Harry Potter is a Slytherin

"Poor thing," Luna said, bending down to look at Ginny's face. (Harry averted his eyes, but still caught a glimpse of Luna's bare buttocks.) "You cared for her, didn't you?" he heard Luna ask gravely.

"She was sort of my girlfriend," Harry explained tonelessly, still looking away from her.

"Whoa," Malfoy said, looking at the body of the dead eleven-year-old girl.

"She was older, of course!" Harry said fiercely. The idea of snogging girl who looked as young as eleven-year-old Ginny was rather sick.

"I know that!" Malfoy said indignantly. "It was just a joke."

"A rather sick joke," Harry said as, taking great care to not look directly at Luna, he bent down to take the diary from little Ginny's arms. She looked so young and so innocent. He couldn't believe this was the same girl who had cursed Draco Malfoy's boogies to attack him. Of course, she wasn't that girl -- that girl was the Ginny of his universe -- the universe where he belonged that he would probably never get back to.

"Well, excuse me for having a sense of humor," Malfoy said angrily. "You see, that's what separates Gryffindors from Slytherins -- Gryffindors spend all their time wallowing in their painful emotions while we Slytherin avoid taking anything too seriously. It makes life much easier."

"No," Harry retorted, "what separates Gryffindors from Slytherins is that Slytherins are sick bastards! What else could you conclude comparing the Slytherin me and the Gryffindor me?"

"Harry, Draco," Luna interjected calmly, "I think this is one of those situations where you should just 'agree to disagree' as my father always says." It was rather weird to have a totally nude girl trying to act as the voice of reason. For that matter, it would have been weird for Luna Lovegood to act as the voice of reason even when she was fully clothed.

"Look," Harry said, deciding it would be best to drop the argument, "let's just go inside and decide what we're going to do. Luna, you can get some clothes on."

"I don't really want to get clothes on right now," Luna said dreamily. "I like feeling all the air on me. Actually, I've been thinking of becoming a nudist."

"Really?" Malfoy asked gleefully. "Can I become a nudist, too?"

"Oh, shut up, Malfoy," Harry said bitterly as he turned to head inside. Malfoy and Luna followed him.

He felt so angry that Ginny had to be dead now. Why did this have to happen? Why couldn't he have stayed in his universe where he belonged? Well, at least Sirius was alive and Voldemort wasn't back -- at least that counted for something. Harry again found himself wondering whether or not the world was better off this way. He wouldn't let himself think that it was -- if it were, then everything he had ever done would have been for nothing.

Harry opened the back door to the Burrow and Sirius' face appeared.

"Oh, there you are, Harry," he said pleasantly. "Why are you wearing clothes?"

"What d'you mean 'why am I --'" Harry said, but he broke off when he turned around to find Malfoy had also stripped completely naked. "Oh, for Merlin's sake!"

"I just didn't think Miss Lovegood should become a nudist all on her own," Malfoy explained gleefully. "I mean, supporting her is just the gentlemanly thing to do, isn't it? You're the Gryffindor, remember?" Harry didn't think "gentlemanly" was the right word considering Malfoy was looking at Luna's body and was quite visibly enjoying the sight.

"For God's sake, Malfoy, get some clothes on!" Harry shouted. "I mean, c'mon; nobody wants to see you...having a...you know...that's not appropriate!"

"I'm sure you're having one, too," Malfoy said defensively. "By the way, I gotta ask; are you gay in your universe?"

"No!" Harry yelled indignantly. "And you can't be either! How could you be gay when you're always raving about how many girls you've done it with?" Malfoy grinned wickedly.

"Actually, I'm bisexual," he said dramatically. Harry stared incredulously at him for a moment.

"Bloody hell, I did not need to know that?!" he said eventually.

"Well, you did ask," Luna pointed out dreamily. Harry desperately turned to Sirius.

"Please, do something about this," he said frantically, but Sirius looked bemused.

"Actually, this reminds me of my day," he said wistfully. "Since I got away from Azkaban, a lot of my old, happier memories have come flooding back into mind. I remember me and James loved to streak -- especially when a lot of girls were around. The girls loved it, too, of course."

