The Book of Morgan Le Fey

Chapter Eleven: Brotherly Advice

For the next several days Ron spoke very little to Hermione. He was so thoroughly thrown off balance by the realization of his feelings for her and the fact that she liked Eddie instead of him that he barely had the wherewithal to even look at her, let alone talk to her. The only thing he was sure about was that the Halloween ball had been the worst night of his life. In one night he had managed to hurt the feelings of a perfectly nice-- if rather strange--girl and lose the girl he fancied to a slimy, handsome, smooth-talking git.

He found that the only way he could stop thinking about Hermione was to throw himself into his schoolwork and Quidditch practices even more than he already was doing. He found every excuse he could to avoid Hermione; if she was studying in the common room, he fled to the library; if she was in the library he made for the common room.

Harry tried to get Ron to talk about what had happened at the Halloween ball but Ron was too hurt and ashamed to admit it. He kept thinking about what Luna had said, that Ron should tell Hermione how he felt before Eddie Carmichael took her away. It was a little late for that now, Ron thought bitterly.

Perhaps the worst thing about it was that Ron had come to realize he'd cared for Hermione all along, but he'd been too afraid, or just too dumb, to realize it.

It was very late in the evening on a Thursday and Ron was, to his relief, alone in the common room, trying to finish his Care of Magical Creatures assignment. Hagrid had them working with kneazles, small wild cats that had the ability to literally sniff out Animagi--wizards and witches who could transform themselves into animals--and reveal their true human selves. At that moment Crookshanks leapt up onto the sofa and curled up against a fat cushion, purring loudly. Ron glared at him, not wanting to look at anything that reminded him of Hermione.

He turned his attention back to his homework when he heard the familiar creak of the portrait hole opening. He leapt up, not wanting to be caught alone in the common room by Hermione, but sat back down when he saw that it was Ginny.

'What are you doing here?' he demanded. 'Where have you been? It's really late.'

'Are you going to give me detention?' Ginny shot back. 'I was just in the library, okay? Studying with Dean. If you don't believe me you can ask Madam Pince tomorrow.'

'Right,' said Ron, sitting back in his chair and letting out a defeated sigh.

'What's wrong with you?' Ginny asked, sitting on the sofa next to the purring Crookshanks.

'Nothing,' Ron said shortly, looking back at his parchment and picking up his quill.

'Don't give me that,' Ginny said, absently scratching Crookshanks behind the ears. 'You've been miserable for days. This is about Hermione, isn't it?'

'No,' Ron said quickly. 'Why does everyone always assume that if I'm upset about something it's about Hermione?'

'So you are upset, then?' said Ginny perceptively.

'Yeh--no!' snapped Ron. She gave him a very knowing look.

'All right,' he said. 'Fine. Yes. I'm upset about.Hermione.'

'You really fancy her, don't you?' said Ginny, smiling sympathetically. 'I've always suspected you did, you know.'

'Oh, well that's lovely!' said Ron angrily. 'I'm really glad to know everyone else could see the obvious when I couldn't!'

There was a silence, and then Ron gave a disgruntled snort. 'It doesn't matter, anyway. She's with Carmichael.'

'The Head Boy?' Ginny asked. 'Oh, come on, Ron you really think someone like Hermione likes that empty-headed bloke? You really are thick.'

'Thanks,' said Ron darkly. 'Any other thoughtful and supportive things you want to say to me, Ginny? Because I'm feeling really great about myself, you know. I could use a little pep talk.'

'Sorry,' said Ginny. 'But, Ron, have you ever thought that maybe Hermione fancies you, too, but she's just too afraid to tell you?'

'Get off it,' Ron said, waving his hand dismissively. 'If she fancies me why is she going out with Carmichael?'

'She's not going out with Carmichael, she just went with him to the ball,' Ginny said, rolling her eyes. 'And maybe she went with him to make you jealous, have you thought of that?'

'Yeah, well, it worked!' Ron said, his anger rising along with his voice. 'You know, what is it with girls, anyway? This is the same kind of rubbish Cho pulled on Harry last year. Talking about other blokes to make him jealous. If Hermione fancies me why doesn't she bloody well say so? Why do I have to be the one who makes an arse of myself, anyway?'

'Ron,' said Ginny, in an infuriating, patient voice, 'Hermione may be smart and clever and tough and all that, but when it comes to romance she's no different than most girls. We like boys to make the first move. You know, sweep us off our feet a bit. That sort of thing. It's romantic.'

'It's stupid,' said Ron bitterly. 'What does she think, I'm going to fall on my knees and start reciting Shakespeel to her or something? Because that's just not me, okay? I don't do that crap. I can't change who I am, Gin. I can't turn into some smooth-talking creep like Carmichael.'

'It's not about you being somebody you're not!' Ginny protested. 'It's just about you being a bit bold and doing something a bit surprising.'

