In All the Thunder

Chapter Four: Break Away

Sirius and James walked into The Three Broomsticks first. They looked around the place and saw that it looked considerably different from the place they remembered. They'd never been in here at night. Actually, it looked very creepy and sinister with dim lights and people talking in hushed voices. The crowd in here was much different also. Krystyna and Lily pushed their way inside.

"Ooh, this place gives me the heebie-jeebies now!" Lily whispered fearfully to Krystyna, who nodded her head in return. Everywhere she looked, she could see trouble coming from a mile away. She knew that there were "bad" people here at this hour of the night; she knew every single one of them was shady as could be. So why not blend in?

I don't know how Lorena can stand this, Krystyna thought as she shuffled into a seat, scooting closer to Sirius than she'd ever done before. She was nervous in this place. She felt like she was going to be jumped or something of the sort. Maybe Remus was right. Maybe she shouldn't be working here at this time. She might disappear one night, and we might never see her again!

"Wotcher, everyone!" There was a cheerful voice to Krystyna's left; and they all nearly jumped out of there seats from being startled so badly.

Putting her hand to her heart and looking over, Lily whispered, "Lorena, don't do that here! You scared us all half to death!" Lorena grinned at them in only a way she could, and James glowered at her. Krystyna took one deep breath and then sighed with relief. The blond was wearing black pants and a white long sleeve blouse with the sleeves rolled up a bit. Her hair was up in a messy bun, but she looked happy.

"How was house shopping with your Remy-Poo?" Sirius teased with a pleasant smirk on his face. She gave him a condescending smile.

"Oh, it was wonderful; I found the most wonderful flat...for myself, that is," Lorena replied.

"Sure, we believe you, right," James and Sirius said in unison, nodding to each other and then to her. She rolled her eyes at them and then brought out her wand. At this, the two boys scooted in their seats away from her a bit and she laughed at them. They glanced at each other and then back to her.

"What? Do you think I'm going to hex you?" Lorena grinned. They shook their heads quickly. "Whatever you say... Anyways, what would you like? I can't stand around here all night, you know; I do have other customers waiting for me."

Krystyna looked around and then back to Lorena. "These are your customers? They look more like people who just broke out of Azkaban!" she hissed under her breath nervously. Lorena gave her a cheerful grin and then shrugged her shoulders. Krystyna could not believe how incredibly brave she was - and dense, yes, very dense at times. "You're nutters."

"If it pays the bills and my way through LWLA, then it's okay with me," Lorena replied coolly. "And besides, if I get them drunk enough, sweet enough, and aloof enough - please, don't ask me why - they give me a better tip, which is always a very good thing."

"Lorena!" Lily admonished reprovingly. Lorena shrugged her shoulders.

"What? I want some extra cash, so sue me - when I get that money," she replied without concern. This girl must have been more than barmy, Krystyna decided, but how good of a friend she was. "Anyways, what'll be?"

"Firewhiskey for me, Loren!" James declared happily. Lily shot him a glare and he gave her a seemingly innocent look, shrugging his shoulders. "What? I'm out of school now! I'm of age."

Lily rolled her eyes at him and up to Lorena, who had just tapped a small notepad with her wand.

"I'll just have a gillywater," Lily told her.

"Cherry syrup and soda - on the rocks," Krystyna ordered calmly.

"Red currant rum all the way!" Sirius exclaimed. Krystyna rolled her eyes at him. Lorena put her wand behind her ear and grinned at them all. She began to back away from them and headed for the bar.

"Coming right up!" Lorena called loudly before turning around and disappearing into the crowd. James cringed when he looked around to the closest table; it was occupied by a bunch of wizards in concealing black cloaks. For one wild second, he had thought they were Death Eaters, but soon came to find that they were just...five very creepy men.

Creepy, James thought as he looked back to Sirius. They connected eyes, and James saw that his friend seemed a bit too relaxed. Okay, what does he know that I don't?

However, because Sirius couldn't read James's mind, he didn't answer him. Instead, Sirius raised his eyebrows at him and then looked down at Krystyna. James wondered what it could possibly be, but his train of thought was stopped short of its destination when a Firewhiskey was sat in front of him. Oh, the possibilities.

