Falling Forever: Ex Adyto Cordis

YEAR ONE...

While January is considered the beginning of a new year, it is September that truly brings the clean slate and fresh start we all desire. Although January is welcomed as a chance to renew ourselves, September is the time for redemption, for in January everyone's mistakes are still remembered. However, in September, sufficient time has passed for our flaws and errors to be erased, and all the changes that have occurred within us have become apparent.

James Potter was looking forward to a new start. A perpetually messy haired eleven year old with hazel eyes and glasses, he was already handsome, but it was clear his looks could only improve with age. A prankster and, in the words of his elderly neighbor, a juvenile delinquent, James quickly tired of places he got to know well. He became restless; tired of the same boring people and their boring ways of living. As far as he was concerned, he was a fish far too big for that pond; he'd hoped Hogwarts would be different.

"Hey, James, bet I'll beat you onto the platform!"

A grin spread over his face, but James didn't even look over to see who had called.

Sirius Black was the same age as James, with dark hair that fell over his face with casual grace, provided Sirius didn't carefully style it. Unlike James' messy black locks, hair products produced a charming effect on Sirius. He had twinkling brown eyes and a smile that could capture almost any girl's heart- he was extraordinarily handsome. A funny, athletic youth, Sirius was the brother James didn't have, and to Sirius, James was a brother he actually wanted and loved.

When had they met? Neither could tell you; the moment was too far back in time, and too many more-memorable moments had happened since then. Eleven years old and either would already sacrifice their young life for the other.

"Yeah right!" replied James, yelling over his shoulder and breaking into a run.

"Hey, no fair!" yelled Sirius, chasing James, and considerably slowed by laughter.

Smiles on their faces, the two raced at and through the brick barrier, ignoring a quick, stern glance from a station official. They entered the platform and swerved right towards-

"Ow!"

James looked down and saw a boy who would grow to be another of his brothers. James didn't know it yet- he had only just met the boy- but Remus Lupin would, as the years progressed, become one of his best friends. Remus was a cute eleven-year old, with sandy blonde hair, fair skin, and dark blue/grayish eyes. He was thin, lacking the muscular tone of the two boys who had collided into him. His eyes contained a sad resignation, a fleck of wisdom and acceptance most people don't acquire at ages far surpassing Remus' own. But just when you noticed the tiny gleam of maturity, it was replaced by light and mischief, and your thoughts shifted. It was this suspicious light that was seen in Remus' eyes when he confronted Sirius and James.

"Watch it, will ya?"

"Sorry, man, we didn't see you." James offered a hand down to Remus, who accepted and pulled himself up.

"Well of course you didn't, it's a brick wall."

Sirius, who was still laughing from the original collision, burst into a fit of renewed hilarity. James, who had calmed down, smiled and extended his arm again in a gesture of acquaintance, friendship, and, in this case, a truce. The boy was funny, and James liked being around funny people. They tended to be nicer than people who couldn't take or make a joke.

"James Potter."

"Remus Lupin." Remus took James' hand and shook it and both boys felt the unspoken transformation from strangers to lifelong best friends. The handshake was interrupted as the remembered Sirius to the side.

"Who's your friend?" asked Remus.

"Sirius Black" answered Sirius, finally calming himself down enough to speak. The two shook hands, and James assisted them in retrieving Remus' fallen trunks.

"Hey, what's up?" asked James, after a very dazed looking Sirius dropped a suitcase back onto the ground. Not receiving an answer, James turned around to locate what Sirius was staring at- and was quickly rendered speechless himself.

A couple feet down the platform was a group of exceptionally pretty girls- first-years, like him- all chatting and laughing. But only one of them was completely spellbinding.

Lily Evans laughed, a wave of light rippling through her deep red hair, unaware of the impact she was having on James Potter. Her dazzling bright green eyes hadn't even noticed the three boys yet. Pretty now, she would be an extraordinary beauty one day, complete with flawless white skin, a freckle or two ornamenting her nose, and slightly pale pink lips hiding two rows of straight white teeth.