"I'm sure they did," Harry said darkly.

"Very few girls would return the favor, though," Sirius continued. "In fact, not even Moony would try it. Wormtail was willing, but, well, who would want to see him naked? Stupid son of a bitch," he muttered turning to walk off. The totally nude Malfoy and Luna followed him into the kitchen. Harry averted his eyes, but he still caught an eyeful of Malfoy's bottom.

Great Merlin, Harry thought bitterly, I could've gone the rest of my without seeing Draco Malfoy's bloody arse.

If Mrs. Weasley were here, she would have never allowed this. If the Weasleys were still living in this house, Mr. Weasley would be out tinkering with Muggle things, Mrs. Weasley would be scolding the twins for something and Ginny would be alive -- most likely game for playing Quidditch with Harry and Ron. But the Weasley were not there and Harry would just have to get used to that.

Harry entered the kitchen, where, fortunately, Malfoy and Luna were sitting at a table, thus obscuring their most naughty parts. However, Luna's bosom was fully visible and, though he tried, Harry couldn't resist not giving them a good look. He again found himself longing for just a brief moment of sexual pleasure to distract him from his horrible life and Luna was a much better choice than Pansy Parkinson...

Harry shook the thought out of his head and sat down. Being careful to not look directly at either Luna or Malfoy, he glanced up at Sirius.

"Do you have a quill?" he asked. Sirius promptly passed him and Harry opened up Riddle's diary to the first page.

"Hello, Tom Riddle," he wrote. "My name is Neville Longbottom." Malfoy looked at him.

"It would probably be best if he didn't know who I was," Harry told him as the words faded away.

"Oooh, look!" Luna said excitedly. "The words are disappearing! This can't be a very good diary because if the words keep disappearing you'd never know what you wrote in it."

"Shut up!" Harry said angrily as Tom Riddle's response appeared. He wasn't in a very good mood.

"How do you know my name, Neville Longbottom?"

"That isn't important," Harry wrote in reply. "I want to know how Ginny Weasley died." Harry waited patiently for an answer.

"Suicide, probably."

"Suicide?!" Harry said aloud.

"It's when you kill yourself," Luna told him serenely

"I know what it means!" Harry said angrily. Malfoy was trying to not laugh and Harry felt his old resentment for Draco Malfoy start to come back. Luna looked shocked.

"Can you give me any more details?" he wrote.

"Why should I?"

"Because if you don't, I'll destroy the diary and kill you."

"Are you threatening me?"

"Yes, I am! Now tell me exactly how she died. I know she was expelled for opening the Chamber of Secrets."

"After she was expelled, she started to feel very ashamed of herself for losing her father his job. She told me she cried and thought about suicide a lot, but I always tried to talk her out of it. I can only assume she eventually carried it out."

Harry looked at where these words had been and then grabbed his quill and turned it towards the page.

"What are you doing?" Luna asked him in alarm.

"I'm destroying the diary," Harry answered.

"But he did what you asked," she said.

"I told him I would destroy the diary if he didn't tell me how...she died," he replied fiercely. "I didn't say I wouldn't do it if he did."

"That's dishonest!" Luna said, but Harry wasn't listening. He stabbed the quill into the page, but it wasn't strong enough to do anything. He closed the diary and tried the quill on the cover, but only succeeded in breaking the quill.

"Anyone have a basilisk fang?" he asked, looking up. Malfoy shook his head.

"Dad once knew an old warlock who had one," Luna said proudly. "That was before I was born, of course." Harry took out his wand and pointed it at the diary.

"Are you sure you should be doing this?" Luna asked. "It isn't very nice."

"This is Voldemort, isn't it?" Harry asked in reply. "He doesn't really deserve niceness, does he? Besides, this is on of his Horcruxes. Reducto!"

In a sudden blast, the diary was destroyed -- ink seeping out of it just like when Harry had destroyed it in his own universe. There, Harry had destroyed it save Ginny's life, but maybe Luna was right about this -- maybe it was wrong. He hadn't saved anyone's life this time and he had lied.

