Shadow on My Heart

Shadow on My Heart

Warning: Character death and violence.

Thank you to all of the wonderful people who have been reading and enjoying my story.

Once again, Potter-verse isn't mine; I just enjoy playing with the characters.

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Chapter 7: Cold November Rain

It was a cold, drizzly November day as Professor Snape sat in his office, marking the papers for the sixth year class. Spying the name Potter on the top of the essay, he gleefully reached for the jar of red ink. It would be easier to pour it over the parchment, but he felt that such an action would be too obvious. So Severus began to read the blasted paper. To his discontent there were no errors, spelling or factual, to be found. Damn, even the whelp's handwriting was neat and concise. At first he was sure that Potter had help from that know-it-all Granger, but then it occurred to him that they were not on speaking terms. Unfortunately, he had earned, on his own merits, an "O".

Severus finished the short stack of papers. He still had plenty of time before his next class began, so he placed the viewing spell on his office door. In the beginning, he had done this to keep an eye on Hawkins and her little moppets, to be sure they didn't blow-up the dungeon. He found her to be a very competent instructor, even if he didn't agree with her methods. He did, although he would never tell her so, admire her ability convey the delicate artistry and subtle science that was potion-making to the class. She was a truly suberb Potions Mistress and a brilliant teacher. In short, Severus simply enjoyed watching her work.

Today the second years were attempting to make Swelling Solution. Hawkins was moving quietly among the students. He watched her working with the most incredible patience. One of the students had not managed to brew it correctly and was very close to tears. Severus would have failed her on the spot, assigned an essay and dispensed a detention. His replacement, on the contrary, asked the student if she could figure out the error. She assigned the essay and assured the student, if she could correctly identify the mistake, she would receive the lowest passing grade for the project. The little Hufflepuff girl began thanking her profusely. Callista smiled at her, telling her that she would only fail those who did not try. She talked about the professor she studied under, and how he encouraged his students to succeed. Severus remembered that same professor well, Professor Blackburn. Looking at the calendar on his cluttered desk, he realized that today was the anniversary of the old man's death. This was the day he had been forced into Callista's life.

It was pouring down rain outside as the young professor sat at the desk reading through first year essays: a facet of teaching that he loathed. Normally, Professor Blackburn helped him with this task; however, he was in the classroom working with the final year N.E.W.T. class. Suddenly, there was a deafening crash in the room and a scream. He rushed to the office door and collided with a student from Ravenclaw.

"Professor Snape, it's Professor Blackburn! He's collapsed!"

He ran into the workroom and saw the crumpled form of the wizened professor on the floor being cradled by Callista Hawkins.

"You're going to be fine, sir. Buxley just went to get Madame Pomfrey." She tried to keep the tremble out of her voice.

Snape saw the potion that was knocked over was in its acidic stage. He waved it away before it caused further damage to Callista's robes and skin. "What happened?"

"He came over to check on the progress of my project. He turned pale and collapsed. He has had heart trouble since last spring. Please help him." She searched Snape's face. Her eyes were fearful, as if she knew that nothing could be done.

"Severus?" the old man wheezed.

"Yes, sir." He knelt beside his mentor and friend.

"Give me your hand." Severus took the fragile hand in his. "You'll do well. Just remember to enjoy your work and the students." He turned his eyes to Callista's. "Work hard, dear one, and always try to find a success even in failed attempts." He closed his eyes and was gone. They noticed that the elderly professor had managed to entwine Snape's fingers with Callista's. Presently, the reality of the situation caused Callista to pull her hand away. She caressed the old man's face, sobbing.

When the help from the infirmary arrived, they had to pry him from her grip. Callista leaned into Severus' chest, clutching the front of his robes, tears streaming down her cheeks. For lack of a better plan, he held her to him, stroking her hair. Dumbledore arrived to take control of the scene.

Over the next few days, rumors among members of Slytherin House began to form about his 'involvement' with Callista. Since many of them had parents loyal to the Dark Lord, he needed to stop the rumors before they caused any real damage. Severus planned to distance himself from her, but a meeting with Dumbledore made that impossible.

