Shadow on My Heart

Chapter 29: Judas Kiss

Severus arrived in a torch lit corridor. He had been summoned here the last several times, but so far he hadn't seen enough of this headquarters to determine its exact location. One thing he was fairly certain of was that he was going to learn whether or not the Death Eaters were behind Lupin's mysterious disappearance. Not that he particularly cared about Lupin, but since the werewolf had nearly given his life to save Callista's, Severus felt he at least should try to get him out of here if at all possible. However, Dumbledore's orders had been clear: to do what he could for Lupin, without compromising his role as a spy. To accomplish that, Severus had to pose as a loyal follower of the Dark Lord's, and as a follower, there was no room for compassion--no matter what the price. The harsh reality was that there was little he could do to protect Lupin, let alone save his life. He turned around to see Bellatrix Lestrange quietly watching him from the shadows with narrowed, suspicious eyes.

"What took you so long?" Bella demanded, staring into his face.

He glared at her, turning to head down the corridor to the main chamber. "I came as soon as I was able. The students are preparing for exams, and I was in the middle of a consultation. Unlike you, I have a cover to maintain."

"I don't trust you, Severus Snape," she proclaimed viciously as she caught up with him. "You have been acting oddly ever since your old lover returned: waiting to come when you are summoned, slipping back to that school as quickly as possible, and meeting with the Master only in private. You're screwing that little blood-traitor bitch, aren't you?"

As Bellatrix drew her wand, Severus disarmed her. He clutched the witch's throat. Killing her with his bare hands somehow seemed more satisfying than cursing her. She reflexively grabbed at his hands; her pale face took on a bluish tinge as she struggled to pull his hands away. He lowered his mouth to her ear, his voice barely more than a soft, threatening rumble. "How dare you even think about questioning my loyalties? As for Hawkins, what is it to you if I take advantage of the opportunity to fuck someone who hasn't been used more than a Knockturn Alley whore?"

At that final insult, she stopped trying to pry his hands from her neck and attempted to gouge out his eyes. Severus flung her to the floor, drawing his wand and pointing it at her face. Not daring to take his attention from her, he summoned her wand and slipped it into his pocket.

She rubbed her bruised throat, her voice reduced to a hoarse whisper. "You filthy bastard! You aren't even good enough think about touching me!"

On one level, she was entirely accurate; he had come from nearly nothing when he had joined the ranks of the Death Eaters. Barely more than a boy, he had been drawn to the promises of power and glory that until then had been just beyond his reach. Severus had relied on his innate brilliance and his ability to take well-calculated risks to get himself noticed. He had earned his place at Voldemort's side, even if he no longer wanted it.

"Yet, ever since I have become somebody within the Circle, you seem to have changed your mind," Severus sneered. He pulled her roughly to her feet. "I have given everything to our cause, Bella, and I will take whatever rewards come my way. Besides testing my loyalties, what are you after?"

Bellatrix drew herself up regally. She straightened her robes. "Give me back my wand, and I will tell you."

"I am not an idiot, Bella." He tightened his grip on the wand concealed in his pocket, knowing that once he returned it to her, he had only seconds to live.

"Give me back my wand, and I swear not to harm you."

"Do not toy with me, Bella," he threatened. As he walked along the corridor, he kept his eyes on her, waiting for an attack.

"I may even make it worth your while."

He stopped short. "You just declared that I wasn't good enough for you, and now you're propositioning me?"

"We both know you thought about it often enough in your youth." She looked up him, a taunting smile on her face. "Or have you changed so much you have lost interest in one of your own? I suppose you have acquired a taste for blood-traitors. They would be more docile and easy to dominate, hardly much of a challenge."

Taking a huge gamble, Severus yanked her to him, crudely grinding himself against her, even allowing himself to slightly respond to the pressure. He wound his long fingers in her hair, pulling her head back, forcing her to look at him. A feral look shifted across her face as her breath quickened. How many times in his youth had he fantasized about this? Now it disgusted him, a thought that he hid by raking his eyes down her body. He released her, smirking as her hungry look gave way to petulant anger.

"You're an evil man, Severus." She pouted, as he laughed at her. "There is a surprise waiting for you in the main chamber. Think of it as a gift."

As they entered the large room, his black eyes flicked to a limp form at the far end of the room. It was Remus Lupin, and from that distance, Severus couldn't be certain even if Lupin was still alive. Severus forced his expression to become even harder than before.