Much to Harry's relief, he did (eventually) manage to convince Malfoy and Luna to give up becoming nudists. It took a rather long time and Harry sincerely hoped that Luna hadn't been (too) scared for life. He didn't care as much about Malfoy -- after all, he was always raving about how many times he had done it -- but it was certainly more of a relief. Not that Malfoy was unattractive, but he wasn't exactly Harry's type.

It was on the day that he finally confronted Luna about her foray into nudity that his fortune completely changed.

"I didn't really want to be naked," Luna explained. "I just thought you might be more interested in me." Harry sighed.

"Luna, I do like -- I really do," he said in exasperation, "but I don't like you that way." Luna looked disappointed.

"I understand," she said sadly, looking down at herself. Why wouldn't she just accept that he didn't want to be her boyfriend?

"Well, why wouldn't you give it up for so long?" he asked eventually.

"At first it was because I thought you might notice me," she said quietly, "but then I was afraid of disappointing Draco. He seemed so happy being a nudist -- I didn't want him to have to do it all alone."

"Oh," Harry said, fighting a mad desire to roll his eyes. "Why'd you --" However, he was interrupted by a knock on the door.

"What's that?" he asked immediately.

"It sounds like someone knocking on the door," Luna replied smoothly. "We'd better get it."

"Wait," Harry said, blocking her with his arm. He slowly walked up to the door to look through the peep hole.

"You know, not answering the door is rather rude," Luna said quietly.

"Not when Lucius Malfoy is on the other side," Harry replied, turning away from the peep hole. Luna's eyes widened.

"Lucius Malfoy," she said in awe. "D'you he turned a Ministry intern into a lemon and ate it!" Before Harry could answer, Lucius Malfoy pounded again on the door.

"Open this blasted door, Lupin!" he shouted. Harry ran into the kitchen where Lupin was talking to Sirius about old times.

"Professor Lupin!" he shouted.

"Potter, I -- I mean, Harry, what're you doing in here?" Lupin asked. "Can't you see I'm busy here? What could be worth interrupting me with?"

"Lucius Malfoy's here," Harry breathed. A look of horror spread across Lupin's face.

"Stall him," he said quickly and with that he and Sirius ran out of the room. Harry speeded to the door and opened it. To his surprise, a wide smile spread across Lucius' face.

"Harry," he said pleasantly, "what're you doing here? Where's Draco?" It took Harry a second to remember that Lucius Malfoy would like him in this universe.

"Hello, Mr. Malfoy," Harry replied, trying to sound happy to see Lucius. Harry could now see Lucius was accompanied by two people -- one was a brown-haired man that he had never seen before and the other was none other than Professor Illyria.

"So, what's going on here?" Lucius asked curiously. It was slowly occurring to him that Lucius would now trust him.

"It's a long story," Harry breathed. "C'mon and I'll explain it to you." As Lucius stepped in, Luna gave him a rather knowing look.

"Who's she?" Lucius asked in disgust.

"Long story," Harry said quickly. "What're you doing here?"

"Lupin's sentence has been delivered by the Ministry," Lucius said seriously. "He'll serve twelve years in Azkaban." Twelve years? For knowing his friends were Animagi he served two years longer than if he had illegally become an Animagi himself? What was the logic there?

"That's good," Harry lied. It felt particularly painful. "Why're you here?"

"We're here to deliver him to Azkaban," Lucius replied spitefully. "Apparently, Albus Dumbledore was planning to hide him with the Fidelius Charm, so the Ministry couldn't get its hands on him, but Hogwarts' Charm professor, Xanthippe Illyria here, did the right thing and turned to the Ministry for help. After we take Lupin to Azkaban, the Ministry will then...take care of Dumbledore...for good."

"Good luck," Harry said sardonically, thinking how Harry had escaped the Ministry in his fifth year -- his real fifth year. Lucius looked sharply at him.

"There's something very different about you, Harry," he said in a voice Harry just might have imagined sounded rather sinister. "Where's Draco?"

