Harry Potter is a Slytherin

To explain how he had gotten into Gryffindor Tower, Harry invented a story about him weaseling the information out a first-year Gryffindor. Since it was quite clear Pansy wanted to become intimate with him as soon as he finished, he extended the story for almost an hour. Eventually, Pansy decided she had had enough and went to wait for him in his dormitory. After she was gone, Harry quickly wrapped up the story, much to the disappointment of Crabbe and Goyle, who, apparently, found it exhilarating.

"Well, Draco, what should we do today?" Harry asked, trying to keep sarcasm out of his voice. "Torture first years? Throw rocks at the windows? Maybe even kill a teacher?" Malfoy grinned.

"I know some teachers I'd want to kill," he said wickedly, "but Father says I should be on my best behavior this year." Harry laughed, assuming this was supposed to be a joke.

"Harry, aren't you going to join Pansy?" Blaise Zabini asked him. "She's down in your dormitory waiting for you."

"Uh, no," Harry said quickly. "I have to go check on Hedwig, my owl." Malfoy groaned.

"Oh, gee, Potty-Boy," he said in exasperation, "I said I was sorry."

"Sorry," Harry said, completely caught off guard by this unusual response.

"For killing your bird," Malfoy said, sounding very aggravated. "I mean, c'mon, you know it was an accident. Can't you just give me a break?"

Harry gritted his teeth -- Ron was gone, Hermione hated him and now Hedwig, the only living creature that might still treat him the same, was dead. He couldn't take it. Harry stalked out of the common room, startling his fellow Slytherins (and just thinking "fellow Slytherins" made him feel sick.) He ran through the school trying to find something he could break.

Eventually, he reached the entrance hall and looked at the oak front doors. He thought of all the times he had walked through those doors to go down to Hagrid's hut. Maybe Hagrid would remember him. Maybe he could tell him what had had happened. Harry pushed the doors open, feeling kind of dazzled by how easy it was to sneak out of castle now. It was raining and he had no cloak, but Harry didn't care. There wasn't much he cared about anymore.

Harry reached Hagrid's hut and pounded on the door for what was probably about five minutes, before it was pushed open.

"What d'you want?" Hagrid asked darkly. Harry's heart sank.

"Hagrid," he breathed, "d-do you remember me?"

"Yeah, I remember you, Potter," Hagrid said sullenly as he pushed the door shut.

"No, wait!" Harry begged. "I'm -- I'm not who you think I am!" But the door was already closed. Harry collapsed against the door, still being soaked in the rain. Hot tears stung his eyes. Why? Why was this happening to him?

After lying next to Hagrid's door and freezing, Harry got up, gloomily walked back in the entrance hall and collapsed against the stone wall. What had he ever done to deserve this? He heard someone approach. Sure it would either by Gryffindor wanting to harm him or Slytherin wanting to praise him, Harry gloomily turned around. Instead, he saw a girl standing at the other end of the room. Her dirty-blonde hair was straggly, she had protuberant eyes and she was wearing her wand behind her left ear.

"Luna!" he said, forgetting she wouldn't like him. Luna turned to look dazedly at him -- it wasn't a look of complete hate.

"You're Harry Potter," she said vaguely. Harry wanted to throw his arms around her, but resisted it.

"I never though I'd be so happy to see you!" he told her. "Please, please tell me you remember me."

"I've heard them talk about the things you've done," she replied vaguely as though she had not heard him. "They don't say nice things about you. Some people want you dead -- especially after what you did to Hermione Granger." He had done something to Hermione? What? Was that why she hated him so much?

"Um, look here," Harry breathed. "I know this sounds crazy, but if you don't believe me I think I'll go insane." Luna's eyes widened.

"That puts a lot of pressure on me," she said, sounding overwhelmed.

"Oh, sorry," Harry said quickly, "I -- I didn't mean to -- never mind. It's just that before I went to bed last night everything about this place was completely different. Well, not completely, the building is still the same and the people are still the same...well, sort of. I mean, they all have the same names and they look the same -- well, kind of -- but they all act differently." Harry stopped -- he wasn't sure Luna was even listening.