'Like what?'

'Like maybe you should walk up to her in the corridor sometime and just kiss her,' Ginny suggested in a firm voice.

'I'd get a detention,' Ron said, in a rather childish sort of voice.

'Fine,' said Ginny. 'Look, Ron, I think Hermione fancies you. You fancy her. And here you are sitting around pouting about it instead of doing something about it.'

'Ginny,' Ron said in a pleading voice, and he felt his face go red. 'You don't get it. I'm...I'm pathetic when it comes to girls. I dunno the first thing about romance stuff. I've...I've never even really kissed a girl, okay? I mean, how can I sweep Hermione of her feet when I'm always tripping over my own? Answer me that.'

Ginny gave Ron a sympathetic look. 'Maybe you need to talk to one of our brothers about this,' she suggested. 'I mean, I can only tell you stuff from a girl's perspective.'

'Who can I talk to about this, Fred and George?' Ron asked sarcastically. 'They already take the mickey out of me for never having done...Number Four...let alone never snogging a girl.'

Ginny gave a derisive snort. 'As if Fred and George have ever done number four,' she said. 'Those two are full of it.'

'How do you know they haven't?' Ron asked, shocked.

'Because I just know, okay?' Ginny said. 'The same way I know Bill and Charlie and even Percy HAVE done. Blokes who've done it don't need to brag about it.'

'You...you haven't...I mean...' Ron stammered, a very horrifying thought suddenly occurring to him.

'No!' Ginny cried, looking affronted. 'Honestly, Ron! I'm only fifteen. I'm not ready for that stuff.'

'Damn straight,' said Ron vehemently.

'And anyway, I wouldn't tell you if I had,' said Ginny smugly. 'It's none of your business.'

'I'm your big brother, of course it's my business!' Ron protested.

'Oh, get a grip, I'm not DOING anything like that, okay?' Ginny snapped. 'And we're not talking about me, are we? We're talking about you and Hermione. I think you should just talk to Bill about this stuff--he has loads of experience and he wouldn't make fun of you about it.'

'I guess,' Ron conceded. He stared into the fire, still feeling uncertain and miserable.

'I'm turning in,' Ginny announced, standing up and stretching. 'You should try and get some sleep. I hear Bill's going to be starting the sixth years on Occlumency next week.' She started up the girls' staircase.

'Right,' said Ron dully, watching her go, thinking that with the way his mind was jumbled, there was no way he'd last a single lesson of Occlumency. 'G'night.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'Occlumency is the practice of clearing the mind so as to avoid revealing secrets to others,' Bill was saying in a clear voice. 'It's a very useful and important defensive skill, at least as important as any of the physical defenses we've worked on so far.

'Becoming skilled at Occlumency requires tremendous mental and emotional discipline,' Bill went on. 'I'll warn you right now: you will not like this part of your defensive magical training. Everyone here has secret thoughts they don't want to share with anyone, especially their teacher. My job in teaching you how to protect those thoughts is to pry into your mind and intrude on those secrets in the hopes of learning about you. Your job is to block my efforts, and you can only do that by clearing your mind of all thought.'

'Excuse me,' a snide voice drawled from the back of the room. It was Malfoy. 'Just what gives you the right to get inside our heads, may I ask? And what use is this stuff if we're supposed to be fighting dark wizards?'

'As if you'd fight dark wizards instead of joining them,' Harry muttered under his breath, and Ron sniggered.

Bill shot Ron a warning look, then turned to Malfoy. 'Dumbledore has given me authority, and therefore the right, to get inside your heads. As for what purpose this serves, if any of you were ever taken captive by a Death Eater, you'd want a way to avoid revealing any information in an interrogation. Unless, of course, you have no desire to protect that information.' Bill gave Malfoy a penetrating glare, and Malfoy looked away, his lips thin and angry.

'Before we start practicing on the class, I'm going to demonstrate how Legilimency--the practice of reading another person's memories and thoughts- -and Occlumency work. Harry Potter, come up to the front of the class, please.'

Harry and Ron exchanged looks. Ron, having been so caught up in his own misery, was only now noticing that Harry didn't look as tired as he had a few weeks earlier. He seemed to be standing up straighter and had a determined look in his eye. Harry stood and strode to the front of the class, pausing just long enough to smile at Susan Bones, who smiled back.

Harry took his place across from Bill.

'Wand out,' Bill instructed, pulling out his own wand. He gave Harry a searching look, but Harry only stared back. Ron stared at them, scared and awestruck.

'Are you ready?' Bill asked.

'Yeah,' said Harry, his gaze never wavering from Bill's face.