Remus was shackled by his wrists and ankles. A trickle of blood had dried on the side of his face. He was dressed in his usual shabby Muggle clothing. He stirred slightly, his eyes fluttering open. He stared at Severus, as if trying to decide where they were. Severus knew that if Lupin said the wrong thing it would mean death for both of them.

"Well, well, well, what have we here?" Severus sneered, staring down at the werewolf with an expression of loathing and distaste. He hoped Lupin would be able to understand what was going on and keep his mouth shut. Masking his disgust, he pulled the witch to him, caressing her shoulders. "Why Bella, how thoughtful of you, I have always wanted a pet."

An angry voice interrupted them. Bianca was striding over to them, her pale eyes flashing dangerously at the other woman. "Don't you dare take credit for this, Bella. Severus, she had nothing to do with this. I was hoping you would appreciate the opportunity to deal with one of your childhood tormentors."

So, that was what this was all about. He was going to be required to end Lupin's life in order to prove his loyalties. He fixed his dark eyes on the pitiful sight before him. He needed to gain some time or some type of an advantage. As he contemplated the situation, he became acutely aware that Bianca was snaking her hands around him. Steeling his nerves, he fought against the sensation that his skin was trying to crawl off of his body. He swallowed as he felt her hands travel to the front of his trousers. She whispered, "I know exactly how you can thank me for this gift, Severus."

I'm acting. It's the same part I've played for years. This is nothing new for me, Severus thought as he turned to face the older woman. He shifted a flattered look onto his harsh features. "I can hardly wait."

"Severus, I see you have decided join us." At the sound of that cold, high voice, Severus dropped to his knees in a well-practiced motion. Bianca followed. "I suppose you recognize him?" He indicated Lupin. "Now that we have one of Dumbledore's followers, whatever shall we do with him?"

"I will take my wand back now, Snape." Bellatrix held out her hand impatiently. She stood next to her Master, a gloating smile on her face.

Not taking his eyes from her, Severus casually tossed her wand into her out-stretched hand. Contrary to what Bianca had said, capturing Lupin had more than likely been Bellatrix's idea. She had planned this with the intent of exposing him.

Severus seized an opportunity and attempted to salvage the situation. "Perhaps we can make good use of the flea-bitten beast, Master. Dumbledore needs him to help monitor the werewolves; he would stop at nothing to get him back in one piece."

"What are you suggesting, Severus?"

"If you were to break into Potter's mind and show him the whereabouts of the beast, possibly the boy would convince Dumbledore to come and look for him. Once you're in his mind, you could show him enough of the place to enable him to Apparate here." Severus held his breath for a moment, hating himself for what he was about to say. "You could then have an opportunity to destroy both Potter and Dumbledore. "

"They would bring an army of Aurors with them, Snape, or is it your heart's desire to get us all killed?" Bella accused in fury. "Is this how you plan to betray us?"

"My dear Bella, we have been over this before. My loyalties are to the Dark Lord and his goal of purifying the wizarding race," Severus countered silkily. He kept one eye on the Dark Lord, trying to project the image of someone who has nothing to fear. "I have no intentions of betraying anyone other than that old fool."

"Your loyalties are only to yourself and that blood-traitor whore," she snarled.

"I have told you before that she means nothing to me. Callista Hawkins is nothing more to me than a source of inside information on Dumbledore and the Order, and convenient physical pleasure." Severus was furious at the continued accusations. He had to find a way to convince the Dark Lord of his loyalties. He glanced at the semi-conscious form of Remus Lupin.

"Severus, are you sure that Potter will not be able to block me when I enter his mind?" There was a hint of interest in his voice.

Severus turned to Voldemort, saying with all of the confidence that he could muster, "Even if he notices your presence, Master, you will be able to deliver the message before he can drive you out. The boy has absolutely no control over his mind whatsoever."

"Then on my signal, use Cruciatus on the werewolf, Severus." Voldemort seemed to concentrate for a moment then he nodded, as Severus envisioned James and Sirius advancing on him, wands drawn while Lupin looked the other way. He shouted the curse, and Lupin began to shriek in agony.

Suddenly, Voldemort staggered, clutching his head. Severus halted the curse he had been inflicting on Lupin and rushed to kneel at the Dark Lord's side, asking, "Are you injured, My Lord?"

"No lasting damage, Severus. Young Potter knows what has befallen his friend, and I was even kind enough to give a hint as to where we are, a view of the house from the graveyard where I was reborn." The look on his face was triumphant. "Now, let us hope that Potter has enough sense to share what he has seen with Dumbledore."

