'Twas the Night Before a Weasley Christmas

Part One - Christmas Eve afternoon

"Mrs. Weasley, are you aware that there is black smoke coming from your kitchen?" Hermione asked as she set her bulging bag down at the base of the fireplace she had just arrived in. It was a relief to be able get rid of one burden as she tried to calm Crookshanks enough to free his claws from their death grip on her shoulder.

The older woman shook her head and smiled a rather thin smile. "It's just Ron. He's bound and determined to make Christmas treats this year, but I don't know if the kitchen will ever be the same again. I'm trying my best not to interfere as it might put him off cooking forever even though that would be a lovely thought. Are you able to stay through the holidays, dear?"

"Yes. It's likely my parents won't make it back from the dull as dirt Dentistry Conference until well after Boxing Day. I'm so glad you asked me here so I had a reason not to go." The large orange cat finally extricated his claws from the fibres of the house scarf and jumped down to casually stroll toward an overstuffed chair by the fire. Hermione breathed a sigh of relief and attempted to straighten her rumpled clothing. "By the way, they both send their regards and regret that they can't be here. I love my parents to bits, but they definitely have one-track minds. Is Harry here yet?"

After taking a second to contemplate someone being loved so much they broke into pieces, Mrs. Weasley shook her head to rid herself of the horrible picture the Muggle phrase seemed to suggest. "Harry got here two days ago. He and Ron have been planning something. I'm afraid that I won't want to know what's going to happen. Those two are always cooking up something. It's like having the twins at that age all over again."

Hermione smiled, trying not to give the secret away that the three of them had been planning since the term started. One more day and they would know if all the work was going to pay off.

For now, she decided to keep away from the smoking kitchen. The two boys could fend for themselves in there. She didn't like to get too close to any kind of kitchen, let alone one full of smoke and two teenage boys with wands. She shuddered, glad her mother still made her wash dishes like a Muggle. Kitchen appliances and magic had a strange resistance for each other.

"Is Ginny upstairs? I think I'll drop off my bag in her room before the rest of the family get here."

The winding staircase led directly to the third floor, making no other stops. This was the new spell Ron had been talking about the other day after he handed out the Christmas invitations Pig had brought to the Great Hall during breakfast. Mrs. Weasley had been working on this specifically for the holiday season, knowing that her house would be full of people and wanting to keep the mischief to a minimum. Each guest was assigned a floor and could not get off at any other. There was even a guard against Apparating. Ron had spent hours telling and retelling about Fred getting caught in between floors when he tried to sneak up to the fifth floor to plant some sort of mischievous device.

"Hey, Ginny. Open up." The door was locked and Hermione was smart enough to know that a simple spell like ALOHAMORA wasn't going to work. Ginny was much too clever to use something so simple to keep out unwanted guests.

"Use the password," came the muted reply.

"The what?"

"The password. We talked about this the other day. At lunch. Hint, hint."

She thought back to the day before school broke for Winter Holiday, wishing she had been concentrating harder on Ginny and not so much on Ron and Harry's whispers about pepper-flavoured candy canes and exploding ginger snaps. "Um, crummy roast?"

"You've got to be kidding me. I think you can do better then that."

"Runny coast?"

The door swung open violently, Ginny's cheeks blazing. "Were you even listening to me? Crummy roast? Runny coast? No! Honey toast! I was eating some at the time."

"I didn't think you were serious. I thought it was all just something you were thinking of doing. Your mum's moving staircase should keep the boys, both sets, away from this floor anyway."

"That's just it. They aren't the only ones we have to worry about."

She knew quite a few people were expected but not the complete guest list and she was intrigued. "Who else is coming?"

The redhead grabbed her arm and pulled her into the small room. The poor space hadn't been redecorated much since Ginny had been away at school and dolls still occupied much of the space not taken up by the bed, chest of drawers and piles of books.

After slamming the door and casting another hasty locking charm, she turned to face her friend. "It's not good. Not good at all. We're going to be sadly outnumbered."

"More boys?"

"Worse. More adults."

"Ginny, I don't think a sane adult is going to want to break into your room. What would they steal? Your Merlin doll?" She picked up the plush miniature of the famous wizard and threw it at the angry girl.

"It's not funny, Hermione. The Order will be here, of course, but most of them aren't arriving until tomorrow morning. Neville and the horrid woman who calls herself his grandmother will be here anytime and," she swallowed nervously, "Mum got the absurd notion to track down Snape and invite him over. He'll be here a little after midnight."

"Snape? Here?" Hermione rapidly went through the assignments that had been given out for the holiday and started sweating. She hadn't started any of her homework, thinking she could enjoy some well-earned freedom until after the New Year. Doing her Potions homework was the last thing she wanted to think of right now.

"Exactly. Between the Order telling us to leave the room while they discuss something important, that horrid woman hitting me with her purse, and Snape glaring at us for breathing in his general direction, I don't know if I can make it through Christmas this year."

