who stood by him. Through thick and thin, he had been there for Remus, no matter what the cost. And, in the end, it was Remus who had betrayed him. No, not betrayed. That was too strong of a word.

'I turned my back on him,' was the phrase Remus finally settled on. 'When he needed me the most, I backed away.'

A bit of supernatural speed burst from Remus as he pressed forward, as if trying to block the memory from his mind. He moved like a man possessed. Like a man who tried to run from his memories.

And that was exactly what Remus Lupin was doing. Running from his memories of him.

In the end, Remus made his train, reaching the platform with only seconds to spare. He wound his way towards the back of the train, and settling in his compartment. There was an hour ride before the train would arrive near his flat. It was enough time for Remus to sink into the quiet of sleep. But lately, it hadn't been so quiet.

If the memories nagged at him during the day, they came back in a flood of pictures and sounds in his dreams. Even when he taught at Hogwarts, the memories weren't this strong. It was as if something were pulling him... forcing him to remember. It wasn't that he wanted to forget... no words were farther than the truth. It was just too painful for him to remember.

"Better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all," Remus muttered under his breath. He turned his head to glance out the window, watching the world pass him by in a blur of blues and grays. "Whoever thought up that expression ought to be shot."

Pulling his trench coat tighter around his thin shoulders to hide his shabby gray robe, Remus closed his eyes to slip into a brief slumber.

Slow change may pull us apart

When the light gets into your heart, baby

Don't You Forget About Me

Don't Don't Don't Don't

Don't You Forget About Me

Will you stand above me?

Look my way, never love me

Rain keeps falling, rain keeps falling

Down, down, down

The train pulled to a stop in the station and Remus was jolted awake. He rose and stretched, one more element of his daily routine completed. As Remus left his compartment to step onto the platform, he looked up at the gray sky. The white snowflakes continued to swirl and fall in their endless suicide. A few of them landed on Lupin's face, the cold wetness shocking him after the warmth of the car.

'How we loved the snow,' Lupin mused, a slight smile passing over his lips, 'It was a wonderful chance to get as wet as we could... And the only time to hit Snape in the back of the head with a snowball.' Lupin chortled at the memory. 'And you always managed to hit James a few times... before Lily put a stop to it all. Not that she minded... she never cared what we did... she was a dream for him... and you were mine...'

From behind, Remus was shoved rather rudely forward by a passenger behind him. Remus turned to look at the man who never stopped to apologize. He stepped forward, but still kept his eye on the man.

'Rude... inconsiderate... arrogant...'

A thousand words and derogatory comments filled Remus's head as he watched the man hurry into the stairwell. Yet, for some reason, Remus couldn't find the will to utter them. Instead, he let his emotions bottle up inside him. James was always telling him to let his anger show... it was okay to let your anger get the better of you on occasion, but Remus rarely could. It simply wasn't his personality to show anger.

With a sigh, Remus readjusted his trench coat. Not that anyone would notice his robes. Not on a day like this. The few stragglers left on the platform hurried into the stairwell, which promised to be just as cold as the outside. Their heads down, no one looked at the person next to them. No one noticed that a wizard was amongst them. All they cared about was staying warm. At the dinner table, some may mention the strange man who seemed unaffected by the cold. The sickly man who stood on the platform and stared up at the snow falling as if he'd never seen it before. The family would have a good laugh and the issue would be over. No one would ever give him a second thought or a second glance. Delicious anonymity.

As he figured, the stairwell was cold, but still slightly warmer than the outside air. Remus slowly walked down the stairs, not caring how long it took him to reach his flat. It didn't matter what time he returned home... there wasn't anyone waiting for him. Remus sighed to himself. Why did he have to turn his back? He was paying for his actions now. Only the Gods knew where Sirius was these days.

Remus nearly tripped down the stairs. He had tried for the past three years to keep from mentioning Sirius's name... even in his mind. Yet, for the first time, he found his inner voice saying the name. Why today? Why today?