"He's busy," Harry said immediately. Lucius eyes hardened.

"Are you doing something with my only son?" he asked. "The son I haven't heard from in two days?"

Harry didn't know what made him do it -- perhaps he figured that Lupin would be far enough away by now or maybe that he might be able to distract Lucius longer that way. In any case, it didn't make any sense, but he immediately took off running. After dodging a couple of Stunning Spells, he only just reached the Weasleys' garden when Lucius hit him with violet flash of light.

Harry found himself rising higher and higher up into the air as Lucius Malfoy lifted his wand up. He had been up this on a broomstick before, of course, but somehow just floating there with someone else in control of him, was very scary. He was only too aware that all Lucius had to do was drop his wand down and Harry would fall and at least greatly injure himself.

"Xanthippe," Lucius barked to his two companions, "search around here and arrest anyone -- I repeat anyone -- you find. That is, except my son, of course. Klafewons, you'll stay here and assist me." Illyria ran off.

"So, Potter, what d'you think you're doing?" Lucius asked him. "If that's who you really are, anyway." Harry struggled to grab his wand, but every time he got close, Lucius caused him to waver precariously in the air, clearly threatening to drop him. Eventually, Harry gave up and looked Lucius straight in the face.

"Go to hell!" he shouted.

Furious, Lucius let him fall all the way to the ground. Harry had never speeded so fast towards the ground -- not even on a broomstick -- and when he hit the ground it hurt -- a lot. In fact, he suspected he had broken his back and one of his legs. He could have even been paralyzed for all he knew. Lucius Malfoy had walked up to him, followed by the man named Klafewons. Lucius pointed his wand at Harry.

"I could kill you now," he said. "You would die and no one at the Ministry would question my judgment." Harry could hardly breathe.

"Curcio!" Lucius shouted a second later.

Harry's pain was instantly multiplied by a factor of about seven. For five seconds that seemed like hours, Harry felt pain he could not have imagined, all while Lucius glared at him with an evil, gloating look in his cold, unemotional eyes. Aside from Voldemort, Harry didn't think he'd ever hated anyone more than he hated Lucius right now -- not even Snape or Umbridge. Well, maybe when Snape killed Dumbledore...

"Stupefy!"

Klafewons fell to the ground, unconscious. Lucius turned around to see who had fired the offending spell, but, before he could do anything, a Disarming Spell knocked his wand out of his hand.

"Draco!" he shouted in outrage. Draco Malfoy was pointing his wand directly at his own father.

"You're wrong, Father," he said, his voice shacking as much as his hand. "Your pure blood mania is wrong and -- and everything you've ever taught me is wrong. Your side is the evil side, not ours!"

"How dare you betray me!" Lucius shouted angrily. "You'll be punished for this." Draco laughed.

"You punish me?" he asked incredulously. "I have the wand, Father -- I'm going to kill you and if Lord Voldemort returns in this universe, it will be without you at his side, making the war that much easier to win."

"How dare you speak of the Dark Lord that way!" Lucius shouted. "You're betraying everything that every Malfoy has ever stood for since the beginning of our history! If you want to be the Malfoy that ended a family's proud heritage and murder your father, then so be it! Kill me now!"

For a moment, it looked like Draco would, but his hand shook more and more. After only a couple moments, it became quite clear that he wouldn't be able to kill his own father. Eventually, he turned his wand on himself and spoke two words that made the hairs on the back of Harry's neck stand up. There was a flash of green light and, the next thing Harry knew, the body of a blond Slytherin was lying motionless on the floor.

Draco Malfoy had killed himself.

"My son!" Lucius shouted. "You killed my son!"

"Actually, he killed himself," pointed out Harry, who still felt rather dazed. For some reason, there were tears in his eyes, but he held them back.

"Don't be smart with me, boy!" Lucius Malfoy said fiercely. "I'll kill you for this!" Lucius raised his wand and pointed it directly at Harry.

"Avada Kedavra!"

Harry was instantly thrown backwards by a bright flash of green light...