Charmed Curses

Thank you all for reading my story, you're so nice! I'm sorry to keep to waiting for so very long. Hopefully this chapter is everything you expect it to be.

READ and REVEIW, as always. ^__~

Thank you.

Geuna~

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Charmed Curses

By Lady Geuna

Rated: This chapter will be rated PG

Summary: What if James Potter wasn't killed on Halloween, 1981? Voldemort devised the perfect punishment for his insolence. A curse that would cause James more pain than the Cruciatus Curse could ever. But things don't exactly turn out as planned, and fate takes a strange turn for those in the past, as well as the future.

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"..." speech

'....' thoughts

/.../ with italics means a flashback or a part of a flashback

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Reunions: We'll Always Be There For You (Part 2 of 3)

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Lupin smiled reassuringly, his heart warming. "You're going to be a stubborn old fool, aren't you," he asked Sirius jokingly. "You're not going to leave him, are you?"

Remus J. Lupin ~ Fanfiction "Charmed Curses", Reunions: The Road To Truly Awakening, by Lady Geuna

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James didn't dream. Instead he swam through blackness, which he was desperately fighting through. Everything was like a... void, and the air around him seemed so thick. The other things... the screaming... the monsters and creatures that chased him even in his sleep... He couldn't bare it any longer, but luckily it seemed far away. James was out if reach of such horrors, for now, at least...

His last memories still lingered, seeing Sirius in his dog form.

James' friend laying on the ground, looking hurt and broken as the Dementors moved in to take his soul.

Lupin as he smiled kindly, tears of joy filling is eyes.

Yes, Lupin was happy. He wasn't broken, or sad, or dying. James tried reaching for this image. It was where he wanted to be, where he belonged. Where there was light and warmth, not darkness and cold. It reminded him so of Lily...

The blackness began to fad, and James opened his eyes.

He was in a bed.... A hospital bed...? What...?

James noticed that he could see, and everything around him wasn't blurry or unfocused. He brought a hand to his face, discovering he already wore his glasses. James blinked a few times. He was wearing.... red pajamas... James felt the smooth cloth with his hands, looking down to inspect the material. His fingers brushing over to the left side pocket, finding a small Gryffindor seal embroidered there.

What happened? Where...? Wait, he recognized this place. He'd been here before, a number of times. Or course the color of his pajama suit and the seal said it all.

Hogwarts. But.... Oh, that's right... He'd tried to kill Snape, and then those other people... Yeah, he remembered now(The very thought made his shiver with revulsion...). Sirius and Lupin must've brought him...

He wondered why his mind processed with such clarity, and not a jumble of words or... screaming.

In fact, there wasn't any screaming at all... It was so quiet... In the room as well as in his mind. Maybe that had been the Dementors' doing all along!? They had been in the area. And as more clean thoughts passed in and out of his head, James wondered what he should be feeling now that be was "calm". Scared, maybe. Sad..., yes. Even more confused? YES. Very....

What is reality and what is fiction....?

"James?" He blinked when he heard the voice, detecting a note of caution in it's tone. He could hear the sound of bedsprings creaking as weight shifted and a small grunt of effort. The quiet "slap" of bare feet hitting the floor, which was instantaneously followed by a sharp hiss, as if the stone were cold to the touch... "Are you awake?"

James didn't have to look, he know who it was. How could he not know that voice. "Hi, Remus..." Even as he heard feet padding toward him James wouldn't look, his eyes set on the foot of his bed.

The sound of Lupin's footsteps seemed to halt right next to him. "Hey, James...." His voice was tentative and almost fearful. For some reason this made James smiled bitterly.

"Are you afraid of me, Remus?"

"No! Of course not! Why would you think?"

"You're voice, I suppose... You sound afraid..."

"...."

"Is Severus dead?" Out of the corner of his eye he detected a sharp movement, as if Lupin had jumped, like the sentence had come so bluntly at startled him. It was just a simple question.

"... No, he's here now, resting."

"That's good... Did I kill anyone else?"

"I don't know..." A pause. "Why are you here, James...?"

"I haven't been able to figure that out yet... Why can I... think?" That was an odd question, yes, but he wasn't sure how else to put it. "Everything is so clear all of a sudden. The cobwebs are all gone..."

"Madame Pomfrey gave you a bit of Mind-Sharpening potion. We were hoping it would help you a little. And I think it has, from the sound of it."

"Yes." 'Yes, but I feel so hollow now...' Lupin had moved a little closer (almost touching the side of his bed), so James decided to look up then. He had to suppress the urge to gasp aloud, though his eyes widen slightly in surprise.

James saw his friend and... he was so much older. He felt like nothing but a mere child next to the other man, who's expression had gained a type of maturity that you would only expect to see in a Ministry official or school professor. Lupin's eyes, which had always been very warm and sad at the same time, now appeared... the same. But there was something in their brown depths that told James so much, and he felt so very sorry for his friend... Then something caught James' attention and he chuckled, unable to help himself.

Lupin took a step back. "What?" He smiled a little, looking very hopeful ('Aaah, that's Remus. Always hoping for the best. Was I that far gone...?'). "What's so funny," Lupin asked uncertainly, his eyebrows knitting in confusion.

