Shadow on My Heart

Chapter 9: Strange Bedfellows

Severus awoke in a foul mood. He had stayed up late puttering around in his private workroom. He was so annoyed at Callista for deciding to 'work' with Harry the night before that he had been plagued with nightmares about how the two had really spent the evening. Mostly, he was furious at himself for acting like a jealous teenager. Whatever ties he and Callista had were long since broken and had never been renewed. What had been a steamy romance fifteen years ago was now reduced to a professional relationship that could barely be considered a friendship. They owed each other neither loyalty nor explanations. It was none of his concern as to how she spent her time. Then again, Potter was a student and underage....

Throwing back the thick blanket, he stood up and noted the familiar creeks and groans of his joints. As usual, he staggered into the bathroom, bumping solidly into the arch first. He splashed icy cold water on his face in a vain attempt to clear his mind. Snape completed his morning routine by dressing in his usual black trousers, jacket, and robe. He sat on the end of his bed, berating himself for his juvenile behavior the previous day. There had to be a logical explanation for what he had seen last night. The thought of Callista having a relationship with a student did seem rather insane, especially since the student in question was the son of her best friend. He would speak to her at breakfast.

Upon arriving in the Great Hall, he saw that very few people were still at breakfast. Callista was nowhere to be seen. It was rather late in the morning; he more than likely had just missed her. Severus took a solitary seat at the far end of the staff table, hoping that the headmaster and McGonagall would not notice him. He stared at the four enormous Christmas trees that were positioned at the far end of the hall. Each tree was decorated for one of the four Houses. Severus was already so irritated that he was thoroughly annoyed at the cheerful display.

"Severus," called Dumbledore, with a smile so jaunty it should have been outlawed, "come and join us."

Knowing full well that he was trapped, Severus moved over a few seats, grumbling the whole time.

"Are you all ready for the holidays?" McGonagall asked in an equally cheerful voice.

"I only have a few papers to mark from the end of term and my lessons to prepare for the next," he said absently.

Dumbledore and McGonagall exchanged overly patient looks. Dumbledore replied, "That is not what we meant. What are you going to do for the holidays?"

Severus plastered a vaguely puzzled look on his face. "I believe that I just answered the question, sir."

"You mean to tell us," began McGonagall, eyes narrowed, "that you have three student-free weeks, and have not planned a single thing to do to enjoy it?"

"I don't have much use for frivolous holidays, Minerva," he replied testily. Why couldn't they just leave him alone?

"You aren't going to spend any time at all with Professor Hawkins?" asked Dumbledore.

So that's were this was leading -- my pathetic personal life. Severus quietly spooned some eggs onto his plate. "I'm sure she has other things she would rather do over the break, and other people she would prefer to spend her time with."

Before either of them could press him further, a second year Gryffindor boy approached the table. He looked terrified to interrupt the staff members. He squeaked, "Excuse me, Professors."

"Yes, Mr. Ambercrombie, what is it?" McGonagall eyed the little boy.

"I was wondering if any of you had seen Harry Potter this morning?" he asked, shaking slightly. "You see, I was supposed to meet him this morning, and he wasn't in the common room. When I went up to see if maybe he had just overslept, he wasn't in his room. His bed hasn't been slept in, either."

"Are you sure, Mr. Ambercrombie?" Dumbledore pressed, a worried frown on his face.

"Yes, sir."

McGonagall's eyebrows contracted in worry. "Mr. Ambercrombie, when did you last see Mr. Potter?"

The boy scrunched up his face, thinking hard. "Yesterday afternoon before dinner, Professor McGonagall. I've been worried about him since he had that argument with his friends."

Snape's insides turned to ice. There was only one logical place for him to be. He cleared his throat, saying in a frosty voice, "I believe that Professor Hawkins was meeting him last evening to complete some work on his class. Possibly she will have an idea where he could be?"

Dumbledore and McGonagall exchanged worried looks. Professor McGonagall spoke to the boy almost kindly. "Euan, I want you to go wait up in the common room for him."

"Yes, ma'am." The boy bolted from the Great Hall.