She was unusually bright by Muggle standards, and it was Lily's fervent desire to do well at Hogwarts. Two months ago she had lived, by all accounts, a completely normal life. Now here she was, part of a world she had never even dreamed existed, and she would do whatever it took to fit in. She did not want people expecting less of her because she had no magical blood. She would do everything Hogwarts asked of her, and she would do it well.

Lily listened as Kate, her lifelong best friend, told a humorous story from when she was younger. Kate, Lily had recently discovered was a half blood. After a lifetime of living next door to each other, Lily was amazed she hadn't figured it out, but she had remained oblivious.

"Damn" whistled Remus, interrupting James and Sirius' fascinated stares. "You two better save one of those girls for me, or I'll be pretty bored when you go off on some double da-".

He got no further, as James and Sirius both pushed him back onto the floor.

"Hey!" Remus instantly looked hurt. "That's the second time you guys have pushed me onto the ground today, and frankly I-".

All three burst out laughing. As James snuck a glance back at Lily, her eyes also swept across Platform 9 ¾. They fell first on Remus, still on the ground, and lingered on Sirius, quite possibly the best-looking boy she had ever seen in person. Seeing how carefree and relaxed he was, Lily smiled a bit and felt some of her tension slip away.

A moment after that, she pried her eyes away and saw a fairly handsome boy whose hazel eyes were staring back into her own. Lily smiled quickly and turned back to her friends.

A small set of explosions going off in his stomach, James dared to look a heartbeat more and, a little too quickly, turned back to her friends.

Lily glanced at Kate and realized, with embarrassment, that she - and all the other girls- was staring at her.

"What are you looking at, Lily?" Kate, Roxy, Hestia, and Tatiana all turned around to look.

The sight of three unnaturally cute first-year boys was too much for Kate Caprilet. Stunning, she was a supermodel stereotype in the flesh- enviably skinny, white skin, sparkling clear blue eyes, and shiny blonde hair that was perfectly straight and looked good no matter how she styled it. Outgoing and kind to everyone, energy radiated from her. She easily captured the attention and friendship of everyone she met. Spontaneous, Kate had a tendency to act first, think-and-find-herself-horribly-embarrassed-later-- but she was never humiliated long. Her charm and kindness won people over and she was easily forgiven.

"Let's say hi!" shrieked Kate, leading the five girls over to confront the three boys. "Are you boys first-years?"

She might have been blonde, but Kate wasn't stupid. Like Lily, she was very bright, although not quite up to her friend's level. Kate figured she'd start with the obvious.

It was Sirius who stepped forward to answer.

"Yeah, how bout you?"

Kate nodded and smiled. "Well, I'm Kate Caprilet."

Sirius bowed deeply, a poker-like expression on his face.

"Sirius Black, at your service."

Lily smiled again, instantly liking him. He had Kate's charisma- people naturally liked him as well.

"Roxelena Petrova, call me Roxy." It was Roxy's turn to introduce herself. Lily's 2^nd best friend, Roxy was a full blood witch and was undeniably attractive. Lily had met Roxy years ago when she was visiting Kate, and she had also developed an unbreakable friendship with her, despite that she didn't see her much. Roxy had even used the Muggle way of sending mail to keep in touch with Lily. Roxy had long, shiny, dark brown hair and lightly bronzed skin from what she called her "permanent tan". With dark, captivating brown eyes, Roxy was smart and hopelessly independent, with lots of confidence. Despite her intelligence, she didn't care about grades; but people would often go to her for advice, for she gave them excellent pieces of it. Roxy often had hidden reasons for doing things, but she usually let her huge sense of humor come out as well.

But in spite of her seemingly serious nature, Roxy was wild, with very few inhibitions.

James, as if inspired by Roxy's confidence, stepped forward. "James Potter."

"Remus Lupin," chimed in Remus.

"Aren't they cute?" whispered Kate to Lily. Lily smiled and introduced herself to the group.

Remus had noticed the whisper and was embarrassed, but wrote it off as girl talk and didn't take it seriously.

