If Love is a Game...

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Dreaming of the Past

She was fourteen years-old and had a spirit of fire. It had been three weeks since she had come back on the holidays from Hogwarts. She was not particularly happy about it either. If she had had her choice in the say, she would still have been at Hogwarts, a very happy girl. But no, she was at home, standing in the doorway of the kitchen, watching her family eat dinner like civilized people. Her younger brother was looking at her every minute or two and then back at his full plate. He only then realized that he wasn't hungry anymore. Her father got up from the table and snapped for a house elf to get his plate. She glared at him in disgust and turned around to head up to the sanctuary of her room.

"Krystyna, come here for a minute," her father's voice came in a low rumble. She had no intention of obeying him like some house elf, the poor things. Instead, she ignored him and started up the stairs. "Did you not hear me? Come here, Krystyna--now."

"I don't feel like it; sorry," Krystyna replied evenly. "I'm feeling a little sick to my stomach from not eating so this will have to wait until a more reasonable time."

"Don't make me tell you twice; get over here," her father growled angrily. She continued up the stairs and ignored his order.

"Make me," she simply said. He didn't need told twice. He brought his wand out and the next thing she knew, she was on the ground at the bottom of the stairs, her back aching terribly and her head throbbing painfully. She groaned and blinked. Her father was leering at her and with another whip of his wand, she found herself on her feet again and very dizzy.

"What do you want?" Krystyna questioned crossly. The pain in the back of her head was not helping her any to stay calm.

"I need to talk to you about your misdemeanors and behavior at school," her father replied. She rolled her eyes at him. She should've known. That was the only thing he wanted to talk with her about these days. It was a known fact that he disliked her friends, Lily and Sara.

"You already know the reply, father; I'm not going to ditch my friends for you or mum," Krystyna told him flatly, crossing her arms across her chest. "It's plain and simple. You're going to have to get use to it."

"Don't talk to me like that, miss," her father snarled. "You're going to do what your mother and I tell you to do."

"Yeah, I'll obey you, when Crumpled Hornsnacks take over my bedroom and attack me," Krystyna chortled sarcastically with a smirk. He glared at her. She glared at him. "What are you going to do? Obviously, trying to starve me to death isn't working because you don't want me to die! And hey, I look great and skinny. Looks like you've done the work for me; thanks!"

"Listen here, Krystyna; you're going to regret you have ever back talked your mother and me," her father growled threateningly. She rolled her eyes. "Don't roll your eyes at me."

"I'll do what I want because I don't need to listen to an idiot like you!" Krystyna replied firmly. That gave her a backhanded slap on the face. It was so hard that she actually fell to the ground on her the side of her legs. She blinked again and touched her cheek gingerly. It was stinging and bright red.

"You hit me. You actually hit me," Krystyna whispered in disbelief. Her father was sneering at her, fuming wildly. She was in a mild shock on the ground. "You hit me." She looked up at him, tears brimming on the edges of her blue eyes.

"Get up," her father muttered angrily.

"I can't believe you actually hit me," Krystyna said softly, staring at her father, completely stunned that he had just done such a thing. He grabbed her by the elbow and jerked her back up to her feet painfully. She thought her arm might come out of its socket as he thrashed her again.

"You listen here, Krystyna; I'm not taking any crap you anymore," her father told her furiously. "You're going to do what I say, one way or another. And if you don't, one of these days, somebody's going to get hurt and you're going to have to learn the hard way!"

"Are you threatening me?" Krystyna demanded hoarsely. Her throat suddenly felt dry and scratchy.

"Yes, I am, Krystyna," her father replied forebodingly. She glared at him through the tears in her eyes, really detesting him at the moment.

"You know what that makes you?" Krystyna spat darkly. He glared at her, his grip on her arm tightening so badly that she was sure that she was going to get bruises. "It makes you an evil arsehole!"

"You definitely don't talk to me like that!" her father shouted in her face. He threw her backwards and her body crashed into the ground, rolling backwards until she felt her head smack into the wall. She laid there on the ground, motionless with her eyes closed shut. She didn't want to open them. She took a breath and it hurt.

