The Open Closet

Chapter 4

The Catheter

Draco was so excited that he couldn't make it to the loo. His magical catheter had finally arrived. The owl rapidly banged on his window. It must have the same problem that I do, thought Draco.

The catheter was easy to install. All he had to do was say a chant over it and it would put itself together. And every day he had to sing a song to empty the bag. Draco whipped out his wand.

"Installo urineo extractarium!" he yelled.

Well, that was the weirdest feeling that little Draco had ever experienced. Or Big Draco, in Draco's mind. I mean, he had spent enough money on enlargement charms. Maybe that was why he had an overactive bladder in the first place.

There was only one problem with the catheter. If he didn't sing the song to empty the bag, he would start peeing uncontrollably.

He was so happy with his newfound freedom from the toilet that he started to head outside. He saw his father, Lucius Malfoy, in the dining room. A doctor was there and had a needle against Lucius's cheek.

"What the bloody hell is going on?" Draco demanded.

"Botox, son," said Lucius. "It's time for my weekly injection. Want some?"

"Okay," said Draco. He was so giddy about his new catheter that he was willing to shoot poison into his face. (A/N: They're wizards. Why the hell wouldn't they just use an anti-wrinkling charm? But botox it is!)

Now, with his new catheter and his non-wrinkly head, he went out into the garden and started dancing, aka, frolicking. And then, he started singing. "I will hold the hand of the one who leads me places, and kiss the lips of the one who could sing so sweet. And I will fly on the wings of the bird I knew could take me high as I breathe in, breathe out, through your life. You are the fir burning in SODOMY you are my passion for life!" (yaaay, passions!!!!)

***

Chapter 5

The Great Escape

Ron, early in the morning, hurried Goyle out of his bed, into his clothes, onto his broom, and away. He hoped no one in his family saw. He wouldn't want them telling Harry...

***

Ginny was grossed out beyond belief. Was that Goyle slinking around in Ron's boxers? Eww. It was bad enough that her brother was gay, but did he really have to flaunt it? Ugh. At least she didn't throw her relationship with Draco in his face. She didn't even think that Ron knew that she and Draco had been sleeping together for two years now. Big Draco had taken away all of her lust for Harry. Now, Harry was like another older brother, without the red hair.

She missed Draco so much that she decided to owl him.

Dearest Draco,

I hope everything is all right. I was worried last night when you kept getting up to go to the loo. You were wonderful, but it would have been better if you hadn't had to go to the loo in the middle of foreplay. It would also have been better if you hadn't whizzed in the shower afterwards. But I hope you're all right. It's not normal to pee that much. Maybe you should get a catheter! Joking!

I love you,

Ginny

P.S. My brother just had sex with Goyle, and I'm really grossed out. It's so unnatural. Ron hates Goyle. Oh well. Maybe he's good in bed.

P.S.S. Meet me in Diagon Alley tomorrow.