Ruins

Sirius Black jumped of the bike before it properly stopped. It rolled and fell against one of the standing walls of the ruined house. He ran, almost tripping over the wreckage, towards Hagrid's looming figure, sitting in the remains. He heard it then... crying...

"Hagrid-" he began, but stopped short, seeing the tiny boy in the large man's arms. "Harry," Sirius whispered. The toddler was dirty, weeping furiously into Hagrid's warmth.

His parents were dead.

"Oh, Harry, Harry..." Sirius tried to console the boy. He kneeled in front of Hagrid to be closer to Harry's level. In an attempt to comfort his godson, he stroked the boy's cheek, futilely trying to straighten the ratty, black wad of hair. But his hand shook as badly as the crying child did; it was no good.

"How did he...?" Sirius trailed off.

"I dunno," Hagrid rumbled quietly. The huge half-giant's cheeks were shining with tears. He gently brushed the lightning-shaped cut on Harry's forehead. "You-know-who... must've found 'em." He stated the obvious.

Black's insides burned. "Where?" he asked abruptly. "Where are the bodies?" More anger came out in his voice than he had intended. He began to look around, turning over boards.

"Sirius-" Hagrid said reluctantly.

Black saw James then, half covered, dirty, unmoving. He crawled over to the body on his hands and knees. His arms began shaking badly as he cradled his best friend's head. Carefully trying to keep his breath steady, he closed the dark brown eyes of James, which had been wide open in a sort of shock.

Never. Never would those eyes smile at him in laughter or glow while gazing at Lily. "Oh, God," he said, running his fingers through the black hair. James was dead; he was gone, and Black couldn't help him.

He couldn't change it, couldn't turn back time and fix his mistakes.

"James," he spoke to the body, his voice breaking. "James, how can I-?" He sobbed and then caught himself. It wouldn't help to cry. Nothing would help.

And it was his fault.

"Sirius, nobody coulda' done anythin'." Hagrid's warm hand was on his shoulder now.

"I could've, Hagrid. I should have-"

"Don't yeh go doin' that ter yerself, Sirius," Hagrid's voice was gentle. Sirius pulled in a shuddering breath.

Suddenly, his eyes caught something.

Hair- hair red as fire, thick and curly. Lily. To kill Lily Evans was surely a sin.

Sirius remembered James, drunk with love for her; their faces, shining as they toasted their future; Lily, crying with joy as she handed James their child- their beautiful baby boy; James spun his wife around in his arms. They were radiant, smiling, and beautiful beyond words that he knew to describe it; nothing could fill him the way their happy warmth did. They were everything, everything he wanted, everything he loved....

His heart broke.

Harry's breathing was even now. He was sleeping.

Sirius opened his arms, let James's limp body fall...

He groaned and leaned back on Hagrid for support. For a moment, he sat leaning against that warmth. For a moment, he wanted to die. Mentally, he pulled himself together.

"I should take Harry." He straightened, turned to Hagrid.

"No," Hagrid said, "I have orders from Dumbledore. He's goin' ter live with his aunt and uncle."

Black jerked a little. "What? No, Hagrid. I'm his godfather. Tell Dumbledore I can take him; I'm willing to take him."

"I can't." Hagrid said apologetically.

Sirius reached out. "I want to take him, Hagrid," he whispered. "Please-"

"I jus' can't," Hagrid shrugged.

"You can't give him to those nasty Muggles, that's what you can't do!" he snapped angrily. Immediately, he regretted having yelled. He lowered his voice again, still holding out his arms. "Come on, Hagrid. Please. I'm his godfather."

Hagrid shook his head rather sadly.

He felt himself boiling over again. "James trusted me. Why doesn't Dumbledore ever trust me?!" It was so obvious: he should be the one to take Harry. He was kneeling before Hagrid, his arms stretched out.

"Dumbledore wouldn' do this fer no reason, Sirius. You have ter trust 'im."

"Of course." Sirius's eyes went dead.

He slowly let his arms drop back to his sides. He looked down at the baby. Lily's eyes stared unexpectedly back up at him.

"You could've had the best parents in the world, Harry. They were the best people I knew," he told the child. "You would have loved each other so much, all of you..." He thought of his own mother, and a bitter hatred began to grow in him.

She would celebrate to see him now. "Look, look what your pathetic little 'ideals' have come to! At least the rest of us have someone to fall back on, but YOU, you ruined yourself! WORTHLESS DIRT! BLOOD TRAITOR!"

Avada Kedavra. It was too damn easy! One moment, the weakness of one, stupid, man...

All because of the greed, the cowardice, and the idiocy of one stupid man, they were dead. Yes, Peter Pettigrew must think himself brave now. He must feel powerful and important, but not for long. No marauder turns traitor without regretting it-

'I'll kill him for it, I'll kill him!' his mind raged.

"Take my bike, Hagrid." Sirius spoke with out looking up at Hagrid. "I won't need it anymore."

Hagrid looked concerned, but Sirius didn't see. He didn't really care anymore.

"Thanks, Sirius," Hagrid said slowly. "If there's anythin' you need... jus' ask."

Sirius's hand wandered blindly to grasp James's cold, dead, hand.

"There's nothing, Hagrid. There's nothing you can do for me."

His whole body was a void, a black nothing.

Hagrid got up, walked carefully over the ruins of a perfect home. Black could hear the bike start... and fly away.

His teeth gritted together.

And the void was filled with his anger.