Our American Cousin

XI

History Lessons

Sara normally liked history. She considered it like story time for grown-ups. She particularly liked military history. It was like story time for grown-ups with lots of blood. Sara, like many children, had been rather keen on other people's blood. She had never believed that history could be made truly boring until she set foot in Professor Binns's classroom. Very little of the class was actually paying attention. Some wrote papers for other classes, while others caught up on their sleep. Only Hermione seemed to be taking notes, and then only half-heartedly. Harry was engaged in his favourite pastime of doodling in the margins of his paper when Sara leaned over to get a better look.

"You're pretty good, Harry," Sara whispered after looking over Harry's paper.

"Thanks. Six years of practice for at least an hour a day." The sheet had a stag that tossed his head, a snitch that buzzed in the corner, and a lone eye done in careful detail that blinked lazily.

Sara began doodling in her own margins, and cringed at her lack of artistic talent. As patient and as steady as her art teachers had been, Sara had never gotten much past stick figures and pine trees. Flipping the parchment over, she began to draft a letter home about the race, but could already hear the return letter on making friends and not getting into pissing matches. Not that her mother would call it a pissing match, but her father probably would.

Suddenly something caught the edge of her hearing. The ghost was lecturing about the 1647 goblin uprising of Spain, the brilliant military strategies of General Eduardo in particular. Sara blinked a few times and cleared her throat.

"Um, Professor Binns?" She raised her hand.

"Yes?" The ghost turned to her. Sara stood.

"I'm afraid I have to respectfully disagree concerning General Eduardo's battle tactics, especially in consideration of the battle of Baskdella." The ghost blinked. Several students sat up. Harry kicked Ron in the ankle, startling him awake.

"General Eduardo was a brilliant tactician," Binns repeated.

"General Eduardo was an idiot with clever lieutenants and a lot of luck," Sara retorted, barely holding on to her formal and civil tone.

"His manoeuvres at Baskdella were textbook."

"They were stupid verging on suicidal. The only reason he didn't get his arse handed to him was that the goblin chief Reckentar had died of natural causes only hours before, leaving confusion and dissension in the ranks."

"And General Eduardo used the opportunity."

"General Eduardo had no way in hell of knowing." Sara grew more animated, warming up to the argument. "He and his regiment simply committed suicide--only the pistol missed fire. "(1)

Binns felt something stir in him. He remembered this discussion-- he'd had this very same argument years ago when he was a student. He and a young lady with red hair and a temper. Binns shook his head and a smile crept across his dead features.

The argument was loud and long. Harry had to admit that he'd never really heard a ghost yell until that day. The argument shifted to the

particulars of specific battles, with Sara citing recent archaeological discoveries, to battle tactics in general, with Binns citing personal experience that no one up to that moment knew he had. Neither stopped when the bell rang, as they were having far too much fun. Most of the class missed lunch as they wanted to stay and watch the outcome. Professor McGonagall and Albus Dumbledore finally showed up when the students of the History class didn't show for Transfigurations. In the end, Sara got a talking-to about missing classes and arguing with teachers, while Binns got a scolding about holding students past the end of class. Hermione grabbed Sara's arm as they finally headed out.

"How did you know all that stuff?"

"I had to write my tactics midterm on Eduardo. Last year."

"You have a class in tactics?"

"Sure. The essay was 'General Eduardo and the Battle of Baskdella: Idiocy on the Rampage'. I got a B-; they said I relied too much on second and third person sources."