James shook his head, still chuckling. "You're beginning to look like an old man," he teased, reaching out to bat at a lock of hair which was scattered with gray(He hardly noticed when Lupin flinch, reflexively.). "You're going gray already."

Lupin looked confused for a moment, fingering his hair in an almost uncertain, self-conscious manner, frowning. "Really...?"

"Yes."

"You hardly look a day past... nineteen?"

James slowly stopped laughing all together. "Twently," he corrected quietly. "Twently..." He was... James still was twenty, and Lupin was...

Things were far to serious for laughter, James realized. Dead silence look filled the room as both men thought to themselves. This was a time for James to get some answers of his own. Who knows what will happen with the Mind-sharpening potion wears off....

"So he did do it, didn't he," James asked.

"Who?"

"Voldemort."

Lupin's eyes hardened in was that James had never seen before, his back straightened. "He did this...? Didn't he? He--" Lupin started, like he'd just remembered something important. He began patting at his shirt and sides, as if looking for pockets in which he'd put something but found none. "I remember seeing something, I'd put it in my pocket... A Time-Turner around your neck, shattered."

James shook his head, willing the memory away. It had come in a flash, then was gone, but he left a tight, agonizing pain in his chest...

He looked away again to the foot of his bed, he couldn't bare to look Lupin in the eye. "A cursed charm... That's all it is..." James bit his lip, new tears were burning his eyes and blurring his vision. The screaming wasn't there anymore. Where had it gone to? Was it hiding, waiting to come back and state the torture all over again? "You're all alive... He was wrong about that, wasn't he? But Lily and Harry are... He still got to them... I remember h-hearing them."

James felt sick, but he wouldn't let Lupin see it. "Lily was screaming, and Harry was crying."

'Over and over and over... it wouldn't stop! No, no, don't let it come back, leave me in peace... Please....'

"A-And I tried killing them all--killing them all because of--I didn't know what I was doing--I didn't know..." He was babbling, he had to calm down.

"James..." Lupin sounded so pained... Like James felt.

Maybe he understood more than he thought...?

"I want to go back to Godric's Hollow," whispered desperately, gripping his bed covers until his knuckles turned white. "I want this to just go away..." 'But that won't happen, will it? Not even in my dreams...'

"Maybe the pain won't go away, but I won't leave, either. And neither will Sirius. You just have to live with this..."

'What if I don't want to live with this,' he thought bitterly. 'What if I don't want to live at all?'

James once again shook the memories away, but this time it took much more effort. Was the Mind-sharpening potion fading already? "How can you act like this," James demanded, he tears burning as badly as ever, because of both the memories and Lupin at the same time. "They're dead and you don't grieve."

Lupin gasped, his voice almost defensive as he spoke at a higher volume than before, "How can you say that!? I was your friend, and Lily's! I still am!"

"Then how can you just forget about it if you don't care?" (James would regret saying such things later...)

"James...," he paused, as if looking for the right words. "I understand that you haven't had time to grieve. But I have, we all have. Though, for some it still not enough... Yes, I still feel it... Every day of my life, I wish there was something I could have done to help. That things could've happened differently for you and Lily. With Peter, had we known...."

James' next breath came out a horrible, shuttering gasp. He squeezed his eyes shut, only to be assaulted by images of Peter Pettigrew as he'd known him in school. He was smiling and talking meekly with James, Sirius and Lupin at the Gryffindor table.... The good times were gone forever, it seemed... All in a day... A single day... 'Peter...'

Lupin continued, unaware of James' tortured thoughts.

"But I can't let that fact stop me from living my life, or fighting for what I believe in. WE thought you were gone... And I didn't think you would want me to waste my life, morning over something I had no control over. Just give it time."

"I don't want to grieve, I want my wife back. My son..."

'Harry....'

Then Lupin dropped a bombshell...

