Visit

I haven't been here before. I've never had a chance.

But I had to come.

There isn't anything here anymore. The house was destroyed. But I walk over to it. It's just a vacant lot.

It's been twenty years exactly.

Today is Halloween.

Everything happens to me on Halloween. Everything begins on Halloween. Hermione and the troll, the writing on the wall, Sirius ripping the Fat Lady's portrait, the Goblet of Fire, my parents...

That's why I'm here.

This is where a house was twenty years ago. Now it's just a vacant lot in Godric's Hollow. But they used to live here. I used to live here, not that I can remember it.

They died here, twenty years ago today.

I should have visited earlier.

I should have, but I didn't know where it was, and then I was at school, and I never could. But now I'm here.

There's no sign that anything happened here. But it did. Everything did.

Sirius gave me the address. He wasn't very surprised.

There really isn't anything here. Just grass.

But there are still scorch marks. There's still evidence of what happened, even now, after twenty years. The marks of Avada Kedavra last forever.

On the ground, and in my memories.

I was one then, and I can still remember it. Green light, at least, and him laughing. And what I heard from the Dementors. I won't think of that now. I don't want to think of that.

I'm twenty-one now.

That's how old they were.

That's how old they were when he killed them.

When this house was destroyed.

If he hadn't killed them, I wouldn't have to visit this place now. I'd live here, or I would have lived here before. I'd actually know them. I'd know what they were like, firsthand, not from what Sirius and Remus have told me. They'd still be alive. They'd still be living here. They'd have seen me start at Hogwarts, they'd have seen me playing Quidditch, they'd have seen everything, a million things they missed because of him.

It all comes back to Voldemort.

If it wasn't for Voldemort, I'd know them. Sirius would never have suffered in Azkaban. I'd have lived here, and been able to remember it, and this wouldn't just be a vacant lot.

There used to be gardens, Sirius said. Mum liked gardening, liked flowers. They teased her about her name...

And now it's all destroyed. Everything.

Everything.

It's very quiet, except when a car goes by. They must think I'm mad, just sitting here and looking at the ground. There aren't any sounds at all, not even birds.

"I really thought I saw you, Dad," I whisper, to the ground. "In my third year, by the lake ... and they said I did, that you were a stag..."

Are they watching me? Can they hear me now? Do they know everything that's happened to me?

"Goodbye," I whisper. I place a white lily, a perfect one, here. I haven't visited their graves. I don't know if I want to. And I have to leave something here.

I turn away.

Goodbye...