"Here you are," Lorena said, the drinks floating down in front of them. Krystyna looked at her reflection in her non-alcoholic beverage. Sometimes, Sirius and James were like the way they were before she and Lily had started dating them - very immature and insane. She supposed they had to be like that once in a while or they'd just be all serious and emotional. She grimaced at the thought.

"Thanks, Lorena," Sirius said before downing his drink with a grin and a grimace. James took a swig of his and shuddered. He sat the glass down and grinned cheekily at Sirius, who mirrored one. Lily rolled her eyes and took a sip of her gillywater. She was glad that it didn't taste funny. She looked up.

"So, you certainly have an, er, interesting crowd here," Lily commented. "How's it like working here at this time of hour?"

"Oh, I find it quite fascinating, honestly," Lorena replied smoothly, putting her hand on the back of Krystyna's chair. She yawned and had the air of someone that was tired. "The bits of conversations you hear are real live ones. It's all fun, really."

"You're insane, Lorena," James pointed out between gulps of his Firewhiskey. She grinned at him.

"I'm not the one drinking that sickening stuff, now am I, James," Lorena said coolly, grinning at him. He stopped to give her a glare, but took another sip of his drink. She chortled a bit and shook her head. Lily shivered and she raised an eyebrow. "Cold, are you, Lily?"

"Yeah, it feels like someone turned on the a/c." Lily shivered again. Lorena and the rest of them looked a bit confused. She rolled her eyes at them. "Air conditioning, you guys." They still looked puzzled. "It's - oh forget it; it's a Muggle thing."

They all grinned at her and laughed. She glowered sullenly.

Lorena looked up and saw someone raising their hand in the air. "Ooh, I better get back to work," she said before yawning. She grinned at them all. "Have a nice time getting smashed, eh?" They laughed. "See you all tomorrow. If you see Remus before I do, tell him I said number six, okay? 'Bye!"

Lorena slipped through a hole between two chairs to head for the customer. The rest of them looked at each other with puzzled expressions on their faces. They seemed to be thinking the same thing.

"Number six?" the four of them said in unison. Sirius shrugged his shoulders and they all laughed. Tonight was going to be an interesting night. They continued to talk and occasionally looked at the rest of the crowd out of nervousness. Lily, for one, didn't like the change.

~*~

"So...you're moving out when?" Krystyna asked.

"Today," Lorena answered. "You know, I never realized how hard moving out would be until last night."

After a few weeks of deliberating the price, Lorena had bought a flat that she could move into. Now, she had to move out of her house, but for some reason, she had found that now that what she had always wanted to do was something that she was not looking forward to do. She was a little confused. She had never thought that something like this would happen.

Krystyna shook her head. "Hard?" she asked incredulously. "Are you insane, Lorena? Since Third Year, all you'd been saying is, 'I can't wait to get out and leave those prats behind.' What changed it all?"

"I don't really know, Krystyna." Lorena shrugged her shoulders carelessly. "It's just now...I feel like I don't want to leave - just yet - like there's some things that I don't want to leave behind."

"Okay, who are you and what have you done with my friend, Lorena Fawcett?" Krystyna demanded.

"You're not helping me, Krystyna!" Lorena replied in an agitated sing-song voice. Krystyna raised her eyebrows and shrugged her shoulders. Lorena smacked her forehead with the palm of her hand. She was not getting this whatsoever. "Listen; way back then, I didn't have anything to look forward to when I got home for the holidays. Way back then, I didn't have Nathan and Brandon..."

Lorena's voice trailed off delicately, and she diverted her eyes to the ground quickly. Krystyna looked softly upon the girl she liked to call her great friend. She gave a weak smile and hugged Lorena, who shrunk a little in her hold. She let go and took a step back, clasping her hands together. Lorena wiped her eyes and then took a deep breath.

"I'd forgotten, Lorena; I should've remembered," Krystyna said guiltily. "I'd forgotten that Nathan and Brandon were the two people you adored the most. I didn't realize that you were going to have to leave them behind."

Lorena shrugged her shoulders and sighed again, "I never was one to think of the consequences." She thought back to many things she had done - the scene in the Muggle Alley came to mind. She gave a light smile and shook her head. "But I've made my choice. I can't stand it any longer; I have to leave. I'll feel guilty as hell - bloody hell, I'll send them everything I can - but I can't stay there. I have to escape that place."