Careful of his own movements, Remus cautiously stepped off of the staircase and made his way into the main part of the station. Near the entrance, he could see the man who bumped into him up on the platform. The same dirty, long, unkept hair. The gaunt figure that still was muscular in its own way. As Remus stared at the advancing figure, he found himself analyzing the man.

"I bet he was muscular in his youth," he muttered, following the figure, "He probably was a bit of a trouble-maker, but was loyal through and through. Something must have happened to him for him not to care about his appearance. It must be making him thin too."

Lupin closed his eyes as he though of the last time he had seen Sirius. He had that same sunken look. The twelve years in Azkaban were hard on Sirius though he tried not to let it show. Still, Remus could see it in his eyes. Those dark brown eyes were the only things that never lost their youthful glow. Remus was able to catch one last glimpse of the man before he disappeared into the swirling snow.

"He looks like Sirius..."

It took all of Remus's self-control to keep him from having an emotional outburst there in the terminal. He saw a thin man who bore a slight resemblance to Sirius and he went nuts.

'Come on Remus, pull yourself together,' Remus scolded himself, 'It couldn't be him. He swore he would never return to London.'

After taking a few deep breaths, Remus regained control of his emotions. Bracing himself, he pushed the door open, out into the snow storm. It was snowing harder now than when he had exited the train. Remus flipped the collar of his trench coat up to protect the back of his neck from the biting wind.

Now, the task of finding his car.

It was the only real piece of Muggle machinery that Remus owned. He didn't know why he owned it. Maybe some last ditch effort to keep Sirius's memory alive in his mind. He wouldn't buy a motorcycle, so this was the next best thing.

Once again, Remus felt himself being pushed forward. His anger getting the better of him, he whirled around, only to find himself face to face with the same man once again. This time, he had a full view of his face. And those blue eyes ... Remus's breath caught in his throat.

"S... Sirius?" he managed to choke out.

At that moment, a gust of wind kicked up, forcing Remus to turn his head. When he looked back, the man had disappeared.

Will you recognise me?

Call my name or walk on by

Rain keeps falling, rain keeps falling

Down, down, down, down

Somehow, he managed to return to his flat without having a major accident. Still, even as he put the key in the lock, his hands were shaking. The incident had occurred at least a half hour ago, and yet the adrenaline still flowed through his veins. It was a slightly inhuman feeling. Remus briefly ran through the moon's phases in his mind. No, he was still 15 days away from his next transformation. So, what was causing the strange feelings?

It was a miracle that he finally managed to turn the key and enter his apartment. He looked around the dark room, his eyes flicking into the shadowy corners. Remus loved his apartment on the ground floor, but tonight he was having second thoughts. Every time a car passed by outside, strange patterns of light were cast upon the wall from the headlights of the speeding cars. Night was just beginning to fall, causing the light to dance upon the wall. Once again, Remus found himself glancing around the apartment before he turned on the light. Finally, he flipped it on with a slight laugh.

"Remus, you've finally lost it old pal," he muttered to himself as he tossed his trench coat over a chair. He set his worn briefcase next to the chair and made his way into the kitchen to fix himself dinner.

An hour later, dinner had been eaten and the dishes washed and dried. Remus began to pace his apartment like a caged wolf. Something in the air was making him restless. Something wouldn't let him rest tonight.

With a loud crack, the sky outside was illuminated with a brilliant white light. It stretched from the heavens to the earth in a jagged line, cutting the sky in half. The flash was so bright that Remus could still see the imprint in his eyelids as he closed his eyes to the blinding light. Seconds later a loud thunderclap exploded above him, shaking the flat. Instantly, a heavy rain mixed with snow began to beat against the windows.

Briefly, Remus wondered why it was lightning outside if it was so bloody cold earlier that day. The only logical explanation came from a book he had read somewhere. Occasionally there was a phenomenon where thunder and lightning could occur during a snowstorm. While the current conditions outside were far from normal, Remus relaxed at the sounds coming from outside.

"No wonder..." Remus mused aloud. "I should have known the storm would have made me restless. The man in the station was merely a coincidence. Sirius is nowhere near London. He swore..."