Lily Evans. What a simple name for someone like her...

James let an assortment of thoughts cloud his mind as he digested the name of the beautiful redhead. A smile crept onto his face. He always heard redheads were attractive, but he'd had no idea they could be this gorgeous.

Pretty Asian Hestia Lang and soft-spoken, chestnut haired Tatiana Winslow introduced themselves. Lily didn't know either very well but they seemed like nice girls and she hoped to get to know them better as the year progressed. She doubted, however, that she would ever become as close to them as she was to Roxy and Kate.

The five girls and three boys thought about each other for a moment, each making their own judgments, until the whistle of the Hogwarts Express sounded, serving as a reminder that their one way of getting to school would be leaving in a few minutes.

"Well, see you around then," said Sirius with a smile.

Kate flashed a last grin at the boys and led the girls, all of whom had said their farewells earlier, onto the Hogwarts Express. Tatiana broke off to join another group of students.

They managed to find a deserted compartment before collapsing in excited laughter.

**********

James and Remus left Sirius waiting near the train while they went to say hurried, last minute good byes to their families.

"Why didn't Sirius say good bye?" asked Remus while they were returning.

James glanced around quickly. "I don't even think his parents are here. They- his parents and he- don't get along. I doubt he would have said good bye even if they had come."

"Isn't he one of the-"

"Do not mention that to him. Ever. I don't think he has more than two relatives he likes. He hates them."

Remus instantly quieted and James regretted using such a harsh tone with him. But if Remus had mentioned Sirius' family to him, Sirius would have been in a bad mood for the entire ride, and James didn't want anything to ruin this day. His whole life he had waited to come to Hogwarts, and so far the day was going pretty well.

No one said anything as they reunited. Sirius gave a quick smile and the three picked up their respective bags and climbed onto the train.

Probably asked about my family thought Sirius. He was glad Remus had asked James instead of him. It would save him the trouble of having to explain how much he hated being a Black.

Which, now that he was thinking about it, he truly did. He gave Antares, his father, a bit of the respect a father typically deserved, because he wasn't as awful as Sirius' mum, but his mother. . . Oh God, his mother.

Every day the same old boring shit. Every morning, every afternoon. Every night- Thank you for our food, our money, our blood, for not being a filthy Mudblood, for being a Black. Sirius, you have to pass on the Black legacy. I know you won't let us down and run off with some low class scum. You won't marry anything less than pure blood. It was no wonder Sirius was never there; he left whenever he wanted. And now he didn't need excuses, he had Hogwarts.

With that happy thought far outweighing the memory of his family, Sirius began talking.

"Crowded, isn't it?" he said amiably, noticing with a grin how Remus and James relaxed when he spoke. It certainly was crowded; students packed all the seats, and didn't look like they were going to let the three first-years take up valuable space.

"Yeah, isn't there anywhere to sit?"

"This sucks."

Accepting defeat, James and Sirius sat down on their trunks and prepared for a long, uncomfortable journey, thinking to themselves that Hogwarts could have easily provided a roomier train.

"Giving up so easily?"

The two seated boys quickly stood up and saw what Remus was pointing at:

A compartment with eight seats, now only occupied by Hestia Lang, Roxy Petrova, Kate Caprilet, and Lily Evans.

************

Outside the train, a young man pushed his way through the family members who were proudly waving their sons and daughters off.

"Stupid BITCH!" he scowled, nearing the Hogwarts Express.

He was twelve years old, not necessarily a young man by most people's accounts. However, like Remus, he had a staggering amount of maturity and wisdom- and with that came power.

He was extremely handsome- more than one sister's gaze strayed from her sibling's train to the boy who was moving through the throng. He had pale skin, black hair, and clear, stone grey eyes- your typical gorgeous schoolboy, the delight and eye candy of any bored girl in class. He was thin, with far-from-shining-new clothing, which caught in the wind as he jumped onto the train.

Feeling the wheels underneath him begin to roll, he pulled himself inside and slammed the door shut behind him.

Tom Riddle looked angrily about the compartment he had entered.