"I can't say the same for Lily, but... but James, Harry is still alive..."

~~~~~~~~~~~

".... Harry is still alive."

Lupin paused after saying that, allowing the news to sink in for James. Obviously he would have to take a second for it to even register--

"He's..... What!? WHAT!?" Lupin jumped, startled as James sat up farther and practically leaned out toward him, his eyes wide. "H-He's...?"

Lupin nodded quickly, resisting the urge to step back any farther. But James still unnerved him, there was something in his scent that was terribly off(Werewolves can still scene certain things while in human form.). "He's alive."

James flopped back into his pillows, his mouth hanging open, aghast. "Harry is... I don't believe it. I thought he..." There was a look of disbelief on his face, but not in the negative sense. It's like his expression became brighter, more alive, instead of pale and dead like it had a moment ago. Some color returned to James' face. It was like.... magic, for a lack of a better word.

Maybe Harry was the only one who could help James through this? But then again, who was going to help Harry...?

Just then the door to the infirmary opened.

"Remus?"

Sirius had returned.

"I talked to him," the door closed, "and I think he's going to be fine." A chuckle. "He's strong like his...." Sirius trailed off. Lupin turned to find Sirius watching him as he stood, shivering from cold and with any extra robes to warm him. Sirius frowned, "You should be resting. And you're going to get sick again if you stand around barefoot like that."

Lupin smiled. "I'm already sick, Sirius, it shouldn't matter." Sirius shook his head, still frowning.

"You're ill?" This was James, sounding very concerned.

Lupin decided to announce, "James is feeling much better."

But Sirius was already looking past Lupin, his eyes making contact with James'. The two starred at each other like this until Sirius finally spoke, "It's good to see you awake again, James. I was worried that you were... broken or something..."

James nodded slowly, replying, "I thought you would all disappear went I awoke..."

"Why?"

"You're supposed to be dead, after all."

Lupin thought this was said so matter-of-factually that it was quiet unnerving. Sirius obviously thought this, too, as the man's shoulders tensed and his face hardened, his still dirty and unshaved face gaining an almost menacing quality. "I don't know what you're thinking, James--or who told you that--but we are not dead, nor are we ghosts or whatever else you can think of. Me, Remus--"

"And Harry."

"....." Sirius looked at Lupin then back to James, his eyes showing the slightest hint of regret. "I.... didn't realize... I didn't think that... you..."

"He did believe that," Lupin said quietly, but not too loudly, "all of it..." Then he walked up close to Sirius, whispering so James couldn't hear. "Voldemort did this, something. James said so and I have no doubts. He's meant to believe that we all died."

Sirius nodded as Lupin stepped away. "I see... Well, Harry's been really worried about you."

James' eyes widened. "H-He knows I'm here?" He winced slightly, bringing a hand to his forehead(Did his head hurt?). "How is he? I-Is he well? Is he going to school here!? What--"

"He is very well, but you're a main priority right now--"

"What year is it!? The date!?"

".... November, 1995..."

"......"

An uncomfortable silence settled down on them. Sirius(undoubtedly)had no idea what to say, and Lupin wasn't sure how to read James' reaction. He became very still, his face blank. That silence was finally shattered by James' hoarse whisper.

"Oh.... I..." James held his face in his hands, his shoulders hunching forward. "Oh Merlin, no...."

Lupin had no idea what to do for James, be felt he had to say something... supportive. "It's going to be okay, James. For everyone."

Suddenly James stiffened, his shoulders straightening. He sat back, taking a deep, even breath, then exhaled. "I'm fine... This is... a shock. A big--very big shock."(That was an understatement.) Another deep breath before he fixed his gaze on the end of the bed once more. He ran both of his trembling hand through his messy hair. "A shock... A shock..."

The Mind-Sharpening potion was definitely wearing off. Lupin could see it in James' face that he couldn't put his thoughts together. His expression was strained and confused, like of something trying to solve a very complex puzzle. Was he going to start screaming like he did before? Lupin hoped not...

Sirius was becoming nervous and almost agitated, his eyes darting around as he tried to find something to say. "Maybe you should go back to sleep, James. I can ask Pomfrey for a potion when she gets back. You could use the rest and--"

"NO! .... No, I want to hear about my son. Tell me about Harry." This was a demand, not a request...

Lupin gulped and he saw the almost panicked look on Sirius' face, but the man spoke. "James... He's.... a young man. He's had a long and difficult life..."

Lupin winced.

Not a good start.

How was he to continue from there...?

James starred off into space, his expression blank once more. "How old is he...?"

A moments hesitation... "Fifteen."

Silence.

Lupin and Sirius glanced at each other. "James," Lupin asked quietly.

But it was no use. It was like James had retreated into his own little shell, and he couldn't hear them. His eyes became glassy as he starred, he didn't even blink. What could he be thinking... if anything at all...?

"James, don't go away now, we need you." Nothing.... So Lupin tried a different tactic. "Prongs, can you hear me...?" James started when he heard the name "Prongs", and a smile tugged at the edges of his lips. "Come on, Prongs, talk to us. We can help you."

"W-Why isn't he here?"

Sirius shook his head, frowning. "Harry's not ready yet. He's scared."

James looked away, but not before Lupin as the disgust in his eyes. "Of me?"

"No, no!," Lupin insisted. "He's... just not ready yet. I don't think... Sirius?"

Sirius nodded. "Harry's never had a father before, and it's a big step. He needs to take this slowly, adjust to the idea. It'll take time... for the both of you."

James looked... something. Something bad. He wasn't crush, and he wasn't sad. Lupin could sense... something else.

Was the room getting colder...?

"I can go and find him," Lupin offered reluctantly, trying to find a way to cheer James up, but Sirius shook his head.

"Harry doesn't want to talk to anyone right now..."

James was scowling now, his teeth bared, and the room seemed to become even colder. His voice was hard and absolutely frigid. "I want my son," he said slowly, "I want to see my son."

"James," Lupin started, "you need to listen to me--"

"NO!" He tried getting up, but Sirius rushed forward, grabbing his shoulders and pinning him down on the bed. "I want to see my son NOW!! You're keeping him from me!!"

"We're not," Sirius screamed. "Stop it, James!"

"LET ME GO!!!" He thrashed violent and(purposefully)connected a blow with Sirius' face. When Sirius stumbled back with a loud yelp of pain, James stopped immediately, his eyes wide with shock.

Lupin caught Sirius as he fell back, crying, "Are you okay!?"

When Sirius regained his balance Lupin stepped so he was facing Sirius. The man's lower lip was split and bleeding profusely. Sirius tenderly touched his jaw, though it did appear broken(Pomfrey would definitely have to take a look at that...). Lupin wasn't sure if he should help stop the bleeding or leave his friend alone, because Sirius' face had darkened in a way that said "back off if you know what's good for you". (1)

Meanwhile Lupin looked back at James. He became... James again. The room didn't feel as cold as it had a second ago.

What was going on!?

Sirius remained silent and didn't seem to notice any of this. He was starring at some blood that had smeared off onto his hand. It was dripped from his lip and down his jaw, dripping down the front of his already filthy shirt.

James still watched his friend, the blood. Quilt washing over his face, the anger gone altogether. "Sirius--"

A fist had connected with James' jaw.

Sirius had punched him back...

James' hand immediately went up and touched his jaw carefully while Sirius stood over him, his fist still raised, breathing heavily. Lupin didn't do anything to stop this and just watched. It was better not to get in the way when Sirius was really angry...

Now James had shrunk back like a wounded animal, starring, unseeing, at the bed sheets. His glasses had been thrown askew and slipped from his face. James fingered his jaw, a fresh bruise forming where he'd been hit. "Sirius...." Something sparked in his eyes and he smiled, a real smile. "Padfoot... I'm..."

"I understand," Sirius spoke evenly, appearing calm and composed. "I understand how you feel, James, believe me, I do. But think about your son. Harry's lived his entire life without you, but he's always wished you were here. He's afraid, James. Afraid because he doesn't know what to do anymore."

James didn't(and seemingly couldn't)comment on that, his eyes widening almost in horror.

It must be hard to know that your son has had no one... No one to guide him, to tell him what's right or wrong, to just be there... Lupin wished there was some easy way to tell him, but there wasn't... How were they to tell him about everything else in Harry life? What's happened to him. What he's been through... The Dursley's were as good as dead if he found out about them... (2)

"I'm sorry," James whispered. "I'm sorry--I didn't think--I was--"

"You were only being human, Prongs. You can't blame yourself for that."

"I should've hit you..."

Sirius used the cloth of his own cloak to remove the blood from his mouth, jaw, and neck, wincing a little as he touched a very sensitive spot. He was looking as if he were thinking on what James said. "Well... I'm sorry I hit you, too. But would it be like me not to retaliate?"

James' mouth twitched, slowly forming into a smirk. "No, it wouldn't..."

Lupin glanced between the two, smiling. He knew that it was going to be all right. It would...

But the broken, haunted look in James' eyes would never go away... That he knew all too well...

