Harry Potter and the Clash of Souls

Harry Potter and the Clash of Souls

-CHAPTER TWO-

The Forgotten Memory

Lying down, Harry tried to sleep and eventually, just before dawn, he closed his eyes, and fell into a fresh torment. His dreams were much worse than they were before, although now they were his own dreams not something Voldemort was projecting; yet somehow, that scared Harry even more.

A loud shrieking cut through his dream and instinct took over. In one fluid motion he rolled off his bed and with one hand already clasped around his wand, he pointed it at the person who had just stepped into his room. It was only Dudley, but Harry kept his wand trained on him and raised a questioning eyebrow, gesturing for Dudley to explain what he was doing. Visibly quivering at the sight of Harry with his wand, he barely mumbled a few words before he stood up to his full height. Tensing his muscles as he crossed his arms against his chest, Dudley tried to look intimidating, but he failed miserably.

Trying to look down on Harry he said, "No need to act jumpy, freak, Mum wanted me to tell you something. You missed dinner and leftovers are in the fridge."

Harry, thoroughly amazed at his aunt's kindness, relaxed his arm, letting his wand drop. Dudley, seeing this, quickly left the room, not even stopping when Harry called out. It was then in the quietness of his bedroom, Harry could hear a slight wailing noise coming from his trunk. Curious at what the noise could be, he opened his trunk and stuck his hand around a small object, which was lightly vibrating in an old sock deep down in his trunk. He vaguely remembered Uncle Vernon had given it to him one Christmas, years ago. Turning the sock inside out, the Sneakoscope Ron had given him for his birthday three years ago fell out, that must have been the shrieking noise that woke him out of his dream, he thought.

"Shove off Dudley," he suddenly said aloud, and he heard the quiet cursing of Dudley still outside his room stalk away down the stairs. He realised Dudley must have been trying to sneak into his bedroom for some reason; he knew Aunt Petunia leaving him food was too good to be true. Stuffing the now silent Sneakoscope back into the sock, he pushed it into the centre of his trunk where a sharp pain went through his hand. Quickly pulling his hand out, he carefully looked down to notice he had a nasty gash running across the back of his palm. Wrapping it in one of his old worn out t-shirts to try and stop the bleeding, he cautiously looked back into his trunk to see what had cut him. Stifling a gasp, he realised it was a piece of broken glass from the mirror Sirius had given him last year, the same mirror he could of easily used when he wanted to talk to him instead of through Umbridge's fire place. It was broken now, though; he forgot he had chucked it back into his trunk when Sirius hadn't answered him after finding it too late. A part of him knew it was futile to try and he knew somewhere in his mind that this would only lead him to more heartache, but he couldn't stop himself from calling out.

Over and over he called out until his voice grew hoarse and was all but nearly drowned out by the now raging storm outside.

"You left us all, Remus Lupin and me, too." Silent tears were running down his face now and he violently rubbed the water from his closed eyes, only to snap them open when he heard a sound breaking the silence coming from the mirror.

"James, is that you?"

Looking down into the mirror he saw hair peppered with grey and lines of worry etched into a face too young to be showing such marked signs of age; it was Remus Lupin, the last true Marauder. His tired face shone with a light in his eyes he had never seen before, only to be replaced by a sad understanding.

If it was possible, Remus seemed to age twice over and with a cheerless tone unlike any other greeting he said, "I don't understand how everyday you grow to look so much more like James but still be unlike him in so many ways. Your eyes, your eyes show your true self, they show maturity, a deep sense of wanting to prove one's self that James never had, yes, you really are your mother's son."

Harry didn't know what to say, this was the first time someone had told him he was more like his mother then his father, and no less by one of his father's best friends.

"Professor." Harry said, bringing Lupin out of his trance like state.

Lupin only gave a sad smile before saying, "I haven't been your professor for two years, Harry, now you can just call me Remus." He said, making Harry smile sheepishly.

"Hello, Remus." The name slipped from his tongue easily, and he was slightly surprised. He wasn't used to calling adults by their first name. Except for Sirius.

"I didn't know Sirius had given you James' mirror, they used to talk through these things when they had separate detentions." Remus paused and Harry was sure he saw Remus wipe at something at his eye, but Harry quickly turned his head.