"Lorena..." But she waved Krystyna off.

"There's nothing you can do," Lorena told her, smiling feebly. "I'm going over there now. I have to go say goodbye to them; I have to tell them the truth - for once." Lorena Apparated, leaving Krystyna feeling downcast and worried.

~*~

Lorena swished her wand and the last of her belongings were packed up in brown boxes. She slipped it back into her jacket and sighed with relief. Remus had offered to help her, but she had turned his offer down - for many reasons, including her parents. She felt that same mixed feeling she had felt the night before going to Hogwarts for the first time - both dread and joy.

As soon as she walked out of her old room, Lorena was ambushed by a panic stricken Allen. His eyes were very wide and he looked pale. "Please, Lorena, don't leave," he pleaded with her again. She looked down at her feet; she hated seeing him in such a pitiful state. "Please, Lorena, I beg of you... Think of Brandon and Nathan-"

"I have thought of Brandon and Nathan! I do all of the time!" Lorena was now looking into Allen's face, giving him a heated glare in the eyes. "What? Do you think that I am so heartless and cold that I will just past them up like they don't exist? They're all I have left in this forsaken family!"

Allen stood there in shock, possibly giving Lorena one of the most pitiful faces she had seen since Sirius had believed that Krystyna had cheated on him. In fact, it almost mirrored Sirius's face exactly, except with Allen, tears were actually dripping down his face and onto his shirt. He gulped.

"What about me?" Allen asked in barely a whisper, sounding hurt. Lorena didn't look away from his dark eyes - she wouldn't dare. "What about me, your twin brother? Did you ever think of me?"

"What about you, Allen?" Lorena said almost coldly, but also sounding hurt herself, tears brimming in her gray eyes. "What about me? Did you ever stop to think of me when dad was punishing me? Did you ever stop to think of me when Marcus dragged me down a hall at Hogwarts? Did you ever think of me for one bloody second when you heard me sobbing, alone, in that very room behind me?!"

Allen didn't answer her; he just stood there, gawking at her, flabbergasted. He opened his mouth, but he couldn't find his voice. Lorena's gray eyes were swimming in tears. He closed his mouth and looked down to his feet. She glared at him.

"You're not my brother anymore." Lorena stalked away from him and headed for the stairs; Brandon and Nathan were downstairs, believing this day was like any other. Allen looked up and over to her.

"I thought of you!" he called out to her. Lorena immediately froze in her footsteps and gulped. She looked down to the ground. Time seemed to have stood still. Allen looked at her miserably. She pulled her head up and looked over at him, fire in her eyes.

"And yet you never did anything more, did you, Allen?" Lorena whispered. A tear splashed onto the floor at Allen's feet as Lorena bowed her head again and walked down the stairs. Maybe this would never have happened if he had shown some backbone. Maybe they would've gotten along great. He cursed himself and banged on the wall in fury. For once belonging in Ravenclaw, Allen wasn't so smart.

Lorena slowly walked down the stairs. She knew that her packed up things were being taken outside where Krystyna was. While it was possible that her father, mother, or even Allen might attack Remus, it was not going to happen with Krystyna, whom they liked. The other girl would not take no for an answer from her.

Lorena took one step on the first floor and Nathan and Brandon swooped on her immediately, laughing loudly. Did they ever not laugh? Lorena smiled bitterly. She ruffled Nathan's hair and bent down to their level, still smiling bitterly, although they thought she was just smiling because she was happy. But, oh, how far from happy she was indeed.

Suddenly, as if sensing what was really behind that smile of hers, Brandon frowned at her and furrowed his brown. "What is wrong, 'Rena?" he asked her curiously.

"Yeah, what is wrong?" Nathan echoed, lifting his head up to her. His bright blond hair fell across his eyes as he titled his head to get a better look at her face. Lorena stood still. She had always wondered why her parents were so well at having twins - yet to have them look different. Lorena and Allen had nothing in common except their last names while Brandon and Nathan had only one different factor: their hair. Nathan had bright blond hair - like Lorena - while Brandon had dark black hair - like Allen.