"Should I return to the school and make sure the idiot boy finds his way here?" Severus asked, trying not to sound too eager to leave.

The Dark Lord fixed his red eyes on his face. "That would not be the wisest choice, Severus. You see, I made sure Potter was able to see it was you casting the curse. I am afraid that your return to the school would only side-track him from finding me."

Of course, the Dark Lord would have taken Potter's hatred of me into account and used it to his advantage, Severus thought. He now had no viable choice but to stay and wait.

"Bella will attend to me, Severus, while you enjoy Bianca's company." He waved Severus away. "Do not worry, we shall inform you when our guests arrive."

Woodenly, Severus rose to his feet, with Bianca clinging to him. She led him to a narrow door, up a darkened staircase, and into a large kitchen. As he followed her up another staircase, he realized that there was no way out of this situation. One way or another, this had been a trap, and he had foolishly gotten caught in it. Bianca ushered him into the dining room of what looked to be a large manor house. It was run down and dusty. House-elves would never allow their masters' homes to look like this. Then it dawned on him that this might not be a wizard's home. But where could they be? What Muggles would allow the Dark Lord to use their home? Unless it already belonged to the Dark Lord in the first place... How could he have missed it? The Riddle House...it had to be the Riddle House.

He forced himself to pay attention to his surroundings to make his eventual escape easier. A large entry hall... up the main staircase... three doors down on the left...

"You seem tense, Severus," Bianca purred in his ear, as they entered a lushly appointed, and surprisingly clean, bedroom. "Is it because of Bella? She is merely jealous of the attention that the Dark Lord gives you. Forget about her, forget about everything but me for now."

The witch ran her hands over him, lightly at first, slowly becoming more insistent. His body responded as his mind cried out in protest. He tried not to think of Callista, of how he was now being forced to betray her. Severus tucked his thoughts into a tiny niche of his brain. I don't want to do this. But if I refuse, it's all over. If I refuse, Lupin and I will never escape. It's not the same, there is no emotion with this, there is no love or even lust. It's just an act, a bodily function. It means nothing. Callista, I don't want to betray you like this, especially not with her, but it's my only chance of survival. Dear God, forgive me, please forgive me...

Severus dug deeply into his mind, trying to find the part of himself that would still desire a woman who wasn't Callista. He finally gave up. He looked at the woman before him. In his mind's eye, the lines on her face smoothed, her pale hair darkened to a rich, warm, chestnut brown, the steel-gray eyes brightened to a brilliant blue-green shade...He pictured Callista in his arms, undressing him, caressing him. He withdrew into his fantasy and did what he had to. All the while, part of him was begging the real Callista to forgive him for this adulterous betrayal.

*************************************

Severus awoke with a start. He must have dozed off after... He was startled to see pale blond hair, fanning across the pillow beside him. The memory caught up with him, making him feel every bit as filthy as he had the first time she had touched him. Realizing that he was fortunate to still be alive, he slid out of the bed and quickly dressed, wanting nothing more than to find Lupin and Portkey back to Hogwarts. Disgust washed over him, and he felt ill. What had he done? How could he ever look Callista in the face after this? Bianca began to stir; Severus stunned her. He didn't have time for the luxury of feeling guilty; he had to find a way to get Lupin out of here.

On cat-quiet feet, he slipped out of the room and retraced the route to the underground room. The large chamber was empty, except for the crumpled form of Lupin. A brief assessment assured him that the werewolf was still living. He used his wand to undo the chains.

"Get up, Lupin. I am going to get you out of here." He hauled the other man to his feet.

"What?"

"Don't make another sound if you want to live," Severus cautioned in a hushed voice. "I am sending you back to Hogwarts by Portkey. This is the Riddle House. The Dark Lord is staying in his father's childhood home. Make sure that you tell Dumbledore."

"But you..." Lupin was groggy. They must have given him a potion of some kind.

"I must maintain my cover," he said. Squeezing his eyes tightly closed for a moment, thinking back to the argument with Callista, he added, "When you see Callista, tell her I'm sorry. She'll know why."

"I will." Lupin was starting to regain his senses. "What about you?"

"I will manage." Severus grabbed an unlit torch from the holder on the wall. Pointing his wand at it, he whispered, "Portus."

Before he could count down to send Lupin back to the school, the wall near his head exploded in a shower of sparks and jagged stone. Severus spun about, looking for the source, raising his wand only to have it ripped magically from his hand. In the archway leading to the long corridor, stood a short, balding man with distinct rat-like features. Pettigrew grinned broadly at his trapped quarry. Severus knew there was only one logical explanation to what that vermin was witnessing.