"How do they act differently?" she said eventually.

"Well, last night I was a Gryffindor and my best friends were Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger," Harry explained. "Now, suddenly, Ron's disappeared, Hermione hates me and I'm in Slytherin. Luna, do you have any idea what's happened?" Luna stared for a few moments and then spoke.

"I think I do," she said dreamily. "It sounds to me like the work of Nakhfothraw." Harry's hopes fell -- it was going to be one of her stupid beliefs.

"What's Nakothraw?" he asked, hoping against hope it wasn't something that had been invented by The Quibbler.

"Nakhfothraw," Luna corrected. "They're a kind of magical arachnid that burrows inside your ears and changes your memories."

"So," Harry said, bracingly, "you're saying that everything I remember about my life and about being friends with Ron, Hermione and everybody -- all that is just some kind of, uh, dream or something placed in my head by these little creatures?"

"If it is Nakhfothraw," Luna said timidly. "I hope it isn't now." Harry sighed.

"Well, thanks for believing me," he said eventually. "You're the only one who does believe me," he added darkly.

"Why wouldn't anyone else believe you?" Luna asked, sounding confused.

"Why wouldn't anyone else believe me?" Harry repeated incredulously. "Get real -- if someone you hated just walked up to you and acted as if you'd always been friends you'd think he was insane! Nuts! A few Knuts short of a Sickle!" Luna looked dumbfounded.

"You're defending them," she whispered. Harry suddenly stopped, his heart racing.

"Well, it's normal," he said eventually.

"I'm not normal," Luna said proudly.

"Yeah, I noticed," Harry said quickly. "Luna, d'you -- is there another explanation for what's happened? -- preferably one in which you can just push a button and make everything go back to normal." Luna thought for a moment.

"Not that I'm aware of," she said eventually. "I'll look into it though."

"Well, uh, thanks," Harry replied. "Um, I'm glad you believe me." Luna looked at him for a moment.

"You seem nice," she observed. "Not at all like they say you are."

"Thanks," Harry said. "What do they say about me?"

"They say you're arrogant, ruthless and kind of mean," Luna said dreamily. "I never believed it myself -- even when I heard about how you and Draco Malfoy nearly killed Professor Lupin last year. I always thought it was just a misunderstanding."

"Professor Lupin!" Harry said immediately. "He -- he's still teaching here?"

"Why wouldn't he be?" Luna asked, apparently bemused. "He's been our Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher for over four years now."

"And where is he right now?" Harry asked.

"In his office, I suppose," Luna answered absent-mindedly. "Did you know Barberus Bragge, a Chief of the Wizards' Council in the twelfth century, was actually a woman in disguise?"

After quickly saying he didn't, Harry, wondering how he could have been so stupid, ran to the second-floor office of the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. He gently pushed the door open and saw none other than Professor R. J. Lupin sitting behind the desk, which had a tank with grindylow inside it. As Harry stepped into the office, Lupin looked up at him with cold eyes. Harry knew Lupin wouldn't like him, just like everyone else, so he needed evidence to prove they were friends.

"You want something, Potter?" Lupin asked in a cold, but polite voice.

"No," Harry said quickly. "I just thought I'd say hello to Moony." Lupin looked up, startled, but didn't say anything and went back to grading a test.

"You're Moony," Harry told him, "and my dad was Prongs, Sirius was Padfoot and Pettigrew was Wormtail. Together, the four of you were called the Marauders and you created the Marauder's Map, which was confiscated by Filch many years ago." Lupin looked suspiciously at him.

"What makes you think that?" he asked casually.

"You're a werewolf," Harry told him. "They built the Shrieking Shack so you would have a safe place to transform and put the Whomping Willow over the entrance so no one could get in while you were dangerous. Even though the shack has been silent for years, the villagers still believe it's the most severely haunted building in Britain."

"Who told you all this?" Lupin asked him, his brow furrowed.

"Why...you did, Professor," Harry said timidly. Lupin looked confused.

