Ignorance is (un)Bliss

~ Chapter, the second ~

"Well, honestly, Harry, he had to get over his crush on you sometime."

"His what on me?!" Harry sputtered at Hermione.

Hermione's eyes widened. "Please don't tell me you didn't know! Everyone did! How can you be so oblivious?"

Harry stared at her in horror. "Ron?" he called.

"Yeah?" he called back, from the chess game he was playing.

"Does Malfoy have a crush on me?"

Ron accidentally knocked over the chess table, sending pieces scattering all over the floor and causing Seamus, his current playing partner, to glare at him. "What?! No!"

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Of all people to ask, you pick Ron. He's possibly the only person in school even more oblivious than you!"

Harry and Ron both glared at her; Ron from the floor where he was trying to gather all the scattered pieces, and Harry from the armchair he was sitting on opposite to her.

"Ask... Dean. Go on!"

"Dean? Does Malfoy have a crush on me?" Harry asked cautiously. Dean looked up from the game of exploding slap he was playing.

"Not any more, I don't think."

"You mean he used to?" Harry's eyed widened comically.

"Well, yeah! Didn't you know, mate?"

Harry turned his wide eyes back to Hermione. "You're not serious."

She shrugged. "Believe what you want, but I speak the truth."

"But-but..." Harry tried to come up with something to disprove what Hermione had just said. "I put his father in Azkaban! He hates me, he has to!"

Hermione acquired her scholarly, psychoanalyst look. "Yes, I did wonder about that. He did hate you I think, but that doesn't mean he wasn't madly in love with you at the same time too."

"What?! He couldn't love me and hate me at the same time! And you said it was a crush."

"A 'crush' that lasted for six years, Harry." Hermione tapped a quill against her chin. "Draco Malfoy is a very complex person. If anyone could love and hate you at the same time, he could."

Harry just stared at her incredulously. "And not once, in six years, did you think of informing me of this... 'crush'?" He had gotten over his skepticism, years of experience had taught him that, in the end, Hermione was always right, and it would save everyone a lot of time and effort if they just listened to her.

"Even I didn't know for the whole six years, Harry. Looking back though, it should have been obvious. And well, I always thought you knew. You're not as thick as Ron anyway."

"Hey!" Ron glared at his girlfriend. She moved over to where he was sitting and kissed him passionately, eliciting groans from the surrounding Gryffindors, who had all managed to walk in on the couple at some point and did not want to relive the experience. Harry noticed that not one of them had tried to disprove what Hermione had said, though they must have heard it, given how loudly Harry had protested. So it really was true. Draco Malfoy had had a crush on him for six years. And didn't anymore. What was that supposed to make him feel? He needed to think about this. After excusing himself from his housemates he went up to the empty dorm of the seventh year boys and collapsed on his bed, his head swimming with thoughts he'd never thought he'd have.

***

Harry walked to the Great Hall for breakfast lost in thought, not noticing the worried looks his friends were giving him.

"Harry?" Hermione asked tentatively.

"Mmm?" Harry replied, not really listening.

"What are you thinking about? You've been really weird since last night..."

"What? Oh, nothing, I'm fine."

"You don't seem fine, mate," said Ron.

"I'm fine, really!" said Harry, forcing a smile onto his face.

"You'll tell us if anything is bothering you, right?"

" 'Course Ron."

