From Out of the Past Is the Future Born

Chapter Three

"Mae! You have a letter!" Grace McPhay called out the back screen door.

"Oh!" Mae jumped up from her spot next to Severus. "I wonder if it's from James!"

Severus looked up at her as she brushed grass off her backside. "Who?"

"I'll be right back!" She took off running. Severus sat where he was and pulled up a bit of grass. The two cousins had just gotten done flying around on the brooms Mae's parents had gotten them for Christmas last year. They had decided to take a break from flying around and sit with their feet dangling in the pond in the backyard. 'Oh.' He thought. 'James Potter...'

Mae plopped down beside him suddenly, a letter in her hand. He watched her for a minute, and then asked, "Who's it from?"

"James."

"Oh." He looked across the pond. "You know, I still haven't met him yet."

"Yeah. He's starting Hogwarts this year too. He wants to meet up in Diagon Alley Thursday." She looked up at him. "I forgot that you've never met him. Well, you can meet him Thursday!"

Severus nodded. 'I have heard a lot about him, though.' He'd heard good things about him from Mae and her parents, but the things he's heard from his father weren't the nicest. Theodore Snape hated the Potters - for some reason.

Apparently, he had made a face, for Mae began to stare at him.

"What's wrong?" Mae asked. "You look funny."

Severus snorted. "I'm sorry."

Mae laughed and pushed him on the shoulder. "You know what I meant-"

"Ow!" Severus grabbed his shoulder.

"Oh come on, you big baby! I didn't push you that hard!" Mae teased.

"No, I've just got a bruise," Severus replied quickly.

"Oh," Mae said. She paused. Then said, "Let me see!" She reached out to push up the sleeve of his T-shirt.

"No!" Severus said quickly. Mae stopped and gave him a quizzical look. "I mean, it's nothing-"

"Come on-" Mae said as she tackled him.

"Mae!"

"Severus!" she chirped back as she started tickling him.

He laughed. "Mae! Stop- you're-" He tried to roll over to get away from her, but she grabbed the back of his shirt. Mae lost her balance on her knees and fell backwards, T-shirt still in hand. As she hit the ground, the two heard a rip. Both stopped laughing.

"Oops," Mae grunted as she sat up. Severus sat up as well, his back to her. His shirt was ripped from about his shoulder blades to the bottom of the shirt. He started to turn around but Mae stopped him as something caught her eye. Mae's smile left her face.

"Good Merlin-"

"What, Mae-"

"Sev- what happened?" She reached out to touch his side. Visible through the rip in his shirt was a huge bluish-green bruise. Severus looked away sharply.

"I-I-" he glanced around. "I fell."

Mae narrowed her eyes at him. "You fell-" she said simply.

"I fell." He nodded. "On the stairs at home."

The two had a staring contest for a few seconds until they heard Ajax calling to them from the back porch.

"Well," Severus began, breaking the silence. "You're dad is calling."

Mae nodded. The two headed up to the house for supper...

*****

"So, your mum is going to be one of our professors?"

Gwen nodded, flipping through her Transfiguration book. Harry whistled.

They were sitting upstairs in Gwen's bedroom, waiting to be called down to dinner. They had just gotten their school supplies earlier that day, which were now strewn all across Gwen's queen four-poster bed. Harry was studying a page in his Potions book, which described a potion for making body limbs longer.

"Hey, I hope we learn this potion this year!" Harry exclaimed. "That would be perfect for playing Seeker on the Quidditch team..."

Gwen rolled her eyes. "That's in the advanced section, you dolt. There's no way that we'll be learning that this year..." Closing her book, she tossed it onto the bed. Lying down so that her head was next to Harry's, Gwen sighed.

"Harry?"

"Hm?"

"What do you think my mum's like?"

Harry stopped reading and laid his book down on his chest. "Well..." he thought. "She can't be that bad, you know... I mean, she was my parents' and your dad's best friend at Hogwarts..." Gwen made a face. "My dad said he and your dad have known her since they were five."