~~~~~~~~~~~

Sirius still starred at James, watching the man smile. It was a wonderful thing to see, and his make his own mouth twitch with the urge to grin just as joyously. But this was no time for conversation, and James was becoming... "emotional" again, like before.

He helped James lay down and get comfortable, Lupin was adjusting his blankets.

"I'm not a child," James protested, "I'm fine on my own."

"The point," Sirius said sternly, "is that you're not alone, and you'll have to deal with us mothering you."

"But--"

"Sleep," Lupin insisted. "It'll help, trust me."

"I can't..." James sighed, laying an arm over his eyes. "I just can't. No now..."

Yes, all this must weigh heavily on his mind... But there wasn't anything that could be done about that. Except maybe... "Remus, Dumbledore said something about a Pensieve last year..."

Lupin looked surprised. "A Pensieve?"

Right, if James could unload all his troubled memories into a Pensieve, they maybe... "Would you like me to ask Dumbledore about the Pensieve?"

"What's happened to you?"

Sirius was taken aback by the question. Where had that come from? "I don't know what you mean, Prongs."

James was looking at him in a way that unnerved him... Like he was looking into Sirius' soul. And James was pitying him. ".... nothing, never mind..."

".... Would you like me to ask Dumbledore about the Pensieve?"

"Yes... Yes, I think I would like that very much..."

"Great. I can go to his office right now, but I'll be back in a few minute, okay?"

James nodded, but didn't say anything.

Sirius turned and strode toward the door, pulling it open. Behind him he thought he heard Lupin whisper something to James, but he couldn't hear what. Soon he was out of the infirmary, but Lupin had come with him. "Why are you following me?" Sirius gave Lupin a look as his friend closed the door behind him.

"You should've gotten something clean to use," Lupin said, gesturing to his cloak and face. "This is an infirmary, I'm sure there's something--"

"For once, worry about yourself, not me or anyone else." He gave Lupin a very serious look, as though scolding him(3). "You're going to sleep, too, Remus."

Lupin's eyes widened. "Me?"

"You're sick, unless you haven't noticed. And you're freezing."

"I'll be fine," he insisted, looking annoyed, crossing his arms tightly over his chest in a vain attempt to hide the fact that he was indeed shivering like a leaf. "I thought James would like to be alone, to rest and... And I needed a second, too..."

Sirius was taken aback my the sorrow that flickered in Lupin's eyes. "Oh no... What is it, Remus?"

Lupin sighed, leaning against the wall. "Sirius... Can I--I mean, we're not in any danger anymore, and it's okay if we just... "let it out", right...? I don't have to hold back anymore, right...?"

It took Sirius a moment to realized what Lupin was asking, then he remembered what Lupin told him in the passage...