Two days after Professor Blackburn's funeral, he was sitting in the headmaster's office.

"Severus, I think you know why we are meeting," began the headmaster.

"Yes, sir. This is to discuss my new duties as Potions professor," answered Severus. The promotion was bittersweet; Professor Blcakburn had always been there for him when he had been a student.

"Very good. I want you to know that if you feel comfortable, you will be teaching the N.E.W.T. classes as well. I thought it may be awkward, considering that you would have been a student with these two classes. The lack of any significant age difference may make it difficult for you."

"I know the material well, sir. I can't foresee any difficulties." Severus wasn't the youngest Potions Master in Britain based on his good looks and charm.

"That is not in question. I mean to say, they will remember you as a student, and I know that there were a few incidents in your tenure that may cause some of them not to respect you."

Ah yes, his public pantsing in fifth year. Thanks to Potter and Black, how many of those students had seen his naked lower half? Snape's face burned with embarrassment.

"I'm sure if I don't make an issue of it, they will probably not remember. This has nothing to do with my abilities to teach Potions," he said firmly.

"You will also need to take over the pre-apprenticeship of my niece. Professor Blackburn would have wanted her to finish. She won't turn eighteen until late June; therefore, no one is willing to take her on as a full-fledged apprentice. Would you be comfortable with this undertaking?" Dumbledore surveyed him with those blue eyes.

Working with someone as brilliant as Hawkins would be very interesting indeed. He chose his words carefully. "She is very gifted. The opportunity would be an excellent learning experience for me. The only concern I have is the reaction of the Dark Lord to this arrangement. I would not like to put your niece in danger."

"Simply treat her like everyone else. You are a superb Occlumens, and she knows nothing of your dealings with either side."

Thus began his journey with Callista Hawkins.

At dinner that night, he was thoroughly aware of her absence. As soon as he could leave the Great Hall, Severus headed toward the cemetery on the school grounds. Off to one side, he saw her sitting on the bench near where the ashes of Professor Blackburn were interred. She looked lovely, even in her sorrow. If the old man could speak to her, surely he would tell her how proud he was of her work. Severus found himself missing him as well. In the gentle and enthusiastic professor, he'd found a father figure he'd lacked growing up. If only I had chosen my alliances more carefully, I could be sure he would be equally proud of me.

He decided to chance a conversation with her. As he made to leave his shadowy vantage point, Snape noticed that he was not the only one to have followed her. Potter was striding across the graveyard towards her. Clearly, he was seeking out her company. Severus could feel jealousy erupt suddenly in his chest. How dare that boy think that he had a right to see her outside of classes?

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That night, in classroom five, Professor Snape awaited Potter's entrance through the fireplace. At precisely eight o'clock, he heard the familiar rustling in the fireplace. His pupil had arrived.

As Harry entered the room, Severus fluidly rose to his feet, watching him for the merest indication of attack. The younger man dropped his bag on the back table, meeting the Potion Master's cold black eyes with his bright green ones. For a quiet moment, there raged a silent battle between onyx and emerald. Neither blinked, unwilling to let the other gain the upper hand.

"Tonight, Potter, we will be learning how to counter various curses. Of course, I will need to use them on you. I trust you will be able to manage a way to do this," Snape hissed, continuing to stare the younger man down.

Harry gripped his wand tighter, his knuckles turning white. His expression never changed, not a flicker of the usual disdain or even fear. If this had been any other student, Severus might have allowed himself to feel proud, but this was the son of his enemy. The fact that he was controlling himself made the professor furious. He always counted on Potter's temper to leave him an opening, some form of vulnerability to exploit.

"Crudio!" With a wave of his wand, Severus sent a flash of silver light at Harry's face.

"Protego!" Harry wasn't quick enough to fully block the spell. The bulk of it was reflected back on the professor, who barely managed to sidestep the curse. The remainder of it slashed across Harry's cheek, splattering his shirt with blood.