Gwen sighed. "So? That doesn't mean anything... what do you think she's like now? And - and why doesn't she want anything to do with me?"

"Who told you she didn't want anything to do with you?" Harry asked, perplexed.

"Well," Gwen began, "it's obvious, isn't it? My dad said that she knows I'm starting Hogwarts this year, and she's starting to teach there, so why hasn't she come to see me yet?"

Harry frowned. "I dunno, Gwen..." They lay on the bed, thinking. "Maybe -"

Knock, knock, knock!

They both sat up and sighed.

They rushed around the room taking care of their school supplies as the door opened.

Sirius and Mae watched as Harry and Gwen, both wearing their school robes, ran around the room throwing books into trunks.

Suddenly, Gwen stopped and stared as she realized that there was a strangely familiar looking woman standing next to her father. The woman was only a few inches shorter than her father - who happened to be shorter than both James and Remus - with shoulder length, curly brown hair, and small, thin-rimmed glasses set back on the top of her head. Suddenly, her stomach was full of butterflies.

Harry stopped as he saw the woman, too. Glancing at Gwen, he said, "Hello..."

Sirius cleared his throat and stepped into the bedroom. "Er, Harry, why don't you take your school robe off and go downstairs for a bit. Dinner is almost ready."

Harry nodded.

After Harry left, Mae shut the door behind him, and leaned back against it, taking a deep breath. She is so beautiful, she thought, watching her daughter.

"Have a seat, Gwen," Sirius said, sitting down on the bed with her. He glanced at Mae standing in the shadows by the door. Waving her over toward the bed also, Sirius turned back to Gwen.

"Gwen-bug, you probably don't remember her..." Sirius began, and then hesitated. Gwen glanced between Mae and her father nervously, and suddenly felt quite overwhelmed.

Mae dragged a chair out of the corner of the room and set it beside the bed where she could see Gwen clearly.

"Gwen," Sirius tried again, hesitating. He closed his eyes and sighed. Suddenly he felt a warm hand over his own. He opened his eyes and was surprised to see Mae's hand on his. She smiled at him reassuringly.

As Gwen saw the woman's hand on her father's and the smile they exchanged, she felt her face flush as anger set in from nowhere.

Before Sirius could continue, Gwen said stiffly, "You're my mother. Mae McPhay."

Gwen watched as Mae smiled, with a glance at Sirius, and nodded. Her smile angered Gwen even more. How can she be smiling? What makes them think they can just bombard me with this out of nowhere and think it's all right?!

Sirius, sensing something was amiss from the look on his daughter's face, broke the silence. "Gwen-bug, your mum couldn't wait to see you again..."

Gwen just stared at her mother. She could hardly believe Mae 'couldn't wait' to see her.

Mae was watching her carefully, and suddenly Gwen noticed her mother seemed scared. She saw this woman had eyes just like her own. Gwen had a feeling she never would have imagined she'd have for the woman who gave birth to her; she felt pity. Watching that woman glancing around nervously, trying to smile and hide back tears, Gwen felt sorry for her. She didn't understand why, though... I would have thought I'd hate her...

Giving Sirius' hand one last squeeze, Mae sat up and wiped the last of the tears out of her eyes.

"Gwen, dear," she said quietly. "I - I guess I owe you an explanation, don't I?"

Gwen stared at Mae in disbelief. "No, you don't." Surprised, Mae glanced at Sirius.

"I don't -" she began.

"No," Gwen said simply. "It's quite obvious why you left. You didn't want a baby. So you left." She paused, and then added carelessly, "Whatever."

Mae blinked, staring at Gwen in shock, as Sirius stared, perplexed at his daughter.

Suddenly, Mae turned to Sirius and demanded, "What did you tell her about me?"

