Unwell

All day staring at the ceiling

Making friends with shadows on my wall

All night hearing voices telling me

That I should get some sleep

Because tomorrow might be good for something

"Go to sleep, Harry."

"What?" I said, straining my eyes across the room to the shadowy figure stretched out on the bed.

"Go...to...sleep..." Ron repeated slower to me as if I didn't get it the first time.

"I am asleep." Even if I was sleepy, this wasn't the best response because I was greeted by a pillow flying across the room and landing on my face. I, of course, didn't realize what this was until I had struggled for my life. I sighed and flopped back down.

"Uh, Harry?" Ron's voice bounced off the wall around me.

"What Ron?"

"Can I have my pillow back?"

I tossed it soundly towards his bed and was satisfied by the muffed yelp he let out as it smacked him in the face.

"Was that entirely necessary?" Ron whined.

"Don't start it mate, if you don't intend to finish it." I rolled back over and stuffed my face in my mattress and tried to bribe myself into sleeping.

If you fall asleep now, the morning will come sooner and it won't be night anymore. I turned over again and tried sleeping on my other side.

Count sheep? I rolled on to my back and tried to imagine fluffy, white sheep leaping over the crack in the ceiling.

No use, I can't sleep. I can't sleep anymore. I flopped on my stomach and even if it didn't help, I still try. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to ignore the flood of emotions that stirred though me. I felt my body shake with suppressed sobs and my eyes blur with tears. I turned to check if Ron could hear me, but all I could hear was his soft snores from the opposite side of the room.

Hold on

Feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown

And I don't know why

Stop crying! My brain screamed at me, mad at my behavior. Be strong. Do it for... I couldn't even finish that thought. I ripped my pillow out from under me and smacked it down on my hot forehead, sighing slightly at the coolness of the cotton cover.

You've had some time to deal with this. You should be better with the idea. At least you should be able to think about it without tearing up. I shoved my pillow into the fresh tears that were forming in the corners of my eyes.

I felt the walls closing in on me. That horrid cramped feeling crept up on me and I suddenly felt myself jerk up and sit staring. My pillow flopped to the floor with a hallow thud and I felt more alert. Every sound in the entire house was available to my ears. I could hear the dripping of water from the hall bathroom and the soft scurry of a mouse along the floor. I dropped my feet of the bed and slowly padded across the room to the door and squeaked out of it to the hall, not to wake Ron, or anyone else.

I snuck to the bathroom and with a refreshing splash of cold water on my face I went downstairs to get something to eat. The uneven walls of the Burrow were even worse in the dark. I stumbled down the steps, hoping that I didn't take one the wrong way. I felt my way along the walls until I felt my finger nicked the edge of a frame and blood trickle down my palm.

"Damn it," I cursed to myself in the dark, even if it was to no one in particular. I pulled my wand out from the pocket of my pajama pants and whispered to myself.

"Lumos." The small spark lit the dim hall. Dragging my hand up the wall where I had felt the frame, I followed it with the light. A shimmer caught my eye from the wood where a small drop of my blood was caught. But, there was no frame. I smoothed over the surface with my hands, but there was nothing. I looked down at my feet, but there was nothing to be seen. Not a speck of shattered glass or a ripped snap shot.

It was there. I felt something. I felt insane for a moment, then stuffed my wand back in my pocket and went to go back down the stairs.

The second I raised my hands to lead myself down the stairs again, my fingers brushed against the edge of a smooth, wooden frame. I lifted the edge up and pulled it of the wall. I sat down on the edge of the steps and felt the weight of the object in my hands. I felt like I had answer. I didn't mean to find it, but I did.

I slowly moved my hand over to my wand and uttered the spell again.

"Lumos."

My eyes were not ready for what I was about to see.

My godfather's face from not so long ago, smiling brightly up at me with one arm slung around my father's shoulders and the other loosely around my mother's waist. Both men where clad in their Sunday best and my mother in her lovely wedding dress all frozen in time and smiling back at me.

I felt sick. The frame slipped from my hands and soundlessly crashed to the floor and I threw my body to the wall as I was racked with sobs. Every time a moment would come where I would calm down, the memory would come back to me and a fresh flood of tears would start. I'm not entirely sure how long I sat there, in the dark and cried. It wasn't until I felt a hand on my shoulder and a body squeeze next to mine on the stairs that I felt anything.

But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell

I know right now you can't tell

But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see

A different side of me

My hands were covering my face, but a pair of cool hands slipped to my forehead, brushing my hair away. Another arm circles me, hugging me gently. Then a soft voice whispered in my ear.

"What's wrong Harry?"

I slowly turned my face so that Ginny's was visible though my tears. My body suddenly calmed down and I stared into her face. Her eyes were full of tears and I didn't understand why.

