Snape the Younger

Dilemma

Severus woke with a start, sweat rolling off him. He was on his feet, wand clutched convulsively in his hands as he stared around the dim coolness of his own room. Gasping and panting, he sank back down onto the bed and cupped his head in his hands. It was just a dream, another horrible, horrible dream! Thank Merlin Lucius was not around just now or he would have been annoyed to be woken up and curious to know what could terrify Severus out of sleep.

Dreams, nightmares, had been haunting him ever since the incident in the park the week before, images of blood and gore, of children dismembered and worse. Of a strangled woman whose belly still kicked and jerked with her unborn child who was slowly suffocating too. He no longer knew what was real and what was imagined but it haunted him, taunted him and made him wonder.

It had taken him three days to recover from the terrible expenditure of magical energy he had output to protect Narcissa and inadvertently the Muggles. Not that he regretted it, but there had been some odd looks and even odder owls from people on both sides of the Muggle debate fence. Some howlers had accused him of betraying his own people and of deliberately setting out to kill fighters for the greater truth. Others had lambasted him for killing Muggles although he was reasonably sure he had not. Praise and damnation came in equal helpings for the stupid photo on the front page of the Daily Prophet. He looked like a refugee from a crypt surrounded by Aurors and powerful wizards staring at the huddle of Muggle women and children with a blank look. The story was an equal mix of praise and damnation with him figuring as a cold blooded murder in one paragraph and a saviour of innocents in the next, friend of power then haunted refugee. The only thing the damned article had not said was the truth. Severus Snape did not give a shit about Muggles or power or murder, he just wanted to keep his word to a friend.

Flopping back onto his bed, he pulled the duvet over his head and tried to sleep again but a conversation he had had with Lord Voldemort two days earlier still echoed in his head. They had been sitting in the study at Woolingham where the Lord was staying while visiting England this time. The Crabbes knew better than to disturb their prestigious guest when he was entertaining privately so there were no distractions, only the firewhiskey, the chess board and the conversation.

"Wizards are a minority group, a powerful minority to be sure but still a minority. Like any group some are more powerful than others, the elite and the commoners. The elite are well bred, powerful and well educated, capable of making decisions and carrying them through rationally and completely, born leaders. The common herd tend to act as just that, a herd, or a flock, to be guided and warded against outside dangers and indeed from internal dangers."

"Such as?" Severus asked, moving a pawn thoughtfully.

"Such as forgetting they are a minority and thinking it is safe to reveal themselves to the envious and overwhelmingly numerous majorities. Of thinking that because they are more powerful on a one-to-one ration that they can conquer the world. We can't! Even the humble bumblebee will bring down a human, if there are enough of them and if the human is vulnerable."

"But surely it is counterproductive to slaughter bystanders at a concert; it merely causes resentment in both the wizarding and the Muggle communities."

"Yes, I know that!" the Lord snapped, then sighed. "Liken that incident to a stampede; people get trampled whether they are good, bad or indifferent. Those who are stampeded are not to blame; those who get trampled are not to blame but those who caused the stampede...; well, that is a different matter all together. As little as I like to acknowledge it, there are certain splinter groups out there who are, shall we say, stealing our uniform and our ideas for their own ends."

Severus bowed his head in thought as the Lord made his move, queen's knight to bishop four, an odd move unless.... Sitting back, Severus studied the board more carefully, seeing the attack for the feint it actually was and harrumphing in disgust, even as his Lord grinned in genuine amusement. "You distracted me," he grumbled as he tried to see away to save the unsalvageable situation. "I concede there is no way to break the trap." He toppled his king and shook his head.

"Let that be a lesson to you, young Severus. You are clever and observant but sometimes it is not enough. Sometimes you need to be cunning and ruthless to achieve your ends. You may rest assured that the person who caused the stampede has been dealt with very thoroughly and will not try to corrupt our plans again."