Sirius, shocked, replied, "Not that!" Turning to Gwen, he asked, "Gwen, of course that's not the reason she left -"

Mae cut in, saying to Gwen, trembling, "Gwen, dear, it's not that I didn't want you, because I did! I loved you so much - I still love you, of course... I just - when I left, I planned on coming back after a few weeks or so. But the longer I was gone, the harder it became for me to come back." She paused. "I didn't leave because of you. I left because of me... I made a mistake - a terrible, horrible mistake - and if I could take it back, I would... I have had very little joy these last eight years..."

Gwen stared at her mother. "Then why didn't you come back sooner? Why now?"

Mae sighed. "I - er, felt terribly guilty about leaving... I couldn't face what I'd done..."

Gwen nodded, trying to understand,.

Mae continued, "I came back now, because I finally had someone persuade me to put aside my guilt and fears. He made me realize I'm needed here. So here I am, but I understand that I'm incredibly late..." Mae sighed. "Gwen, I'll understand if you don't want to have anything to do with me... but if you could at least give me a chance..."

Gwen studied her socks, thinking.

Sirius reached out to his daughter and patted her knee. "Give her a chance, for me..."

Gwen looked up at her father. "Fine," she said quietly. "I'll give her a chance - for you, Dad..." Then she turned to Mae. "Not for you."

Mae stared into her daughter's eyes, which suddenly seemed so cold. Where did she get such coldness? she thought, as Gwen tore her gaze away from Mae, stood, and asked to leave. As Gwen walked out and closed the door behind her, Mae realized where she had gotten it from, for she had seen it in the mirror for years.

Over the next few days, Mae spent a lot of time at Grimmauld Place. Sirius and James both worked at the Ministry during the day. James, due to a back problem, was no longer working in the field, but as Head of the Auror Training Department. He oversaw all new trainees, created training courses, and went through applications to the program. Overall, he enjoyed his job, but he missed working in the field. Sirius, on the other hand, had managed to keep his job working in the field. He headed his own Auror unit.

While Sirius and James were at work, Mae helped out Lily and two other women from the Order.

Lily worked with Molly Weasley and Lindy Acklebee in a large shed in Grimmauld Place's back yard. The shed was full of cauldrons, herbs, and other miscellaneous potion tools and ingredients.

"We experiment with different potions," Lily explained after introducing Mae to Molly and Lindy. "We make antidotes to various poisons, so we can have them on stock, and we're also attempting to create new antidotes and other potions that might come in handy..."

Mae saw very little of Gwen during those few days. Gwen spent a lot of time with Molly's youngest son, Ron, and Harry. They were usually in the back yard playing Quidditch or at Molly's house with her other children. Gwen kept her distance from Mae; she only spoke to her when she had to, and when she did, it was very short and to the point, and she tried to be as polite as she could be.

Just as Gwen had been trying her best not to be left alone with Mae, Mae was doing just the same thing with Sirius. When Sirius got home from work each evening, Mae made sure she was with Lily or Remus at the time. She wasn't nearly as nervous around Sirius - or any of them - as she had been at first, but she still didn't want to be alone with him. She wasn't sure if she could trust herself - or him, for that matter - not to say the wrong thing, or get stuck in an awkward situation. There were a few times when she caught herself wondering what would happen if they were to be left alone together... but then she would promptly shake the thoughts from her head.

The night of Mae's first meeting in the Order of the Phoenix was two days before the children went back to Hogwarts. The meeting started at seven o'clock, so Mae got to Grimmauld Place at a quarter to seven. Upon entering the parlor, where the meeting was to take place, Mae bumped into Lindy, who was clinging happily to the arm of a man with longish, thin black hair and a pale face.

Stopping and staring mid-apology, Mae gasped when she realized who the man was.

"Severus?"

Severus Snape stared down at his cousin, unsure of whether to be surprised or not. Putting his arm around Lindy, who was looking between Severus and Mae uncertainly, he pushed her gently back towards the parlor and told her he'd join her in a moment. Glancing back only briefly, Lindy left the two cousins standing in the hallway.