"I... don't know." I let my body slump to the wall and my head thudded against the wood.

I could feel her staring at me still. One of her tiny, cold hands came up and pushed the hair on my forehead again. I turned to look at her.

"Tell me." Her eyes pleaded when she looked at me. She bit her lip and her eyes searched my face. "It can help, Harry. You don't have to keep everything inside. It can help to talk about it."

"No!" I yelled jumping to my feet. "No, I don't want to talk about it! If I don't talk about it, it never happened!" I bounded down the stairs and threw the kitchen and out of the door.

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired

I know right now you don't care

But soon enough you're gonna think of me

And how I used to be...me

The earth felt warm on my bare feet as I sprinted down the path and through the fields. My brain felt as if I could just jump out of my head if I willed it enough to. I didn't want what was in it anymore. I didn't want the pain or the memories.

I ran until I couldn't even see the house anymore. Then I collapsed in the grass. My eyes turned up to the heavy blanket of stars.

I'm talking to myself in public

Dodging glances on the train

And I know, I know they've all been talking about me

I can hear them whisper

And it makes me think there must be something wrong with me

"Why?" I asked the stars. "Why? Why didn't you leave me alone?" I wasn't alone. But I felt it at that moment. "I don't want to do this alone. I need your help."

I didn't know if I could take all of this. This responsibility was so much for one person. It was too much for anyone. From such a young age, I had to grow up and I had to save the world. I'm not invincible. I can't do it.

I don't want to go to school and pretend that everything was fine; it wasn't . I know now that people will watch me for signs of what would go on. I would be just too depressed. There would be rumors and speculation about things no one had the faintest idea about. Stories and slander I didn't want to deal with. The Boy Who Lived didn't want to deal with it anymore.

Maybe they were right, maybe I can't handle it.

You can't start to doubt yourself. You can do this, even without Sirius...

My heart leapt into my thought, I took several deep breaths. I twisted on the ground dying to think of something else.

"How long?!" I shouted at they sky. "How long will it take to forget?!"

Out of all the hours thinking

Somehow I've lost my mind

Why do I feel like I'm going insane?

But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell

I know right now you can't tell

But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see

A different side of me

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired

I know right now you don't care

But soon enough you're gonna think of me

And how I used to be

I felt my eyelids becoming heavy. I turned to the sky and found Orion proudly defending all the great mythical beings. Each star seemed a little brighter as I looked up there, a little closer. If we can count every star, if we can live, love, and die. If people all over the world can do there part, maybe I can do mine.

Maybe it isn't impossible.

I've been talking in my sleep

Pretty soon they'll come to get me

Yeah, they're taking me away

I fell asleep under the blanket of stars in the warm field. The grass surround and protected me through the night. I didn't have one, single dream. I slept like I guess I would have if I had been in my mother's arms, safe and warm. Maybe I did dream about her.

My body felt warm in the grass. I could feel the sun beating threw my pajamas. Someone reached out and shook me awake.

"Harry." The voice shook me again until I opened my eyes. They were bathed in angelic glow. At first, I thought it was an angel, but it was just the sun. Ginny was kneeling in the grass next to me. I sat up and her red hair glowed in the scorching sunlight.

"We have been looking for you all night." Her eyes had dark circles under them and a wave of guilt swept over me. "We didn't know which way you went." She just looked into his eyes. "I didn't mean to you make you mad, Harry."

I just looked at her. Everything stopped in my mind. I reached to her and closed my arms around her body.

But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell

I know right now you can't tell

But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see

A different side of me

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired

I know right now you don't care

But soon enough you're gonna think of me

And how I used to be

After a while I pulled back and looked at her face.

I could hear the voices of the Weasley family. "I'll get better," I said. "Give me a little more time."

Ginny got up and helped me to my feet. I could see Ron and the twins running along the field towards me.

I put my arm around her and we started to walk down the path towards the house. We got inside and sat around the table once again. I was different, a little more grown up.

Yeah, how I used to be

How I used to be

Well, I'm just a little unwell

How I used to be

How I used to be

Ginny smiled over the table at me as Mrs. Weasley bustled around trying to feed me to death. One by one the entire family came and sat down for breakfast. Every person tired and relieved that I was ok. The twins had found several bogarts in there hike threw the woods and asked me if he could run away more often.

When Ron sat down he patted me on the shoulder. He was just out of the shower because he has fallen in a creak in the middle of the night. Mr. Weasley was the last to arrive stating that he had sent another owl to the Ministry informing them that he had found Harry and they didn't need to panic or send reinforcements.

I felt at home. Every day I would get a little better. And in a while I would look back on how I got threw it. You just have to take a deep breath and think...

I'm not crazy.

I'm just a little unwell

- Unwell by Matchbox 20