Whatever Sirius swore suddenly escaped Remus's memory. For as Remus stared out the window into the rain, a figure appeared. Dark and shadowy, a furry outline could barely be seen in the sudden blackness from the storm. Remus squinted into the darkness, trying to make out what exactly he was seeing.

A second flash of lightning ripped across the sky, making Remus jump. The brief flash outlined the shape at the window. There was no mistaking what it was. A large, black dog.

Remus barely made it to his couch. He collapsed into the cushions, his heart beating a mile a minute. There was no mistaking what he saw. The Grim. There was no other explanation. The uneasiness he felt was due to that... thing's presence. That's why he had the premonitions of doom lately. It was his own.

Yet, Remus was strangely calm at the appearance of the Grim. Death was the only thing that would release him from his transformations. As of late, they were even more painful than usual. Without Snape's potion, he no longer had any bit of control over himself when he transformed. What he wouldn't give to have Padfoot nearby. At least then his wolfish mind was calm. All it took was Sirius's presence.

Remus curled up on the couch, bringing his knees up to his chest. He stared out the same window the Grim had appeared in, watching the storm in all its fury. The dog was nowhere to be found, further convincing Remus he had seen a Grim.

Once again, Sirius's face flashed before his eyes, and a strange sadness touched Remus's heart. When Sirius had been imprisoned in Azkaban, it had been easy. He suffered his heartbreak and betrayal in silence. He told himself this was how it was meant to be. Sirius was a traitor, and didn't care about him at all. That's why he betrayed Lilly and James. All Sirius wanted was power.

Why did the truth have to come out? Remus would have been content to live in his own world... without Sirius. Granted a world without Sirius was a dark one, but so was his life at the present. The only thing that kept Remus sane during their twelve year separation was the knowledge that Sirius was guilty.

Such was not the case anymore.

Sirius was an innocent man... something Remus had known all along, but never had the gall to admit it. He was content to live in his own delusional world.

But now... the days seemed to take an eternity to pass by. He knew Sirius was out there somewhere, on the run from the Dementors. No one knew when he'd see Sirius again... or if he'd still have his soul intact when he eventually did. Only as Padfoot could Sirius escape the Dementors.

"As Padfoot..." Remus whispered aloud.

A third crack of lightning illuminated the early night sky. Ironically, the facts clicked in Remus's head at the same time. That was no Grim at the window... it must have been Padfoot. Remus was sure of it. How could he not? No one knew that Sirius was an unregistered Animagus... other than himself, Dumbledore, and Harry's closest friends. The Ministry had no idea, and Remus planned to keep it that way.

He rose quickly from the couch and ran to the door. Not caring that the temperature had fallen once again, Remus rushed out into the blinding snow storm. The rain that had fallen only minutes ago had turned over to snow making it impossible to see. Shivering in the cold, Remus shielded his eyes with his hands, looking up and down the street.

"Padfoot!" he called out, running up the street. "Please... I know you're there..."

The cold quickly sunk into Remus's bones as he sunk to his knees in the swirling inferno. His cheeks were frozen, making him unable to feel the tears that streamed down them. Never in all his years had he felt so alone. He wanted Sirius to return. He needed the man... more than ever.

"Padfoot..." he called out weakly, one last time. "I need you... please..."

The only answer he received was the howl of the wind. Remus shivered one last time before pulling himself to his feet. He walked slowly back to his flat, his footprints the only impressions in the white plain. If there were any paw prints in front of the window, the wind had covered up all evidence.

Shivering, Remus re-entered his flat, all energy drained from his body. He collapsed onto the couch, not even having the energy to walk ten more feet to his bedroom. Pulling his arms around himself, Remus cried himself to sleep for the first time in twelve years.

Don't you try to pretend

It's my feeling we'll win in the end

I won't harm you or touch your defenses

Vanity and security

Even in his dreams, Remus was haunted by the memory of Padfoot. It had been a night much like tonight... the last time he had seen him. Remus had just returned home from a long day of wandering around London. Without his job and without Sirius, Remus was like a ship without a rudder. He had no direction. So, instead, he drifted with the winds to wherever they took him.