Ginny still shuddered every time she was reminded of the day not four months ago that everyone arrived at Platform 9 ¾. Her new sugar bat, a present from her brothers, had been nervous around the smoke and noise and had flown to the first safe looking hiding spot. It happened to be a bird atop the large hat dominating the head of Neville's Gran. Gentle coaxing sounds and urgent pleading hadn't worked as the woman refused to keep still long enough for the poor arrival to calm down. There had been only one option - Ginny had literally climbed up the woman The memory made Hermione smile but it quickly fell away as she remembered the other reasons Ginny was upset.

"Don't worry. I have a plan. Let's go down and talk to Harry and Ron while the house is still relatively quiet."

"Or maybe we can run away and hide out in a circus until school starts again."

"Well, it's an option but let's try something else first."

****

Ron and Harry hung out the back door, frantically waving more black smoke through the opening. Their last batch of Chewy Chokers had blackened before they could figure out that the temperature of the oven was still too high. So far, they had ten failures to show for ten tries.

"We really should get the twins to show us how they get the consistency right on the Cream Puff Puffers," Harry struggled to say through a hacking cough.

"Never. I don't want them to know that I can't follow one of their simplest recipes. If I have any chance of getting a job at the shop this summer, I need to prove that I can pull off the prank of the century."

"How is serving up exploding food to a bunch of adults that know forty different ways of injuring us going to be a good prank?"

"If I can fool any of the adults here into eating one of these special treats, I've done it. I've pulled off the biggest prank in history. When we first thought up this plan, I didn't know Snape was coming but just think of it. Image if we could tell everyone that we made Snape's face turn red and green."

Ron let himself get lost in the fantasy of a fumbling, flustered Head of Slytherin House. It was one he had concocted in a particularly bad Potions class and he liked to embellish on the dream from time to time, even going so far as to cause Snape's hair to fall out and be replaced by snakes that nipped at his ears whenever he was evil to his class.

Instantly, Harry's face took on the decided green hue it had started getting every time he thought of Snape. He had been hoping for a nice vacation away from his nightmare but, instead, was forced to endure two days of seeing Snape every time he turned around.

"Harry! Ron! We need to talk." Hermione and Ginny ran through the kitchen and each grabbed a boy by the arm.

"Tree house. Now!" Ginny commanded, not breaking her stride until they were within sight of the gnarled tree that held their childhood fort. A group of garden gnomes, decked out in mistletoe and holly berries, began to serenade them with an off-key rendition of "White Christmas" as they passed. "Hurry and throw a something at them or they'll never stop that infernal racket."

Ron picked up a decaying potato from a stack at the edge of the garden and chucked it at the carollers. They scattered, muttering curses and threats. Singing garden gnomes in the Christmas spirit are never easy to get rid of. Once they memorize the carols, they don't like to quit singing and will often continue their carols well past May Day.

"What's such a secret that we need to talk about it in the drafty tree? I thought the kitchen was a pretty safe bet. No one would have walked in with all the smoke wafting about." Harry was amused by Ginny's thorough search of the premises before she reclined back on one of the plush armchairs. It was as if she expected there to be listening devices everywhere she turned tonight.

The tree house had the same amenities that most houses did, except there was no kitchen. Mr. Weasley had put his foot down when it came to the possibility of any of the children cooking without supervision. Oh, how well he knew his kids. While the Weasley's were growing up, they spent more hours in their own little world then they ever did at the main house. The twins had spent most summer nights sleeping on the roof they had paved with clunkerstone, a substance that reflected well enough that it seemed they were sleeping in the middle of the sky. Charlie had added the west wing addition with a whirlpool tub. Ginny had been the last to leave so there was still a decided pink hue to all the decorations.

"Hermione decided that you two could be brought into this but I'm still sceptical."

"Into what? If this is something where I have to dress up like a girl or wear anything that resembles makeup, I'm out of here. I'm not doing that again." Ron struggled to get up but stopped when he saw the strange expression on Harry's face. "It's a long story," he mumbled, settling back down.

Hermione took charge of the conversation. "I'm sorry, Ginny, but you are the one that needs to be brought into our plan. Boys, I think that we should expand on the preparations now that we know who the real foes are. This is no longer a small prank that will make the twins look foolish. They need to be brought into this as well but that is completely up to you, Ron." He nodded reluctantly and Hermione walked over to a small corner window. She tapped on the glass with her wand and two eyes instantly appeared on the other side. "You two might as well come in. We know you're out there."

Ginny turned a brilliant shade of red. Why hadn't she remembered that the twins had learned how to cloak their Extendable Eyes so they could be stuck to any window without being detected? She definitely wasn't going to make it as an Auror once she left Hogwarts if she didn't remember little things like that.

The tall, gangly twins Apparated into the room, feeling slightly disappointed that they had been caught before they could see anything more interesting then the smattering of conversation between rather boring youngsters. They had taken to using the derogatory term ever since they had left Hogwarts and started their own business.