She heard her father's footsteps and then the sound of them disappeared. He was gone. She opened her eyes and lay there, looking at the indistinct shapes of her brother and mother through the blurry glass door. She wondered if they had heard anything and if they did, they just didn't care. She didn't think they heard. There was a special charm on the door, if she remembered correctly.

She took another breath that hurt and sat up again, her side stinging badly. She tried to disregard it and stand up, but she couldn't feel her legs underneath her. She had a frightening thought that they were broken, but when she tried again, pulling on the doorknob of the door to help herself up, she could stand. She took a step and pain shot up her leg. She closed her eyes and took another step, tears stinging her eyes, when she collapsed again. She pulled herself up to her feet again and slowly pulled herself up the stairs, still trying to get to her bedroom. When she got up to the second level, she was stopped short. Her father was standing beside the door with his wand pointed at the door.

"What are you doing?" Krystyna shrieked, though her side gave another sharp pain.

"I know you've been sneaking out of the house at night," her father said gruffly. "I want my Invisibility Cloak back, too."

"I've kind of grown attached to it," Krystyna noted cockily. "I think I'll keep it for myself." Her father didn't like that at all because he stalked over to her and grabbed her shirt collar, pulling up on it. He glared at her harshly and pulled a very ugly look on his face.

"I want it back," her father replied.

"No," Krystyna simply said, glaring back at him.

"I'm tired of your misbehavior and your idiot arrogance towards me!" her father shouted at her. "That's it; I've had enough with your attitude with me! From now on, if you don't obey me around my house, then you're going to be sorry and in some pain!"

"Like I ain't already?" Krystyna spat crossly. "Just seeing you is painful enough, you ugly prat!" She soon regretted ever saying that in her father's face. He pushed her again, but she had no floor to stop her fall or door to stop her roll. Instead, she crashed down the stairs. She just kept falling and falling...

88

Krystyna tossed around, her breathing very erratic, and suddenly fell out of her bed and onto the cold wooden floor. She gasped and bolted awake, sitting straight up. The darkness pressed against her eyes heavily. She was all tangled up in her sheets and comforter and her shirt was soaked with sweat. She felt her forehead; it was burning up and beaded with cold sweat. Her breathing was still erratic.

She looked around the room and found that she was in her dormitory in Hogwarts still; not at her terrible home. She sighed with relief and began to untangle herself from her sheets. When she'd unraveled the comforter and sheets, she stood up and threw them back on the bed. She looked down and saw her pillow on the ground. She bent down to pick it up and threw it back on the bed. She stood up straight and stretched, yawning largely. She looked at her clock and saw that it was around one in the morning. She groaned. She wanted to get a good night's sleep because tomorrow was Valentine's Day. It wouldn't help looking groggy all day and during the Masquerade.

She groaned again and collapsed back onto her bed to stare at the ceiling. The Ball thing was tomorrow and she was more nervous than ever. She knew she should be happy about it. After all, she would be able to dance and have the best time in the world with Sirius and her friends, if just for one more night before she would have to end it all. She sighed sadly. She would dance with him no matter how embarrassing it might turn out. She wanted to have the best time of her life tomorrow. She wanted one more excitement filled night with her friends. Sure, she'd still have Lorena after it all, but even she would be torn in the middle. There was more guilt with that.

She felt sorry for Lorena. She wondered what might happen with her. Lorena had told her that she would stay friends with her and hang out with her because she knew that she'd probably be alone and that it would be hard on her. But what about the others? Would she be friends with them? What would they say to her? It's hard being the middleman, and that was exactly what she was going to have to do. What would Remus say to her? I mean, they'd probably see her as a double crosser--a traitor. And Lorena would still be standing beside her. What would the others say to her? She knew that it was going to be hard on everyone, whether they realized it or not.

