Safety From a Distance

Safety From a Distance

Prologue

© PrincessLesse 2002

I watched her. Stared at her. She was different. I couldn't explain it, there was just something about her. The way she walked, the way she pursed her lips, the way she would try to stare off into space, only to come back to reality, in horror to realize that she missed some assignment. She never knows that I watch her, see her smile, chat with others, and walk past me with only a little wave.

Oh sure, she knows who I am, and we've talked to each other on several occasions. We're Prefects, of course we talk. She's quite funny and witty, too. I remember the first time I spoke to her, it was at the table, after I got sorted.

"Congratulations," she'd said to me.

"What for?" I responded, with the mind and intellect less than that of my eleven years.

"For making it into this house, silly!" she smiled at me and tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear.

"Well, you're a first year, too. I don't get it, why are you congratulating me?" I asked again, I'm sure with a dumbfounded expression on my face.

She looked exasperated, and she blew air quickly out of her lips. Then she smiled tiredly at me and said, "I heard you talking in line. You said that you really wanted to be in this house. You and you're friend. I didn't mean to listen in, but you're so loud. I just wanted to say congratulations for making it in."

I stared at her, I'm sure drool was dribbling down my chin. Girls were just starting to appeal to me at this age. I mean, I was still unsure of the fact that there may be cooties under all the hair and such, but I was preoccupied with the way she was looking at me. Another thing I loved about her was the fact that when you were speaking to her, she'd talk to you and look at you as if you were the most important thing. It made you feel as if you really had something important to say, and no matter what, she'd listen to you.

"Oh. Um-er-thanks, I guess." I was still staring at her, I'm sure. I grinned, and she smiled back. She said to me afterwards, "You're welcome, I'm sure it's a pleasure to meet you. I'm Lily Evans, by the way."

And that was when I knew her name. Because, I know you don't pay attention to those going before you or after you unless you've met someone, you know them, and you're hoping they're in the same house as you.

"James Potter," I said simply.

She smiled once more at me and said, "Nice to meet you, James Potter."

Now, I can recall all the occasions I've spoken with her. I remember them vividly in my mind, hoping that she remembers them, too. I know that she doesn't, she's no reason to cherish them like I do. The reason why I am so infatuated with her? Well, I remember this one time, I was having a difficult time with Sirius. He's such a fickle, bloke.

This was about two years ago, in fourth year. There was this dame I was after, and quite a looker that she was. She had these gorgeous blue eyes, strawberry-blonde hair, and she was a head shorter than me. I like girls shorter than me, just because I can stare down at them and rest my head on theirs'. If you didn’t know, I’m a pretty tall fellow.

Anyhow, I was after this dame, and I ended up telling Sirius. You see, Sirius happens to be a hormone crazed fool, and he liked girls a lot by the time he was in fourth year, and he said to me, "Oh her? I’m dating her now. You can have her when I’m finished."

Now don’t get the wrong idea, I’m not saying that I’m a dog and was chasing after Sirius. Au contraire, Sirius is actually the dog, but the girl was flirting with me just that morning. I had looked at her before, and thought what a good looking broad she was. She noticed my stare, and of course, came over. I was fretting over this, because Sirius was going out with her, and the fact that Sirius was going out with her and she was flirting shamelessly with other men.

I was pouting and sulking in the common room during dinner when Lily came in there, an enigmatic smile upon her lips. Once she saw me and my sad expression, she came over to me and sat down next to me.

I don’t know why, but she just sat there and stared at the fire with me. I guess it was the fact it was a comforting presence, or the fact that Lily was really good with other peoples’ emotions. I started blabbing my problem.

"Okay, so there is this rose, and she noticed me. But she and Sirius are dating, and I think that she might like me, but she’d go for Sirius instead. But, I don’t want to hurt Sirius and my friendship, so I’m not going to pursue it. I just don’t know what to do. Do you have any idea what I should do?" I asked her.

I turned to her with hopeful eyes, hoping that the ever wonderful Lily Evans could tell me what I needed to know.

"You know what, James?" she had said to me. "If a girl can’t see what you’re worth, then she’s not worth your time. If you value your friendship with Sirius, you wouldn’t be having this conversation, but as you’re only fourteen, it’s highly understandable. Sirius would do the same if the situation was switched."

She had pursed her lips after this as she turned to me and stared into my eyes with hers. As if she were trying to get me to see her point.

"You’re a good friend, James. Any other would’ve carried on behind their friend’s back and had a nice little tryst with that ‘rose’ you were speaking of. I’m not sure how it must feel, to be on the outskirts of a relationship you wish you were in, but if you liked this girl so much, talk to Sirius about it and talk to her. Try to work something out. If you don’t like her as much as you say you do, mull your thoughts over it and think of any reasonable solutions. You’re a smart boy, James, I’m sure you’ll figure it out."

She smiled that enigmatic smile of hers again, and waited for me to respond. I smiled charmingly at her and said, "Of course. That makes perfect sense. If I didn’t tell you, I did talk to Sirius. I don’t think he likes her all that much. But, she isn’t important enough to ruin a friendship. I think that I’ll just let everything play out and see where it goes. Thanks, Lily!"

She had nodded and headed up the staircase. She stopped about midway, to see me staring after her. A light blush had stained my cheeks, I know it.

"You know, James. I think that Sirius saved a spot for you at dinner. Why don’t you head on down, and get what those scavengers haven’t devoured."

I grinned, and before she could turn back around, I called out her name.