Bill raised his wand. 'Legilimens!' he shouted. A thin silver beam shot from Bill's wand and struck Harry in the face. Harry jerked but didn't fall. He and Bill stared at each other in silence, both their faces tense and taut with the strain of the spell. In the next instant, Harry raised his wand, waved it at Bill and shouted, 'Protego!'

Bill jerked backward but didn't fall, and the spell was broken. He turned to the class. All of them were staring at him and Harry in shocked silence, as though they were unsure of whether to be scared or pleased by the demonstration.

'As you can see, Mr. Potter blocked my spell by using a Protection Charm,' said Bill. 'But in most cases if you're being interrogated, you wouldn't have a wand. And the Legilimens would not give you a warning that he or she was about to use the spell. Ultimately you have to be able to use Occlumency without the benefit of a wand.' There was a pause as Bill let this sink in. Then he whirled around toward Harry, pointed his wand at him and shouted 'Accio wand!' Harry's wand flew out of his hand and landed neatly in Bill's. In the next second, Bill shouted 'Legilimens!' and another thin silver beam shot out, hitting Harry in the face again.

For what seemed like ages Bill and Harry stood there, staring into one another's eyes. Ron couldn't tell what was happening, except that he saw Bill's wand hand was shaking and both of them were sweating with the effort of the spell.

Bill broke the spell with a wave of his wand, and turned to the class again. He was breathing hard; Harry was panting. Bill handed Harry back his wand.

'Thanks, Harry,' he said, trying to control his own breathing. 'Good show. You can sit down.'

Harry strode back to his seat, looking pale and sweaty, but his steps were steady.

'Mr. Potter successfully blocked my attempt to break into his thoughts,' Bill explained. 'He was not prepared for my second attack, but he's been able to discipline his mind to the point that he can empty it of thoughts in a split-second, and ward me off without the aid of a wand. That kind of skill is rare even in fully qualified wizards, I have to tell you. But it's something every one of you should be striving for in your practice. I'm not going to do anything that advanced today, though. Today we're going to focus simply on clearing our minds first. Wands away, please.'

The rest of the lesson consisted of several strange meditation lessons to clear their minds. Bill produced a list on the blackboard of various methods to clear the mind, including the Serenity Charm, but warned them not to become dependent on spells, as they required the use of a wand. He gave them no homework except to practice what they'd learned.

The class ended and Ron and Harry stood and packed up their things. Hermione brushed past them, giving Ron a shy, pained sort of smile, and Ron smiled back, but his chest seemed to constrict.

'What's up with you two, anyway?' Harry whispered as they watched her go.

'Nothing,' said Ron glumly. 'I'll...I'll tell you later. I...just need to ask Bill something, all right?'

'Okay,' said Harry, giving Ron a searching look, but not pressing the issue. 'See you at Quidditch practice, then?'

'Right,' said Ron, already heading toward Bill's desk. He didn't notice Harry leave the room.

'What's up, Ron?' Bill said, putting his quill and scrolls into his bag.

'D'you have a minute?'

'Sure,' said Bill. 'You want to go to my office?'

'Yeah.'

They left the classroom and Ron followed Bill down the corridor and into Bill's office, closing the door behind him.

'What's on your mind, little brother?' Bill said, tossing his bag carelessly onto his desk and flopping into his chair. 'Is this about class?'

'Uh, no,' said Ron, feeling the heat creep up his neck. 'It's about...well...it's about...uh...'

'Girls,' Bill said. 'Or more specifically, a girl.'

'Yeah,' Ron mumbled, looking down at his feet, wishing his stupid ears didn't get red when he got embarrassed.

'Sit down,' said Bill, indicating the chair across from his desk. 'I was wondering when you'd get around to talking to me about Hermione.'

'Who says it's about Hermione?' Ron said quickly, sitting down rather harder than he meant to in the chair and feeling a sharp pain in his tailbone.

Bill smiled and gave Ron a knowing look.

'All right,' Ron admitted. 'Yeah, it's about Hermione. I guess...I mean...I really think I...fancy her. You know, a bit.'

'Just a bit?' Bill said, his eyebrows raised.

'Okay, a lot!' Ron admitted, his ears nearly on fire.

Bill chuckled. 'Nothing to be embarrassed about, Ron,' he said. 'But I take it you haven't gotten around to telling her yet.'

'No,' said Ron, 'and I'm not sure I want to. I mean, she's got that stupid prat Carmichael after her, you know. He's rich and handsome and he can dance really well and talk really well. You know, everything I'm not. If I told her, she might laugh at me or slap me or something.'

'What makes you think Hermione likes boys like Carmichael?' said Bill. 'Smart girls like Hermione don't lose it over some pretty boy who flatters them.'

'Oh come off it,' said Ron. 'Look at you. Girls go mad over you. Half the girls in the school worship you and I don't think it's because you're a good teacher.'

'Are you saying I'm a pretty boy?' Bill asked dryly.

