The Gods Are Laughing

Shadows crept up behind Dolores Umbridge as she ran for cover. Just moments ago, the Ministry of Magic itself had been attacked by an army of giants, dementors, and Death Eaters, as well as some other dark creatures that Umbridge had no experience with. She found a hiding place behind a desk in the corner and tried to catch her breath.

'The Aurors will take care of them all,' Umbridge thought furiously, as guilty thoughts of not being there for the Minister started to invade her instinct to run away. Just then, a wave of cold hit her and memories of the Forbidden Forest flooded her mind. The horrible half-breeds shooting at her and laughing, being picked up and carried off without any hope of rescue....

"Nooooo!!" Umbridge wailed, leaping out of her hiding place to be confronted with two dementors. One made a motion toward her with it's rotting hand and the other sucked in its breath. Immediately, Dolores went cold all over and the memories of that horrible night came back stronger then ever. Being tied up, centaurs laughing madly, cantering around her, scorning her insults, and dancing to a victory that was almost certainly theirs....

"EXPECTO PATRONUM!"

Dimly Dolores was aware of the two dementors gliding away, and shaking, she looked up as a man rushed up to stop her from falling. She clung to him as he rummaged around in his rather shabby coat and then handed her a bar of chocolate.

"Here, eat this, it'll help," he said, gently lowering her to the ground. Dolores unwrapped it and stuffed the whole bar into her mouth, relaxing as a feeling of warmth spread through her. When she finished, she looked up to find the man still there beside her.

"Are you going to be alright?" he asked kindly. He was rather good-looking, Dolores realized. His face was young but his hair was streaked heavily with gray. He might be around her age, she thought girlishly. How sweet, my own hero.

"I'll be fine," she said, smiling sweetly up at the man. "Thank you for rescuing me." She batted her eyelashes demurely, but he didn't seem to notice and stood up to leave.

"Wait!" she cried, trying to think of a reason for him to stay with her for a little while longer. "You will be rewarded greatly for saving me from those vile creatures. I am the Senior Undersecretary to the Minister." She said, holding out her hand. The man spun around, his face pale and his eyes wide. Dolores smiled. He had obviously heard about her and was surprised at his good fortune at rescuing someone so high up in the ministry. However, he didn’t take her hand.

"You're Dolores Umbridge?" he asked, his face incredulous. Dolores's smile widened and she drew herself up to her full height (which wasn't much).

"I am."

"The gods are laughing at me," he mumbled.

"I beg your pardon?" Dolores said, not quite catching what he said.

"Nothing. I have to go."

"Wait!" Dolores cried again. The man looked at her sideways, giving her a good look at his profile, which was rather thin. 'He needs a good meal,’ Dolores thought, already imagining a romantic candlelight dinner for two. "May I at least know the name of my brave rescuer?" The man blinked and then chuckled.

"Remus. Remus Lupin." Now it was Dolores's turn to blink. She knew that name from somewhere....

"Have I met you before? Your name sounds familiar."

"No you haven't met me, but I'm not surprised my name sounds familiar," he said, turning back to her and crossing his arms.

"Do you work for the ministry?" Dolores asked eagerly. 'That would be nice, they could bump into each other at work and....' Remus Lupin laughed. 'It was a nice laugh,' Dolores thought, 'if only it didn't sound so bitter....'

"No. I'm not allowed to work for the ministry," he said, looking at her expectantly. Dolores's mind was refusing to work. She knew she should be figuring something out, but she didn't know what it was.

"Why not? You obviously know a great deal about how to defend yourself and such. I could put in a word to the minister...or are you already employed?"

"No, I'm not employed."

"Then, why not? Are you a convict?" Umbridge thought, her mind trying to find a senario where someone who seemed very capable of helping the ministry, couldn't.

"No."

"Then why don't you work for the ministry?"

"Because I can't. By force of law."

"Law? What law?" Umbridge's head spun.

"Your law, Madam Umbridge." Remus gave her an ironic little bow.

"What?"

Finally, Remus decided to put her out of her misery. 'Sirius and James would be proud of the shock I'm going to give her,' he thought wryly. 'Maybe the Marauder inside of me isn't so dead.' He walked up to the woman who had made such a mess of his life and whispered in her ear, "I'm a werewolf."

Umbridge shrieked and leaped away from him, tripping over her robes. Still on the floor, she grabbed her wand and held it ready. Remus rolled his eyes. It wasn’t anywhere near the full moon.

"Stay away from me! By article four of the...."

"I know all of the articles of all the acts, Madam Umbridge, so please spare me." Remus said, not even bothering to hold back his smile.

"Then you know your punishment if you try to hurt me," Umbridge said, raising her chin and her wand defiantly. Remus raised an eyebrow.

"Hurt you? Why would I want to do that? I just saved you, remember?" He watched as all the air deflated inside of the tiny woman in front of him.

At that moment, Kingsley Shacklebolt ran by the room, doubled back and waved to Lupin.

"Remus, quick, they've somehow managed to get onto Arthur's floor," he said.

"Right," Lupin said, as he turned back to Umbridge once more and bowed again. "Delighted to meet you, Madam Umbridge." Then he and the Auror disappeared around the corner.

Umbridge gasped and let out the breath she had been holding.

"Saved by a werewolf. The gods are laughing at me."