"Bella was right to suspect you, Snivellus Snape. You really have been in league with Dumbledore all along. I'll admit, at first, I thought she had her knickers in a twist over nothing." The man grinned nastily. "Now, though, I will get rewarded for catching you in the act."

"Wormtail, do not think for one moment that the Dark Lord will believe you. He trusts my loyalty above any of the others," Severus said viciously, his heart pounding rapidly in his chest.

"You are nothing! You're just a self-preserving bastard looking to steal the glory from those of us who do all of the real work!" Pettigrew stomped towards the taller man, his wand drawn. "It was I who found the Dark Lord when the rest of you declared him dead! I who nursed him back to health! I who brewed the potion at his rebirth! Yet you came slithering back to him, begging for mercy and offering nothing but excuses! I should kill you and Loony Lupin right now, but I want to watch him use every known curse on both of you. I will be rewarded for this. Rewarded beyond my wildest dreams!"

"All you have ever done, Wormtail, is latch on to those stronger than you. You are just the same scared, pitiful little boy you were twenty-five years ago!" Severus spat.

"You don't deserve the Dark Mark! You are not loyal; you are just looking to save your own worthless hide!" Pettigrew shrieked, raising his wand. "Ava--"

Focusing his mind on the spell, Severus silently, wandlessly cast a Slicing Hex. With a flash of silver, a deep gash cut across Pettigrew's face, causing the little man to scream in pain as he dropped both wands to the floor of the cave. His blood splattered Severus and the rock wall and floor. Scambling to his feet, Severus tried to duck around his adversary. Blindly Pettigrew attempted to get hold of his opponent, grasping at Severus's face and torso with his magical hand. A few of the strikes superficially connected, leaving long scratches on the Potion master's face and chest. With a vicious swipe of his silvery hand, Pettigrew clawed at Severus's left forearm, deeply tearing both fabric and flesh. The burning pain on his forearm was beyond bearing, and the chamber echoed with both of their agonized cries. Pettigrew was clinging to him with his normal hand, trying to drag him to the floor.

With a well-placed shove to the throat, Severus managed to force Pettigrew away from him. He stared, horrified at the amount of blood that was oozing from his arm. He pressed the injured limb to his chest and summoned his wand. He grabbed the torch and made Lupin hold on to it. He had to get them back to Hogwarts before the noise alerted any other Death Eaters that were in the house. He tried to focus on the clearing. "Portus." The torch glowed blue-white.

"Three... two... one..." Just as he started to feel the familiar jerk behind his navel, something solid connected with the side of his head in a burst of stars. He let go of the Portkey to protect himself and caught a flash of Lupin being swirled from sight.

Severus turned just in time to see several Pettigrews, aiming their wands at him with trembling hands. The men's tattered faces dripped blood in fat crimson drops. Severus tried to focus them into one. He could feel the lump swelling on the side of his head. He knew a Killing Curse afforded him the best means of escaping at this point, but he was finding it difficult to concentrate enough to perform it. Pettigrew was closing in on him, his wand raised with the intent to kill in his eyes.

Summoning the remains of his strength, Severus bellowed, "Avada Kedavra!"

His hand shook at the last moment, and the bolt of green light went wide, striking the column beside Pettigrew. The stone exploded with the impact of the curse's energy. The thick stone pillar shuddered before it collapsed on Pettigrew with a thunderous crash. The noise surely would alert the rest of the Death Eaters to the scuffle in the chamber. Severus was certain that if the Dark Lord probed his mind, he would see everything that the Potions master had been concealing from him. His loyalties to Dumbledore, his betrayal of the Dark Lord, his feelings for Callista. The risk was too great. He prayed that he would be able to keep from splinching himself; although, he realized that splinching was the least of his worries. With a loud, uncharacteristic crack, he Disapparated back to Hogwarts.

*********************************

Severus collapsed the moment he Apparated into the clearing. The blood seeping from his left arm had soaked through the material of his robe. Gingerly, he moved the torn fabric aside. It was much worse than he had thought it would be. As he tried to sponge the blood away, he could see that a portion of the skin--that had once been covered by his Dark Mark--had been torn away, revealing the thin layer of fat and the muscle beneath it. The sight of it made him feel lightheaded. He had tried to use the incantations most commonly used for healing potentially mortal injuries, but none of them were working. If he didn't soon get to the school, he would surely bleed to death. His only chance was to take Blood Replenishing potion until the bleeding could be stopped. He staggered to his feet, taking a few stumbling steps before falling once again. He closed his eyes thinking, It's over. I am going to die. Callista, I'm so sorry.

