The (Fairy) Godfather

Chapter One

From Generation to Generation

As far back as fairy-stories were told to children being tucked in at night, there were Fairy Godmothers. Chubby old women who wore pink pouf sleeves and lots of chiffon, while saying 'Bippity, boppity, boo!' whenever something romantic needed doing... but while muggles adopted these lovely old dears into their stories, they were blissfully unaware of the truth.

Fairy Godmothers were real.

There were the wands. Two slim yew wands bedecked with the light of fallen stars that were passed from generation to generation of young women who the previous Fairy Godmother thought right for the job. Because life was one big long fairy-tale, and people in pink pouf sleeves and lots of chiffon were needed to stop those fairy-tales becoming urban legends and nightmares.

And there were two, because there was always the possibility that one Fairy Godmother could be supporting the villain of the story. The children had to get out of the scary forest and back to their parents. The prince had to marry the princess. Most importantly, they all had to live happily ever after. The villain must never win.

Fat old women with pink pouf sleeves and chiffon dresses, thought Severus Snape, the indignity of it all. He turned the wand over in his hands and looked at the discarded packaging with distaste. One of the wands had been passed on once again, in the trust that the receiver would carry on the work of story-keeping.

It's all very well to say 'Well, Severus, the wand was passed on to you,' Severus's inner monologue continued, But I'm not a woman and I refuse to wear pink pouf sleeved chiffon dresses! What would Lucius say? What would Black say? He'd laugh me all the way into the next century! However, the wand does carry a bond. Once you have it, you have to keep up the work until the times comes to pass it on again. In your will.

NO. I will NOT be a Fairy God Moth- Father. I've never told a Fairy-story in my life. Blasted Aunt Shirley. I knew she didn't like me. She's probably up there - no, down there, Severus thought with a rush of spite, laughing it up.

Dumbledore's going to make me do it anyway, isn't he? Duty, responsibility and inheritance. I'd like to see him dress up in a pink pouf sleeved chiffon dress... no, I wouldn't. Come to think of it, do Fairy God Fathers have to wear pink pouf sleeved chiffon dresses? I'm sure they have to wear some sort of uniform.

... What if the other Fairy Godmother's someone like... I don't know... Nymphadora Tonks? NO! I'm not being a Fairy God Father. For one thing, people might automatically assume that a Godmother and Godfather are married.

Severus sneered at the very thought.

Maybe if I fake my death and pass the wand on to someone else. Someone I loathe. Longbottom, perhaps. No, even he doesn't deserve that indignity. A woman. Minerva -
He found the mental picture of Minerva McGonagall in a pink pouf sleeved chiffon dress and shivered almost as much as he would have at the thought of Dumbledore in the same thing. No, it would have to be someone young so that the children wouldn't get nightmares.

I'd say Luna Lovegood if I wasn't sure she'd decide that a happy ending would merit all the people involved being turned into rabbits. A cute ending, perhaps. I can't count the amount of times she's claimed her homework wasn't done because a hornswoggle ate it. No, the job needs someone with sense.

Someone thoughtful, calculating, well learnt. Hermione Granger?

Well, that solves it. I shall have to do it myself. Pink pouf sleeves and all. I do hope, however, that wherever Aunt Shirley is that she's in a lot of pain. It's a rather pleasing thought that hell is real and that she is, indeed, burning there.