Krystyna closed her eyes and rolled over on her side, not wanting to dwell on her bad thoughts. Tomorrow was going to be fun--her last night of fun. She opened her eyes and looked at the window, the light from the half moon shining flooding inside. She saw Sara's figure in her bed as still as ever, her light breathing barely heard; she was sound asleep. Marissa was lightly snoring, as usual, and Jessie had her mouth wide open and made a soft squelching noise, like normal. She closed her eyes again and tried to doze off into a restless sleep.

Suddenly, she heard a noise and she jolted straight up to look around the room, startled. She saw that Jessie had shifted positions in her bed; it had been her bed making the noise. She rolled her eyes at her own apprehensiveness, but scanned the room again. Then, she saw something very different. Lorena, who usually tossed and turned in her bed crazily at night, wasn't moving at all. She was lying on her back with her eyes closed and her mouth slightly parted, very still and not making a sound.

A fleeting thought that she had died crossed her mind and that immediately got her out of bed. She very silently and slowly tip toed over to Lorena's bed. When she got there, she peered over her. The soft wind of her breathing was heard and she saw her chest rising and falling lightly. She sighed with relief and went back over to her bed. She crawled back into the covers and laid her head back onto her fluffed pillow. She rolled her eyes again. She was being jumpy. She rolled over and closed her eyes to slowly drift back into another dream.

88

"Andrew, give that back to me; it's mine!" Krystyna was not having fun at the moment. She had finally turned eleven years-old and she was going to go to Hogwarts this year. The best part was she was going to meet new people, make friends, learn magic, and escape her annoying little brother, Andrew.

Even though he was only one year younger than her, he could be a real pain in the butt, she noted. His latest antic was to take her brand new wand, which irritated her greatly. She chased him around the house, but he was speedy for being small and could get through spaces she couldn't. He pulled up the rug a little on accident when he jumped off of it. She caught her foot underneath it and tripped. She came crashing to the ground and hit a small, white pillar. The unlit lamp on it tipped over and fell on the ground, barely missing her head. Her mother came in and shrieked at the sight of the broken lamp.

"What would have happened if that had been lit? You could've burnt the house down! Oh my goodness, I just bought that lamp weeks ago!" her mother shrieked madly, her hands on her cheeks. Krystyna started to get up to her feet again. Why was she so clumsy? "I told you to never run in the house! And now that you have, you've broken my poor lamp, you insolent runt!"

"It wasn't my fault!" Krystyna yelled back angrily. "It was Andrew's; he stole my wand and I wanted to get it back! He's not allowed to have a wand! Why don't you yell at him?"

"Because he didn't break my lamp!" her mother shouted shrilly.

"He stole my wand so I had to get it back and he moved the rug, which caused me to trip, which caused your stupid lamp to break!" Krystyna told her furiously. "Cause and affect, mum! Because he stole my wand rudely, your lamp is broken."

"I don't care about that; get over here, now!" her mother ordered firmly. Andrew peered over the couch at them, slightly frightened. Krystyna trudged over to her. She grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her away from him. She dragged her out of the living room and through the kitchen door. Andrew hopped off of the couch and followed them discreetly, his sister's wand still clutched in his hand. Krystyna started to cry out that it wasn't her fault. Her mother stomped out of the kitchen and to the stairs. She retched the door of the cupboard underneath the stairs open and threw her inside it. Krystyna yelped when she hit the wall and turned around.

"Next time, actually listen instead of dreaming about stupid things that are never going to happen," her mother snarled, glaring at her hatefully. She slammed the door shut and darkness enveloped her in the cupboard. She was alone.

88

Krystyna opened her eyes again and jolted up. She looked around the room quickly, but again realized that she was just in her bed in her dormitory at Hogwarts. She sighed with relief, but looked around the room again. She could've sworn she heard a door slam shut somewhere. Everyone was still sound asleep in their beds. She really envied them, she did. She wished she could be snoozing tranquilly, dreaming of wonderful things and not wretched memories.

