Shadow on My Heart

A/N: Thanks to those wonderful people who have been reading, especially to my new reviewers. Review without fear; I don't bite. Promise. Thanks as well to Verity for beta-ing and Trickie Woo for quality control.

Anyway, it's off to the principal's--I mean, headmaster's--office.

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Chapter 23: To Obliviate, or Not to Obliviate? That is the Question...

Later that evening after dinner, Severus and Callista sat in the headmaster's office. They had decided that it would be for the best to tell Professor Dumbledore about the change in their situation. Neither of them was in any great rush to tell him what had happened. Currently they were sitting in straight-back chairs, looking and feeling very much like two sixth years who had been caught snogging in the broom cupboard.

"You mean to tell me that Harry now knows about your relationship?" Dumbledore asked quietly as he paced back and forth behind his desk. "How precisely did this happen?"

Neither of them spoke, and the air began to grow steadily heavier and more oppressive with the uncomfortable silence. Finally, Callista spoke up, her usually steady, strong voice halting with embarrassment and dread. "This morning during the Quidditch game, Harry walked into the office and saw us in a.... er.... compromising position."

"Sweet Mother of Merlin," Dumbledore gasped, clutching the side of the desk when the answer caught him off guard. There was a prolonged pause in which Severus fully expected the headmaster to begin shouting at them. Something that Severus surely would have done had he been in the old man's position. After taking a few deep breaths, Dumbledore continued in a highly disappointed tone, "You realize that after something like this I should sack the pair of you."

"I wasn't as if he saw us shagging on the head table in the Great Hall!" Callista protested. "We were in my office, with the main door closed and locked, during a Quidditch match when the sweeping majority of the students were not even in the castle. And it was a day off duty for both of us!"

"That is entirely beside the point!" Dumbledore thundered at his niece.

Callista did her best to keep her chin up. "If I recall, you have given us your blessing many times over."

"That does not mean that I have given you the freedom to act like a pair of hormonal teenagers." Dumbledore's normally well-controlled temper flared. "To be carrying on in such a way and have a student see you. What if had been Draco Malfoy?"

"Draco Malfoy would have no reason to come to my office. He would be far more likely to discover us in the dungeons. Severus is his Head of House," Callista countered hotly.

At the mention of the Potions master's name, Dumbledore began berating the younger man. "Severus, you told me that you were going to Knockturn Alley today. Had you been honest with me, I would have been more than happy to arrange something for you."

Oh yes, that would have been a delight. 'Professor Dumbledore, I was wondering if there was a possibility that you could assist me in arranging a shag with your niece?' I think not, Severus reflected snidely. Instead he ground out, "I had a last minute change in plans, sir. Rest assured, I was far from happy with Potter's intrusion. I would have Obliviated the boy; however, Callista would not allow it."

"There are no words to express my disappointment at your behavior," the old man said, making his displeasure obvious. After a moment, he went on in a voice that was laced with forced understanding. "I know that you both have been under a tremendous amount of stress, working above and beyond the call of duty on the Vita Cruor Potion. While blessings were given, I also cautioned you to be discreet. Something that you have neglected to do."

"If you knew nothing about our past, would you have been able to guess--without prying into our minds with Legilimency--that we are anything other than colleagues?" Callista asked, forcing her voice to remain calm and even.

"No, I would not have come to that conclusion," Dumbledore admitted as he shook his head. "Unfortunately, Harry's new-found knowledge complicates matters for both of you--especially Severus. While Harry can shield his mind when he is awake, the control naturally lapses when he is sleeping. If Voldemort should decide to peruse his thoughts at that time, I doubt that Harry would be able to wake and successfully eject him before Voldemort was able to learn the true nature of your relationship. Your combined carelessness has now created a very serious dilemma."

"I still believe that the best course of action is to Obliviate the little beast," Severus offered, his lip curling slightly.

Callista shook her head. "Severus, we have been over this. Besides, how can we be sure that the Obliviator could be trusted? If I recall correctly, they need to 'see' the memory before it's removed."

"What about modifying the memory?" Severus asked.

"And who would you choose him to see me with?" Callista asked tersely, crossing her arms tightly across her chest.

Severus passed a hand over his eyes. It would have to be someone whom Potter would be unlikely to run into. He halted any further thought on the matter. The idea of her in anyone else's arms was quite unsettling--even if it never had occurred.

Dumbledore sat down heavily behind his massive desk, sighing deeply. "Unless you think there is a chance that he would share what he has seen with anyone, I will wait to speak with Harry in the morning after breakfast."

"He won't," Callista said.