"I've packed up most of Sirius' possessions and this was one of the last things I found, I can leave it out if you want to talk with me. I know I'm not Sirius and I can't take his place, but we both promised your parents if anything happened to them that we would be there for you, Harry, and I will to my last breath. I allowed Dumbledore to take you when you were a child, but now you can make your own choices."

The reflexive affirmation almost came out from his mouth, to say, 'I'm fine and that I don't need anyone,' but Harry saw the searching, hopeful look in his parents' friend's eyes, and suddenly he didn't want to say it. He knew it was a safe and easy response, but it wasn't a true response. He couldn't lie to the man his father and Sirius had loved like a brother.

"You've the closest thing to my parents I've got left now and I don't want to have to see you die too ... I mean-'.

"It's all right, you don't have to explain, I understand," Remus said softly. "Everyone always says that it helps to talk about it, but it doesn't. Not for me, and I doubt it will for you. We're not like most people, Harry. We have so much pain that simply talking about it makes it hurt more." Harry made no move to acknowledge the statement, but it was how he felt right now. "But, they're right in a way, too. It helps to talk about it, but it has to be with the right people... people who would understand. I know about pain. Physical and emotional... so if you ever do feel like talking, and I'm not saying you should... but if you feel like it, I'm here."

There was a pause in the conversation, and the silence was thick in the air. Remus looked as if he wanted to move on from that topic, but couldn't think of anything to talk about.

"The mirror!" Harry suddenly shouted out when he realised what he could say to break the silence. "Er...I mean how does the mirror still work, I broke it by accident."

"Oh, that's because these two where actually from a bigger mirror. It was used to communicate with other mirrors held in each of the Potter houses. James decided to frame these two pieces when the main one broke and gave one to Sirius on his birthday. All you have to do is call the full name of the person who's in possession of the other mirror, and you'll get to see that person."

"Oh. Right, can I repair the mirror with magic back at school or will that ruin the enchantments?"

"Hmm...I think it should be fine to repair with magic, but you could always give one of the pieces to Ron. I know you'll end up in detention sometime or another," he said with a slight chuckle.

"Maybe," Harry mumbled, again falling into silence.

"Well, it's getting late, if there isn't anything else you want to talk about we should both try to get some sleep."

"No, that's ok. Goodnight, Remus."

"Goodnight."

Harry watched as the mirror's surface gradually returned to his own preoccupied reflection and he carefully placed the pieces back into his trunk, thinking over what had just been said.

*-*

"Boy!" Uncle Vernon's voice crashed down on Harry as he reached the bottom of the stairs. "Come in here," he ordered from the kitchen, leaving Harry to briefly think of the absurdity of being ordered to go where he always went in the mornings.

"Have you finished building that rock garden Petunia wants?"

"I finished it two days ago, you said yesterday before I sent my letter that it was a good job." Maybe he shouldn't of said that, he thought, for Uncle Vernon put down the paper he was reading only to stare at him, his face gradually going red.

"Yes. Yes, good job, wouldn't you say, Duds?" he said in a strained voice.

"It's just a bunch of rocks in a circle," said Dudley, now bored when he saw Harry wasn't going to be punished.

"Well, that's what I was going for, and I tried to make it look better then the neighbours, like what Aunt Petunia said to do."

"Well, for doing a good job, you get to stay home while we take Dudders here out for his Birthday treat." Uncle Vernon paused to look at Harry before continuing to speak. "You will stay out of trouble while we are gone. If there is any sign that you've been up to no good, you'll be spending the time weeding Mrs. Figg's garden. Is that clear?" It wasn't really a question.

"Crystal clear, Uncle Vernon," Harry said evenly, making his Uncle eye him suspiciously for a long moment before he left the kitchen with the paper under his arm and a cup of tea in his hand.

*-*

An hour later Harry watched the Durslerive off out the window, only feeling slightly depressed that he too couldn't go with them to the theme park. He was broken out of his thoughts of wondering of what to do for the day when he heard the doorbell ring. Instantly, a wave of dread washed over Harry as he thought the Dursleys were returning but he quickly dismissed his panic, when he realised they wouldn't exactly ring their own doorbell. Looking out the window, he confirmed his fears were for nothing when he couldn't see the Dursleys car anywhere.