"Remus..."

"Well, it's later now so..." Still leaning on the wall Lupin slide to the floor, shivering a little harder. "So, now is my chance. Just once..."

Sirius was on his knees in a moment as Lupin began to cry, his shoulder heaving with each sob. He put a comforting hand on Lupin's shoulder, shaking his head. 'You're a fool, Remus,' Sirius thought endearingly. 'You didn't have to wait or our sake... Why can't you think of yourself for once?'

"He's real," Lupin sobbed, hunching over a bit. "It's not a fake, or an illusion, or a trick. It's really him..."

"Yes..." Sirius wished he knew how to help Lupin as he still sobbed and shivered. Finally, Sirius unclasped his cloaked and draped it around Lupin's shoulders. "You're going to freeze to death sitting here. The house elves aren't doing their job is the heating, are they?"

Lupin didn't say anything, but did grip the edge of the offered cloak, tightening it around himself. He wiped his eyes roughly with his palms. Lupin's eyes were red around the edges and bloodshot, but no more tears came. He mumbled something that sounded like "thank you", appearing more than a little embarrassed.

"You want to come with me to Dumbledore's office," he asked. "Come on..." Sirius got Lupin on his feet, putting a supportive arm around his shoulders. "You can warm up by his fireplace..."

"Thanks, Sirius... I don't mean to--"

"Stop apologizing, okay? You don't need to be sorry for anything."

Lupin nodded silently and allowed Sirius to led him the rest of the way through the castle. He didn't have to worry about being seen because no one was around(All students were ordered to stay in the Common Areas.).

Now Sirius had both James and Lupin to worry about...

It made him wonder how Harry could handle this...

~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hey.... 'Arry?"

"....."

"Aren't you going to... you know, see him...?"

"....."

He gave no answer...

Ron and Hermione exchanged a worried glance, then looked back at Harry. The boy was seated in an armchair facing the roaring fireplace while Ron and Hermione sat on the carpet at his feet. The Gryffindor Common Room was practically empty save for a few conversing or playing Wizard games(As well as Fred and George standing talking(Plotting???)in a dark corner.). All other students were in their respected dormitories and many of them were already asleep.

The day was drawing to a end, the sun had set long ago. Time had flown considerably in the last few hours. They had eaten little lunch, and dinner would be canceled as well(Unless the Houses Elves tried bringing them something, and Dobbey would probably be deadly worried about them starving to death.)...

But then again, who could eat when there father was up in the infirmary...?

His father...

The last thing Harry could think of doing was eating. He'd probably become violently ill. His stomach wouldn't stop dancing and doing back-flips as it is. Hermione and Ron refused to leave him alone, and Harry was more than thankful for that. Especially after what Sirius had told him...

'Catatonic'.... Hearing that word made Harry feel such horror like he'd never felt before... It was a horrible, disgusting word!

Much had been explained to him... But still, with all of it said, they still couldn't explain why his father was here... and alive in the first place... so.... Now what was he supposed to do? His father! He was here, in the same building as Harry and... He was terrified...

"It's okay if you feel uncomfortable," Hermione said quietly, yet in that smart manner that was distinctively 'Hermione'. "After all, this will take time..."

"He's bloody well nineteen years old, Hermione! How do yo-"

"RON!"

"Er, sorry..."

Harry groaned, his stomach in a tight knot. Nineteen... That was what Sirius said. He looked not a day only than he was that night. The night he's supposedly died. James Potter was presently only four years older than his own son..

And practically.... catatonic...

His father was insane...

Images of Neville's parents... Driven mad by the Cruciatus Curse... Now living at St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries... Writhing on the floor of some padded cell.... The image made a violent shiver run up his spin...

"Harry, are you cold?"

'No... No, he's just confused,' Harry thought sternly. Yes, that's all. What's happened to him and all... And oh GOD he had Snape to thank... partially... "I-I don't know if I can face him," Harry admitted, gulping as he forced off more dreadful images from his mind. "I don't know what he'll say... Or what I'll say... What if he doesn't like me, what if--"

"He's you're DAD," Ron whispered, barely able to keep his volume down so no one else could hear, "of course he'll like you! And you're practically identical, right....? Wow, I wonder what he'll think of that..."

Hermione gave the red head a sidelong glare. "Harry doesn't need your jabbering, Ron."

Ron blushed, looking almost sheepish as he began starring at his hands intently, just as Harry was doing that very moment.

'At least everything was okay,' Harry thought. He was okay, right? Sirius and the others saved him, they all did.

And now he was here, safe, and Harry was absolutely terrified of meeting his own father for the first time and his head felt like it was going to explode with all these thoughts, possibilities, worries and self doubts and none of it would go away!!

Harry sank into his armchair, miserable. 'This... Oh, man... My hands won't stop bloody shaking...' He clinched his hands together in his lap, a vain attempt to calm himself. 'I've never been so nervous in my entire life. Never.' He, Harry Potter, the boy who'd been forced to spar with Voldemort, the Boy-Who-Lived!, the boy who'd summoned up the courage to battle against even the most impossible odds, the boy who'd confronted horrors unimaginable for even a grown wizard was.... was terrified of meeting the person who should mean more to him than anyone else in the world.