"What if the Dark Lord decides to visit that void that Potter tries to pass off as a mind?" Severus asked nastily.

Callista glowered at him for a moment before answering, "Maybe he will consider it to be nothing more than a besotted boy's nightmare."

Severus opened his mouth to retort when Dumbledore interrupted. "I am hoping that Voldemort will stay out of Harry's mind; he has not invaded his thoughts since the end of summer. Dobby can be stationed to stand watch in Harry's room with the instructions to wake him if need be."

"Either way, there isn't much we can do, Severus." Callista looked at him, her expression softening with a mixture of sympathy and worry.

Reluctantly Severus nodded. Dumbledore sighed once again. "You are both dismissed."

Bidding them both good night, Callista rose gracefully to her feet and left the office through the door to cover her final rounds of the evening. Severus watched her go, wanting to follow her and finish what had been so rudely interrupted earlier that day.

"Severus, please answer one question for me before you return to your quarters," Dumbledore said quietly. Severus braced himself. "Do you plan on making an honest woman out of her at some point?"

The younger man was momentarily stunned at the question. Severus recovered quickly, fixing a frown upon his face. Realizing that chances of both of them living through the end of the conflict were so low that they were almost nonexistent, he had never put much thought into future plans.

Setting his face carefully, Severus answered, "You know how precarious my existence is, Headmaster."

"I see." Dumbledore watched him sadly. "I will speak to you tomorrow, Severus, after I meet with Harry."

Severus stood up and bowed stiffly before sweeping from the room. Once out of the headmaster's office, he let himself fume as he silently made his way down the spiral staircase. Having the old man constantly prying into his private affairs was becoming tiresome. Why should it make a difference to the old man? He and Callista were both adults, both professors at the school. They were, for all intents and purposes, equals. The circumstances had changed: she was no longer a student under his supervision, and she knew about his role as a spy within the Order. What right did Dumbledore have to inquire about his intentions regarding Callista? As he strode down the corridor, Severus could feel his annoyance and resentment towards Albus Dumbledore increasing with each step he took.

Severus neared the staff room and noticed a light shining dimly from under the door. More than likely, it was just a house-elf or two, completing a little bit of night cleaning. There was also the possibility that someone had forgotten to extinguish one of the lamps. With an irritated grumble, he shoved the heavy door open and stepped inside. He moved to extinguish the torches when a tap on the shoulder caused him to whip around, a hex on his lips.

"It's just me," Callista whispered.

"That was a witless risk you took," he snapped, forcing his wildly pounding heart to slow down. He lowered his wand slowly. "I could have hexed you."

"You wouldn't have taken the chance that it was a student."

"What if I had been Filch?" he asked

"I highly doubt that Filch would question my walking around the halls or even being in the staff room, Severus," Callista reasoned. "Besides, Filch happens to be on the Astronomy tower.""

"What are you doing in here?"

"Waiting for you," she responded.

"That much is obvious," he said, reaching out with one hand to run his fingers through her hair. "Why didn't you just wait for me in your rooms?"

Severus frowned when she lowered her eyes, but not before he was able to catch a glimpse of hurt and doubt. "After our meeting with the headmaster, I didn't think that you would come."

His frown relaxed slightly. "Why didn't you just go to my quarters? You know the passwords to the wards."

"I just... " She trailed off miserably and rested her head against his chest, encircling him with her arms. He made a half-hearted effort to disengage himself from her embrace, but she clung tighter than ever. Insistently she said, "Please, Severus, the damage is done. I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight. I'm worried that you will be summoned, and if you are..."

"Don't say another word," he said, pressing a long finger to her lips. "Floo to my quarters and wait for me. I will meet you there after I make my rounds in the dungeon."

Callista nodded. Taking a handful of Floo powder, she announced her destination and vanished in a flash of emerald green flames. Severus once again felt a strange feeling of foreboding. He quickly dismissed the thought; the last thing he wanted was to turn into a head case like Sibyll Trelawney.

Silently he left the staff room and took one of the hidden side passages that served as a shortcut to the dungeon's main corridor. When he was satisfied that everything in the lower levels of the castle was as it should be, he headed to his office through the Potions classroom. He paused to straighten a pile of essays that were to be returned to the seventh year Potions class on Tuesday. Lifting the wards separating the office and the private workroom, he made his way to his quarters.

Callista was waiting for him, the worn, hunter green throw wrapped about her shoulders. Her wide, blue-green eyes looked violet in the firelight. He was reminded of the young girl who had given him her innocence so many years ago in this very room. The girl was gone, replaced by a woman who was both intelligent and capable. A woman who was determined to remain part of his life.