Opening the front door expecting it to be another salesmen, he was fairly disappointed to find nobody there, but as he went to shut the door he felt something quickly brush past him. Thinking he was imagining things, he turned round after shutting the front door, only to find none other then Remus Lupin emerging from an invisibility cloak.

"Remus, what are you doing here?"

"Well, nice to see you too, Harry, and no, I don't mind coming in to sit down, thank you."

"Sorry, you just surprised me, I wasn't expecting to see anyone till at least after my birthday, but what are you doing here?"

"Well, after last night I swapped shifts with Mundungus and offered to guard you instead. I was hoping to get some time to talk to you."

"Oh...I didn't know the Order was still guarding me."

"Harry, nothing's changed since last summer, except for you making Voldemort want to find you even more since you managed to escape from him again."

"Yeah, how stupid of me to forget that I took my closest friends into a trap, nearly killing them all, oh, but it wasn't a complete lost because I managed to make Voldemort even more angry at me," he said slightly bitterly with more then enough sarcasm. Harry realised trying to keep the promise that he wouldn't lose his temper was going to be harder then he thought, especially when he was with someone else who wanted to talk about this sort of thing.

"Harry, listen to me. Nobody told you what Voldemort wanted was the prophecy and that you and him were the only people who could touch it. We should have considered the possibility that he might have drawn you into a trap, but we didn't think that was an option he would have taken. Despite whom we lost that night we gained a lot; the Ministry had to admit Voldemort and his Death Eaters are back and the prophecy was destroyed. Whatever it said might have tipped this war into Voldemort's favour completely."

Harry noticed the way Remus mentioned the prophecy made it seem like he didn't know Dumbledore had another copy of it in his Pensive. He wondered if Remus or anybody else actually knew what the prophecy had to say. However, for now he concentrated on keeping his face neutral, not wanting to give away that he knew more then what Remus had assumed.

"I know, Remus, but none of that makes up for losing Sirius, it just..." he said, trailing off to nothing.

"I know. I forgot how bad it was to lose someone you really cared about. Losing James and Lily was so long ago that I didn't remember it being this hard, but it must have been, they were my only friends and it feels like I've lost them all again."

Harry was quiet for a while, wanting to ask Remus a question, yet afraid at the same time. There was so little he knew about his parents, his own mother especially, but the little bit he found out last year from Snape's memory really hurt him. The curiosity inside of him however, was digging to find out more, and Lupin's silence seemed to spur him forward to slightly change the subject and ask,

"Did my parents really love each other?" Remus laughed out loud and Harry instantly felt ashamed that he had decided to ask the question.

It appeared like Remus was about to give Harry a hard time, until he saw a flash of desperate vulnerability behind the young man's eyes before they were masked by feigned embarrassment. This was really bothering Harry and it pierced Remus's heart that he truly didn't know.

"Harry, what makes you ask that, of course they did?"

"I saw it in a memory." At least saying it like that, he thought, doesn't go against Snape's warning.

"Harry...this wouldn't have anything to do with a certain...greasy haired git, who say, loves torturing Gryffindors and a particular incident with a....Pensive, now would it?"

Harry only gave the slightest of nods.

"Look, Harry, you don't have to tell me what you saw, but in that one brief moment in time, you must have only seen one side of your parent's personality when they were at Hogwarts. You can't judge your parent's love or how they acted on one instant, Harry, if I was to put my own memories of your parents into a Pensive they would be biased towards my experiences with them, but still you'd get to see a friendly perception of how they acted around me instead of when he was about."

"But, Remus, seeing the way my father acted towards Snape just confirmed everything he's been saying about him all these years. He really was arrogant and-"

Remus frowned slightly before intterupting Harry to explain. "Ok, I'd admit that James and Sirius were really harsh on Snape and they did show off quite a bit, but that was the times. Yeah, they got carried away, but after a very funny incident involving Snape's undergarments, Lily and James shared some harsh words, which ended with James being compared to Snape. Well, that was enough to shock James into calming down a bit; I really don't think he understood how much he liked Lily more then the other girls who would chase after him."