Mae was still staring at Severus, a look of shock on her face. Severus stood across from her and put his hands in his cloak pockets, looking at her blankly.

"You look surprised to see me, Mae," he said lightly. Mae tore her eyes away from Severus's and glanced about the room.

"Well, I -" she began, unsure of what to say. "Last I knew - you - you were - well..."

"A Death Eater?" he offered casually.

Taken aback, Mae replied, "Well..."

Severus didn't reply right away. Instead, he stood there, watching her. She felt his eyes boring into her.

Then, he said suddenly, "I've been in the Order nearly as long as you have, Mae. I've been working as a double agent. Surely somebody has told you that?" He said all of this quietly, still watching her closely. Mae opened her mouth to reply, but shut it shortly afterwards for she didn't know what to say. A double agent? Severus?! "I see nobody has told you after all," he said in response to her silence. "Well, Mae, now you know. But, as much as I would love to stand here and chat just as if we were ten years old again," he began coldly, "we should probably just head into the parlor, for the meeting should be starting any moment now... nearly everyone else is here already." That said, Severus turned slowly and walked into the parlor, leaving Mae standing in the hallway, lost in her scrambled thoughts.

Severus is working for the Order? Ten years ago he was a Death Eater; I know he was... And how could he possibly have been working in the Order this long and not have murdered James or Sirius? They hated each other... Severus isn't a Death Eater?!

"Oh, Mae, good!" Lily came hurriedly out of the parlor. "You're here! Good, I was just coming out to check for stragglers - " She stopped, touching Mae's arm lightly. "Are you okay?"

Shaking herself out of her thoughts, Mae hesitated. "Severus?" Mae let the question trail off, the realization of how much things had changed in eight years silencing her. Lily's eyes widened.

"Oh, Mae," she began gently. "Of course you wouldn't be expecting to see him here. I can't believe I didn't think to warn you - "

"He said he's been working as a double-agent?"

Lily smiled. "He's the one who told Dumbledore that Voldemort was after us. Of course, we didn't find that out until Remus demanded an explanation from Dumbledore as to why he was allowing Severus to teach at Hogwarts."

Mae nodded, still having trouble believing what she was hearing. "And Lindy and Severus?"

Lily smiled. "Going on a month next week, I think. That's actually how we found Lindy. She works in the apothecary in Diagon Alley, and Severus went there to pick up more boomslang skin for me one day..."

Mae nodded. "Right... interesting."

Lily chuckled. "Yes, but we should get into the meeting."

Mae nodded again and the two continued into the parlor.

The parlor was filled with roughly twenty people. Mae followed Lily over to where James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter were talking with Arthur Weasley and a man Mae didn't know.

The man introduced himself as Kingsley Shacklebolt, and when he smiled, Mae saw a glimmer of familiarity in his face, but said nothing about it.

To Mae, the meeting seemed quite uneventful, simply due to the fact that she didn't completely understand everything that was going on. There were a number of different 'Projects', each with its own code-name, and most of the meeting was recaps of how each project was going, what they'd learned, what they'd done, and what they were planning next. Mae knew the Project she belonged to was called 'Project Dove', which included Remus, Severus, and Hagrid. Their objective had been explained to Mae by Remus a few nights prior. Because they were teachers at Hogwarts, they had an advantage at protecting Harry and the other children who had family in the Order...

There were also other students who needed to be watched carefully. Mae was told Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy's only son was to be starting Hogwarts this year as well.

"...and I don't believe it a coincidence, Mae," Dumbledore had said, "that we are beginning to get reports on Lord Voldemort's activities the year Harry begins his first year at Hogwarts.

"If Lucius Malfoy is indeed still a follower of Lord Voldemort, then I would not put it past them to use his son, Draco, as spy - whether Draco is aware of it or not."

Mae turned her attention back to the meeting. She listened as somebody from each project took turns reporting on the project's status. She also noted that some groups didn't report at all. For example, she never heard Project Dragon come up. She also noticed that some people, like Sirius, James, Remus, and Severus had more than one folder.