"I did?" he asked, the slightest note of indignation in his voice. Harry stepped towards the desk.

"Professor, you have to believe me," Harry said desperately. "The whole world's gone crazy." Lupin wasn't paying much attention to him.

"Yes, I'll agree with you on that," he said. "By the way, this won't work."

"What won't work?" Harry asked, confused.

"You're trying to distract me from whatever Malfoy's doing, aren't you?" Lupin asked slyly. "Well, I'll tell you this, Mr. Potter, it won't work. He'll still get detention whether I try to stop him or not."

"I'm not trying to distract you," Harry said, sure Lupin wouldn't believe him. "It's just that there's something I have to tell you about."

"I'm listening," Lupin said. He wasn't making eye contact.

"Well, see, just yesterday I was in Gryffindor," Harry told him. "My best friends were Ron and Hermione and I hated Draco Malfoy. You were our friend and Sirius --"

"Let me guess," Lupin interrupted. "You just woke up this morning and found yourself in the Slytherin dormitory."

"Um...yeah," Harry said. "That's exactly what happened." Lupin scoffed.

"Get out of my office, Potter," he said dismissively. "I don't have time to waste."

"But, Professor, this is important!" Harry insisted. "How else would I know all that stuff about you being a --"

"I said get out of my office, Potter!" Lupin roared.

Harry was stunned -- he had never seen Lupin yell before. He nervously stepped out of the office and headed back to the Slytherin dungeons in low spirits. Luna Lovegood was still the only person who believed him.

"Hello, Harry," a seductive voice said.

Harry, who had just been entering his dormitory, stopped. He had forgotten Pansy Parkinson was still in there. She was lying in his bed, shaking her bare shoulders, all of her that was visible under the bedclothes, in a very enticing way. Harry saw her clothes were now strewn across the floor and his heart went off -- she was naked. A naked girl was less then five feet from him. Suddenly, he felt tempted to go to bed with her. The whole world had gone crazy and it would be so wonderful to forgot all that and engage a few moments of sexual pleasure...

But with Pansy Parkinson? Never!

"Hi," Harry said very shyly, his whole body shaking. He would not sleep with her! Never ever, ever, ever!

"Come in here," Pansy said, sitting up, "it's very warm!" Harry instinctively shielded his eyes, but then realized Pansy still had a lacy, black bra on and decided she was relatively safe to look at. Just as he was thinking this, Pansy reached behind herself to undo her bra.

"Wait!" Harry said quickly. "D-d'you think we're ready for this? I mean we're both seventeen. Isn't that a little young to be having sex?" Pansy feel back onto Harry's bed laughing.

"Oh, Harry," she said, "you're acting like this is our first time." Harry was speechless for a moment.

"And when was our first time?" he asked. He couldn't think of anything to say.

"After the Yule Ball," she said casually. "Don't you remember?"

"Um, yeah," Harry lied. "Look, I don't --" Suddenly, he noticed something very similar on his corner table -- it was Peter Pettigrew, sleeping in rat form.

"What's he doing here?" Harry asked in surprise.

"Oh, c'mon," Pansy said in exasperation, as she picked up Pettigrew, "you know Basilisk -- he's been my pet for five years now. It's quite strange -- I found him on the day they kicked out that girl, Ginger Weasley or whatever her name was. It's funny -- he wouldn't stay away from me so I decided to just keep him."

"Ginny Weasley was kicked out?" Harry asked in surprise.

"Yeah, after Lockhart caught her opening the Chamber of Secrets," Pansy said offhandedly. "You remember it, don't you? I still can't believe that Weasley girl was behind it all -- she was so light-headed." Harry hated the way Pansy described Ginny as being light-headed in the past tense, but said nothing about it.

"Where's she now?" Harry asked, hoping Pansy wouldn't suspect he had any real interest in Ginny.

"Your guess is as good as mine," she replied. "After they discovered she had opened the Chamber, her whole family was disowned. Their father lost his job and they lost so much money they had to pull their kids out of school. No one knows where they are these days. Probably living on the streets somewhere, I'd guess."