She opened her mouth to speak, but he silenced her with a kiss. Words would only complicate what he wanted to convey to her. With a studied slowness, he unwrapped the covering, his hands sensuously roaming over her familiar curves. When his lips joined his hands in the exploration, she tossed back her head and allowed herself to further succumb to his touch. Her own mouth hungrily sought his as she silently guided him towards the bed, leaving a trail of black fabric behind them.

Her hands fumbled with the front of his trousers, stroking his almost painfully sensitive skin. He slowed her heated caress, determined to make up for his earlier lamentable performance. This time he would make sure that she was fulfilled. He took his time with her, moving as slowly and carefully as he had that first time until her breathless cries urged him into a faster pace. As he gave into his release, Severus desperately wished there was a way that he could simply melt into her and become part of her. Callista, as if sensing his need, pulled him closer, holding him tightly.

For a long moment, the pair didn't move. He concentrated on feeling every inch of her pressing against him. When he looked into her eyes, he felt the force of an overwhelmingly indescribable emotion pouring from her. He felt something catch in his throat. He never thought that anyone would look at him like that. He rolled off of her, gathering her to his chest. They drifted off to sleep listening to the faint crackling sounds of the fire and the peaceful rhythm of their breathing.

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"Professor Snape, sir?" squeaked a voice.

Severus sat up quickly, drawing his wand from under the pillow. In the dim torchlight, Winky the house-elf cringed at the sight of the wand that was pointed in her direction. The wizard recovered from the sudden surprise and snapped in a loud whisper, "Don't you know any better than to sneak up on a sleeping wizard?"

"Winky is sorry for waking you, sir, but Headmaster is sending Winky to fetch the professor, sir."

"What time is it?" he asked, rolling onto his back and running his fingers through his hair. Callista stirred slightly at his side. Severus carefully placed his wand back under the pillow.

"Well after breakfast time, sir. Headmaster is wishing to speak with Professor Snape." Winky's eyes grew wider with each word. "Winky is telling Headmaster that Professor Snape was in need of sleeping in today."

With a grimace at the thought, Severus reached over to Callista to shake her awake. At his touch, she instinctively curled up against him, her hand sliding down his stomach and below his waist. Normally that would be the most pleasant way to start the morning, but not in the presence of a house-elf. He caught her wandering hand and held it fast. Callista's eyes fluttered open. "What's the matter?"

"The headmaster wishes to see us," he grumbled.

"Beg pardon for interrupting, sir, but Headmaster only is wanting Professor Snape. Winky was told to not wake Mistress Callista."

Severus and Callista exchanged an uncomfortable look. Both of them were certain that separate meetings could not possibly be a positive thing. Had Potter's mind been invaded? Surely Severus would have been summoned the moment the Dark Lord learned of their involvement. Unless the Dark Lord was planning to wait until they were lulled into a false sense of security before he struck. There was no way of telling until Severus either spoke to Dumbledore or was confronted by the Dark Lord.

Severus sat up, doing his best to keep himself covered. Winky blinked stupidly for a moment before vanishing from the room. Drawing Callista to him, Severus kissed her before heading to the bathroom. When he returned several minutes later, Callista was up and dressed in fresh clothing that had probably been provided by Winky.

"He must have finished speaking with Harry," she stated simply. "You would think that he would want to speak to both of us."

Severus shrugged, projecting an unconcerned facade as he dressed. No doubt the old man had his reasons. "Floo directly to your room, not your office. No doubt Potter will come to confront you about yesterday. There is no need for him to know that you didn't sleep in your own bed last night."

"Odd, I thought that you would rather have the fact that I stayed with you last night rubbed in his face."

"Why are you trying to provoke me?" he asked, turning to glare at her.

"Why are you speaking to me as if I'm some dense little girl who's sneaking around with her professor?" she asked, crossing her arms.

"That was not my intention. I was merely ensuring that you avoided any unnecessary altercations with Potter." He strode over to the bed and retrieved his wand from under the pillow.

Callista snorted and shook her head. Severus raised an eyebrow in annoyance. She swallowed her laughter. "I'm so sorry. I just thought of Alastor Moody's reaction if he found out you slept with your wand under the pillow."

Severus made a harsh noise in his throat. "He would most likely encourage me to dream about Unforgivable Curses."

"They will all come around in due time." Callista circled the end of the bed to stand next to him, standing on tiptoe to kiss him. "Go see what my uncle wants. I'll be with Hagrid until later this afternoon. We're going to check on the unicorn herd to see if there are any pregnant mares this year."