"Severus, you received no summons last night?" Dumbledore asked, perturbed.

Severus shook his head. The thought of Potter being Voldemort's captive was better than the thought of him spending the night with Callista. He said nastily, "I'm sure he is probably just wandering around the castle, feeling sorry for himself."

"Just the same, Albus, we should check with Callista," asserted McGonagall, eying Severus beadily. Sometimes he was sure she developed an unconscious form of Legilimency after forty plus years of teaching.

The three of them left the hall and went directly to the Defense Against the Dark Arts office. Severus was reminded of when he last had to compete for her.

Shortly after Callista finished school, her parents threw her party to celebrate the acceptance of her apprenticeship with Foxglove. Severus had been both excited and honored to be invited. A large portion of his stipend had gone to new dress robes. Both he and Callista had decided that it was best to keep their relationship quiet until after she began working in London. He hadn't seen her in a week. The prospect of being near her again made him feel deliciously lightheaded. He had been horrified when his Dark Mark had burned earlier that day, summoning him to the Dark Lord's side.

In Voldemort's presence, Severus had masqueraded once again as a faithful servant of darkness. He had knelt and had kissed the hem of Voldemort's robes.

"Malfoy has told me that you will be attending a celebration at the Hawkins' Estate, Snape," had said a cold voice.

"That is true, Master," Severus had replied. "I hope to gain more information on Adolphus Hawkins."

The brilliant red eyes had pierced his own. "And what of his daughter? Do you plan on continuing your relationship?"

Severus had spoken in a practical tone. "It would be difficult to extract information from her otherwise, My Lord. "

"Are you enjoying your assignment, young Severus?"

He hadn't dared let a smile ghost his lips. "It has its benefits, Master."

"Beware that you keep your mind on your duty. If at anytime I suspect your loyalties, she will regret it."

That evening, he arrived by Portkey to the Hawkins Estate. When he inquired about the whereabouts of Miss Hawkins, a servant directed him to the gardens. Severus hadn't gone far when he heard Callista's bell-like laughter. As he rounded the corner, he froze at the sight of her chatting companionably with none other than Sirius Black. Severus stepped into the alcove along the stone wall; the last thing he wanted was to be dangled upside-down in his dress robes.

"Are you sure you can't stay, Sirius?" Callista asked.

"I wish I could, but I'm working tonight. I just wanted to stop in and congratulate you," Sirius replied. "I was wondering if maybe you would like to go to the Portree versus Wimbourne game next week."

"I don't know if I can," she said in a halting voice. "I'm moving into my flat, and I start my apprenticeship right after that."

Sirius spoke quietly. "I just thought that since you stopped dating that Buxley bloke, you might be interested in me. We've always been friends, and I was hoping we could try for something more, now that you're out of school."

"You can't be serious."

"I am, Callista. The timing was just always wrong."

She laughed. "You mean: when we were in school, I was way too young for you, and after you finished at Hogwarts you wouldn't be caught dead dating a student."

The bark-like laughter echoed in the garden. "Something like that."

"I'll think about it," she said simply.

Severus dared to sneak a glance around the corner, only to see Sirius embrace Callista, kissing her softly, before he Disapparated. He leaned against the wall. Sirius Black had money, good looks and an exciting career as an Auror; Severus was an unattractive, impoverished schoolteacher, who was the puppet of both Voldemort and Dumbledore. How could he possibly compete with Black?

"Severus, when did you get here?" Callista had rounded to corner. The sight of her took his breath away. The emotions that she displayed in her eyes took the edge off of his insecurities. Still, Black was clearly making a play for her....

"Just in time to see you in the arms of Sirius Black," he snapped.

"Sirius and I are just friends--"

"That's not what I saw or heard, Callista. Why did you give him any hope if you're 'just friends'?" Severus interrogated angrily.

"What did you want me to say? 'Sorry, Sirius, but remember that little Slytherin boy you and James used to torture? Yes, Severus Snape. Well, I can't go to a Quidditch game with you because I've already handed him my virginity on a silver platter complete with trimmings!'" Callista's voice was growing louder as she spoke. "Keeping us a secret was your idea! If I had said there was someone else, he would have asked a lot of awkward questions. So don't you dare accuse me of leading him on, especially since you gave me no choice."