Harry couldn't bear the thought of the Weasleys, the nicest family he knew, living on the streets somewhere, so he tried to think about something else. As he watched Pansy Parkinson caress Pettigrew, he started to get any idea.

"Could I hold Scab-- Basilisk?" he asked her. Pansy grinned.

"Sure," she said, handing the sleeping rat to him. Just yesterday, Harry would have given anything to be holding Peter Pettigrew in his hands. Suddenly, he grinned.

"Bye," he said and raced out of the room.

"Wait, where're you going?!" Pansy yelled after him.

Harry was still grinning -- Pansy was still wearing only her underwear and consequently couldn't chase after him. Laughing on the inside, Harry ran out of the common room. He had to find Dumbledore. Where was a teacher were you needed one? He ran up to the entrance hall, where he saw Professor Grubbly-Plank heading towards the marble staircase.

"What're you doing in here?" he asked her in surprise.

"Excuse me, Mr. Potter," she said indignantly, "just because I'm your Care of Magical Creatures teacher doesn't mean I can't come inside."

"Well, yeah," Harry agreed, "but what about Hag-- oh, he never got the job, did he?" Professor Grubbly-Plank looked at him strangely and then began heading up the marble staircase.

"Wait!" Harry shouted after her. "D-d'you know where Professor Dumbledore is? I need to see him."

"Last I saw him, he was on the second floor talking to Mr. Filch outside the entrance to his office," Grubbly-Plank answered stuffily. "I'm sure you know where his office is by now, don't you?"

"Yeah," Harry replied, not sure what she meant by that. As soon as she was gone, Harry ran up to the second floor as fast as he could. When he reached the entrance to Dumbledore's office, he saw the headmaster was already going up the stairs.

"Professor!" Harry shouted after him.

"Well, it's nice to hear you call me that for once," Dumbledore replied amiably, turning around to walk back down the stairs. "I must say, 'Oldie-Face' does get quite tiresome."

"Uh, yeah, I came here to give you this," Harry said, handing Pettigrew over to Dumbledore.

"A rat," Dumbledore said pleasantly. "How lovely."

"He's not a rat, Professor," Harry said seriously. "He's an Animagius and I think you'd like to see of whom." Dumbledore smiled.

"I know this is another one of your pranks," he replied graciously, "But you've captured my curiosity, so I think I'll turn him human just to see who he is. Rest assured, I'll be in my office and have the door and all the windows locked."

"Thank you, Professor," Harry answered. "This means a lot to me." Dumbledore smiled and walked away, fondling Pettigrew in his arms. Harry waited until he was gone and walked back to the Slytherin common room with a spring in his step. Sirius was still alive, had no memory of Harry being cruel, and Pettigrew was literally in Dumbledore's hands. That meant Sirius Black would soon be free.

Suddenly, a whim hit Harry and he ran as fast as he could down to the Slytherin common room. He rushed into his dormitory, where he saw Pansy Parkinson was standing against the stone wall, a black bra and a matching pair of knickers lying at her feet. She was now completely naked, waving her buttocks seductively at him. Then she started to turn around to give him a complete eyeful of her. Realizing just in time that it would be a bit of a giveaway if he shielded his eyes, Harry turned towards the opposite wall, pretending to not be interested in her.

"C'mon, don't you want me?" Pansy asked him enticingly. "I want you, Harry Potter." Harry's face was suddenly consumed by a hot blush. Did she have to say his whole name?

"No," Harry said bluntly. "In fact, I've decided to dump you."

"What?!" Pansy asked in outrage. "Why the bloody hell would you want to do that?!"

"Because I hate you," Harry said, still refusing to look at her.

"You hate me?!" Pansy asked angrily. "Why?!"

"You're ugly," Harry said tersely. Though he still wasn't looked at her, Harry was sure Pansy was dying to jump on him and claw his back. However, she instead grabbed his blanket, wrapped it around herself like a cloak and marched out of the room in a huff.

"What're you doing?" Harry asked her in surprise.

"If you want to sleep with warmth, you'll have to sleep with me!" she hollered at him, before slamming the door in his face.