"Lily!"

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"Would you like to accompany me to the Great Hall, I’m afraid I might get lost if I don’t have a pretty guide," I said to her, waggling my eyebrows.

"Oh, so you’d get lost with an ugly guide then?" she asked me inquisitively.

I chuckled and said, "Well, no, but it’s a bonus to have someone pretty ahead of me. I’m sure that you have a nice bum, too."

She laughed at me, and headed back down the stairs. She stared up at me, almost my height then. She was rather tall, and she reached my chin. She had the perfect view of my mouth, I’m sure.

"Well, James, I guess that I’ll have to be your guide. But only if I can stand beside you, because I don’t want anyone looking at my bum."

I grinned at her, and I circled her as she stood there, her lips pursed and her arms crossed.

"Are you sure, you have such a lovely bum!" I circled her once again to show my approval.

"It doesn’t matter, Mr. Potter, because I’m very fond of my bum, and it needs no recognition except from myself. You see, Mr. James Potter, we should be heading to dinner now, so chop-chop!" She said clapping her hands.

I laughed, and linked my arm with hers as I pulled us out of the portrait hole and down the hall.

You see, that was the time I’m sure I remember when I realized I liked this girl, this Lily Evans. She wasn’t a rose, she wasn’t a dame, she wasn’t a bird, and she most definitely wasn’t any slur that I could think of. She was absolutely perfect. I could literally go on about her for hours on end, but that would be quite sad of me.

At that time, in fourth year, in my fourteenth year of age, I had realized that I liked a girl that didn’t have a busty chest, the ideal look for girls, and she wasn’t stick thin. She was fit, not skinny. Don’t get me wrong, she’s slender and slight, but she got meat on her bones!

I can’t say that I’m in love with her, more as if ‘in like’. Because, I know her, but I don’t know her well enough to say that I love her. I know that it’d be easy to see me with her, because I’m more practical, now that I’m sixteen. Even though the age may not seem it, but when you grow up and live the better years of your life in Hogwarts, you learn much more, much, much more than you do if you were ordinary. Even ordinary for a witch or wizard.

Now that I’m in sixth year, that I’m in running for Head Boy, that Lily is in running for Head girl, I’m sad that I couldn’t have made the past five years more eventful. I feel as if I’ve wasted them, because I realized it in first year, when I talked with her that very first time. I truly realized it in fourth year. When cooties were so far gone, that I was sure that I would be a man soon.

What I’m truly sad about is, that I didn’t pursue Lily Evans like I had every other girl that I wanted. A girl I wanted, a girl I’d get. Call me conceited, but they liked me just the same. I was a fairly decent guy, I’ve even heard girls call me a "dish". Sirius and I, we were known as the "least committed" in our group. And, that was too bad, because it didn’t tarnish me except in one very sad way. In that one way, and her name happened to be Lily Evans.

I knew the kind of guys she liked, and I wasn’t her kind. I’m a smart person, very intellectual, but more or less, immature. I knew she liked me fine as a friend, but as boyfriend material, I was on the bottom of her list. She put me on the bottom of her list with Sirius. Sirius ruined my chances and his as well.

I remember, Sirius had went on a date with a friend of Lily’s. Well, that was a good friend of Lily’s. Sirius broke up with her, even though he told her it wasn’t working. Her friend understood, but she must’ve shed some tears. Lily had come up to Sirius at lunch in the Great Hall. She stared at him, a bit of contempt in her eyes.

"I don’t appreciate you stringing my friend, Sirius Black. I don’t appreciate the fact that you play with peoples’ hearts. One day, your heart will be trampled upon, and I will still have so much scorn for you to laugh."

She stalked off after that, her lips pursed. I turned to Sirius, who was staring after her. His mouth was in a grin, but there was shock in his eyes.

"Padfoot?" I inquired into his thoughts hesitantly.

"You know what, Prongs? I think that I might like her. I told her friend it wasn’t working, because I honestly didn’t want to hurt her. I was developing feelings for someone else. It just happened to be her."

I felt my blood boil, and I stared at him with hard eyes. He wasn’t looking at me, but rather after Lily.

"Sometimes, I think that she knows too much for her own good, Prongsy. To laugh at my unfortunate episodes and yet still scorn me."

Since I wasn’t one to stay mad at any of the Marauders for very long, I grinned slightly.

"Padfoot, my friend, you’re an idiot." I had smiled after my comment as we stood and proceeded to class.

Now, that I sit here and wallow in my self-pity, I can only be sad because we are nothing more than friends. Not even great friends, more like acquaintances. That and that alone. I’ll never be anything more to Lily Evans than an acquaintance. How sickening to me, how terrible for me, and how lucky for anyone else. Because I know I’d be a worthy adversary competing for the heart of Lily Evans. And I know I’d win. That’s just me, I wouldn’t stop until I knew she was mine.

Wallowing in self-pity won’t help me. I need to get up and get on with my life. But, how can you get someone like Lily Evans out of your head? She’s beautiful in her own way, she’s her own person, and she doesn’t flaunt herself to me or to her boyfriends. She’s just her, Lily Evans. And that’s what I like about her. Her being her and no one else.

Little does she know that I’d change my whole persona just to have a standing chance with her. For one date, I’d change everything about me. But, I couldn’t do that, because she’d fall in love with a James I couldn’t be. I just have to stay away, and accept the fact I can only stand at a distance, because any closer would ruin our acquaintanceship and the little of our friendship.