He had taken a lesson from that little speech, probably not the lesson the Lord wanted him to learn but still, it was profound. Not even the greatest Dark Wizard in half a century was infallible; he made mistakes and didn't control every aspect of his followers' thinking. He was a great man, but just a man when all was said and done. Such a small thing but so disturbing, it literally made Severus sick to his stomach to think on it. If the Lord was not infallible and if he was capable of making a mistake then how deep did his lack of control go? Was he indeed the ultimate authority on Wizard to Muggle relations and how they should be conducted or was even his basic philosophy flawed by his humanity?

Still shuddering in the aftermath of his dreams, Severus took a shower, willing the hot water to wash away his doubts and fears. The trouble was there was no one to share them with, no one he could confide in, or was there? Dressing hurriedly, he scribbled a note and dashed up to the owlery, grabbing the nearest barn owl and giving it instructions to hurry.

~~*~~

The internal debate was endless, it could be a trap, it probably was a trap but if it was a trap then why was it so pathetically simplistic. Traps were usually a lot more complex than a note from a known opponent asking for a meeting in a pub in the wilds of the Cotswolds. But who could he ask, who did he dare ask for help in deciding, and that was the trap too, there was no one to confide in, no one to discuss the shocking note with, except perhaps.... Which was why he was sitting here, waiting.

"Hi, have you been waiting long? I am sorry but I couldn't dump James and you said you wanted a very private word."

"I'm sorry, Lily, perhaps I should have just.... Do you want some tea? It's freshly made. They do a really good shortbread here too, if you like. Do you want lemon or milk; I can get lemon if you prefer."

She giggled and grasped his arm, pulling him back down into his seat. "Enough procrastinating, just ask me what you wanted to."

He giggled self-consciously and scrubbed his face. "Sorry, it's sort of close, you know and... anyway, look, I had a note from an old, well, friend would be pushing it a little too far, acquaintance really. He wants me to meet him in the Cotswolds and ... well, I don't know what..., talk, I suppose."

Lily frowned. "He's not an old flame, is he?"

"Merlin no! Did you think...? No, never that, he really is an old school acquaintance but we were never as close as we could have been, circumstances, you know...."

"You are meeting Severus Snape at an unknown location somewhere in the Cotswolds, aren't you? Are you crazy? He hangs around with the Malfoys and it is rumoured he is one of the Death Eaters, despite that story in the Daily Prophet last week. Gods, did you see him? He looked terrible!"

"I know, utterly exhausted and a bit frightened, really. It's the angle of the sneer and the eyebrow that give a difference to his expressions, you know?"

"No, I didn't know and I wonder how you do. Did you study him that closely? Are we admitting to a little bit of a crush, my shy and understated friend?" she teased and laughed delightedly as he blushed vividly. "Never mind, I won't tell Sirius. Do you think he might harm you if you do go to the meeting?"

"No, I...I think he genuinely wants to talk to me but I don't know about what."

"Then you should go, but keep your wand ready at all times and if you aren't back by dark then I will come looking for you, how is that?" she said flatly.

"Okay, good enough," he smiled, a touch of relief colouring his tone. He would rather have Lily Potter on his side than against him any day!

~~*~~

Severus fidgeted, picking at a knot in the old table fitfully. He felt like a fool for sending the note, bleating for a meeting to try and clear his conscience. He was about to give it up and leave when a soft footstep warned him of a new presence, the scent of cinnamon and apples washing over him, soothing. The two men stared at each other for a long minute then Remus Lupin sat down opposite Severus Snape and put his elbows on the table to echo Severus' position.

"You called," Remus said softly, a humorous note in his tone.

Severus snorted. "You want a drink? They do fairly good brown ale here as well as scotch, you drink brown ale, don't you?"

"Sometimes, when I am thirsty, sometimes I drink scotch, but this close to moon; I'm only allowed pumpkin juice or lemonade, nothing stronger. The wolf doesn't like it."

"Moon? Oh damn, sorry, I.... Bloody werewolves, not at all convenient," Severus muttered and Remus laughed harshly.

"You think it's convenient for me? Sorry, Snape, it's not, it's bloody inconvenient but that's life, isn't it? It doesn't fit into little boxes just to suit your notions! I'm going to get a drink!"

Severus nodded absently as the smaller man flounced off in a huff, returning a few minutes later with a large scotch and a pint of lemonade. "That's true, you know," he said as soon as Lupin was seated again.