Maybe this all wasn't real...?

"Hermione...?"

Hermione got a little closer, peering over to see his eyes. "Yes?"

".... Is this a dream? Or am I asleep? How-OW!!" Hermione had reached over and pinched him in the leg, hard. "Why'd you do that!?"

Hermione shrugged, smiling knowingly. "It's one way to show you're not dreaming. We can't have you slipping away from reality like that."

Ron rolled his eyes. "Very intelligent-OW!!! Don't pinch me! Geez, that hurts!"

"That's the point!"

Hearing his friends voices shouting so loudly was making Harry feel a little dazed and he tried his hardest to keep his thoughts in order. "Maybe I should go visit him now...?" This was a question, not a statement.

Hermione frowned, shaking her head. "We can't make that choice for you. It's your choice to make and your alone, after all."

Harry gulped again, moving his hands to grip the chair arms. Never before had a simple unanswered question seemed like such a heavy burden. "What should I say...?"

"Whatever comes to mind. I'm sure he'll want to know everything about you..."

Ron whistled. "He's got a lot to say, doesn't he? That'll take a few days, at least. The life story of the great Harry Potter..."

"Ron," she muttered threateningly, pressing her thumb and middle finger in a pincer-like motion.

Harry couldn't help but grin. "You sound... like an old married couple."

Hermione turned a brilliant shade of crimson while Ron looked thoroughly insulted.

"D-Don't be absurd," Hermione squeaked, bringing her hands to her face in an attempt to hide her blush cheeks.

"Who are you calling old!?"

"Oh, that's not what that saying means, Ron!!"

"Wha...?"

Harry grinned a little wider now. "It's not that you're OLD, Ron. It's a Muggle saying, meaning you fight like a married couple... Like you're having a husband and wife... argument..." Harry wasn't sure how to explain it, but Ron did get it judging my the look on his freckled face.

"Oh..." Ron did blush not, looking very embarrassed. "That was uncalled for," Ron mumbled, adverting his eyes to the carpet without so much as a glance to either Hermione or Harry. They were becoming more and more aware that a few people had looked over at them. But luckily their attention wasn't held for long before they went back to whatever they'd been doing. "I wish be could go somewhere with less people..."

Harry laughed a little. 'Hermione and Ron. Always there...' "I suppose I can go now... I can change my mind on the way... I guess..." What was this he was feeling...? Guilt? He didn't want to see his own father. He was afraid of seeing his own father. What sort of son was he!? Already Harry felt he was doing a terrible job... No, he wouldn't have that!

"I won't have that... I'm going to see him now..."

"Going to see who?" They all jumped and looked up, discovering Fred and George leaning against the back of Harry's armchair in a very bored, cat like fashion. Harry jumped up and stood while Ron and Hermione both got to their feet. Fred yawned loudly, then asked, "Well? ... What are you all looking at us like that for? Who're you gonna see?"

Harry felt suddenly crestfallen as he realized something. HOW was he supposed to visit his dad when there were people in the Common Room? Watching him. And even with his Invisibility Cloak they would still notice the portrait hole opening... "Um, nothing... nobody..."

"Go back to your own business," Ron said crossly, scowling, "and we'll go back to ours."

George grinned. "Are you plotting our dear widdle Ronniekins?" His eyes darted to both Harry and Hermione, who were both fidgeting nervously.

"Indeed," Fred mutter thoughtfully. "Indeed they do seem to be plotting, don't they, George?"

"Oh Fred, I knew our work wouldn't go unfinished!" He walked around the empty armchair and dramatically flopped sideways into it, an arm to his forehead. "We shall live on through the generations!"

"Even when we're long and gone," Fred continued, shoving George out of the way(He crashed to the floor with a loud thud and a yelp!), "we'll have someone to pass the torch onto!"

George heaved himself up and sat cross legged, rattling his fingers against his chin, seemingly unfazed by his rough landing. "Now, if only we could corrupt Ginny as well..."

"Aw, let's leave Mum at least one sane child."

"What about Percy?"

"As I said, let's leave Mum at least one sane child."

"Aaaah, got you there! But wait, she's too sane to be insane..."

"Wha? Come again?"

"She's much to sane to possibly be sane."

"Aaaah, but sane by comparison to us."

"Oh, we're sane!" Grins. "Veeery sane."

"Heeheehee..."

"So!" George leaned forward, raising an eyebrow. "Where are you going?"

He'd watched this circus act long enough, and Harry found it exhausting. He sighed loudly, rubbing his eyes. "I'm going to bed..." '... now, anyway. Just my luck...' Harry quickly walked around the twins, all the while silently cursing the two boys(He felt like cursing someone... ah, now he would feel even worse...). Some people were whispering while glancing over at him now, some pointing and asking things like "What's wrong with Harry?" and "My, he looks down. What happened?". But Harry didn't care, they could talk and gossip and speculate all they wanted.

From behind him he heard Ron say, "Yeah, I think I'll just do that myself. It's been a long day, hasn't it!? I'll see ya' tomorrow, 'Mione!" He grunted a "good-night" to Fred and George. Harry heard Ron following him as Harry began to assent the staircase.