He stepped toward her. She was correct, of course. Severus reached out to her; he wanted nothing more than to feel her reassuring warmth in his arms. He swallowed his anger and pride. "I'm sorry. It was idiotic of me not to trust you."

"Severus," she began gently, "what will it take to convince you that I love you, and I want to be with you? I realize that we need to wait to announce our feelings. I don't want you to get into trouble with the school trustees because of me."

"It's not about that," he muttered. "No one has ever wanted to be with me before. Since we've been apart it hasn't seemed real."

Callista's arms enfolded him as she pressed her lips to his. Passion flooded his mind, its heat burning away all doubt. As his body began to respond to her, he was alternately thankful he had had the foresight to wear trousers under his dress robes and annoyed by the cloth barriers that separated them. The intensity of their desire left both of them breathless and shaking. Reluctantly, he pulled away, gazing at her swollen mouth and flushed face. He saw, as obvious as the nose on his face, love shining in her eyes. The same look he had seen at the end of term when he had first taken her into his bed. The difference now was that there was no trace of fear. She was with him without hesitation or trepidation. Then it finally dawned on him: he was her first, and that created a binding all of its own.

Dumbledore knocked on the door twice before it opened.

Callista was standing in the doorway, wrapped in a quilted flannel dressing gown and wearing bunny slippers. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and attempted to smooth her hair.

"Uncle Albus, Professor McGonagall, Severus, what's wrong?" She yawned broadly.

"Callista, Harry wasn't at breakfast this morning. We were wondering if you had seen him," asked Professor McGonagall.

Callista massaged the back of her neck. "He's fine. He stayed here last night."

The following silence was deafening. Severus stepped forward, a furiously accusing look on his face. Dear Merlin, this couldn't be happening; she'd let the boy stay for the night! He was glad he hadn't really eaten, because he was certain that he would have been ill.

Without pausing to think, Severus flung himself in front of her, his voice like acid. "What were you thinking? Did you fancy him as your own personal Fountain of Youth?"

"Severus, what the bloody hell are you bashing on about?" Callista asked.

Snape was sputtering in fury. "He is a student, Callista! Just because he teaches one class doesn't make him part of the faculty, or negate the fact that he is underage!"

Her eyes widened, as she finally comprehended what he was saying. "You actually believe that line of rubbish Malfoy fed you. Are you really accusing me of sleeping with Harry?"

"Unless you can come up with one reason to the contrary--yes!" Severus shouted at her.

Fury emanated from the Callista as her wand materialized in her hand. The next thing that Severus was aware of was the fact that thirteen and a half inches of elm and dragon heartstring were aimed menacingly at his chest. Reflexively, he drew his own wand.

Dumbledore attempted to impose himself between the two. He spoke sternly. "That is enough from the both of you! Severus, calm yourself immediately. These are very serious accusations to make. Callista, we are going to discuss this like rational adults."

"Rational adults!" she snapped. "He hasn't acted rationally since he began instructing Harry in the Dark Arts!"

"Albus, what are they talking about?" McGonagall asked, her eyes flicking between her two former students.

Dumbledore held up his hand. "We will talk about that later, Minerva."

"Sir, this needs to be dealt with now! Her shameless behavior--" Before Severus could finish his sentence the side of his face exploded in a burst of pain and pinpricks of light. He stumbled backwards, grabbing the side of his face. At first, he thought she had hexed him, but when opened his eyes, he saw her rubbing her hand: she had struck him.

"How dare you accuse me of such an impropriety? If you are so jealous of the time I spend with him, why do you keep pushing me away every single time I try to befriend you? You have been acting like a petulant child who has been denied his way, Severus Snape! Now either grow up, or get the hell out of my life for good!" Callista's eyes were bright with indignant tears that she refused to let fall.

"Er...Professors?" Harry was standing in the doorway leading to her private suite. His hair was messier than usual, as he hastily jerked his jumper over his head.