His long walks provided no comfort. They merely reminded him of how alone he really was. Yet, it was better to be outside than sitting in front of the television for hours on end. So, Remus ignored the stares as he walked through Hyde Park in the dead of winter. The cold reminded him that he was still alive, despite how dead he felt inside.

Now that he was home, Remus was plunged into the silence of an empty house. He read the Daily Prophet every day, praying that Sirius's name would never appear on the front page. And for the last year, his prayer had been answered. If Sirius's name appeared on the page, it was merely an update that he was still at large.

The wind howled outside, unleashing its fury on the small flat. When he first heard the knock, he assumed it was the wind. But the pounding became insistent, and Remus went to the door, wondering who would be outside on a night like this.

Sirius.

Remus would know those blue eyes anywhere. Standing before him, a bit larger than the last time he had seen him was Sirius. Remus stood at the doorway in shock, unable to believe Sirius was here. In London. Standing before him.

"A-aren't y-you g-g-going to l-let m-me in M-m-moony?" Sirius's voice was uneven as he shivered in the cold.

All motor skills seemed to have stopped functioning the minute Remus saw Sirius standing before him. Finally, his feet seemed to move with a will of their own as he backed away from the door allowing Sirius inside.

Sirius quickly went to the fireplace and started a fire while Remus closed the door behind him, shutting out the storm. He didn't move from his post near the door. All he could do was stare at the man before him.

"Moony, you act as if you've never seen me before." Sirius's voice no longer shook as the warmth from the fire seeped into his bones. It was the first time he had been warm in about a week.

"It's been a year, Sirius," Remus said softly, "How do you expect me to act?"

Sirius stood and turned towards Remus. "Was expecting a warmer reception too much to ask for?"

In that brief moment, Remus's defenses broke down. He quickly crossed the room to his lover and threw his arms around him. They stood in the embrace for a while. Remus lost track of the time. All that mattered was that Sirius had returned.

Two lost souls took comfort in each other for those brief minutes. The years that they had been apart no longer mattered. It wasn't until they were sitting together on the couch that Remus began to voice his own internal struggle. He didn't intend to say anything... it just happened.

"How long will it be before I see you again?" Remus asked softly, staring at the fire's glowing embers. The fire had long since gone out, but neither felt the need to rekindle the ashes.

"I don't know," Sirius answered. "Dumbledore instructed me to gather the old crowd together... and then to return here. I needed to see you first before I went on his mission."

"So, once again, I'm left in the dark."

"As am I! Remus, this isn't easy for me."

Remus turned at Sirius's last statement, looking at him with an expression of shock on his face. Sirius took both of Remus's hands in his own and held them tightly. "Please believe me Remus... one day..." Remus stood up quickly, pulling his hands away from Sirius's grasp. He paced around the room as Sirius continued to speak. "It won't always be this way. One day we will be together. I won't have to worry about running from the Ministry. We can--"

"We can what!?" Remus said, interrupting Sirius. He whirled around, looking at the larger man sitting on his couch. It wasn't often that Remus showed his anger, but when it did, it was like a dam was released. The storm's fury couldn't match Remus's.

"I have waited 13 years... wondering if you're even alive. You're the first person to escape from Azkaban, let alone leave with your sanity still intact. And now you bounce in and out of my life with the frequency of a yo-yo. I never know when I'll see you again." A slight shudder escaped from the slight frame of Remus. "And it's killing me."

Once again, Remus turned away from Sirius and leaned against the wall, looking out the window into the snow. It swirled down the street, making it nearly impossible to see anything. How much the storm outside was like his own heart. Just as he couldn't see across the street, Remus was unable to see where his future with Sirius was heading. And that was what scared him the most. He could live on his own with the knowledge that Sirius was somewhere... but to have him completely gone from his life.

Life would have no meaning for him.

