All for Fun and Fun for All!

All for Fun and Fun for All!

By Lady Voldemort

Scene one: History of magic classroom. James is dressed as a pirate, Lily is running, Remus is under a desk reading, Peter is being shocked in a corner, Sirius is hidden behind a desk.

Lily: AAAH! HELP!

Lily runs around screaming

James: Ha-ha! Consider yourselves my prisoners, Land Lubbers!

Sirius, dressed as a nobleman, jumps from behind desk

Sirius: Not so fast, Captain Kilswift!

James points at Sirius

James: SO! The count of Monty Bistoe... we meet at last!

Sirius: Prepare to meet thy doom, pirate!

Lily: AAAH! HELP!

Remus: Save us from this dialogue.

James points wand at Sirius

James: Have at thee, foul cretin!

Sirius: En guarde!

Lily: AAAH! HELP!

James attacks Sirius with wand and misses

Sirius: Bah! You fight like a girl!

Lily: I heard that!

Sirius: Let's see what you're really made of!

James: You got it!

James and Sirius have sword fight with wands

Binns walks into classroom

Binns: What's the meaning of all this?

Sirius throws chair at James and misses

Chair hits Binns in face

Binns: WHO THREW THAT?!

Lily: Aaah... help...

James and Sirius magic pirate clothing onto Peter

James: Here, Pete!

Sirius: Um... Happy birthday!

Binns points at Peter

Binns: SO!

Peter: But... but...

Fade out

Scene two: Classroom again, Peter is writing 'I am nott a pyrat' on the blackboard. Filch is sitting in the corner fixing the broken chair

Binns: All right, class... Goblin rebellion text books out, please.

Lily: Boo!

Sirius: Hiss!

James: Boring!

Sirius: Why can't you teach us something useful?

Binns glares at Sirius

Binns: Such as...?

Sirius: How to hang from a ceiling using only a plunger!

Remus: How to make Honeydukes chocolate last forever! Oh, Honeydukes...

Pulls chocolate bar out of pocket

Remus: Love me Mister Coco! LOVE ME!!!

People give Remus strange looks except Sirius, who is looking jealous of 'Mister Coco'

Lily: How to dance the time warp!

James: NO! I got a good one!

Tense silence

James: Teach us how to be HAPPY!

Sirius: Yeah!

Remus: Brilliant!

Binns: But... I can't teach you how to be happy.

James: Why not?!

Binns looks depressed

Binns: Because I don't know myself.

The students are shocked

Sirius: You have to know something before you can teach it?!

Remus: (stops hugging 'Mister Coco') News to me. Did you know that Mister Coco?

Sirius grabs 'Mister Coco' and eats him.

Remus: MISTER COCO!!! NOOOO!!!!!!

James: Then we'll teach you! Come on!

Grabs Binns and drags him out of classroom

As students trample out of classroom, camera focus' on Peter. He has now written 'I am nott a pyrat' all over the wall and is starting to write it on Binns' desk.

Scene three: Fields behind Hogwarts. A solitary cow is looking around absently.

James: Okay, lesson number one in being happy: Have fun!

Binns: Have... fun?

Lily: Yeah! Do fun things!

James: Marauders! Have fun!

Remus: I'm still mourning Mister Coco!

Severus: Idiot!

Remus and Severus start fighting

James: Lily? Please help.

Lily: Okay girls! Fun-time!

Lily's friend #1: I can stand on my head!

Lily's friend #2: And I can jump backwards!

Sirius: And I'm gonna ride a cow!

Cow: Moo!

Sirius: Well, gee up then!

James: Okay, Teach! Your turn!

Binns: Right... Have fun...

Binns jumps forward

Lily: Pathetic.

James: This is going to be harder then I thought.

Lily: Come on, Teach! Loosen up!

Sirius: GEE UP YOU STUPID COW!!!!

Lily friend #2 (who is very chubby) jumps on Binns' foot

Binns starts hopping on one foot

Binns: AAARGH! MY FOOT! OUCH! OOYAH!

James: Hey! That's more like it!