"So, you were planning on pranking us, Ron. We knew it!" George exclaimed.

Ron mumbled something and sank lower into his chair.

"Don't think we wouldn't have loved to have watched your face turn red when it failed," Fred said, winking at his little brother.

"Let's not dwell on this, you two. We need your help. I suppose you've heard who's coming for Christmas?"

"Oh, that reminds me. Neville and that rather odd lady with the rather odd hat are both here. We told him where you all were right before we followed you out here." George looked at the door as if he expected it to open at the mere mention of the other boy's imminent arrival.

"I'll go get him." Ginny was glad to get out of the room for a minute to catch her breath. She was still more embarrassed then she cared for anyone to realize that she had missed the invisible eyes. She prided herself on being as much a prankster as her brothers but she knew deep down that she really wasn't as good as them. Something was lacking in her that they seemed to possess. Or maybe she had too much of a conscience to truly pull off a decent joke. Whatever it was, she was glad that Hermione had pulled together a team of pranking experts that would allow her to stay in the background on this one. No matter what happened, that woman now inhabiting her house would not be able to hit her with that mammoth purse again.

Neville was standing on the back porch, thoroughly engrossed in the entertainment provided by the gnomes.

"Over here, Neville," she called as she picked up another stray potato. Her mother had planted the strange tuber on a whim this spring but had forgotten that the garden always produced three times as many vegetables as a normal garden. They had all been sick of potatoes by the end of the summer and had left piles of them around the garden path.

"Have you heard these guys? They're really good. Wait! Don't go! Why'd you have to hit them with that disgusting thing? What was that, anyway?"

"A potato. It was for your own good. They would have continued for days if you had let them. Come on. The gang's all here." The few gnomes who hadn't run far broke into a strained rendition of "Hail, Hail, The Gang's All Here" before Ginny lobbed another disintegrating bomb at them.

"Maybe I should tell Gran where I am so she doesn't worry."

Instantly, Ginny was on full alert. Grabbing hold of his hand, she tugged him toward the tree house. "Then by all means, let's hurry so she doesn't find us. You're sixteen, not five. You won't get lost while you're here. Besides, Mum will have her talking for hours yet. I'm sure they have tons to things to discuss."

Mrs. Weasley, on the other hand, was already at a loss. Mrs. Longbottom had been in the sitting room for twenty minutes and they had already exhausted the three conversation topics Molly could think of.

"Are you sure I can't take your handbag from you?"

"No, thank you," the starched lady said through clinched teeth. "I'd rather have some way of defending myself if and when I am attacked."

"I can assure you that you won't be attacked, ma'am. My children will be on their best behaviour and the animals are being kept out in the aviary my husband had built this last spring. The family's collection of birds and other animals is growing as they get older. Why, it was only three years ago that we only had Errol, our old owl, and Scabbers, the rat. Neither is with us any longer but we have replaced them three times over what with our Hercules, Ron's adorable little owl, Pig, and Ginny's sweet little Belfry. The twin's falcons are seldom here but they are rather large birds and do like to stretch their wings."

Molly knew she was rambling but she couldn't help it. The older woman's sharp gaze was causing her to feel that she was back at school again and hadn't done her homework. What was she thinking? Why had she thought it would be a good idea to invite so many people for what should have been a quiet family celebration with just her brood, Harry and Hermione?

"I appreciate that but I would still feel better if I kept my bag with me. Neville was so excited about coming to spend the holidays with his friends that I couldn't say no to him." For the first time, Molly saw a hint of the loving grandmother she was sure must be under the starchy surface.

"He's such a wonderful boy and so well mannered. I hope he rubs off on Ron more. He could definitely use some more good influences in his life."

At that moment, she would have eaten her words. Neville was jumping up and down on his chair, screaming at the top of his lungs, "Yes! Yes! Let me do that. I want to see the expression on Snape's face when he finds out that I was the one who convinced him to eat the blasted thing."

"Neville, sit down. We can hear you just fine. Wouldn't want the adults in the house to hear anything that would make them suspicious, now would you?" Hermione chided.

"Sorry. Just knowing that we might be able to make Snape feel like he always makes us feel is just too delicious for words."

"Might?" asked George, the huge grin still lighting up his pale face. "There's no might about this, mate. We can't fail. Besides, I have it on good authority that Tonks wouldn't mind a piece of this action. She won't be here until a little later but I have an idea that she would be delighted to get Snape back for the comment he made last time they saw each other about her hair colour being directly related to her intelligence."

Hermione once again took control of the conversation as the others started muttering about all the times Snape had made them feel like worms. "Are we all together on this? Either we all do this or we don't do it at all. Agreed?"

All the heads nodded and there was much back slapping throughout the room as they departed from the tree house back to the heavily decorated and still smoky Weasley home.