Stupid bitch! I cannot wait to be at Hogwarts and away from YOU!

That stupid woman had made him late. No respectable person was late. They were punctual, efficient. Thanks to her idiocy, he had almost missed his one ticket out of that hellhole, and that made Tom hate the unfortunate Sister Mary even more.

Because his low-life, good for nothing, pathetic excuse for a father had left his doomed mother during her pregnancy, after her death in childbirth - his birth - Tom had been sent, unwanted and alone, to a convent in London run by overly pious nuns. The sisters had tried to teach him the ways of the Lord and how to be a decent citizen. Their incessant chatting and preaching of salvation and eternity had only infuriated Tom, who, after one particularly long lecture about hell, had snapped and yelled "The fires and worms of eternity would be a blessed relief from enduring but an hour of your sorry prating!"

Oh yes, Tom had little belief, respect, or need for God, and none whatsoever for all those sorry cowards who followed and devoted their worthless lives to him. He had been immensely unpopular at the orphanage, although Tom had never really believed that to be his fault. It was the sisters' fault, always making life miserable and harder for him, and the other orphans had jumped at the chance to jump on someone supposedly lower than themselves. Well, Tom couldn't have cared less about those sorry bastards at the orphanage and their opinions meant less than nothing to him.

He had grown up despised and unloved, and as a result he was very mature and very serious. He could still love; he was just waiting for the right person. Despite his nightmarish childhood, Tom had been a fairly innocent and kind adolescent when he had entered Hogwarts.

There, events had changed him entirely. He had turned into a hateful twelve year old, and upon his return to the orphanage had not ceased to dump his scorn on the other inmates and the nuns who took care of them. The sisters had been only too glad to be rid of him, he imagined.

Not glad enough thought Tom, as he realized that his delayed arrival had probably cost him a seat.

"Damn it!"

Tom sighed, looking to his right. What he saw did nothing to improve his spirits.

"Great. Just great," he groaned. He picked up his bag and, accepting his only option, walked into a compartment occupied by seven first-years.

**********

Lily sighed and slumped down in her seat. She was sitting next to Kate, but Kate was talking animatedly with Sirius, and Lily knew better than to think that Kate would slow down anytime soon.

Her thoughts were interrupted as the compartment door slid open. The talk and conversation that had formerly filled the area died, and seven pairs of eyes turned to face the stranger.

Tom felt their gazes and was unnerved by them. After all, it was he who was the second year. Who were they to think that he was an alien in their midst? This was his train!

Lily was perhaps the only one to notice the glint of anger that came into Tom's grey eyes. However, instead of being nervous, scared, or even insulted, she felt curiosity. Who was this? He was quite handsome, and he seemed so much wiser, so much bigger than she was - destined for some kind of world-altering purpose Lily could only dream about. And yet, there was something else, reaching out to her. She couldn't discern what it was, and Lily doubted that she - stupid, small Lily Evans - would ever be able to find out.

Across the compartment, James noticed Lily's interest in the boy who had entered. Eyes full of suspicion, James watched Tom as he unhappily asked if he could sit.

James bit back an unexplained urge to say NO, but Sirius had already shrugged in agreement and turned back to Kate, signaling that conversation could resume. Resigned, James watched Tom walk over to Lily.

"This seat taken?"

Lily, surprised that he was even going to talk to her, and embarrassed that her things cluttered the only free seat in the compartment - OBVIOUSLY he would sit there - quickly grabbed the traitorous items and relocated them.

"No, no, take it."

Tom noticed the girl's embarrassment and instead of feeling disgust was uncharacteristaclly sympathetic. Perhaps she reminded him a bit of himself on his first day at Hogwarts- nervous, unsure of what to do or who to be around. He sat down and, to the girl's complete shock no doubt, faced her.

She was a pretty thing, Tom noticed, his turn to be surprised now. Completely tantalizing red hair fell past her shoulders, and the brightest eyes he'd ever seen were looking at him now with curiosity. She was so very... poised. So happy and approachable. So... innocent.