Three and a half hours later, the meeting had ended. James, Lily, Remus, and Mae were gathered by the front door, preparing to leave for the night.

"So you'll bring Harry and Hope over to the house tomorrow morning, Sirius?" Lily asked tiredly as James helped her into her cloak.

"Right," Sirius replied, shoving his hands into his pockets. Glancing at Mae and Remus, he added, "Are you bringing Natalie to the picnic, Remus?"

"As long as it is still okay," he replied, looking at Lily, who nodded.

"Five o'clock, right?" Remus asked.

"Yeah," James replied. "Okay, then, we'll be off."

James and Lily said good night, stepped out the door, and Apparated back to Godric's Hollow.

"Well," Remus began, "goodnight, Sirius. See you tomorrow, mate..."

Sirius nodded, glancing at Mae again.

"Yes, goodnight, Sirius," Mae said, turning towards the door, but Remus was still standing in front of it, as if waiting for something. "Uh, are we leaving, Remus?" Mae asked quietly, chuckling.

"Oh!" Remus smiled, nodded to Sirius and opened the door. "Right..." He stopped again, and turned to look at Sirius again. "Am I forgetting something?"

Mae gave him a funny look.

Sirius shuffled his feet and shook his head quickly. "Nope, you're all set, Moony."

"Ah," Remus hesitated, watching Sirius glance between him and Mae. "All right. Goodnight..."

Mae laughed and followed Remus out the door. "Yeah, okay, we're all set. Goodnight, Sirius -"

"Uh - hey, Mae?"

Mae turned around and looked back at Sirius. He was standing in the doorway, one hand in his pocket. She watched him as he ran a hand through his hair and shifted from one foot to the other.

"Yes?" she asked, glancing at Remus.

"I - er - well, I was going through some old boxes the other day and - well, I want to show you something, if you don't mind sticking around a bit longer, that is..." he asked trying to keep his voice even.

Mae looked back at Remus, who quickly turned to stare at the ground.

"Well," she began uncertainly, "it's late - "

"Go ahead," Remus said quietly, trying not to smile. "I'll just go back without you, it's not a big deal."

"I - er -" she stuttered, glancing between Sirius, still standing in the doorway, and Remus, trying not to make eye contact with either of them. Ten minutes, she thought to herself. She sighed. "Well, I guess..."

Remus nodded, smiling slightly. "Good. I'll see you later, then -"

"Wait up for me, Remus?" Mae asked quickly. "I won't be long."

Remus hesitated. "Er - well, sure, I guess."

Mae smiled. "I'll see you in a little while, then."

Remus turned and left, Apparating away to Hogwarts.

Mae took a deep breath and walked back into the house. Sirius made a gesture of offering to take her shawl, but Mae just smiled and muttered, "It's fine, thank you..."

The two stood in the hallway for a moment in silence. Mae glanced about the room as Sirius watched her nervously. Breaking the silence, Mae said hurriedly, "You had something to show me?"

"Oh, right!" Sirius muttered, turning around and heading up the staircase.

Following him - not too closely - Mae wondered where they were going. Oh God, Mae thought suddenly, a panicky feeling raising in her stomach. What if he's taking me to his room?!

But to Mae's relief, the room Sirius led her into was not a bedroom - though, with a glance at the couch, Mae wondered if Sirius did sleep in there. The room looked to be an office. There was a large mahogany desk set in front of a tall bookcase. On one wall there was a large window that overlooked the back yard. Along the opposite wall was the aforementioned couch, which had a pillow and blanket strewn across it haphazardly.

Sirius walked across the room to an old Muggle phonograph Mae instantly recognized as having been her mother's. Surprised at seeing it, Mae watched as Sirius picked up a Muggle album off his desk and walked over to her, smiling.

