But It Is Late, and He Is Alone

Dumbledore is pacing in his office, but it is late, and he is alone. No one sees him.

~

Lily crawls into bed in her clothes quietly. Harry is sleeping in James’s arms.

She gets under the covers quietly-trying not to wake Harry- and slides her arms around her husband. He is sleeping on his side, facing away from her.

"James," she whispers.

He wakes easily- he hasn’t been sleeping long.

"Harry didn’t want to sleep alone," James whispers groggily. "I couldn’t get him to settle back down once you left until I brought him in here."

Lily smiles. "I remember sleeping in my parents’ bed when I was little."

James has his eyes closed again, tired, but he smiles.

They lie there for a little. She knows that James is waiting for her to tell him.

"Dumbledore has been informed that Voldemort is making plans to attack us."

"From who? When?" he turns to face her and Harry stirs.

"Shhh," Lily says gently. "Don’t wake Harry."

"He’s out like a rock now, Lily, I’ll show you." He picks the little one-year-old up gently by the waist and sets him down in between them. Harry makes some noises to himself and even opend an eye-lid half-way, but abruptly falls asleep again, his little lower lip sagging.

Lily laughs to herself and kisses his warm forehead.

"We have a plan?"

She nods. "Dumbledore suggested a Fidelius Charm. I think that’s the best option."

"Yes, I think so."

"So all we have to do is find a Secret Keeper."

"Sirius Black," James says without hesitation.

Lily is silent, considering. "James, we know that someone in the Order is a spy-"

"It’s not Sirius. I know him, Lily, and it isn’t him. He’d kill himself with a dull spoon before he’d ever turn against us."

"Perhaps it would be safer, though, to choose someone we are absolutely sure-"

"Lily," James reaches over and touches the side of her head so that she will look at him. "I’m sure."

"Dumbledore offered," she says.

James gapes. "Wow." He takes his hand back.

"We know we can trust him," Lily says.

"Yes." James thinks. "I’d still choose Sirius."

"Why?"

James shifts. "I have great respect for Albus Dumbledore. I think he would be the best Secret Keeper we could find. But I trust Sirius just as much... and I think Dumbledore has a lot on his mind."

Lily waits silently.

James speaks almost reluctantly. "He’s an old man, Lily. He worries, he has the entire resistance on his back... we couldn’t ask him to add another stone to his cart."

Lily nods. "But you have to remember, James, that we didn’t ask him. He offered."

James sighs. "I know. Sometimes I think he’s too willing."

"Maybe. And you know Sirius, I know you do. We can trust him."

"I think that would be better."

~

Dumbledore wakes up at five o’clock in the morning and he is sitting at his desk. He has had a long nightmare, but allows most of it to be forgotten as he looks around the office.

~

There is only moonlight in the room and Dumbldore turns so that his right side catches the light from the window. He has one hand at his face- thinking, perhaps, maybe worrying. There is a man in black on the other side of the window, he stands in a shadow, where his face cannot be fully seen, and his head is turned towards Dumbledore’s back.

"What are they thinking?" he hisses. "You offered and they refused?" His voice is nearly disgusted. It has a freezing anger in it.

"I trust James and Lily to make their own decisions. I am sure they have good enough reasons."

"You should force them."

"I cannot force them to make me Secret-Keeper. I trust their-"

"I do not trust him," the man interrupts.

Dumbledore turns to face him and says, rather sternly, "They are not stupid. I trust their decision."

The man’s open disapproval has been calmed; he remembers himself and does not interrupt anymore. He continues with a more unfeeling coldness.

"I want to know why."

Dumbledore touches the window sill, turns away again because he knows that the man in the shadow will relax more if he turns away. He will be tense if he is stared at and if his name is used.

"I will not make the arrogant presumption that I would be the best Secret Keeper for the Potters. I do not think highly enough of myself to force them to accept me. It is their decision, and if they believe that someone else is better-suited for the job, then I believe it too. I am not infallible, you know."

The man does not answer. He turns his head away and speaks quietly. "They’ve made a mistake. Someone should warn them, they’ve made a mistake."

"Severus," Dumbledore sighs. The man becomes rigid. "I’m sorry," Dumbledore apologizes for using the name. "He won’t track you here."

"I know," the man says, tense.

"I’m sure they’ve taken all things into account," Dumbledore assures the man again.

"Warn them," the man whispers. "Please warn them."

"You have to trust."

"I can’t," his voice is harsher now. "I can’t do that, I know they’ve made a mistake. Tell them. Please tell them."

Dumbledore rubs his forehead.

"I will tell them your opinion."

The man relaxes.

Dumbledore adds, "Watch for it. Keep your eyes open."

"I do not close them."

The man leaves and Dumbledore steps back from the window.

He sits in a chair and puts his hand to his mouth again, in a fist now.

The empty room hears his breathing and sees his hands shaking. He is frightened, and there is no heroic way to say it.