"Hi, Ron," Harry mutter weakly once they were out of ear shot of the Common Room. He continued to walk without turning to look back at his friend, and he wasn't sure if he wanted to bother with the effort. But Ron was nearly tailing him now, just two steps behind. "You don't need to follow me."

"Yeah, well, I don't want to listen to Fred and George babbling like that..."

"Oh..."

They continued walking until they finally reached their room. When they entered they could see that the curtains around Neville's and Dean's beds were closed. The sound of faint snoring could be heard from behind Dean curtains.

"Are you really just going to bed," Ron asked skeptically, lowering his voice to a whisper. "That isn't like you. I mean usually you're... You know, a bit more..."

"Brave?" Harry quickly dropped his robes to the floor and began taking off his other clothes to change for the night.

"No--well, yes." Ron followed Harry's lead and started to change as well, but not as hastily. "I was thinking more like "enthusiastic", or some odd thing. But it's still not like you."

"Well, I don't feel like myself, either..."

"... oh..."

Silence...

Once Harry was finished, now in a set of white and red pajamas, like the ones Ron was changing into. He didn't look back at his friend as he placed his glasses on his table and almost immediately climbed in under the blankets, pulling the curtains half shut. "G'night, Ron..."

"'Arry, are you going to be alright tonight?" Harry could hear him climbing into his own bed.

"Yes." (That was a total and utter lie.)

"Hey.... are you excited at all?"

Harry looked over toward Ron then, and though he couldn't see clearly without his glasses he could still make out Ron's face, which was peering at him through his half closed curtains. "Excited?"

"Yeah. Do you?"

Harry hadn't thought of that.... Yeah, he was scared... but underneath it all, he did have this off, giddy feeling. And if it weren't for everything else he'd might as well be jumping for the joy, screaming his head off without a care of what anyone said or thought. But everything wasn't as wonderful as it seemed, and there was always a price to pay for happiness... His father's sanity may in fact be that price, but... "Yeah, I'm excited," he muttered quietly, rolling over to face away from Ron. "More excited than I've ever been..." 'I am, I am...."

Ron didn't say anything right away, but after a moment he said, "Well... Rest easy, okay? Just try to sleep..."

"Sure, Ron."

They were silent from then on, but Harry never actually could fall asleep. He need someone to talk to, but now Ron... Harry felt bad about that, but he just wasn't the right person. His mind wandered upon a thought he had the summer before last...

And then the solution had come to him. It had been so simple, and so obvious, of course. Sirius. But Sirius wasn't here right now... Harry desperately wished he had someone like that to talk to at that moment...