"I see you chose to deflect the curse. What you still haven't gotten through your thick skull, boy, is that you need to counter, not just defend. Protecting yourself is only half of the battle; you must fight your attacker with the same unmerciful intent," he snarled angrily. "I know you hate me. You need to tap into that hate."

"I'm not like you," Harry said evenly, pressing the sleeve of his robe to his cheek in an attempt to staunch the flow of blood.

"You are more like me than you will ever know. I feel the desire rising in you, the need to unleash the evil that lurks within. This is what you need to do." Snape twirled his wand between his long, slender fingers. "We all have a bit of darkness in us, Potter. Perhaps you don't use it because you fear it. That fear is part of the darkness, too."

"I am not a coward, and you know that!" Harry raised his wand sharply.

Severus laughed, a debasing, cruel laugh. "That is what you feel you need to believe. You know it isn't true. Fear is a powerful weapon, and those that are strong enough to use it, will use it. Now fight me like a man!"

Before Snape could raise his wand, Harry brandished his own like a whip, aiming below Snape's knee. "Concutio!"

Severus felt the bones in his lower leg shatter. He knew that the damage would be more severe if he tried to remain standing. He had to gain the upper hand somehow. In rapid succession he hissed the incantations, "Obscurum totalis, amoveo, atrum os!"

As the darkening and disorienting spells settled in the classroom, he laughed at Harry, stumbling around, swearing as he tried and failed to light his wand. Snape's own sight was enhanced to see in the dark. He taunted the young man. "One day you will realize that sometimes the path through darkness is the only way. Hopefully, you will find your way out. If not, perhaps someone will come looking for you."

Severus conjured a splint and limped out of the room, dragging his injured leg. As he reached the door, he muttered the counterspell to remove the dark sight before entering the corridor. He leaned against the wall and sank to the floor, gritting his teeth against the agony of his injury. He was stranded in the corridor. Once he was to his office, he could contact Callista and warn her not to enter the dungeon through classroom five. He needed to get out of the corridor before he was seen by one of his students. Potter would hardly be willing to help him, once he emerged from the classroom, and it could take the boy until the disorienting spell wore off to find his way out. If he leaned against the wall, he maybe could make it to his quarters without causing too much more damage.

"Severus, what happened?" He whipped his head around to see Callista running down the hall toward him. She knelt beside him, her eyes brimming with worry. "Where's Harry?"

"He is in classroom five. He's fine, Callista," he answered with an irritated tone.

She noticed the splint and asked, "Bone Shattering hex? Do you have the needed potions in your private stores, or do we need to go to the infirmary."

"I definitely am not going to the infirmary. Just get me to my quarters, and I'll manage."

"I'll help you get there, but you are not going to try and remove those bones on your own," she said. He had no real choice but to acquiesce to her conditions. She helped him to his feet and supported him. If he hadn't been in so much pain, he would have enjoyed the feel of her beside him. It took them awhile, but they reached his office without incident. They entered his office, and he lowered the wards guarding his private chamber.

Callista laughed, "It hasn't changed since the last time I was in here."

"What's wrong with that?' he demanded, flopping down onto the bed and drawing out his wand.

She reached out her hand to stop him. "Remember our agreement. Let me have a better look at it. I'll just remove your trousers and--"

"The bloody hell you will!" he snapped; his pale face was turning red. There was no way he was going to be half starkers around her.

"For the love of Merlin, Severus, I've seen you naked before. Now, don't make me stun you!" she snapped back.

He began to laugh humorlessly. "That would probably be the kindest thing you could do to me right now."

"I'm not going to take advantage of you, I promise. So what's the problem?" She sounded exasperated.

His face turned redder as he whispered, "I'm not wearing any underwear. The lousy house-elves are pissed off at me, and they didn't bring up my laundry yet. Are you satisfied?"

Callista looked stunned for a moment. Then the corners of her mouth began to twitch, her eyes watered with repressed mirth. She sat on the edge of the bed trying so very hard not to laugh.

"You pissed off the house-elves? How?"

He glared at her, and she didn't press him further. She picked up the ratty throw from the armchair, and spread it gently over his lap. "I won't peek, on my honor as a lady."