The frown on his face deepened at the thought of her going into the Forbidden Forest. "Contrary to what Hagrid tells you, you will need to be extremely vigilant where the Centaurs are concerned. Thanks to that idiotic cow, Umbridge, last year, they have become excruciatingly hostile towards humans. Just take care."

"I promise. Besides, I planned on using a Disillusionment Charm for most of the time." She kissed him again before Flooing to her quarters several floors up.

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Severus slipped undetected through secret passageways and the back corridors of the castle, resisting the urge to stop and listen at the Defense Against the Dark Arts office door. If indeed Potter foolishly decided to confront Callista, Severus knew she was more than able to handle the situation on her own. In all honesty, he knew that his presence in the room would only complicate matters. A few minutes later, he was facing the gargoyle at the foot of the spiral staircase leading to the head's office. Muttering "licorice wand" softly to the stone creature, he moved carefully onto the first step and slowly began assent.

He knocked sharply, and the heavy oak door swung open. On the far side of the circular room, Dumbledore rose to greet him. "Good morning, Severus. Thank you for joining us as quickly as possible."

At the word "us," he felt his whole body tighten, and his eyes immediately darted around the room until they came to rest on the messy-haired young man by the window. Harry was leaning with his forehead resting on the glass, staring out across the grounds; the fingers of his right hand were drumming on the windowsill. The first thought that came to Severus's mind was that the Dark Lord had invaded the boy's mind and now knew everything. Why else would Potter still be here?

With an expression of utmost loathing that he didn't need to pretend, Severus coldly asked, "Does the Dark Lord know?"

"I told you: he hasn't bothered with my mind since that night at the Ministry." Harry turned to face them, crossing his arms defensively over his chest.

Dumbledore raised his hand to halt the professor's reply. "We have more practical matters to discuss, gentlemen. You are still student and teacher; therefore, you will need to be in each other's presence during the course of the week. Up until now, Professor Snape and Professor Hawkins have managed to keep their relationship concealed, and it would be best for it to remain so. That comes to the issue of how both of you need to conduct yourselves in the classroom."

"Meaning... " Severus trailed off.

"Meaning that the professionalism you and Callista have managed to display to the public now must be extended to Harry."

"Surely," Severus began with a sneer, "you are not suggesting that I treat Potter as an equal?"

"No. However, you both must take care that no situations arise that could reveal what he knows."

Severus felt his temper flare. "So, I am now being blackmailed into giving this arrogant little whelp special treatment!"

"Stop calling me that!" Harry erupted, drawing his wand.

Severus grasped his wand but didn't raise it. He knew the boy wouldn't dare try to hex him in front of the headmaster, and even if he did, it wouldn't take much effort to block him.

"Harry!" Dumbledore called out in alarm. Harry blinked in surprise and slowly lowered his wand. "You are dismissed. I will speak with you later today."

No sooner did the door close behind the teen than Severus said, "That is the insolence that I endure in the classroom."

Exasperated, the headmaster asked, "And how much of it do you cause?"

"So, you are going to blame me for the fact that Potter is disrespectful?" Severus made no attempt to mask the shock and indignation in his tone.

"I am simply asking you to consider whether or not your actions are unintentionally instigating problematic reactions." There was a prolonged pause before the old man spoke again with a heavy sigh. "Might I suggest treating Harry with cold indifference in class? Despising each other in silence would be preferable to turning every class into a shouting match."

Severus was furious. Once again the headmaster was siding with the boy. It didn't matter that he, Severus Snape, was the one taking all of the risks. Just like his father before him, everything was about Potter. No matter what Severus said or did; he would always be brushed aside for what was best for the boy. Suddenly, he realized that he was pacing and halted himself.

"Severus, please have a seat. I have something that I must discuss with you, and unfortunately it can no longer wait." The old man indicated the pair of comfortable armchairs by the window. Severus took his time before joining him, his curiosity getting the best of him. Once they were both settled, Dumbledore said softly, "You know that I value your opinions and support as much as I value Minerva's. However, I feel that it is only fair that I tell you in person, and hopefully long before it is needed, that I have come to some decisions regarding the succession of school leadership."

"You are not planning to retire in the midst of all of this upheaval?" Severus asked, a deep furrow forming in his forehead. What was the old man playing at?

"I would never leave Hogwarts unless I was forced to. However, in the event that something should happen to me, I need to be assured that the school would be in capable hands. As you know, Minerva -- as Deputy Headmistress -- will succeed me as Head. As much as I would like you to take over the position of Deputy Headmaster, I feel that it would be best, for now at least, to allow that responsibility to go to Professor Vector, should anything happen to me."