"What?"

"People, you can't put them in boxes, you have to make allowances, no matter who they are, they are not going to be perfect, are they? If they miss a few details then it is just the way of people and you must compensate if you can or go into damage control if you can't. If others take advantage of them and use their ideas to their own ends then it is not the principal's fault, it is the unscrupulous behaviour of the offending party that is to blame."

"Makes a twisted sort of sense, I suppose," Lupin agreed, sipping the lemonade and watching fascinated as real expressions flitted across the usually blank canvas before him. "Mind you, there is a matter of copyright infringement, especially in the Muggle world," he added as a non-sequester just for fun.

"What? What are you talking about Lupin, stay on the subject. People make mistakes, other people steal their ideas. This is not the fault of the originator but of the thief, yes?"

"More or less, I suppose. I would really love to know what you are talking about though. I thought I didn't make a lot of sense at moon but you are even worse." Lupin raised his glass in a mock toast that made Severus frown at him then smile crookedly.

"I like things black and white, people to be put in boxes and the path to be straight and narrow," Severus complained with a trace of his own humour showing. "We're talking about expectations and how real people cannot actually live up to them, especially my unreal expectations of people."

"Humm, no one is perfect, no matter how much they try. Some are wonderful but they have a few character quirks that are - jarring - and not at all pleasant if you happen to run into them." Lupin sighed deeply, a sad look flitting over his rather thin and tired face.

"Or you expect them to be omniscient but in reality they are human, wonderful, intelligent, humorous and kind, cruel, manipulative, egotistical and sadistic, just as other, lesser mortals are."

"Gods tend to magnify those human characteristics a thousand fold," Lupin put in quietly, studying the thoughtful man intently. "Godlings are worse, knowing they are not perfect, they hate to be seen to fail and will go to great lengths to hide their faults. Sometimes the lengths they go to, to hide from their fears are more terrible than the fears themselves."

Severus' eyes snapped open and he tried to cast Legilimens on the werewolf but Lupin's mind was almost impenetrable, a snarling beast leashed tightly and held back by the barest thread of self control. He almost threw himself backwards from the bench on which he sat but then he realised Lupin had not moved or changed in any way. "My Gods, Lupin, how do you stay sane with that, that thing in your head?"

Lupin blinked a tiny crease of puzzlement pulling his brow before he smiled sadly. "We all have our inner demons, Severus, even you, and how we deal with them is sometimes a measure of our manhood or perhaps our humanity. I am a beast according to the Ministry, I am a werewolf not to be trusted and at certain times, that is true but there are worse animals out there right now who go about on two legs and hide their inner beast only as long as it takes to be safe, allowing it to roam free at any opportunity they can seize or manufacture. You know what I mean, you have your inner demon too, I saw your picture on the front page of the Daily Prophet. It wasn't all of you, it was a part of you that you control most of the time but on occasion, such as dire necessity, you will use that demon to do what you have to. You do not like to lose control and you wrest it back as soon as you can but it is not the whole sum of 'you'. Do you understand what I mean?"

Severus stared at the small, nondescript blonde with his sad face and his internal battle, amazed that he had never realised how strong the man was before. Not physically strong, perhaps but mentally and emotionally. He was putting so many of Severus' own doubts and fears into words it was uncanny, almost terrifying and yet the sun still shone and the birds still sang in the trees. No bolt of lightning shot down from the heavens and fried them where they sat. "Is everyone like that?" he asked almost naively and Lupin smiled, shrugging.

"I suppose they are, or maybe it's just us outsiders who can see more clearly than those who are very secure in their humanity."

"I am human!"

"As am I, but there are those who persist trying to remove that humanity by any means they can, be it by legislation, prejudice or emotional torture. The measure of a man is in his actions rather than his words. It is easy to say something but it takes a lot more courage and commitment to live the action."

"And if those actions are contradictory, some he treats thus and some he treats so, how do you judge then?" Severus demanded impatiently.

"Judge with your heart. You know what is right and what is wrong and you must make decisions using your mind and intelligence but in the last instance, judge with your heart." Lupin polished off the last of his lemonade and smiled at his contemporary. "So, why did you want to see me? You did say you wanted to talk about something."