A comforting touch. A hand on his shoulder and he knew Sirius was standing behind him. As much as he wanted to pull away from him, Remus let himself lean back against Sirius, taking his strength from the man, as he always had in the past.

"I never meant to hurt you," Sirius whispered in Remus's ear. "I care for you too much."

Remus closed his eyes as he let Sirius's words sink in. Sirius was never one to delve into emotions. Now that he was, it came as a bit of a shock.

Sirius bent over, his breath hot on Remus's ear. "I don't want to leave you like this, but you have to know." Sirius paused ever so slightly. "I love you, Moony. And I will be back... I don't know when, but I'll come back. I promise."

Before Remus could reply, Sirius's touch left his body and he was left alone in the living room. Remus opened his eyes to the swirling storm.

"There are some promises even you can keep, Padfoot."

Don't you forget about me

I'll be alone, dancing you know it baby

Going to take you apart

I'll put us back together at heart, baby

Don't You Forget About Me

Don't Don't Don't Don't

Don't You Forget About Me

Remus awoke early the next morning, still on the couch. He stood up gingerly, his back stiff from sleeping on the soft cushions. Still groggy from sleep, Remus had to remind himself that it was Saturday. A weekend... no work to distract him from his thoughts. Though immersing himself in work did nothing to ease his pain.

After a meager breakfast, Remus left his flat, letting his feet guide him to today's destination. It wasn't long before he found himself in a park not too far from his flat. Smiling to himself, he entered the park, his footprints the only marks in the virgin snow. He was alone in the park... as always.

Remus hadn't ventured far into the park when he noticed a second set of footsteps, crossing perpendicular to his own. For reasons unknown to even him, Remus followed them. After a while, Remus thought he was following a wild goose chase. Why would anyone else be out at this hour on a Saturday morning? The tracks must have been made the night before.

Yet, it was snowing like a devil the night before. That, combined with the wind... no one in their right mind would have been out at that time of night. The tracks must be recent.

"I'm surprised at you, Moony. I never was able to sneak up on you before."

Remus froze in his tracks. His eyes grew wide as his brain processed the voice that had spoken to him. Remus turned around slowly, unable to believe his own ears. There, standing before him was the face that haunted his dreams.

No longer emaciated, Sirius had returned to almost his normal size and it brought a smile to his lips. It had been years since he'd seen Sirius look healthy. There was still a touch of the gauntness in his features, a look that would probably never leave him.

"S...Sirius..." Remus whispered, barely trusting his own voice. "You came back..."

"I promised you that I'd come back, and I have." Sirius raised an eyebrow as he smiled playfully at Remus. "Did you doubt old Padfoot?"

Remus wasn't amused by Sirius's antics. Instead of returning the smile, he narrowed his eyes at his once lover. "Three years is a long time to wait... without any word. Add that onto the time you've spent in Azkaban. Yes, I fell it's safe to say I began to have my doubts."

The words seemed to take a moment to finally sink in. Sirius couldn't come up with a snappy comeback this time. Remus's words hurt. They hit the very core of his being. It was thoughts of Remus that kept him alive. Knowing that the steadfast member of their relationship would be waiting for him, whenever he could return.

"You... you didn't forget about me, did you?" Sirius asked quietly, his joking manner completely gone.

"Forget about you?" Remus asked with a laugh. "How could I? Not when your memory haunts my thoughts. Even when I'm alone, you're there... your spirit won't leave me alone."

Sirius took a step towards Remus, holding out his arms. "I'm here now."

Instead of stepping forwards, Remus retreated two paces. He crossed his arms in front of his chest. "For how long?"

"That isn't fair, Moony."

"It's incredibly fair, Padfoot," Remus replied, staring Sirius down. "You are never around for more than a day at a time. I live from day to day, hoping I'll see you. Fighting off depression when you stay away for years on end."

"It's not my choice." Sirius's voice took on a slight note of panic. He hadn't expected this scene.

"I told you this once before... I... I can't live like this." Remus's voice faltered slightly as he fought to contain his emotions. "It will kill me."