It took a moment for the full meaning of Dumbledore's words to register in the Potions master's mind. When he finally comprehended what was being said, he was infuriated. He had been so certain that he was to be appointed Deputy Headmaster in the eventuality that McGonagall took over. If he was to be trapped at Hogwarts until the end of his days, he was determined to at least hold a position of power and prestige. He suddenly was bombarded by a white-hot blinding hatred for the old man sitting across from him. He struggled to cling to a thread of rationality.

Dumbledore waited for Severus to gain some measure of composure before continuing. "It was a difficult choice to make, Severus. First and foremost, I would not want you to be placed in a position that could give Voldemort access to the school. You know as well as I do that having you as second in command would put Minerva's life at an even greater risk. Voldemort would order her death to ensure that you would become Headmaster of this school. Secondly--and I know you hate to hear it--you are too young and inexperienced to have that kind of responsibility thrust upon you.

"Even though you have always done surprisingly well as Head of Slytherin, I really did not want to appoint you as such when you were only in your second year of teaching. You fully remember many of the difficulties that you faced because that was such a small age difference between you and your students." The subsequent pause suggested that Dumbledore was highly reluctant to put the next reason into words. "Finally, given your past, I do not believe that the board of governors would allow it."

Severus clenched his teeth painfully as he felt his anger begin to boil over again. His tone was laced with the same venom that he normally reserved for Potter. "I'm sure that you only have the best interest of the school in mind, sir."

Dumbledore's kindly face quickly became stern. "Severus, do not question my judgment on this matter. Until Voldemort is gone, I cannot run the risk that he could gain access to the school. You of all people should be able to appreciate that."

Severus's face was mutinous. Once again he was being passed over. The old man was taking it for granted that once the 'greater good' rubbish was brought to Severus's attention everything would be acceptable. The younger wizard sat glaring hatefully at this old man who claimed to care about him to the point that he was thought of as a son. What a load of rot!

Dumbledore broke into his thoughts. "I know that you must be utterly disappointed--"

"Disappointed! This goes far beyond disappointed!" he snarled, jumping to his feet. "Of course, this never would have been an issue had I been one of your precious, bloody, effing Gryffindors!"

Dumbledore rose angrily to his feet, albeit considerably more slowly. "I promise you, Severus, that your House had nothing to do with this decision."

Severus suppressed the urge to begin throwing things. He dropped back into his chair, burying his head in his long-fingered hands. "Am I to be punished for the rest of my life for a foolish choice I made when I was eighteen? To think that I was once one of the more brilliant students to walk these halls. Look at what I've become: a ruddy nursemaid to a clutch of conniving little snakes."

"Yet your ambition is to eventually become 'head nursemaid'? I would have thought that your ambitions would have changed over the years, especially now, since other circumstances in your life have changed."

The Potions master sat in a stony silence. Not long before the Dark Lord had returned, he and Dumbledore had had a similar conversation in which Severus mentioned that it had been far too long since there had been a headmaster from Slytherin. He could still remember the warm smile on the old man's face when he said that Severus was the first Slytherin since Phineas Nigelus who would be worthy of the position. From that day on, Severus had been McGonagall's unspoken successor, a thought that had often kept him from hexing those dunderheads masquerading as Potions students.

"Severus, someday it may be possible for you to leave the safety of Hogwarts. Surely you do not find teaching to be so fulfilling that you would remain long after it was necessary?" The old man's eyes twinkled merrily in spite of his wry tone.

No, I can honestly say that the gate probably would not hit me on the arse if I ever had the opportunity to leave, he thought. And yet... He hadn't realized precisely how much the school had come to mean to him until he was faced with the prospect of leaving. He drew a deep breath, removing all traces of emotion from his voice. "Hogwarts has been my home, sir."

The headmaster nodded in sympathetic understanding. "Perhaps you will finally be able to make a home outside of these walls."

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Later that evening, he relayed the morning's events to a bruised and exhausted Callista. She said nothing while he ranted at the injustice of it all, and her silence was more comforting than any words could have been. She made no efforts to stop him or calm him as he cursed Potter's existence. Once his fury had run its course, Callista held him to her, offering him an escape from the trials of the day.

In the middle of the night, he found himself suddenly wide awake. He looked over at the woman sleeping peacefully next to him. Something that Dumbledore had said earlier came back to him: Perhaps you will finally be able to make a home outside of these walls... Severus had a sudden moment of clarity. How could he have been so dense? His home would be wherever Callista was.