"We just did, talk, I mean. I have enjoyed our discussion and will ponder your advice. Take care, Lupin, Greyback is up to something and if it is moon tonight then I think he will be in the region of Cumly Park. He said something about getting some sweet fresh meat."

"Oh Merlin, Greyback only targets children, have you any idea of who?" Lupin blanched spectacularly and rubbed his shoulder as if it pained him.

Severus paused, deep in thought then shrugged. "The name Spiller seemed to make him very angry. By the way Lupin, if you ever get to meet Greyback, just kill him, he is a waste of space!" Severus said off-handedly, making Lupin bark a laugh.

"He is a real monster, inside and out and he makes absolutely no effort to control it in any way! Now he is someone you can put in a box and mark black of the darkest hue."

"Do I detect a little anger there, Lupin? Not really happy with our esteemed Fenrir Greyback then?" Severus taunted and gasped as the small man flew at him, tossing him back against the wall behind him.

"I hate him with a passion you cannot plumb the depths of, Severus Snape, nor scale the heights of. I will kill him one day, I promise you that!" Lupin eased his hand from the taller man's throat and pulled his robes straight, pushing his hair out of his eyes. "Sorry about that, the leash is not so tight this close to moon and the wolf sometimes gets away from me."

Severus snorted, rearranging his own clothes and hair. "So I see. Very well, Lupin, go home and lock yourself in for the night. I will see you again, I suppose," he said with a sniff as he walked away.

Lupin shook his head as he watched then stiffened as the other turned back, propping a hand on the gate. "What?"

"I will see you again, Lupin. After all, I do owe you a drink." He apparated with Lupin's barking laughter ringing in his ear.

~~*~~

"Headmaster, thank you for seeing me so promptly," Remus gasped, stepping out of the floo and wringing his hands. "Look, I have just had the most peculiar conversation and was told that Fenrir Greyback plans to attack in the village of Cumly Park this night. My informant thinks it may be someone called Spiller who is targeted and that he is after sweet young meat which usually means a girl child. I can't stay too much longer, Headmaster, as moon is getting very close but please, see what you can do!" The floo flared again as the werewolf jumped back in and disappeared.

"Goodness gracious me! Did he really mean that?" The second occupant of the study asked in shock.

"Oh yes, I maintain quite a circle of ears and eyes around the place. If he thought the information was correct then it was indeed correct. Excuse me while I call the Aurors and pass it on."

"Oh Albus," Hestia giggled and rose pulling her red robes straight. "I'll go and organise something immediately," she assured him as she stepped into the floo.

~~*~~

"Fenrir Greyback was badly hurt last night," Lucius mentioned, reading a message from one of the numerous owls he received over the course of breakfast. "Seems he went after that little Spiller titbit and found she was the bait in an Auror trap."

"Serves him right for boasting and bragging," Narcissa commented disinterestedly as she flicked through the Daily Prophet. "Oh look, Madam Malkin has a fashion show planned for next month."

"Narcissa, Narcissa! When was Fenrir bragging about his plans?" Lucius insisted, dragging her attention away from the delights of the fashion pages.

"Oh, good grief, how should I know, at afternoon tea at the Dolohovs' house, wasn't it? Yes, it must have been because Ruby was teasing him about getting married and settling down and he said not in this lifetime, too many tasty morsels to bite, especially those like the Spiller girl, ripe and ready for the picking. Of course, you know Ruby Prewitt, always good at teasing little snippets of information out of people, she had him bragging and spilling the beans in moments, didn't she, Severus?"

"Greyback's mouth is always flapping over something, who listens to him?" Severus muttered, deep in his magazine. "Dragon's blood is up; the farms aren't releasing any just now, another outbreak of dragon pox it seems. Is it my imagination or is dragon pox getting more common these last few years?"

"Do you actually have an imagination?" Narcissa inquired brightly, making him snarl at her until she burst into laughter and returned to her paper.

Lucius sighed and continued to read the serious news, ignoring his two juvenile minded mates who continued to take verbal swipes at each other over the breakfast table.

27.04.2006