They walked into the hall and Harry's gaze was immediately drawn to the Slytherin table. How had he never noticed before that the first thing he did on entering the hall was always finding out where Malfoy was? He supposed he was unconsciously making sure he knew where all the threats were. 'You don't need to do that anymore', he told himself. 'Malfoy is no longer a threat and this makes you happy. Smile!' Harry suddenly grinned insanely, earning himself a few strange looks. 'Right, don't smile so much.' Harry forced his face back to normal and he stared at where Malfoy was sitting while he sat at his usual place at the Gryffindor table, which he had never noticed, was directly opposite from Malfoy's at the Slytherin table. He put a few breakfast items onto his plate without really looking at them. Malfoy was smiling and laughing with his friends, happy and content. Harry had never really acknowledged it, but whenever he had entered the hall before, Malfoy would meet his eyes and they would glare at each other for a moment before eating. Odd, how you never noticed things until they were gone. And this Malfoy, who had greeted Harry with a glare each morning, was supposed to have a crush on him? It didn't seem very likely, but then again, Hermione had been right in saying Malfoy was 'complex'. More like twisted, though who could blame him, growing up with Lucius Malfoy as a father. Perhaps Malfoy had never even realised his true feelings himself? It didn't seem likely; Malfoy didn't seem the oblivious type, though he could be to some of his more negative aspects. 'Is having a crush on me a negative aspect?' Harry wondered. 'Not really, just an... aspect. Though it would definitely seem negative to him.' 'And to you?' Harry's irritating mental voice prodded. 'I guess it... doesn't matter?'

"Harry. Harry!"

"Huh? What?" asked Harry, confused.

"What in the world are you doing to your breakfast?!" asked Hermione, from her seat across from him.

Harry looked down to the unrecognisable mess on his plate. "Umm, making it easy to chew?" he offered hopefully.

"You can't possibly want to eat that mess. What is wrong with you today?"

"Huh? Nothing, just distracted. Hermione turned in her seat and followed Harry's line of sight. Right to Malfoy.

"Harry, are you still upset about the crush thing? Don't obsess over it, it doesn't matter!"

"It probably does to him," said Harry softly.

"Who gives a damn? I just want you back to normal."

Harry stared at her in surprise. Hermione never swore. 'I could say the same thing,' he thought as Ron saying something distracted her.

He stared across the hall at Malfoy again. He pushed his plate of smashed food away and picking up a piece of toast, bit into it. What would he think of Malfoy, if he were seeing him for the first time? Harry continued his staring and tried to assess Malfoy. He supposed from a purely aesthetic point of view, Malfoy was very attractive. Chiseled, aristocratic features, tall and toned, but not overly muscular. Cheekbones to die for. And then that hair. Harry had always loved that hair, and didn't mind admitting it. 'Could hair naturally be that shade of blonde?' he wondered. Perhaps Malfoy had a bit of Veela blood, to make him so blonde? But he boasted so much about being pureblooded... 'Why are you obsessing over Draco Malfoy's hair, again?' Right...Harry supposed he ought to be flattered that someone so good-looking wanted him. Had wanted him. Didn't want him anymore. What had he done to stop that crush?

'Oh, only ignored him and told him as often as you could that he was nothing to you,' said one of those annoying mental voices dryly.

'But... I didn't really mean it. He knew that right?'

'Does he look like a Leglimens to you?'

'Unless all Slytherins are Leglimens, how am I supposed to know what they look like?'

'One hint. Not like Draco Malfoy.'

'...'

'Face it, Potter, you chased him away. Just what you always told yourself you wanted. Only the truth is you secretly want him as much as he wants you. You always have. Why do you think you're so upset that he isn't paying you attention anymore?'

"No!" cried Harry.

"Harry, what's wrong?" asked Ginny anxiously.

"It's not... You-Know-Who, is it?" Neville whispered.

'Maybe Draco had a point about Gryffindors and paranoia...'

"No! I'm fine. It's nothing. I was just thinking. I didn't mean to say that out loud."

"Oh!" cried Ginny sympathetically. "Were you imagining something horrible?"

'Only that I might just have a crush on my archrival, Ginny dear.'

"I'd... rather not talk about it," he said in the tones of one who has seen something terrible and Ginny and the others at the table nodded sagely.

'Wait. Did I just call him Draco?'

***

Harry stared at Malfoy. It was an accepted fact by now and did not manage to raise many eyebrows anymore. He didn't used to do it before, but one morning after realising that his feelings for him were more complicated than rivalry, Harry's eyes landed on Malfoy and didn't seem to want to leave. Harry stared at Malfoy, in the Great Hall, in Potions, in Transfiguration, in Defense, in Charms, in the library and wherever else he could. (All the four houses had classes together for NEWT level subjects, since the list of students for each subject was small.) At first everyone in the school was greatly curious but when no answers were forthcoming, they got bored and dropped the subject.