Severus changed tactics in a flash. "So, Potter, this is twice that you have been caught in a compromising situation with a member of the opposite sex. I am sure, however, that once again you will deny that anything happened--"

"But nothing happened, Professor Snape," the youth protested. "We were up late talking, and Callista didn't want me to walk back to the dormitory by myself."

Snape narrowed his eyes viciously. "Maybe you should stick to someone your own age."

"Professor Snape, that is quite enough!" McGonagall roared.

"Headmaster," Callista broke in, "Harry came by last evening so we could finish marking his end of term essays. We decided to work on his lesson plans for the beginning of next term as well. Once we were finished, I brought out some of my old photo albums for him to look at, and we talked until nearly three in the morning. Filch would surely have given him a hard time about being in the corridors after curfew. So I let him stay here, and I slept on the sofa. I even have the crick in my neck to prove it." She was pointing to the pillow and blankets on the leather sofa as she rubbed the back of her neck.

Dumbledore looked at his niece and the young wizard in turn. He let out a soft sigh. "Harry, has Professor Hawkins ever behaved toward you in a way that could even remotely be construed as inappropriate?"

"No, sir. Callista...Professor Hawkins has been my friend and mentor only. These last few weeks have been difficult, and she has been there for me as a friend. She has never come on to me, or anything like that." Harry was meeting the headmaster's eyes, and his voice was sincere.

"What about your actions towards her?" Severus asked waspishly. "Have your own actions been so pure and blameless?"

Harry's cheeks turned Gryffindor red. "Why don't you just come out and ask me if we've been together. That's really what you're asking, isn't it?"

Damn him and his advancements in Legilimency! Snape thought, furious at himself for being so transparent. "Well, have you?"

"No! Do you want me to open my mind to you so you can see for yourself?"

I am a complete and utter hippogriff's arse. She is a warm and caring person; it's impossible to not to fall in love, or at least become infatuated with her, Severus thought, as watched Callista out of the corner of his eye. He knew an apology was in order if he wanted her to ever speak to him again.

"Harry," Professor Dumbledore said gently, "I want you to go down to the Great Hall; you may be able to catch the end of breakfast. Euan Ambercrombie is waiting for you in the Gryffindor common room. I do want to see you in my office later today, however."

He nodded before exiting the office, casting a regretful look at Callista. Severus glared at his retreating back.

"Severus," Dumbledore inquired, "do you still wish to continue the charges against Professor Hawkins?"

"No, Headmaster, I think a verbal warning is adequate," Severus affirmed. "I am sure Professor Hawkins has learned the boundaries of student-teacher relationships."

"That's pretty rich coming from you," she muttered under her breath.

He turned to face her. "If I recall, you came to me only hours after the N.E.W.T. examiners left the castle."

"Obviously, I was very naive to be taken in by the likes of you." Callista raised her eyes to her uncle. "Don't punish Harry for this. I will take full responsibility for this mess. He is mostly an innocent victim in all of this."

"Callista, I trust this will never happen again," the headmaster said.

Severus snorted, "You need to stop treating the boy as if he is some kind of prepubescent Robin Hood."

"And where would he be without the Sheriff of Nottingham?" Callista countered.

Dumbledore placed a calming hand on the shoulder of each. His voice was gentle, yet firm. "Callista, I think that you and Severus have a lot of things you need to say to each other. I also have a feeling that they will not be said as long as the two of you have an audience. Once Minerva and I leave this office, I am warding this door, and you will not be able to leave until this last thread of ill-will is broken. The two of you need to work this out, once and for all. You cannot continue to hurt each other like this. Is this clear?"

Callista nodded in affirmation, keeping her eyes on her slippers. Severus was suddenly very cognizant of her need to talk to him. I drove Lily away with my own foolish, stubborn pride. By the time I got it through my thick head that I still wanted her friendship, it was too late. I have no desire to make a similar mistake. My lies and insecurities caused Callista to vanish from my life for fifteen years. If there is any possibility of having her in my life again, I want that hope.

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Next up: The reason behind Callista's disappearance.