Sirius remained silent for a moment. In all these years, he never thought of how Remus felt. He always had seen the man as the rock he could hold onto. The single beacon of light in a world full of darkness. Sirius never thought that Remus needed that same rock in himself.

As much as he loved Remus, he couldn't give him any promises. There would always be a shadow of doubt hanging over their heads.

'If you love him,' Sirius closed his eyes at the mere thought, 'let him go...'

Sirius took another step forward and lightly caressed Remus's cheek. He looked into the shorter man's eyes, seeing himself reflected in their stormy depths.

"It's up to you," he said finally.

"What is?"

"I have caused you too much pain. If you'd rather be..." Sirius closed his eyes, gathering his strength to finish the thought. "I will leave you, if that's what you desire."

"No! Sirius, I didn't mean it like that. I want you in --"

Sirius held up his hand. "Don't answer that just yet. I want you to think it over... what you really want. If you still want to be together, call out to me. I'll show myself to you somewhere. If you call out, I will come to you and somehow we will work through the separation. If you say nothing, I will walk out of your life forever."

"But," Remus attempted to interrupt.

"It's your choice."

With a pop, Sirius disapparated, leaving Remus alone in the snow-covered park.

As you walk on by

Will you call my name?

As you walk on by

Will you call my name?

When you walk away

A week passed, and Remus hadn't seen any sign of Sirius. And it wasn't that he wasn't watching. Wherever he went, Remus kept an eye peeled, hoping he'd see him. But, as the days passed, hope began to fail him. Wouldn't Sirius have let himself be seen by now?

'Unless what he told you was a lie.'

"He wouldn't lie to me," Remus answered aloud. "Sirius would never do that..."

A head turned in his direction at the mention of Sirius's name. So the Muggles still remembered about the escaped criminal. Remus sighed and leaned back against the back of his seat as his train barreled along the tracks. As much as he tried to dismiss them, the doubts continued to plague his mind. Those doubts kept repeating in his head as he stepped off the platform.

As he had a week prior, Remus lifted his head to the sky to watch the dancing snowflakes. The frozen tears of the sky. The train pulled away from the station and Remus lowered his head. He glanced across the tracks to see a large black dog, sitting at the edge of the opposite platform.

Padfoot.

Remus looked at the dog as if it were some alien being. A week Sirius made him wait... and for him to not even see the real Sirius. He had to see him in his animal form. Remus looked across the tracks, realising it was the moment of truth. All it would take was one word.

His mind flew at warp speed as he thought over his life these past few years. How empty his life had been without Sirius. How he had held to the hope that Sirius would one day come back. It was the only thing that kept him going on those long nights. When he was alone, only his thoughts to keep him company.

One word. That's all it would take.

It seemed like an eternity passed as he stood there on the platform. Remus never spoke a word. It wasn't long before the dog rose and began to walk away. It was now or never. His last chance.

"Padfoot."

Or will you walk away?

Will you walk on by?

Come on - call my name

Will you call my name?

The name was whispered, but it was enough. The dog stopped and turned around, its blue eyes sparkling in the evening light. Without so much as a bark to acknowledge that he heard the name, the dog disappeared into the staircase leading into the station. Remus ran to his own staircase, afraid he was going to lose Sirius forever.

Out of breath and sweating despite the cold, Remus reached the station itself and looked around frantically for a black dog. There was no sign of Sirius or Padfoot. None.

Remus closed his eyes, fighting off the wave of emotion that overcame him. He had lost his chance. His one chance for happiness was gone forever.

"You didn't think I'd leave without seeing you one last time, did you Moony?"

Remus whirled around to see Sirius standing behind him. A thousand questions exploded in his mind, but he managed to ask the one that mattered.

"Is it goodbye forever, Padfoot?"

Sirius smiled as he pulled Remus into an embrace, kissing him lightly on the lips. The fact that Muggles streamed around him didn't even register in his brain.

"Not forever. I could never leave you, Moony."

And that is how Remus found Sirius once again. It didn't matter that they were in the middle of Muggle London, embracing each other. All that mattered... was that Sirius was home.