As he was beginning to become accustomed to the idea, he felt the ground shake and heard the thundering of hooves. He opened his eyes enough to see the black legs of a horse-like animal. Thestrals? No, it was speaking to him. A centaur, it was a centaur.

"Why have you trespassed here, human?" rumbled the deep voice. "Have you forgotten what we do to wizards who enter the forest uninvited?"

Severus felt the sharp point of an arrow prod him in the back. Perhaps it would all be over quickly. He waited for the end, but it was interrupted by a crashing sound and a shout. "Stand aside, Bane! Professor Hawkins, I have found Professor Snape!"

"You are a traitor to your herd, Firenze!" Bane shouted, raising his long bow and fitting it with an arrow.

"We have only come for the man, Bane. We will take him and leave you in peace." Severus heard Callista's voice break through the ringing in his ears.

"Human woman, you are not welcome here. Your kind knows nothing of peace!" Bane shouted.

"We are trying to restore peace," Callista asserted sternly, sounding so much like Dumbledore. "If the Evil One defeats us, he will not stop until he has destroyed our world. This man is key to our victory. Let me take him and leave."

Bane trampled the grass in the clearing, his front hooves landing dangerously close to Severus's head. Firenze charged forward. "Let us take him and go, Bane. He is her mate."

"Is this true? Is this man your mate?" Bane rounded on Callsita, fixing the arrow on her. Severus could neither move nor speak; he could only lie defenselessly on the forest floor, waiting for the last of his life to drain away.

Callista raised her blue eyes, her voice never wavered. "He is my mate and the father of my child. Can't you see that he is injured? He is of no danger to you. Please, let me take him and try to cure him."

"My mate was killed last year when the giant charged. Our colt will never know his dam." There was anger in the harsh voice as well as a deep sense of loss.

"I feel your sorrow, Bane. Would you wish that on my child?" Callista asked in a gentle voice. "We must work together to bring the violence to an end. This act of mercy will be the start of that change."

"You have until I return with the rest of the herd to leave here. Beyond that, I cannot ensure your safety," Bane said over his shoulder, as he trotted out of the clearing.

Callista wasted not even a second after Bane departed. She flung herself to the Severus's side. She gently turned him over. He felt her hands on his face, firmly patting his cheeks as she tried to rouse him.

"Severus, focus on my voice. We're going to get you out of here." Callista tried to find the source of the bleeding. She leaned close to him, gingerly inspecting the gaping wound on his arm, trying to stop the bleeding. "My God, what happened to you?"

Severus struggled to focus as he spoke. "Pettigrew... he was going to... expose me..."

"Peter Pettigrew? He did this to you?" Callista worked frantically through several charms and incantations; nothing was working. She located the artery and pressed down on it with all of her might, stanching the flow of blood. "Severus, I've managed to get the bleeding stopped. You're going to be just fine. Stay with me."

"Don't lie... I know I'm... dying," he gasped hoarsely, feeling himself being lifted by a Hover Charm onto Firenze's back as Callista mounted behind him. They were heading to the castle. He was going to die at Hogwarts, at home.

"Don't you even think that. I won't let you," she said forcefully, as Firenze trotted up the hillside to the main entrance. "I love you too much. Besides, we need to fix that lie I told to Bane."

"I don't deserve you, not now." His voice was getting fainter. They were in the Entrance Hall. He remembered how it had felt the first time he had stood in that hall as a scared eleven-year-old boy, how it had felt the day he had left to join Voldemort. Then there was the day he had walked in to start his teaching post. He recalled seeing a seventh year Callista, laughing with her friends, daring to catch his eye. He saw her standing in her indigo blue cloak with the snow falling heavily outside. He would miss her and the snow floating from the sky.

He heard Callista yelling for help. He wasn't sure, but he could have sworn he heard Neville Longbottom's voice. He felt his lips being parted, and a slippery liquid filling his mouth, gagging him. He swallowed, and the lights around him began to fade.

He could feel his body growing lighter and lighter as he floated on a sea of pain. Severus was sure if he continued to feel lighter, he would be above the pain. He let himself drift into a blessed darkness far away from the hurts of this world. Through the haze, he could see a tiny hand reaching for him. That tiny hand promised comfort and peace. On the very edge of consciousness, he could hear a faint voice pleading with him. "Severus, don't you dare leave me. You have to hold on. Please, don't leave me. Oh God, no!"