"You know, he even studied more in the library instead of in the common room, so Lily would actually see he was working before he had to do his usual mad rush to get his work done or ask me for help. Though that didn't stop him from doing the odd prank or showing off on the Quidditch pitch; after all that was his character; he couldn't change who he was and if that meant clashing with Snape then so be it. The only difference was he held his cool more and didn't resort to using his wand as much, but of course when you're friends with Sirius things tend to get heated up quickly. But your mother eventually noticed in those situations, as much as James hated Snape he was still trying to keep Sirius from taking it too far, something he wouldn't of even considered doing before the end of 5^th year."

After hearing Remus reminisce of better times in his youth, he felt much better and he thought he might actually take Remus up on his offer of seeing memories of his parents sometime in the future.

"Dumbledore told us that you thought Sirius was being held captured in the Department of Mysteries, but what I don't understand is why you thought that in the first place?" questioned Remus, surprising Harry at the quick change of conversation.

"It was Voldemort, ok! He tricked me into thinking he had him. Torturing him. I thought it was like what happened to Mr. Weasley at Christmas."

"But what about your training with Snape, by then you should have been able to tell if you were seeing Voldemort's memories or something that he was fabricating."

"Well, after I looked in Snape's Pensive he refused to teach me again." By the way Remus reacted to this, it seemed like he didn't know that Snape had stopped his lessons.

"That....agh! He knew why you had to do those lessons, they were important! This is all his fault!"

"No, Remus! No one made me look into that Pensive, but my own stupid curiosity."

"Harry, even if you shouldn't of looked, Snape knew he had to teach you those lessons and he didn't even tell the Order!"

Remus paced a few more steps before he sat back down in front of Harry with a very serious look on his face.

"Look, Harry, I'm going to teach you Occlumency. I'm not as good as Snape is, but it's enough to help stop the nightmares or visions or whatever you want to call the things Voldemort's been sending you, but if we do this we have to keep it secret." At Harry's puzzled look he continued. "Secret from Dumbledore because he didn't want to let me teach you in the first place. He knows that it's very dangerous to do this, but it's a risk we have to take now that Snivellous won't teach you. We can't wait for Dumbledore to come up with another solution when there's one right here. We just have to take it slow and easy."

"But why is it dangerous with you and not with Snape?"

"That's because I'm not alone," said Remus, simply tapping the side of his head. "The mind of the werewolf might be dormant until the full moon but its still there. Other then the transformation, that's the main reason why the Ministry discriminates against us, especially that old toad of a lady Umbridge."

"You see, the werewolf in me changed my body; it made me stronger, faster and enhanced my senses enough to deem me having an unfair advantage to normal folk in everyday life, but you tell me isn't gaining knowledge giving you an unfair advantage to normal folk?" He looked at Harry shrugging a sheepish apology at getting slightly carried away and changing the subject.

"Well, what I'm trying to say is that, I'm essentially different to you, so the process maybe much more... intense. You'll be able to sense the emotions I'm feeling at seeing your memories and there's always a chance the werewolf in me might want to interact with you, in what way, I can't possibly say." Remus seemed to have finally calmed down properly and was a bit apprehensive to what Harry would say.

"Harry, if you don't want to do it, I will more than understand-"

"I do!" said Harry fiercely "I've got to do it! I won't allow that bastard in my head again."

"All right then..." said Remus, slightly shocked at Harry's determination "But let's make sure we both have a full stomach before we try it out. This is going to be a much bigger strain on your magic then it was when you did it with Snape."

*-*

After a full lunch of which Harry quickly whipped up something for the both of them to eat, they were now standing in the centre of the living room, with all the furniture pushed to the sides.

"Ok, ready, Harry? Clear your mind."

Harry scowled angrily and couldn't help losing his temper. "How in the bloody hell am I suppose to do that!"

Remus looked momentarily taken aback before his face darkened as he asked, "Didn't Snape explain to you what Occlumency was about?"

"All he ever told me was that Occlumency wasn't like Muggle mind tricks and that I had to clear my mind for it to work, but he never told me how I was suppose to do it. Besides even if I could, he didn't even give me the time to prepare."

"Snivellous!" growled Remus before walking a few paces to calm him self. "Snape is an accomplished Legilimens, he should have told you the basics of how to guard your mind and the first thing he should have helped you with was to pick a safeguard memory." Remus frowned deeply when he saw Harry's confused expression. "It's a memory that you feel comfortable with, it won't help you right now but when you've had plenty of experience with guarding your memories, it should help you realise someone's trying to enter your mind."