"I'm moving out," Lorena told them. She distinctly saw anger flash in Brandon's eyes before he threw an unknowing Nathan a look. She'd seen it before; clearly, he didn't want her to go and he was frustrated with her for leaving. Nathan, on the other hand, had hurt flashing in his eyes. He was the more soft and impressionable boy of the two. "I don't want to leave, you know," she quickly added. She winced at her words; she was partially lying to them, which they didn't deserve.

"But why are you leaving?" Nathan demanded. "Do you want to leave us? Do you not like us?"

"No! I don't want to leave you. And of course, of course, I love you; you're the most precious things to me in the world! How could you even think that?" Lorena was shocked. She knew that she had tears in her eyes already. Oh, she didn't want to hurt them, but she knew she would. She glanced over the tops of their heads to see if her parents were there. They weren't, luckily. "Dadda's making me leave because..." - she didn't want to really say this - "because he doesn't love me anymore. He hates me, I think."

"How can he hate you!?" Brandon cried out, angry again.

"He doesn't like my friends - except Krystyna," Lorena told them quietly. "He really doesn't like Lily, Sara, Sirius, James, Peter, or Remus."

"But I like Remus!" Nathan quipped.

"And Sirius and James are funny!" Brandon added quickly. "Lily is very nice; she bought us candy!"

Lorena nodded her head slowly. They were making this more difficult, she thought. "You're right, but dadda doesn't like them," Lorena explained slowly. "Both mummy and dadda don't like them; and they especially don't like what I think is right and wrong. They think I'm messed up in the head. They don't love me anymore."

"Well, I think that's a dumb reason to hate somebody," Brandon noted firmly. Lorena couldn't help but agree with him. Nathan nodded his head, looking down to his feet. "I think I'll tell him that so you can stay with us. If you leave, it'll just be boring Allen! And what happens if Lucius comes over? Please, I don't want to die from his obnoxious voice."

"He's a butt kisser," Nathan muttered. Lorena held back a laugh. She would've laughed, had this not been such a serious situation. She, again, smiled bitterly at them and held back a few tears. "But you're not a butt kisser at all! You're - you're..."

"You're a butt kicker!" Brandon exclaimed, ending his brother's stammering. Nathan nodded his head in agreement. They were making this very hard for Lorena now; she had tears falling onto her cheeks. They stopped smiling and frowned. "Lorena...?"

"I don't want to leave you here!" Lorena cried out, but softly. She wiped the tears from her eyes quickly and the twins looked at each other worriedly. "I don't want you to become like-like them!"

"We wouldn't dare do that," Nathan told her quietly. Brandon nodded his head, but she looked away from them to take a deep breath. She had to be strong, she told herself again and again - for them. She looked back at them and heard something. Brandon looked back and the two of them saw their dad. She looked back down to them determinedly.

"I'm going to tell you something that I never want you to forget. Do you understand?" Lorena said this darkly and softly, hoping that her father couldn't hear her. They shot each other firm looks and then nodded their heads in unison. She got closer. "Mum and Dad sent me to Malfoy's because they wanted them to discipline me. They wanted to get me away from you so that I would not influence you. And" - she glanced up at her mother, who had just walked into the room, and they scooted closer to her - "do you know what Death Eaters are?"

"Don't they work for" - Nathan threw Brandon a frightened look and gulped - "You-Know-Who? I heard Dadda and Uncle Cassius talking about them once..."

Lorena nodded her head quickly. "That's right, they do and they're very, very bad people. They like to hurt others an-and do all sorts of very mean and nasty things to Muggles and Muggle-borns," she added hastily. She had to tell them this fast. They had every right to know, even if it sounded like something that six year-olds should never hear. She looked them in the eyes. "No matter what everyone may tell you, Marcus and Uncle Cassius are not moving away, going on vacation, or whatever else they may try to sell you. They are-"

"Lorena, shouldn't you be leaving now?" her mother interrupted in an obnoxious high voice, peering down at her red face. Lorena tried to ignore the woman.

"They are-"

"Lorena, what are you telling Nathan and Brandon?" her father interjected moodily.

