I'm Not An Addict

~~~~Chapter 2: Flying~~~~

I didn't reply. I didn't know how to. His eyes were pulling me in. Two emerald chips, frozen. What I wouldn't do to melt that ice. What would it take? What would he do if I wrapped my arms around him and buried my face in his head of tousled hair? Would he push me away or pull me closer?

"You've been watching me." I shouldn't be surprised that he's noticed.

"I have."

///It is not a habit///

"Why?" His eyes rake my face and I feel raw, exposed. I like it. I want to expose him, strip him before my eyes and lay him out as a canvas. I want to decorate his peaches and cream skin with bites and scratches. I want to soothe him and cradle him, shield him from everything.

"You're beautiful." I didn't mean to say that. But it's true, so true. He is. I can tell that he hadn't expected me to say that. He steps away from the rail and closer to me. I can feel the warmth that he radiates, a contrast to the coldness he tries to put forth. There's something different about him tonight.

He smiles slowly and my breath catches. He continues to move closer to me until we are inches apart. His breath brushes my cheek in a gentle caress. It amazes me how similar we are, yet so different. We are the same height. He is dark and I am light. The irony of that never escapes me. He wasn't supposed to be the dark one, I was. And for him, I wish I were the dark one. He should be the light. I can see it hiding in his eyes. He's holding in the light. I want to revel in it, to bask in its warmth.

And I crumble when he reaches to stroke my face with his callused hand. And it is the softest caress I have ever received. I lean into his palm and his smile widens, before it shuts off completely and his face is a mask once again. He's trying to close himself from me, but I can still see. His fingers continue to caress my cheek.

"Your skin is so soft, delicate, did you know?" I shake my head slowly. "You can't help me. It's too late." And he's more intuitive than I ever gave him credit for.

"How do you know I want to help you?" I whisper. I'm not sure I want the answer he will give me.

"Draco--" And the way he says my name...my knees threaten to give in. "--you pride yourself on being so cold, so blank. But you can't hide from me. I know you." And I suppose maybe he did. I was with him everyday for months. "Your eyes tell me more than enough." He dropped his hand from my face and I longed for more contact.

"You don't have to do this." I watched as he closed his eyes tightly.

"Don't I?" His voice was strained, choked with tears that he had never let go.

"No. Let me in and let it out. Let everything go before it destroys you."

"What would be so bad about being destroyed?" He's stretching himself thin. I can feel the cracks.

"You're needed, people--"

"Needed?" His laugh is bitter and it tears me. "I'm nothing!" He spits the words with so much venom I almost step back. But he's so close, I can't back off now. "No one needs Voldemort's broken toy! I'm no good. It's over, everything's over. I can't be who I was. He's gone!" I slap him, hard. He's stunned and holds a hand to the offended cheek.

"Don't ever say that again." I speak dangerously and low. Rage is boiling inside my veins, but I keep it back. "You are not nothing. You are everything. Do you understand?! Everything. I need you. Your friends need you. But you insist on staying in the darkness, wallowing in it. You don't even try! Why won't you try?" I shake him hard. But he steps away and the look on his face tells me that it's not in vain. I see emotions there, real, harsh emotions. I can see his rage, his pain, his shock at my words. It doesn't surprise me when he pulls back sharply and punches me in the jaw. He's not holding back. He's never wanted to hear what I've had to say. I fall to the ground and there's blood. I wipe at a trail that flows from my mouth. The pain is nothing compared to my relief at reaching him.