Remus (Who now has a black eye and a nose bleed): Ha! LOL!

Sirius: Oh, shut up you stupid...

The cow suddenly gallops

Sirius: CO-O-O-O-O-OW!!!!

The cow runs over Binns

Sirius: Sorry!

James: That wasn't quite had in mind.

Lily: I'll go see if he's alright.

Lily pulls up Binns' head. He has a dazed expression

Lily: Er... any happy feelings?

Binns: I think I can say with complete confidence that happiness still eludes me.

Lily (To James): Was that a yes or no?

James: Come on, let's try something else.

Scene four: The marauders are in drag and are singing 'lady marmalade'. Everyone in class is laughing except Binns. Sirius jumps onto Remus' back

Sirius: Ride 'em, cowboy!!!

Sirius jumps off Remus and lands on (Who else) Binns.

Sirius: Perhaps not, eh?

Binns: Where am I...?

Lily helps Binns onto his feet

Lily: What's next, James?

James: Er... What about...

Conjures broom

James: ... Flying!

Binns gets on broom

Binns loses control of broom and is catapulted into forest

Lily: I thought grown ups where supposed to be clever?!

Scene five: Forest. Binns is hanging upside down in a tree

James: Well, Teach... er...

Binns: FIRST PERSON TO ASK IF I'M HAVING FUN GETS EXTRA HOMEWORK FOR LIFE!!!!!

Sirius: Hey, I can take a hint!

Remus: No you can't.

Sirius looks at Remus

James: Don't worry! I've got one more idea up my sleeve!

Binns: Oh, goody!

Scene six: Hogwarts lake.

Binns: um... Potter? ...

James: Just watch and learn! Padfoot, you ready?

Sirius: Aye, aye, Prongsy! Here is the marauder way of feeling happy!

Pushes Severus into lake

Severus: EEK!

Sirius: Watching someone else getting pushed into the lake! Funny, huh?!

Severus: Hilarious.

James: COME ON, TEACH! DOESN'T THAT MAKE YOU FEEL A LITTLE BIT HAPPY?!?!

Binns shoves James into lake

Binns: You're right! It does!

Pushes everyone into lake except Sirius

Sirius: Moony! Give me those!

Sirius takes Remus' glasses

Sirius: You wouldn't push a boy with glasses would you?

Shove!

Binns: Wrong again, Mister Black!

Peter walks in onto this chaotic scene

Binns: People with glasses should especially be pushed into lakes!

Peter: Really? Oh well.

Pushes Binns into lake

James: Well! Are you happy now?

Binns: YES!

Binns steals James' glasses

James: HEY!

Binns: Malfoy! Catch!

Lucius: Come and get it, Potter!

James: Stop!

Severus grabs hold of Sirius' hair and pulls. Hard.

Severus: Funny huh?

James rugby/American football tackles Lucius and retrieves glasses

James: HA! Got it!

Binns: Alright... back to class!

Scene seven: Corridor. Puddles of water are on the floor

Binns: Listen, class, I just need to change so please wait for me on the classroom.

James: Teach! Can I ask you something? Why don't you have fun more often?

Binns: I don't know, James. When you grow up you sometimes forget how to.

Students walk into class

Sirius: Sheesh! How can you forget how to have fun?!

Remus: Well, weird things happen when you grow up.

James: Like what?

Remus: Like grown-ups actually enjoy kissing!

James: WHAT?!

Sirius: Gross!

Remus: I'm gross then?!

Sirius: Oh, Remy, Darling!

James: That's it! I'm not growing up!

Lily: Me neither!

Lily's friend #1: Look! I can stand on my head!

Lily's friend #2: And I can jump backwards!

Sirius: And you are all the prisoners of the count of Monty Bistoe!

James: Oh yeah? You reckon without captain Kilswift!

Sirius: Bah! Let your sword do the talking!

Lily: AAAH! HELP!

James: Take that! And that!

Sirius: You fight like a girl!

Lily: I heard that!

Sirius: Sorry!

And the moral of this story is never give Remus chocolate

02/06/04

20:25