"Marcus and Uncle Cassius are Death Eaters and were thrown into Azkaban for trying to murder Sirius, James, Remus, and Lily!" Lorena shouted angrily, since she obviously couldn't stay quiet. She didn't even care. Brandon and Nathan jumped back and gasped. Her mother shrieked and her father was fuming. She just glared at them.

"Lorena!" her father yelled.

"They deserve to know the truth! They needed to know what is really going on in this messed up family! I won't let them grow up like me! I won't let them grow up to be like Lucius or Marcus or anyone else in this horrid family!" Lorena screamed furiously.

"They're six!" her mother shrieked.

"Lying to them would be just as dangerous as telling them the truth!" Lorena retorted.

"Get out of here! You don't belong here anymore!" her father ordered. Lorena glared at him heatedly. Brandon looked from his parents to Lorena, confused. Nathan had tears slipping out of his eyes and he was shaking out of fear. They didn't know what to think of what was going on. At the young age of six, their family was falling apart in front of their eyes.

"I never belonged here!" Lorena shouted, sounding hurt. She was completely oblivious to the hot tears streaming down her rosy cheeks. Allen fell against the wall and combed his hair with his fingers. Their mother was shaking, most likely out of anger.

"Just get out of here," their mother said in a threateningly calm voice, but it was shaking with rage. "You're not my daughter anymore."

"Was I ever your daughter?" Lorena demanded softly - painfully. "Or was I just some girl that you wanted to change into a younger version of yourself. Was I just some little girl that you could just drag along?" Their mother glared at her. "When was I ever your daughter? If I was, please, do tell me because I can't seem to remember a time when you actually loved me!"

"Now, you listen here-" Their father advanced on her, but Allen, finally regaining his senses, hopped in between them quickly.

"Dad, please, don't make this harder on Brandon and Nathan than it already is..." Allen pleaded, looking pitiful still. Their father shot daggers at him and he gulped, thinking that he was going to regret standing up for Lorena. Brandon tugged on their mother's sleeve and she looked down at him.

"Mummy, please, I don't want 'Rena to leave!" he cried out. "I want her to stay!"

"She's a bad influence on you," their mother replied sternly. He stamped his foot and shouted at her angrily. "Don't you raise your voice at me, young man! Look what you've done, Lorena; Brandon never used to disobey me like this before! You've taught them nothing but irresponsibility and discordance!"

"Get out before you can do anymore damage to them!" their father ordered. Lorena glared at her parents one last time; shot a troubled look at Allen; and gave Brandon and Nathan tearful and miserable gazes. Brandon took a step for her, but their mother grabbed him by the wrist and held him back. Their father took hold of Nathan, who was now crying very loudly.

"I don't want her to leave, dadda! No, no, no!" Brandon yelled loudly.

"Goodbye..." Lorena whispered in a quiet voice. She turned around and walked out of the house, feeling like the worse person in the world. It took all the strength in the world to refrain herself from turning around, snatching her little brothers, and running off with them in tow. She felt so guilty.

"Lorena!"

Lorena turned around just in time to see Nathan break away from their father, who was now cussing up a storm and jogging after him. But before he could snatch the young boy, Lorena bent down and he rushed right into her arms. His tears were soaking through her shirt and her shoulder now felt cold with tears of sadness.

"Please, Lorena, take me, too! Take me with you, please!" he implored miserably. "I don't want to stay here with them!"

Lorena could feel his small chest shaking with sobs; and the regret in her chest tripled.

"Nathan, I-"

"Get away from him," their father growled, wrenching Nathan from her arms. He wailed out loudly, flailing and kicking. Lorena stood up quickly.

"He's my brother!"

"If you loved him enough, you would have obeyed the rules!"

"I was not going to become a Death Eater for the sake of making you and mum happy!"

The silence was ringing in everyone's ears. Their mother had let go of Brandon's wrist, but he wasn't going anywhere. Their father had nearly dropped a completely silent and still Nathan. Allen's eyes widened even more and he froze in his steps after almost falling down. Lorena was fuming, staring into the dark eyes of her father.

"A Death Eater..." Allen slowly looked back at their mother whose mouth was agape and was looking stunned. "What's she talking about, mum?"

After a minute, their mother stammered, "Sh-she's lying."