Showing it to her, Sirius said quietly, "Like I said, I was going through some old boxes that haven't been touched since before we moved in here, and, well, I thought you might like this..."

It was an old, tattered, Frank Sinatra record.

Still smiling, Sirius took it out of her hands gently and crossed back over to the record player and set the record on it. Mae shut her eyes as the familiar old tune brought back a flood of memories. It was their song. This was the song that - whenever they heard it - they had danced to it. It wasn't as though it had any special significance when it was made their song; they had been listening to the Muggle radio at Mae's parents' house one summer, and they both just decided that it was going to be their song. And from then on, whenever they heard it, they thought of one another.

When Mae opened her eyes, she saw Sirius standing in front of her, watching her closely.

Mae forced a smile. "I should - ah - I should probably be going..."

Sirius held out his hand and asked her quietly, "Dance with me?"

Mae stared at him, feeling her eyes starting to tear up. "I can't," she said quietly, hesitantly. "I should be going..."

Sirius stared into her eyes and took a small step closer to her. "Please, Mae..."

Mae couldn't tear her gaze away from him. Choking back a sob, Mae whispered again, "I should be going..."

Sirius wouldn't look away from her. Still holding his hand out to her, he took another step towards her, so he was barely a foot away from her, and said quietly, "Then why haven't you left yet?"

Startled, Mae finally tore her eyes away from him. Glancing about the room as if it would tell her what to say, Mae pulled her shawl a little more tightly around herself.

She jumped as she felt Sirius' hands pulling her shawl gently off her shoulders and tossing it onto the couch. Then he grabbed her hand softly and carefully put his other hand around her waist. Mae subconsciously allowed him to pull her body close to his. Then, he moved, and Mae moved with him. After a moment, Mae leaned her head onto his shoulder; it fit in that spot between his neck and shoulder just as well as it had eleven years before. Relaxing, Mae drew her hand out of his and slid it up his arm and around to the back of his neck, holding him tightly. She felt the hand she had just let go of slide around to her waist, his arms pulling her more tightly against him.

Mae's nervousness had slipped away without her even realizing it. Suddenly she was back in a place where life had been good - before things had become too much to handle. She was safe and happy, in his arms once again, with not a single worry.

Sirius closed his eyes as Mae relaxed in his embrace. He felt her tension slip away. Suddenly the realization of how much he had missed her the last eight years came flooding through him. It was almost too much to bear. He felt as though something were pressing against his chest. His throat tightened, and his breathing picked up.

Pulling away from her gently, he looked down at her and took her hands in his. Smiling gently, he said quietly, "You should probably get going."

"Right," Mae whispered nervously, smiling back at him. She turned around and picked her shawl up off from the couch. Slipping it over her shoulders, she turned back to Sirius. "Thank you, for that... I can't believe you kept my mum's phonograph... she loved that thing."

Sirius smiled. "Of course I kept it. I figured you would want it someday."

"Thank you." Mae turned and started toward the door.

"I'll walk you down," Sirius said quickly, following her downstairs.

"Well," Mae began, standing in the foyer with Sirius. "Goodnight, Sirius."

Sirius took a step closer to Mae. Carefully, he reached out to her and tucked a strand of her curly hair behind her ear. "I'll see you at James and Lily's tomorrow, right?"

Mae nodded.

"Goodnight, then, Mae," Sirius said as he reached around her to open the front door.

Mae smiled nervously and started to walk out the door, but suddenly stopped, turned around and stared up at Sirius.

"Mae?" he began, but stopped short as she reached up, pulled his face down to hers and kissed him gently.

When she pulled away, she looked up at him nervously. Sirius didn't know what to think or what to say. He stood staring down at her, a surprised look on his face.

The silence that followed was almost too awkward for Mae to bear. Mae laughed nervously and turned to leave.

"I'm sorry; that was stupid," she muttered.

Sirius grabbed her arm and turned her back to him. "No, it wasn't. I'm glad you did. It clears some things up..."

Mae smiled. "Goodnight."