He leaned back on his elbows and nodded for her to continue. She removed his clothing and inspected the shattered leg. "It's not as bad as it looks. There is very little soft tissue damage. You're quite fortunate. I'm going to remove the fibula, but the tibia looks rather intact. Where do you keep your store of Skele-Gro?"

"Dark brown cabinet, second shelf from the bottom, third in from the right," he muttered, staring at his misshapen leg. Potter had held back on the curse, causing a severe enough injury to halt the lesson, but not enough to truly put him out of commission.

She returned, carrying the bottle in her hand. She cast the spell to remove the shattered bone, and immediately he felt some of the pain fade. She poured a measure of the potion for him to drink. It was one of the most disgusting things he had ever tasted.

"You need to stop this training, Severus, before one of you gets seriously hurt or killed," she whispered, as she sat down next to him. "Harry hates himself after each meeting. He can't summon the hate to really work the spells; not even against you. I've seen what it's doing to him, and you. You've become a different person since you started this training." She entwined her fingers with his. "I can't believe you were ever able to do them. At least, not the Severus Snape I knew and. . . loved. How did you summon the rage, the hatred, to do this?"

"If you had ever met my father, you would know exactly how I could do it," he began bitterly. "That abusive bastard gave me enough anger and hate to cast the darkest of spells. Every time I cast one, all I had to do was think of him. He never once cared about me. He probably caused my mother's death when she tried to leave him. After my mother was gone he treated me like filth. He...he gave me to Bianca McKeen to father a child and then--"

He stopped. The look of horror on her face caused him more pain than he wanted to deal with. Callista looked at him, tears coursing down her cheeks. He had never told her. The only person that knew about any of this had been Professor Blackburn.

She tentatively touched the side of his face with her hand; the feather-light touch soothed his battered emotions. Severus realized how much he missed her touch. If only he wasn't injured. The very thought of having her next to him for the night filled his usually cold, empty heart with a fragile joy.

"Do you need something for the pain, Severus?" she asked in a soft voice.

He looked at her for a long moment. "I think I have everything I need right here."

Why did you say that to her? One half of his mind asked, only to be answered by the other half, Maybe because it is true?

She had a flustered look on her face. He worried that his candid comment had somehow offended her. Callista spoke in halting tones. "Will I be able to get back in? I probably should make sure that Harry found his way out of the classroom."

"I'll leave the wards down, but if I fall asleep they will automatically go back up. Go and check on Potter. There will be a lot of unnecessary explaining to do if any of my students find him." Severus felt rather put off by her need to protect the boy.

Callista spoke over her shoulder from the doorway. "I won't be long."

He had tried so hard to keep the darkness at bay, to keep from falling into the abyss. Perhaps, it was time to admit that he couldn't do it alone. Then again if he had her help, how could he possibly shield her from Voldemort? He knew that if she couldn't be swayed, Voldemort would decide to have her eliminated, or worse. Severus could not risk her safety. He wanted nothing more than for this nightmare to end.

He could hear Callista in his office, softly calling his name. When she appeared at the door, she immediately crossed the room to join him on the bed. Her hand went to his forehead to check for signs of fever. She smiled. "He was just coming out of the room when I got there. Regrowing bones is painful. Would you like me to stay with you?"

Appallingly stupid question, he thought. She must have read his thoughts, for a smile lit her brilliant eyes. As he looked at them, he noticed for the first time that the corners were faintly creased. While she didn't have his haggard appearance, Callista had aged slightly. Severus finally gathered his thoughts enough to answer her. "You may stay. What if you're found here? How will you explain that?"

"I'll leave early," Callista answered, standing up and moving to the armchair. He felt a twinge of disappointment at her absence.

More than once that night, the pain in his leg woke him as the shattered bone was regenerated. Severus noticed vaguely that, each time, Callista was at his side, sponging his face, dispensing a mild pain-relieving potion, or soothing him with her voice. Each time he was more grateful than words could say for her gentle ministrations. By morning, his leg was fully healed, and she was gone.