"Er, ok, so that's like choosing a happy memory when I'm trying to cast a Patronus."

"Well, yes and no, once you've chosen your memory it's best to keep the same one and focus on that when you're trying to clear your mind. For example, mine is working on the Marauders map with your father and Sirius late at night, the last people in the common room. So that's one thing you should think about tonight and don't be surprised if it takes you sometime to think of a memory you feel comfortable with."

Harry didn't think that would be too hard, most of his best memories where of Hogwarts or staying with the Weasleys, but he didn't have enough time to think about it properly because Remus had already started to say something else.

"...That's sorted out, all you have to do is use that memory to help focus your thoughts. The basic difference between a mind protected with Occlumency and one that isn't, is how your long-term memories are sorted. For example, at the moment, your memories are probably not in any particular order, whereas my memories are grouped in sectors. For example, memories of the famous Marauder pranks are in one section, studying for the NEWT's in another and so on. However, the order of my sectors are still random compared to an accomplished Legilimens such as Snape. His sectors, I believe, would also be in chronological order, therefore I wouldn't be surprised if there were at least only two particular memories grouped in each of the vast number of sectors in his mind." Remus waited for Harry to nod in understanding before he continued speaking.

"Seeing as there's not much we can do now until you've picked a safeguard memory, I'll search through your mind to see how ordered your memories are, ready?"

"Er, Ok, go"

Remus took out his wand and made eye contact with Harry, before waving his wand and casting 'Legilimens.'

Straight away memories started flashing through his mind, but the blatant difference between Remus's technique and Snape's was the memories they looked through. Snape, on one hand, searched for all the memories that pained him or were embarrassing, whereas Remus searched through his memories where he was happy or carefree, most noticeably when he was catching the Snitch while he was playing Quidditch or other memories of his friends.

The memories slowly drifted to a stop until he was back again, standing in his front room with Remus opposite him. However, Remus didn't seem to look happy.

"Harry, he didn't probe any of your happy memories, did he?"

"What? Snape? No, he always went for the memories that embarrassed me or confused him I think, how could you tell?"

"I can tell because while Severus was searching through your bad memories, he was forcing your mind to sort the discarded memories he'd viewed into a particular order. Whereas all your good memories are simply there. This proves to me that he could have taught you properly if he could force your mind to do this."

Harry knew the reason why Snape didn't teach him properly and it was the same reason why Snape tried to provoke him so much. He was his father's son.

"Well I suppose that's all we can do for today, before you find your safeguard memory."

The pair lapsed into silence as they both moved the furniture back to how it was in the first place; he wasn't sure why Remus didn't just use his magic, but he welcomed the time to think.

"Harry, have you given any thought to what you're going to do after Hogwarts?"

'Who knows if I'll live that long,' Harry thought, and a dark shadow passed over his face until he quickly scolded himself for thinking such things, when Remus gave him an appraising look.

"Well I did ask Professor McGonagall about becoming an Auror, but she said I would have to work really hard to get the grades and I doubt I got that O in potions I need to get into the NEWT's class." Remembering back to his talk with Professor McGonagall, Harry couldn't help him self and gave a small chuckle, which didn't go unnoticed by Remus.

"Oh, what's got you giddy all of a sudden?" Remus said, bemused.

"Nothing really, just that Professor McGonagall said she'd help me become an Auror if it was the last thing she did because Umbridge basically told her I didn't have a chance of becoming one."

Remus raised an eyebrow and gave Harry a devious look

"Did she now?" was all he said before he changed the subject abruptly.

Time flew by as Harry shared stories with Remus of happy moments in his last two years at Hogwarts before it was eventually time for Remus to go and they where both standing by the front door.

"I can never replace Sirius, no more than Sirius could ever replace James," his voice hitching as he said it, "but I just wanted to say that if you find it too hard to use the mirror, you can write me instead. I'll always have the time to help you and to guide you, Harry. I just wanted you to know it, that's all. I'm here if you need me," he finished, lowering his eyes to the floor and withdrew the hand he had placed on Harry's shoulder while he was talking.

"Remus, I know you're not trying to take anyone's place, but I'm, I'm happy to know you're there." It wasn't much, and the words were clumsy, but the smile on Lupin's face was genuine.

"Goodbye, Harry. I'll see you again soon. Take care."

"You too."

*-*