She groaned grumpily and fell back onto her bed, glaring at the ceiling in the darkness. She just wanted to sleep so she could be well rested. She looked over and saw that Lorena was as still as she been before she had dozed off back to sleep for a second time. She had a fleeting wonder of what she was dreaming before she drifted off to sleep again.

Krystyna was not the only one who was reliving her past in her dreams. She wasn't the only one recalling other days when things were different. Lorena was also dreaming of past recollections. Except instead of the terrifying memories visiting her dreams, it was one memory that she hadn't thought of in a very long time and it wasn't scary. It was thought provoking. It was tranquil. It was relaxing.

88

She was six years of age. She was young and spirited, but the tranquility of the day kept her at bay of running around the valley. Instead, she walked away from the loud, cheerful crowd and into the peaceful meadow. Slowly, their voices began to fade away as she got farther away from them. She saw something glitter in the sunlight. She smiled; she liked sparkling things. She broke into a sprint and ran as fast as her small legs could carry her in the attire she was wearing.

When she was close enough, she saw that the sun was reflecting off of a small creek. She stopped and looked at it. It was crystal clear and she could see the light brown sand at the bottom, small coloured pebbles decorating the sand. It wasn't that deep, maybe four inches high, and it wasn't that wide either. She looked over the creek and saw a beautiful green meadow with brilliant coloured flowers jeweled in many places. A light wind blew; strands of her brilliantly bright blond hair fell across her face and into her deep grey eyes, but she ignored it.

She wanted to get over there so bad so she could be alone. She liked to be alone, away from her family so she could think about things. Even at the young age of six, she wanted to be able to think for herself and be free. She thought the pasture would be the perfect place to do such a thing. She just wanted to relax by herself, away from the laughter and adults.

So, she did the only thing that was sensible to her. She sat down on the ground and took her clean white shoes off. She picked her shoes up by the backs with one hand and stood up. She carefully lifted the bottom of her beautiful white dress up and dipped a toe in the water. It was cool to the touch, but it felt good. The sun was blazing and she was getting warm. She splurged her foot in the water and it was very cold, but she ignored it. She dipped her other foot in the water and felt the sand massage her feet as the creek water pushed against her calves lightly. She walked over to the other side through the water and got out of the creek. When she returned to dry land, she sat back down and put her shoes back on. She rubbed the water on her calves a little as it slowly began to evaporate. No one would ever know.

She stood back up and looked around the peaceful meadow. But she did not run. She smiled and began to walk. She started up a small hill with a lonesome tree at the very top of it. When she got there, she looked up at the tree and reached high for a branch. She looked around and saw red fruit was hanging on the branches of the tree; it was an apple tree.

She dropped her arms and looked at the tree appreciatively before taking a few steps back out of its cool shade and back into the sunlight. She turned around and looked across the meadow, her mouth never parting. She suddenly sat down on the grass and fixed the bottom of her white dress before lying down on her back. She looked up at the blue sky and watched the few white fluffy clouds pass by in a wonderful serenity. She was just thinking.

And then, out of the blue, a boy in black pants, a white button up shirt, a black tie, and a black robe appeared, walking up the hill. The girl didn't take any notice to him as she looked up at the clouds move in blue sky, reflecting some things in her life. He was slightly panting, but he stopped once he saw her completely. He cocked his head a little and looked at her white dressed form, lying on the ground with her hands behind her head and her toes pointing to the sky.

"Aunt Sella is wanting to know where you are, Lorena," the boy panted serenely. "She wants you to be in a few pictures with her..." She didn't answer him. She just kept looking up at the sky and thinking, even though she heard him very clearly. She kept silent. He looked at her peculiarly. She looked strange in a white dress, all dressed up, and lying on the dark green grass, gazing up at the blue sky, her bright blond hair fanned on the grass a little.

"What are you doing?" the boy asked quietly.

"Watching the clouds pass over me in the sky," she said softly. She smiled lightly, not looking at him, but at the sky still. "And thinking."

"That sounds boring," the boy noted before he yawned broadly. She shrugged her shoulders, still watching the sky attentively.