What the hell, Tom?

"Tom Riddle."

"Lily Evans." Lily shook Tom's offered hand, feeling the strength in his handshake, which came as a surprising jolt through her body.

Tom relaxed. God, she was so different from Slytherins. He didn't feel the need to be cold and mysteriously powerful and angry around her- nor did he wish to. He'd just met her, but he trusted her more than he trusted most of his friends. Granted, Tom often felt at ease with girls, if only because he knew the effect he had on them, and there were very few witches and girls he thought could actually harm or threaten him.

He decided to turn on the charm. He could be, he dared say, quite appealing when he wanted to, and who was he to want to make a bad impression? What Tom didn't realize was that he wasn't trying to do much of anything- he was just being himself.

"First year, huh? Nervous?"

"Yeah..." Lily was feeling very stupid and very... first-year like.

Tom grinned. "You shouldn't be. It's easy."

I bet it was- for you! thought Lily. She didn't know what had made her think Tom was smart - the handshake maybe? - but she was almost certain he was. He probably had magic blood in him, which gave him an advantage. However, she let the remark comfort her and decided to loosen up. After all, Tom wasn't in her year. She'd never see him again.

"Tell me about it?"

************

Lily and Tom were both having a far better time on the train ride than they had originally anticipated. All their previous inhibitions gone, they had- to the amusement of almost everyone else in the compartment - begun to forget about the others and lose themselves in conversation. Lily burst into laughter as Tom told stories about all the teachers, impersonating them occasionally with, Lily was sure, uncannily realistic detail.

Once that was over, they realized that they liked each other a lot and focused on getting to know one another.

"Favorite color?"

"Hm... that's a hard one."

"Come on, pick one," laughed Tom.

Lily sighed. "Blue. Maybe red. You?"

"Green." Tom had no idea why he'd just said that. OK, he had two, and they were both over two blushing cheeks. "And black."

"OK, um... siblings?

"No, you?"

"One. Petunia."

"Younger or older?"

"Younger. Um... parents? What jobs? Names?"

"Dead. I live in an orphanage."

At least part of that is true thought Tom. No. His eyes narrowed. It's all true.

Lily wanted to slap herself. "Oh my God, Tom! I'm so sorry!"

"That's okay, you didn't know."

There was an awkward silence. Lily stared sadly at her hands, folded in her lap. Tom's eyes- formerly bright - were emotionless and dull.

A prefect entered and warned them that they were approaching the school.

Lily didn't want to get off. Sirius had helped her relax a bit, but Tom had made all her fears evaporate. She had started off the ride thinking she'd never see him again, but now that it was over, there was nothing she wanted to happen more. She had to see him again!

They filed silently off. A brown haired professor was signaling for first-years to follow him. Older students began migrating in the opposite direction. Lily turned to face Tom.

"So... see you around?"

Tom smiled. It was rather obvious how much Lily wanted to see him again, but Tom returned the desire. In fact, he was regretting that they weren't the same age.

"You bet." He gave Lily one last, quick smile.

Lily returned it with a small smile of her own and then, surprising herself as much as Tom, flung her arms around his neck and hugged him.

"Thanks Tom" whispered Lily in his ear, then picked up her things, slightly pink, and rushed off to join her friends.

Tom was in shock. He froze, his neck still warm from where Lily's arms had been, his heart far from slowing down. All he could do was watch Lily's deep red hair get mixed into a wave of first-years. Oh God, if she looked back at him... one more smile and Tom would have had no idea what to do.

"Tom!"

Tom recognized that voice. It was that simpering idiot Macnair. Instantly Tom's whole demeanor changed. From happy and open (and temporarily dumbfounded), he became silent, moody, and radiated strength. Now he was absolutely certain of his every move, and those of the people surrounding him. The Tom Riddle Lily had met was almost completely gone in a few seconds.

"Who was that?" asked Macnair, voice heavy with curiosity. "First-year?"

"That was Lily Evans, and if I find out anyone did anything to her, I'll hold you responsible, and I won't be kind. Do you understand?"

*************