Harry himself did not even realise how much he was staring. Yet again, the rest of the school knew more about his habits than he did. All he knew was that his gaze kept landing on the blonde Slytherin, wherever Harry went. And once there, it didn't want to leave. Certainly Malfoy was very eye-catching but still, this was getting ridiculous. Why couldn't he get his mind off goddamn Draco? (He'd given up calling him Malfoy, since his unruly mind refused to address him as anything other than his first name.)

His eyes fell onto the Slytherin yet again as he walked into the library as if he owned it. Draco sat down at his usual spot, a few tables away from where Harry was sitting. (At the table everyone knew belonged to Hermione, sometimes borrowed by her closest friends.) Harry sighed. There goes studying. Why did that damn blonde have to be everywhere he looked? One would almost think he was stalking Harry... wait a minute.

Harry walked over to the table where Draco was already absorbed in a textbook. Honestly. The boy studied almost as much as Hermione did.

"Whatcha doing?" Harry asked, sitting down casually across from Draco and leaning over the table.

Draco looked up and finding Harry's face almost in his own jerked back in his chair. "Studying," he said with a frown. "As you should be. Your 'Boy-Who-Lived' status will only get you so far in life."

"Was that concern for me you just displayed?" Harry asked, wide-eyed.

Draco sighed. "Bugger off, Potter. Some of us actually need to study for our NEWTs."

"I know, Draco."

"Since when do you call me Draco? And if you know, why are you still here?"

"No Draco, I know," said Harry pointedly.

Draco shifted sideways, away from Harry, giving him a look that clearly said he thought Harry was on something.

"It's okay, Draco, you don't have to hide it anymore. I don't really mind. In fact... I kind of... like it." Harry smiled shyly, looking up at Draco through his lashes. "And maybe we could... explore the possibilities?" He looked at Draco expectantly.

"What the bloody hell are you going on about, Potter?" asked Draco, eyeing him suspiciously.

"It's okay really," Harry explained. "And you really don't need to stalk me anymore, Draco." Harry gave the Slytherin an understanding smile. "If you wanted to spend time with me, all you had to do was ask."

"What?! Get the fuck away from me, Potter!" shouted Draco, standing up. "Have you gone completely bonkers? I'm stalking you? Everywhere I look your fucking eyes are on me, I can't ever get a moments peace! And when and in which universe would I want to spend time with you? You stop stalking me!! If I ever see your face again it'll be too soon!"

Harry blinked.

"And stop fucking saying my name! I never gave you permission to use it! And why are you still sitting there? Get the fuck away from my table, NOW!"

Harry hurriedly stood and took several steps back. By this time Madam Pince had arrived and she kicked Draco out of the library for yelling.

Harry blinked several times more, aware that the whole library was staring at him. And thought he was some kind of depraved stalker. Great. He ran out of the library and made his way to Gryffindor tower, hoping he would be able to barricade himself in his room before the news reached the tower. He said the password to the fat lady and went to his room without a word to anyone. Once inside he collapsed on his bed and pondered what he had just done.

He had just... come onto Draco? What the fuck? They happened to share a lot of classes and they both flew to the conclusion that the other was stalking them. And Harry, for some strange reason (*cough* Gryffindor impulses *cough*) had decided confronting Draco about it would be a good idea. And he had said 'I know' as though sharing some great secret of the universe. And he had practically invited Draco on a date.

And he had been totally, humiliatingly, publicly rejected.

To his surprise Harry found himself blinking back tears.

The universe had gone wonky. Hermione had been... wrong. Harry was going to kill her. Slowly, surely, and excruciatingly painfully. Because by planting this Malfoy-having-a-crush-on-Harry idea in his head, she had managed to make him return the crush. Only he wasn't returning it, since Draco didn't like him at all, as he had just made blatantly clear.

He had a crush on his archrival of six years. That had no hope of ever being returned. Doomed. He was doomed.

***

~ End chapter the second ~