"No, it's very relaxing," she, a six year-old Lorena, pointed out. He frowned at her. There was a moment of silence between them. He suddenly sat down next to her and laid on his back to watch the clouds in the sky. He put his hands behind his head. "See, this is not so bad, is it?"

He thought about it for a second. "You're right; it's not as boring as I thought it would be," he sighed thoughtfully, nodding his head slowly. There was a moment of silence. He quickly pointed at a white cloud in the sky. "Hey, that one looks like a racing broom!"

She looked at the cloud he was pointing at and nodded her head. "Mm hm, it does look like a racing broom a little," she agreed quietly. She returned to her thoughts and he began to feel alone because she was being so distant with him. He sat up straight and looked back down at her, his palms on the grass.

"Lorena, why did you come out here all alone?" he asked her quietly. "Wouldn't you become lonely and sad?" There was silence between them. He watched her gaze at the sky with her deep set grey eyes.

"Have you ever sat down and just listened to the adults talk to each other? You know, when there's a whole bunch of people around and the women talk to the other women while the men talk to the other men in the family," Lorena blurted out vaguely. He looked at her oddly. He was not expecting her to say any of that at all. "Have you ever just listened on their conversations?"

"No, that's called eavesdropping," he said automatically. She shrugged her shoulders and continued to look up at the sky.

"Still, have you ever heard them talk?" she continued tranquilly. "Do you hear what they say? They talk about us--the children--the next generation--and they talk about what we're like now and they talk about our futures. Don't you ever hear them with their smiles plastered on their faces? They're talking to each other, planning out our futures themselves, Lucius."

Now, he thought that was rather extreme. Sure, he knew that talked about their futures; they talked about what they wished of their children's lives and how they might grow up to live. Every parent did that at least once if they cared about their child at all. But what Lorena was saying was mighty wild. They parents weren't planning their futures; they couldn't be doing that.

"I find that very unbelievable," he, a seven year-old Lucius, replied evenly. She shrugged her shoulders again, still looking at the sky. But something on the inside told him that it was true. His cousin usually never lied.

"It's true; I hear them all of the time talking about what we're going to grow up to be and how we're going to act," she whispered softly. "All of the time, I hear them. They don't know I'm there. I'm always silent when I start to hear. They want us to grow up to be prominent citizens in the Wizarding public. They want people with the power. Your mum, Aunt Selena, she says that you are going to be Minister of Magic when you get older and that she is going to make sure of that."

"But I don't want to be the Minister of Magic!" young Lucius defied loudly. "There's too much responsibility and they have to do a lot of boring work... What do your parents say you are going to be?"

"They said that I shall be head of the Magical Law Enforcement Department," Lorena told him calmly. She rolled her eyes at the sky. "I've told my mum once that I don't want to be head of it, but she insists that a girl in the family with power like that will make this world a place for the better. I don't want to be an Auror either; no matter how cool they are. They're making new jobs in it called 'prosecutors' and 'defense attorneys' because some cases clash with the usual interrogators in court. I want to be a 'prosecutor'."

"How do you know all that?" Lucius asked her, bemused.

"I told you; I listen to the adult conversations," Lorena replied smoothly. There was more silence between them. "Our parents, they're trying to mold us into what they want us to become. I don't want that. I want to do what I want. They do it all of the time. Now that Marcus is at Hogwarts, the adults like to talk about his future. They talk about us and what we're going to do..."

There was a moment of silence. Suddenly, Lorena sat back up, the wind making tresses of her vivid blond hair blow over her face again, across her light pink lips and grey eyes. He looked at her.

"That's why I came out here to be alone," Lorena said. She looked away from him and across the meadow vaguely. "Because I want to escape their voices. I want to leave their thoughts behind and come across my own again. I find it easier to gather my thoughts when alone. I've found that I'm a lot happier when I'm alone."

There was more silence. He looked at her tenderly. He pushed his light blond out of his face, but it didn't seem to bother her at all as her own hair blew in her face beautifully. He frowned at her slightly as she looked across the meadow with a wistful look in her eyes.