He needed it more now than he'd ever needed it in his whole life...

~~~~~~~~~~~

"I have never known a Malfoy to be so... pitiful... weak. As you are now, Lucius."

Lucius internally reeled at the insults. Malfoy didn't take well to such... degrading comments. "Forgive me, my Lord. These men, they were one step ahead of us. And someone from the Ministry assisted them, I am sure if it." 'Probably that damn Arthur Weasley...'

Lord Voldemort sat back in his armchair, an ugly, foul expression etched over his gray features. "Very... interesting... So, Bertwick and Stevons saw nothing? Nor who they were?" His eye looked upon two cowering figures near the door.

Both Adam Bertwick and Mathew Stevons shivered with fear, both kneeling in total silence. Both were too afraid to speak or raise their head. So Lucius had to speak for them, though he would be more than happy to let them rote. They would be punished nevertheless. He would be punished as well, eventually, for letting himself get attacked from the side... and allowing a Memory Charm to be placed on him... It was quite embarrassing... "They must have slipped by us unnoticed..."

"Yes..."

Lucius desperately wanted to know what was happening inside the Dark Lord's head. Certainly he had been eager to see James Potter dead, but now he was so willing to discard the matter... But he wouldn't voice his question, keeping his head bowed low.

"Now... My only question would be," Voldemort said slowly, "who retrieved him, if Potter was taken to Hogwarts..."

"I have heard rumors," Lucius said, "that Dumbledore is seeking the assistance of other Wizards and Witches. Arabella Fig, Remus Lupin, Mundungus Fletch, Sirius Black..."

Voldemort snorted distastefully. "I see. How predicable of him to gather allies. Criminals and monsters among them. Fudge may take care of him before I do."

"Dumbledore knows many who would be willing to help him, my Lord. And one of the Order--"

"I will hear none of that," Voldemort hissed, sitting forward.

Lucius tried remaining still, but he couldn't help but shrink back slightly. Panic flashed through his mind, as well as images of his son and wife... And Voldemort was more angry with him now than he'd ever been. "F-Forgive me, my Lord! I do not mean to disrespect--"

"Of course you don't," he hissed again, slowly sitting back once more. A continuous hissing sound rose from his throat.

Wormtail, who had been standing by his master's armchair, fidgeting, finally opened his mouth and said what was on his mind. "Yes, Master, but the Order of Phoenix--"

"The Order of Phoenix shall cause me great trouble," Voldemort said dangerously, "just as the Order of Merlin has for so long. But I doubt this his anything to do with them."

"B-But they are very powerful--" Wormtail stopped, choking on his own words as Voldemort turned his red, smoldering eyes on him. "I-I mean n-n-nothing by it, M-Master! P-Please!"

"I have already said I do not want to speak of this at the moment," Voldemort said silkily, almost indifferently. "So I suggest you hold your tongue, Wormtail, or I shall cut it off." Oh, that wasn't an empty threat at all... Wormtail shrunk back, cowering back and becoming deadly silent in fear of being punished. "And what of Severus, Lucius?"

Lucius frowned, shaking his head. "I as uncertain of that..."

"It is understandable that he can't come when I call... Have you seen your son lately, Lucius?"

Lucius looked up a little now, his eyes showing confused. "No, my Lord. He is attending Hogwarts..."

"I suggest you pay him a fatherly visit." He chuckled darkly. "I wish for you to... check on Severus. I want to know what he's been doing."

Lucius didn't like the tone he used, but he wouldn't show it. Not unless he wanted to experience true pain... "You have your doubts about him, my Lord?"

"He is a cunning man, as those true Slytherins should be. But I can tell he hides many secrets," Hiss, "from me."

There was a pause.

"My Lord, .... may I ask a question...?" He held his breath, waiting for a response. Lucius showed fear to the Dark Lord. It would be wrong and possibly even a fatal mistake not to. Lucius always had to swallow his Malfoy pride, or pay the price...

Voldemort starred at his bowed head until he growled, "You may ask your one question."

Lucius nodded, gulping. "Why... Why do you hold such an interest in James Potter? What makes him so important to our case?"

"Lucius, you have such a simple mind."

"My Lord--"

"In the past, James Potter served as an Auror, causing more trouble than most(Hiding his son from me.). Harry Potter is already known throughout the Wizarding world as my destroyer. He is the only person known to have ever escaped my wrath. If James Potter is revealed to have also escaped y power..." He closed his eyes, seething with suppressed rage. "Father and son... A sickening image, yet it will bring hope to the weak." He sneered. "Revolting, is it not?"

He grimaced, "It is."

Voldemort finally turned his eyes away from Lucius, looking back toward to fire like he usually did. "You may leave Lucius. And don't forget about Severus..."

Lucius tried to hide his relief as he stood. "Yes, my Lord." He turned to leave.

"And Lucius..."

He stood, waiting for his lord to speak, fear becoming thick in his heart. Was he to be punished for his failure? It wouldn't be the first time... And at last his master spoke, his voice so cold it could freeze the fires of hell...

"I want you to know I am very displeased with you..."

'Oh Merlin, no...'

The room grew cold.

There was blinding, green light.

The sound of a heavy body hiding the carpet.

A horrified gasp, a strangled cry.

Silence...

"I will not tolerate another failure from you even again, is that clear, Lucius?"

Lucius nodded, his shoulders shivering slightly. "Yes.... Yes, my Lord. Completely." His voice was still strong, despite it all. As a Malfoy should be. He would live up to the family name, not matter what...

He quickly got to his feet, almost stumbling, and turned toward the door. He had to overstep the body of Stevons, who lay face down, his eyes wide up, his mouth half open.

Bertwick remained where he was, having not been dismissed yet, trembling in terror. He would be punished. The only reason Lucius hadn't been punished was because he need to go to Hogwarts. He couldn't come injured, showing signs of the Cruciatus Curse, it would arise suspicion. Questions he couldn't possibly answer.

He walked faster, eager to leave, to return home to his mansion, his wife, to forget this day.

Lucius almost cringed as the sound of Bertwick's screams filled the building... Almost cringed.

Normally such a thing didn't affect him, but this time the sound pierced his very heart. His soul. Bertwick's screams were to much like the screams of the Muggles he'd tortured. Killed. He'd actually enjoyed hearing the screams then. It had been like music to his ears, but now it... hurt...

It almost seemed as if no matter how far he ran he couldn't escape.

And it became louder, and more painful each second.

He could just see Stevons face...

His victims...

All of them...

But they could scream all they want.

He was Lucius Malfoy, and he had a heart of ice.

They could scream all they wanted...

And they did.

They were screaming.

Screaming...

And Harry awoke suddenly in a cold sweat, barely able to keep himself from screaming as he sat up, his eyes wide with horror, breath ragged.

His ears were ringing, as though they had been tortured with a loud, gut wrenching sound.

Visions of green light and screams filled his mind, though the memories of his dream faded before he could grasp onto them again.

He had to see his father.

And he would see him. Now!

With that, he threw his blankets away and went hastily to retrieve his inherited Invisibility Cloak from his trunk...

~~~~~~~~~~~

(1) In other words, that common "Sirius Black when he's pissed off look".

(2) And indeed he well. (EEEEVIL grin)

(3) Technically he is scolding him... but still.

~~~~~~~~~~~

To be continued...

REVIEW PLEASE!!!

So, Harry's leaving to meet James... will James be up to the meeting (You know what I mean.)? Will everything be as they both hope? Can James even live with all that had happened...?

~~~~~~~~~~~

REPEAT OF THE NOTE ABOVE: I am thinking of putting up a "time-line" outlining all the things that have happened in this story. Would that be helpful? I will also post with it the extra alternate version of the passage scene with James, Lupin, Sirius and Snape. It's MUCH more dramatic, if you're interested.

Geuna~