'You know what I mean!' Ron snapped, but then he sank back into his chair, feeling miserable. 'I'm hopeless with girls, okay? I haven't even kissed a girl. Ever. I mean, really kissed a girl. And...and Hermione's my best friend. We're mates. How can I fancy my best mate? If I tell her and she rejects me, there goes our friendship, right? But if I don't tell her our friendship is still messed up because I'm miserable all the time and I won't want to be around her.'

'Are you so sure Hermione doesn't fancy you?' Bill asked.

'No,' said Ron. 'I mean, Ginny swears she does and that she only went with Carmichael to the ball to make me jealous, but if Hermione fancies me why doesn't she tell me? Why do girls have to play these stupid games, anyway? Drives me mental.'

Bill chuckled. 'If I knew how to decipher a girl's brain, I'd tell you. All I can say is that most girls like the man to make the first move.'

'Yeah, but...but that's not fair!' Ron said desperately. 'What if she rejects me, huh? And...and this isn't the Middle Ages or anything! I thought girls were supposed to be, you know, more independent or liberated or something.'

'When it comes to this stuff girls tend to be surprisingly old fashioned,' Bill said, smiling.

'That's what Ginny said,' said Ron.

'Ginny would know,' said Bill.

'You REALLY think Hermione likes me?' Ron asked, narrowing his eyes.

'Hermione hasn't mentioned it to me personally,' Bill said, 'but yeah, I think she does. And I think she's scared of telling you for the same reason you're scared of telling her. Because it'll change your relationship and you might not know how to be or act around one another for a while.'

'This stinks,' said Ron. 'I don't know how to...how to do that romantic stuff! I can't write poetry or...or sing love songs or anything! Hermione's brilliant and she's read everything and I'm just this clumsy git. What am I supposed to say to her if I tell her?'

'You could, I dunno, try telling her how you feel about her,' Bill suggested.

'Oh, that's rich,' said Ron acidly. "Hi, Hermione. I know we've been friends for ages but I really fancy you and I want you to go out with me." Is that what I'm supposed to do?'

Bill laughed and shook his head. 'You're making this a lot more difficult than it has to be, you know. Just think about how she makes you feel, Ron. Like when you were dancing the other night. Or how you feel when she walks in the room, or when you smell her perfume or she's close to you. Stuff like that.'

'I'm supposed to tell her she makes me feel dizzy and weird and makes my stomach go all funny?'

'Well, maybe not in those words,' said Bill.

'Then WHAT words?!' Ron shouted.

Bill shook his head, smiling. 'You know, I was exactly the same way when I was your age,' he said. 'A complete idiot around girls. My tongue got all tied in knots whenever I tried to talk to a girl I fancied. It was pathetic, really.'

'Get off it,' Ron snapped.

'I'm serious,' Bill said. 'You think blokes are born with the ability to charm the socks off women? A few might be but most of us aren't. We have to learn the hard way how to be around them and more often than not we make complete fools of ourselves. But in the end, they're just people, Ron. Different, yeah, and who the hell knows how their brains work sometimes, but they're still people. And Hermione's your best mate. You've already got something really strong there. That part doesn't have to change just because you've fallen for her. She's still the same girl you became friends with, underneath it all.'

'I guess,' said Ron. 'I mean, she's still always nagging me and Harry about homework. That hasn't changed. She's way better at the prefect stuff, too. She actually takes it seriously. And, can you believe it, she's still knitting those bloody hats for the house elves and talking about spew and...she's changed her hair a bit, I guess. I liked it better when it was all frizzy and mad, to be honest. She used to do this thing--she doesn't do it now, now her hair's all flat--where she'd tuck her hair behind her ears, but it didn't really work because her hair was just too wild...'

Bill chuckled.

'What?' said Ron.

'You've really got it bad,' said Bill, smiling.

'I do?' said Ron.

'You were rambling just now,' said Bill. 'Rambling is one of the signs.'

'Oh,' said Ron, feeling stupid. What other dumb things was he going to be doing now that he had gone and fallen for Hermione?

'Bill,' he said slowly, 'why do I feel like...I don't deserve her?'

'ALL blokes who fall for a girl feel that way,' said Bill. 'I still don't think I deserve Fleur half the time. I mean, how could a girl that amazing be interested in stupid, worthless me, right? But I got over that. And you have to get over that, because if you go around thinking you don't deserve Hermione, then you won't. Hermione likes you for you. Do you understand what I'm saying?'

'Yeah, I think so,' Ron said, although in truth he didn't understand completely. 'So, uh, you think I should talk to her about this.'

'You can't get the girl of your dreams without taking a few risks, Ron,' said Bill.

'But what about Carmichael?' said Ron feebly.

'Forget about that idiot,' Bill said firmly. 'You're a Gryffindor, remember? Start acting like one.'