"Am I making you sad then by being here?" he asked her. She looked back at him with a light smile on her face and into his gray imploring eyes. She shook her head a little.

"No, I think it's impossible for me to get gloomy when I'm around you," she said. He smiled at her and her smile lit up again. He stood up and brushed himself off. He held out his hand to her and she took it. He pulled her up to her feet and she let go of his hand to brush her white dress off. She made sure that she didn't have a grass stain.

"C'mon, Aunt Sella wants to get pictures with you because you're the prettiest six year-old ever," Lucius said nicely. She turned a little pink in the face as they walked down the hill and headed back to the fancy reception of their aunt's wedding. Lorena suddenly remembered something.

"Oh, I left something back up there!" she squealed. She ran back up the hill quickly and went under the tree again. He followed her up there quickly. She reached for an apple, but couldn't reach it; she was too short to get it. She dropped her arm and thought for a second. She grabbed a lower branch and then wrapped her hand around another. She put her foot on a small bump and pulled herself up.

"Before careful; don't fall, Lorena!" Lucius called anxiously from solid ground. She looked down at him and smiled. "And don't ruin your white dress!"

"You worry too much, Lucius," Lorena noted, chortling lightly. She scaled a few more branches, almost tearing the hem of her dress on one of them. Lucius had gone wide eyed. Finally, she reached the branch with the ripe apples on it. She picked the two best looking ones and looked down at Lucius. "Catch!"

Lucius stood underneath her and held his arms out. She dropped the apples and he caught them rather clumsily. He looked up at her triumphantly and grinned. She looked over at the branches she had crawled up on, but they didn't look so easy to get back down on. He frowned.

"Are you stuck?" Lucius asked her amusedly.

"No!" Lorena protested. He said nothing further, but chuckled a little. "I'm not stuck. I'm not stuck." She looked around the tree for another way to get down. She finally came to the conclusion that she was going to have to drop.

She grabbed onto the branch she was sitting on and wobbled her legs off of it. Lucius gasped when he saw that she was hanging on the branch that was high for him and her. He took a step back, realizing that he was underneath her and if she slipped or let go, she'd fall right on top of him. She kicked the air a little and wondered if she'd made the right decision. A second later, she let go of the branch. Lucius gasped loudly again. She felt her feet smack into the ground hard and she toppled over onto her bottom and then on her back, her head resting on the cool grass again.

"Lorena, are--are you okay?" Lucius asked timidly, peering at her limp body. She opened her eyes sort of suddenly and he jumped back a little. She took a deep breath and sat up slowly. She looked around with her grey eyes cautiously. Lucius walked over to her again. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, I am," Lorena said softly. He sighed with relief and wiped his brow with his sleeve. "Thank you for asking, Lucius." He smiled.

"You're welcome, Lorena," Lucius replied kindly. He held out his hand for her again and she took it once more. He pulled her to her feet and she once again checked herself for grass stains or any rips in her dress. There were none; she was very lucky. "C'mon, we best hurry; they're probably getting worried about us by now."

She nodded her head and followed her older cousin down the hill again. He handed her one of the red apples and thanked her for it. She merely smiled at him and watched him take a bite out of his apple, his cheeks bulging a bit. She took a bite out of her apple and it was sweet. She looked at her cousin and then at the sun, which she realized was slowly setting.

She always liked sunsets. They were like the last page of a chapter in a book. She liked watching sunsets because they radiated spectacular colours in the sky and on her. She gave one wistful smile, wishing that sunsets happened more often.

88

Lorena took a deep breath and rolled over on her bed in her sleep. Krystyna had awoken again after another terrifying memory. She watched Lorena finally move in her sleep. She smiled. Everything was back to normal again. Normality... Nothing was going to be normal after the night of February 16th. A single tear came out of Krystyna's eye before she wiped it away with her fingers and closed her eyes. Finally falling into a sleep where she wouldn't be awoken again until the morning.