He stands above me with a look on his face that I will never forget. I can tell he didn't want to hurt me. But he had and I was glad. His eyes look to my mouth, taking in the blood. And I recognize the lust in his eyes. Months alone together and it was all we could do to not reveal ourselves. But we gathered strength in each other, even as Harry was being torn, broken. All we could have then were soft kisses and interrupted touches. Here there was no Volemort to hide from. Here he could be mine. I return the lust with my own gaze. And all I know is that he's on top of me, pushing me into the soft grass. He's not gentle but I crave his harshness. Any sign that he feels, that he's alive. His lips are on mine, he's devouring me. And I want it. I want him in me, me in him. My hands grasp at his shoulders and I claw at his robes, tearing them, needing him against me. Open, stripped. His mouth moves to my neck as he grapples with my own. He wins. He will always win. I can't help but gasp as he bites and suckles along my collarbone. He's torn both of our shirts. He moves down my chest and I dig fingers into his back. I can feel it rippling with his movements. His jerky thrusts against my thigh. He's hot, burning against me, through trousers. I want to feel it against my skin. I'm frantic in my efforts to remove the remaining articles of clothing.

And we're free and he's against me, so warm. Oh--oh. I'm going to die. I wrap my legs around his waist and pull him closer, attacking his lips with a ferocity I've been keeping at bay. I nip and bite and he moans. I could live only to hear his moans. His tongue invades my mouth--honey--and I let him control our movements as he seeks out all the remains of my blood. He laps until every trace is gone. And I'm crying out bucking against him. He understands and he leaves my mouth and moves down slowly. Too slowly. I want him so much it aches. He knows as he wraps his strong, hard, hand around me and it's ecstasy and I'm arching, needing more. Needing to be closer. Inside him. But he holds me down. Hand on hips pushing me back to the soft grass. His lips hover over me and he catches my eyes as he descends, wrapping his lips around me. Warm, soft, wet. It's beyond anything, to be in him. He sucks and licks, while I'm melting below him, a writhing puddle of pleasure. And all the while, he watches me as I watch him and it's everything. I'm flushed all over and I feel as if his eyes were piercing through me, making me his. And it's all I've ever wanted. To be his. For him to be mine. To claim him. Mark him, bite him, taste him.

Love him.

And I'm gone, floating through waves of pleasure and heat. Harry. I'm calling his name over and over. A chant, a homage to this god. Harry. But it isn't enough. He's above me, just looking down at me. His eyes are liquid emeralds, melted ice. I love him.

"I love you." He smiles and kisses my forehead, so gently I feel like crying.

I feel it, his fingers slick against that place. And he's asking me if it's all right with his eyes. I couldn't smile any wider. He pushes a single finger into me. It's uncomfortable and incredible. He's gentle and I'm glad. I've never done this before. I relax against him and he pushes his finger in, out, in and slowly he adds another. And he's moving them. I stop breathing when he hits a place inside that makes me throb and want to burst in pleasure. I clutch at him, wanting to go faster.

"Inside me.......please." I gasp. Gently he removes his fingers and he puts his hands on my thighs, opening them wider. He moves between them as he lifts them, wrapping them around his waist. He positions himself and pushes forward slowly, carefully. Watching my eyes. It's pain but I don't care. I want him all the way in me, from the tips of my toes to the crown of my head. I grip him with my legs and pull him forward roughly. I groan in pain but it's what I need. He's immediately still and his eyes are so wide, his mouth open. The expression of wonder on his face makes tears spill down my cheeks. The pain fades and all I know is that he's part of me, with me, inside me. I can feel all of him against me. And I could die.

"I'm sorry." He whispers as he looks down at me.

"What for?" I gasp out the words.

"I hurt you." I wish he would move, it's agony waiting. And I realize, he's brushing away my tears.

"It's not that." Not why I'm crying.

"What is it?" I look away when he asks and gather my emotions. I look up at him eyes welling again.

"You're in me, you're part of me. I never thought it would be like this."

He chokes out my name and buries his face in my neck as he loses himself in me. I cry out sharply, each thrust hits that place inside. I rock back against him and keen and wail. I scrape my nails along his back, seeking release. He mewls and returns his mouth to mine as he buries himself inside me so deep he'll never be able to leave again. I take up my new mantra. Harry, Harry, Harry. My name continually spills from his lips and it's beautiful.. I'm crying, gasping, screaming, loving, coming. My heart stops and I buck helplessly beneath him, awash in Harry. And he's crying with me and we're flying.

///I am not an addict///