"My freedom and my soul mean more to me than your happiness. I was not going to work for someone that is the devil's counterpart. I was not going to sell my soul to a-a thing that I detested." Lorena was shaking, but she was doing a good job at keeping her voice soft. She shook her head. "And if I'm going to make sure that Brandon and Nathan keep their souls before I leave, I had to tell them the truth."

"Lorena, if you even dare-"

"Trust me; I don't dare - I do it," Lorena said spitefully. "And I think I just did. Goodbye, Nathan. Brandon. You don't know how much I'll...I'll miss you."

Turning her back and walking away was the hardest thing Lorena had done in her entire life. Taking a Potions exam? No problem. Beating up Malfoy? Piece of cake. Turning away from Brandon and Nathan? Horrible. She felt like such a terrible person and she was beginning to feel nauseous. She could hear them screaming for her in the background and all she could do was walk away.

You'll live. You'll make it through this. Don't worry about it, her positive side whispered in her mind encouragingly. The car in which all of her belongings and Krystyna were waiting in was only a few feet away. She reached out for the handle and then grasped it tightly.

But will they?

Lorena wiped her tears away and pulled open the car. She collapsed into the seat and shut the door. Suddenly, it was silent and the noise was gone entirely. Krystyna was sitting behind the wheel, staring at it. She looked up at Lorena.

"This shouldn't have happened," Krystyna whispered soothingly.

"Just drive, Krystyna," Lorena said in a hollow voice. Krystyna rubbed her head and turned on the car. Soon, they were driving away from the house and the memories and the family and Lorena was entering a very tiresome guilt trip. She put her face in her hands and sighed exasperatedly.

Krystyna knew that this was going to happen, whether she wanted it to or not. There was always going to be conflict and tension with Lorena and her family; it was like that all of the time. At parties that she had gone to, Lorena and her mother had bickered constantly to the point of screaming at each other and Lorena storming off to her bedroom.

This was why Krystyna had suggested a Muggle car, which Lily had taught her to drive a few weeks ago after getting her license. Lorena would be emotionally exhausted after this and Apparating with a lot of boxes would just not be healthy and safe for her. "A long, peaceful car ride could do wonders for her mind," Sara had told her a few days again. Krystyna was hoping that it was true.

Just drive far away from that place. Please, just drive away from the guilt.

~*~

"You did absolutely nothing wrong, and you know that." Remus was attempting to bring Lorena's low spirits up.

Since the weeks of her confrontation with her parents, she had been looking and feeling very despondent. She had been crying in her bedroom at her new flat and nothing had been unpacked. Brown boxes were stacked everywhere and the only thing up was her bed.

Right now, Lorena was crying on her bed again, her face in a pillow and her cries muffled by it. Remus was sitting at the foot of her bed, looking rumpled. He hadn't been too good himself either with the full moon just days away. Still, that didn't stop him from trying to get Lorena happy again.

"I just left them there with those monsters!" Lorena screamed into her pillow. "I really am just like them now!"

"Lorena, you can't believe that in all honestly," Remus told her flatly. She shook with another sob. He didn't know what else he could do. Everything he tried had not worked one bit.

"You didn't see them; you didn't see their faces, Remus!" Lorena sobbed madly. "They looked so broken and hurt and guess what, I did that! I hurt them; I broke them; and then, I left them like that! If anything happens to them, it'll be my fault..."

"They'll be alright; you'll see," Remus said. "If they're anything like you - which they are, by the way - they can make it through almost everything. Lorena, if you made it, don't you think that they can, too?"

Lorena sniffed, but quieted down, nonetheless. She slowly sat up and Remus saw that her entire face was a rosy color. She wiped her puffy eyes and sniffed again. He enveloped her in a warm and gentle hug that she truly needed.

"You're right," she sighed in a barely audible voice. "They're strong boys - very strong boys. They can make it through this - just like I did."

Remus and Lorena stayed silent for a few more minutes and he continued to hold her, swaying side to side with their eyes closed.

Remus moved closer and whispered in her ear, "I love you. You know that, right?"

Lorena nodded her head, but her throat was constricted and she was unable to tell him that she also loved him. She smiled onto his shoulder and he knew anyways. Sometimes, silence speaks more than words itself.